The deer on my shoulder wasn't heavy.
The weight was inside of me.
At least my body feels awake.
The rooftops of the village appeared.
"Looks cozy," I told myself.
The mountain's silence sank into my ears.
I reached the door of the house.
It opened.
A wave of warmth hit my face; the smell of snow steamed off my skin.
The old man looked at me.
"Come in, you little god."
This old man...
"Little god."
Probably the dumbest name he's given me so far.
"My mountain-leopard-fur-wearing future grandson-in-law must always stay healthy."
Me?
A son-in-law?
Sounds like the worst prophecy ever told.
"My granddaughter is very lucky.
She doesn't deserve you."
Before he could keep talking, a dish clattered in the kitchen.
Then the scream:
"Grandpa?!"
The old man didn't care.
He waved his cane toward the kitchen.
"
You'd love a husband like him!
He'd carry you and your future kids in his arms!"
I couldn't stop the small grin.
I turned my head slightly so they wouldn't see.
This old man reminds me of Renji.
"That," I said, "depends on the number of kids."
Another clatter.
The door slammed open.
The girl appeared.
Her eyes were knives.
Even her breath sounded angry.
She looked at me first.
For a long moment.
Then turned to her grandfather.
Her voice switched into the local dialect in an instant.
I didn't understand a word.
But it was fierce and sharp.
I somewhat got used to this weird family after staying here for nearly one month.
The old man struck his cane on the floor.
"After your sixth kid, you'll kiss me with gratitude!"
She shot me an angry stare, then slipped back into the kitchen.
She reappeared with a plate in her hands.
The steaming food was… overcooked.
The edges burned.
I wish that pointless fight hadn't started.
Maybe the meal would've been a little less burnt.
She held the plate out.
"Eat," she said.
One bite.
Barely made it between my teeth.
"It's good," I said.
Relief flickered in her eyes.
"I didn't ask for your opinion," she said.
I lowered my head and muttered while looking at the plate:
"Tell that… to your smirk."
As she gathered the dishes, I watched her from the corner of my eye.
Quick to anger, quick to calm.
But her movements had this careful, deliberate touch.
Strange.
Angry and thoughtful at the same time.
She reminded me of the twins…
But without their chaos.
No endless energy, no maddening games.
She reminded me of Rin too.
That mountain air, she carried.
Rin was from the mountains as well.
Maybe that's why.
She also shares some similarities with the other girls at camp.
The old man though…
Gods.
He was Renji's aged version.
Same chatter, same almost-bullying affection.
On the other hand, he has a real smile underneath.
This house…
Felt oddly familiar.
When I woke from the coma…
The villagers didn't run.
They didn't draw weapons.
They just watched me.
Cautious… but gentle.
Someone offered food, someone carried the pot, someone sat by my bed.
It was too generous for someone like me.
They are good people.
The girl walked up again, clearing the fog in my head.
"Don't misunderstand. I'm only being nice because of my grandpa. I don't like you that way, and I won't," she said.
I shrugged.
"Relax. I'm not a dreamy guy. And… I never imagined anyone would like me anyway."
As I said it, a deep sting hit me.
My cursed right eye…
The slave mark on my neck…
The scars carved into every inch of my body…
All of them seemed to speak at me.
I stood and strapped my knife to my belt.
"I'm going for a walk. You don't need to worry about me. Or your grandpa's rambling."
She crossed her arms.
"Fine. Don't get lost. Everything is covered in snow. If you get sick again, I'm not dealing with it."
I watched the falling snowflakes.
"Then… if I get sick again, you won't need to cook for me. I'll cook instead."
When I stepped outside, the snow seemed to erase my footprints immediately.
The mountain didn't want to destroy me; it wanted to hide me.
"I could stay here…"
A home of my own…
Simple. Quiet.
Enough for one person.
I'd wake early.
Cut wood.
Stack it.
Start a fire.
Hunt.
Dig a well.
Buy a few chickens from the villagers.
Grow mushrooms.
Cooking?
Well… I'm terrible, but I wouldn't starve.
Occasional trade with villagers…
Not enough to be remembered, just enough to survive.
Could I really… do this?
I looked at the mountaintop.
The wind brushed my hair like it was answering.
Once, I was a slave child thinking of throwing myself off a cliff.
When Renji found me… I didn't even want to live.
He gave me a new life.
Then I became a warrior.
Then a monster.
Then… nothing.
Maybe all that training, all that pain…
was leading me here.
Not even twenty, and I'm imagining a cabin to grow old in on a mountain peak.
I let out a soft chuckle.
When I swung the axe into the tree, the sound echoed across the mountain.
Once winter ends…
I will build a house here.
I lifted the axe again.
My hands weren't weak.
Quite the opposite.
My body feels different after the coma.
Faster.
Stronger.
Maybe I could even take Renji down in a sparring match.
That thought pulled a faint smile from me.
Then heat pulsed in my right eye.
My vision healed.
My cursed eye… alive now.
But only while the flames are burning.
An old memory burst open. Before the coma…
One tear drop.
The thing that cracked the curse… was a tear.
How poetic...
Can I even get used to having two eyes?
Will one flame eye look strange with one normal eye?
Well… I already looked strange with the cursed eye.
Cursed... like me.
I killed three people…
Brutally.
Like an animal.
Takumi's given name to me became reality.
The one-eyed demon…
Where is Renji now?
Is he looking for me?
What will he see when he looks at me?
Maybe he'll think
the child he once pulled back from cliff…
now needs to be sent back there by his own hands.
It would hurt, but I'd accept it.
Kana…
Is she awake?
If she learns what I did…
She will feel disgust.
Yui…
She would hate me.
And they'd all be right.
People should stay away from someone like me.
When I struck the axe again, I felt a sting in my palm.
Wood splinters were lodged in my skin.
Blood ran between my fingers.
I paused.
For some reason, Yui and Kana crossed my mind.
Their faces when they tease me… appeared before me.
But this time, they looked hurt.
I lowered my head.
Then I noticed it.
Wetness… not just the blood in my hand…
My eyes were burning.
Not just the left.
Both.
Wet.
Even the cursed one.
I trembled.
Me…?
Am I crying?
I stood there like an idiot.
Did I feel like this before the coma?
In that single tear?
But this is different.
Completely different.
Why?
It doesn't even hurt.
Just… thinking of a quiet, small life.
Am I crying for that?
Years of drought…
Tears ran down my cheeks as I laughed at myself.
Ridiculous.
I must look like an idiot.
But the smile didn't stop.
Neither did the tears.
Maybe this mountain is doing something to me.
Still, it felt like someone lifted a weight I'd carried for years.
I don't deserve this kind of peace.
The tree was close to falling over.
My tears finally ran dry.
I breathed out, the snow deepening.
Then someone approached.
Their steps were soft on the snow.
I lifted my head.
The sun behind him, his hair glowing like light.
He was coming down the mountainside toward me.
My throat dried.
My hand instinctively brushed for the battered silver pouch in my belt, coins clinking softly inside, when I saw him.
One word slipped from my tongue:
"...Renji."