Cold eyes.
Cold sea blue eyes, that are as cold as ice itself, stared at him, causing Zack to unable to breath, as he looked at those very same sea blue eyes, that he always desired to look his way.
But not in this way, not in the way they looked at him now.
The kind of eyes that Zack desires so much, are those soften eyes that always makes him feel funny about himself, and that warmth those eyes sometimes also carry, the kind of eyes that always makes his heart skip a beat.
With how Zack is as clueless they can be, has no clue why he felt this way, or why his heart became like this. For some reason, even if they leave him confuse with himself, he longs for those eyes for some reason.
It wasn't just those eyes he desired so much.
Even her snow white hair is the same, for reasons he doesn't understand it himself, even if Lisanna and Elfman have the same shade of snow white hair, why does he not feel the desire to touch their hairs?
But when it comes to Mirajane's snow white hair, it always leaves him this confusing desire to touch it.
And yet again, it always been this case, when it comes to Mirajane Strauss, such strange and unexplained feelings and emotions filled him.
However, now there is no longer any softness within those sea blue eyes, that makes Zack feel funny, or any warmth that locks in him place, as his heart will beat like it is crazy.
If anything, those sea blue eyes that now looking at him, are something he never seen before, especially this is different from the cold blue eyes he remembers Mirajane has.
When she is mad or annoyed, her sea blue eyes become cold with annoyance or simple indifference, it is the kind of looks Zack seen many times, especially at the beginning when they first met.
And yet, this time around, these cold eyes that looked at him are different. Her softness faded into complete coldness, like looking at something that is an enemy. And the warmth is replaced with resentment.
Resentment that caused Zack to be frozen in place, especially when those kind of eyes are solely locked with his own.
Her coldness and her resentful sea blue eyes, only left both confusion and suffocation within Zack, as his mind raced with blankness, as his words became unable to formed well, all because this choking feeling that is forming within him, all because of this emotion known as suffocation
"M-Mira-Mirajane…?"
How many times, as he said her name?
And yet, for some reason, under those blue eyes, that filled with both coldness and resentment, Zack finds it hard to breath, or to even say a single word. It took his all to even say her own name.
Even so, even when he called her name. Mirajane's only respond are narrowed eyes, as if the mere mentions of her name coming from his lips, was an unpleasant thing.
When Zack seen such a reaction from Mirajane. Unease soon became mixed with the emotions of confusion and suffocation, raging within him.
Soon his mind raced over and over again, trying to find a reason, any reason, why Mirajane became like this, what he done to upset her to become like this.
And yet, no matter how much Zack tried to find a reason or answer why things became like this. He simply has no clue what he has done wrong, what he has done to make Mirajane like this towards him.
Maybe it was foolish to think. Once the S-Class Trails were done with, everything will return to normal.
To no longer feel uneasy, when Mirajane avoids him, telling himself, the only reason why Mirajane began to avoid him, was because the trails.
After all, Zack knew how important the trails are to Mirajane.
However, that was just a fool's way of thinking.
A fool that had complete faith, that everything will be fixed once the trails were to be gone with, and yet, if anything, things became worse.
After all, the feeling of being avoided is many times better, then being looked like this, being stared at, if he was no longer her friend, but an enemy before her.
Least being avoided, did not feel so suffocating.
"W-What did I do wrong… p-please… pl-please tell me…" Zack went and unable to finished the rest of his words, as his chest ached in pain, causing him to grabbed his chest.
Even if his body is aching, but for some reason, his heart hurts the most, to the point it beats so unnaturally, to the point, it felt like someone had just stabbed his heart, no, it felt like if his heart is breaking apart.
"Please… please…" No matter how many times Zack begged, Mirajane did not say a word and just stared at Zack with those cold blue eyes, that hurts Zack more than anything he ever experienced.
With his knees still on the streets' ground, Zack stared at the ground with a blank mind, as he unable to think any longer why this had happened… or why it has to be like this.
Moments ago, he was inside the Strauss household, alongside Lisanna and Elfman as well.
Knowing Mirajane will be returning soon, the three of them planned to congratulate Mirajane for completing the S-Class Trails.
Of course, while the trio has no clue if Mirajane had truly have won the trails or not, but Zack and the siblings have complete faith Mirajane will become this year's S-Class Wizard, becoming a true elite among Wizards.
However, like life, sometimes things do not go as planned.
When Mirajane returned from the trails, something felt different, even when Lisanna and the others came to greet her, they too noticed something different, and that was the coldness in Mirajane's eyes, that locked onto Zack was cold, heartless, different to the usual cold indifference look she has when she is mad.
It was something none of them seen before, it was no wonder why Elfman and Lisanna were frozen in place, because it felt like someone else was in the shoes of Mirajane.
And before any of them could speak their qualms, it happened.
Without a word, without a warning of any kind, besides that odd coldness within those sea blue eyes.
Mirajane simply activated her Magic, and grabbed the confused Zack's face with her claws, and forcedly thrown him through their house, and onto the streets, the very street that Zack is now on, in front of the Strauss household.
Silence soon came among everyone on this street, even Lisanna and Elfman who still in the house, staring at them through the house, was as frozen as Zack, and yet, even when Lisanna and Elfman soon snapped out of it, and tried to call out towards their elder sister.
They were too late, they watch in both shock and stillness as Mirajane came before Zack, with speed that none on this street could follow, Mirajane's claws were on Zack's throat.
This action alone, caused everyone to become still, even those that gathered to form a crowd, all became still with stillness, as no one, especially Zack, who is the target of this, could say a single word, or even move a single muscle under the intensity that Mirajane's cold aura brought with her.
This stillness filled with silence soon broke, when Mirajane opened her month.
"I don't need someone like you in my life…. this is your only warning, Zack. Do not ever show yourself before me. You make me weak, make me unstable, and that is something I don't need, especially from someone like you, so, don't you ever show yourself before me… that is your only warning." Mirajane went, before letting go of Zack's throat.
That was the first time, that Mirajane ever actually called Zack by his name. And yet… there was no heart felt moment, no thrill.
For some reason, when Zack heard his name from the first time from Mirajane, what filled him was only sadness, confusion, along with other such emotions.
And just like that, Mirajane simply left, not towards her home, that has a hole within it, but somewhere that only Mirajane knew of.
As Zack himself, became unable to say a word, to bed for forgiveness as his unstable green eyes watched Mirajane left.
Only thing that came to Zack in this very moment, when everything unfolded onto him at once.
Was blankness, blankness that soon came with numbness.
The whole of Zack's world became in silence. Even if the rain began to fall, or when the crowd that gather began to chat among themselves, Zack has not heard or acknowledged any of it, his world was only silence, numbed to anything that happening around him.
Even when Lisanna chased after Mirajane, yelling her name, or when Elfman came towards Zack, and shaken his shoulders and yelling to get his attention, so different from Elfman's shy persona, especially when there are those watching them.
Zack still did not respond, he remains on his knees, numbed to everything that happening to him.
His mind refused to think, remaining in complete blankness.
His heart ached with the numbness of his reality, leaving it both shattered and broken.
Pain is the only thing Zack could feel, not the physical kind of pain but the mental kind, pain that far worse than anything Zack ever experienced.
And in this falling rain, and within the blankness that became Zack's world, there was one acknowledgment that did came to Zack in his silence.
That was love.
It was this moment when Zack realised what love is… and how painful it could be, as well.
-
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-
'Again… huh.'
Zack thought to himself, as he woke up from his dream, yes, a dream about what happened over a year ago, along with some twists.
After all, it wasn't raining that day, nor did Mirajane remain looking at him, when she threatens him.
But everything else, did actually happened, a year ago at that.
A bitter laugh soon left Zack's mouth, as he recalled the dream, that becoming worse it truly is. Even so, it still hurts his heart each time he dreams it, twisted or not.
Zack soon forcedly got up from the desk he seems to fallen asleep at, and while lifting his upper body from the desk's surface.
One of the empty rum bottles on the desk, fell onto the ground, luckily enough, that all the glass bottle did.
Even way, the sound of it hitting the ground got Zack's attention, causing him to realise with bitter realization that he had fallen asleep at his desk again, a desk that filled with either partly or empty bottles of spirits like brandy, gin, rum, and so on.
It was a pitiful sight, and yet again, it wasn't just his desk filled with spirits, but most places in this bedroom of his, besides the messy bed, has least a bottle or two laying there.
Zack stared at the empty bottles on his desk, and saw his own reflection from these emptied bottles, seeing his messy appearance.
This causes a bitter smile to formed on Zack's lips, and along this bitter smile, Zack for some reason raise his right arm to eyelevel, only for his arm to coat in blackness like steel.
Armament Haki, however, while it coated his arm in a metal like armour state. The blackness itself looked weaker and more unstable it used to look like.
Zack just stared at the weaken state of his Haki, then turned his green eyes to the bottles that are scattered all over his place.
'How much longer… I am going to do this…?'
Zack hopeless thought to himself, while undoing the weaken state of his Armament Haki, that as broken as his body and mind.
It has been this way since that day, the day when Zack both discovered what love is, and what it could do to you, how it can break you.
And it wasn't just his Armament Haki that became weaker, less dense, like it would fall apart at any moment.
No, the whole of the Haki Spiritual Arts has weakened as a whole.
The range of his Observation Haki has been reduced, and the rate he can feel emotions and other intentions are often delayed.
And the Supreme King Haki?
As if he has been uncrowned as a king, unworthy to carry the title of a conqueror.
Each time he tried to use the Supreme King Haki, it will always rebound, doing more harm to himself, then to others.
His ears would bleed, his mind will ache in pain, as if someone just hit the thing with a huge hammer.
It felt like the Supreme King Haki refuses to be used by a fool, by a broken fool like himself.
And yet, ironically enough, while his Haki as a whole weaken to this pathetic state.
Least he still can use both Armament Haki and Observation Haki, unlike his Magic itself that became chaotic as a whole.
The flow of Magic Power within Zack has become unstable, to the point, even casting the simplest of spells will backfire, or unable to cast.
So, it comes to no wonder, why his Quake-Quake is off limits, especially how complexed and taxing that magic system is, that is incapable of being used in this current state of his.
The only thing that wasn't affected at all, was his Six Styles, it was the only thing that wasn't affected by the broken state of his mind and body.
And yet… even if he still can use the Six Styles, and Haki that has weakened by a lot, his strength has fallen, he no longer at the level of an experienced Wizard, at B-Class.
Nor he is almost about to reach the level of a pre-elite level Wizard of A-Class level, now his high B-Class combat ability has fallen to C-Class, the realm of the average Wizard, a Wizard that nothing special, no matter how you look at it.
Zack cannot help to bitterly think how ironic this is.
His heartbreak is the reason why he fallen so miserably, the very thing he needed to understand, so he could take a step closer to build this harem thing.
And yet what love did to Zack?
It has broken him.
It shattered his will and made him became like this.
Everything regarding his abilities is a complete mess, with Haki weaken, Magic unable to use, and while his Six Styles is still usable, but a shame it is, they could never become more powerful they are already are, due to his physical limitations itself.
(AN: Quick reminder, it is AU thing, but I do think it exists in the canon. But physical strength, the limit of it, is link with how much, how compressed, or how adjusted one's own Magic Power is. That is why, Zack whose Magic Power that is unstable, cannot make the Six Styles any stronger they are right now, because of this limitation.)
"How much longer… I am going to do this…? But… what can I do?" Zack askes himself, leaning backwards on the chair he is on, causing him to look at the ceiling of his bedroom.
It is not like Zack did nothing at all in this whole year that passed and more.
At first, he did many things to overcome the unstable state of his Magic and Haki, as well his current unstable state of his mental health.
But no matter what he did, nothing worked, or worse, it will backfire back at him.
And it doesn't help, that everything around Zack, around this town Magnolia, as well the guild, always reminded him of her, of Mirajane Strauss.
No matter how Zack looks at this, he simply has no clue how to fixed his situation.
He has no clue how to fixed his unstable Magic Power.
To mend his Haki Spiritual Arts, or how to restore his mental health to the way it was before.
Zack simply looked at the countless bottles of either partly or emptied spirits in his room, a reminder how he has fallen.
In the beginning, he turned to training, to train his body to overcome this.
And yet, there has been many times in this past year, when Zack would overtrain himself, causing more harm to himself, then anything else.
If it wasn't for Gray who found him in his own pool of blood, by ripping his muscles by overusing them, Zack might became disable or worse.
When physically training did not work to overcome his unstable state, he turned to studying, he turned to knowledge itself.
He turned to numbing himself with words; to study the many books he has borrowed from the guild. And yet… soon those very books often have pages strained with drops of blood, as Zack spent days, not hours on studying, causing his body to unable to keep up, as he often found it hard to sleep, especially when that dream, or the other dreams would come to him.
That is why, in the end, Zack turned to the only thing that numbed him, that does not harm him, which is ironic since the thing he turned to was alcohol itself.
Even if his Magic Power is in a mess, the natural resistance against most toxins, like alcohol, still exists, making it the best way that Zack had found to numb away the emotions he feels, to the point, these days he is no longer can sleep without passing out from drinking itself.