Hello, I'm Hinamori Momo.
My profession? Legion Commander, leading the Arrancar forces. My hobby? Clouding over Shiro-chan and reveling in it.
And my special skill? Oversleeping and screwing up.
"Ehe, ehehe, fufufufu—haah... I wanted to enjoy it live..."
In a dim room cluttered with documents and equipment, someone stares intently at a screen. That's right—me.
Just now—no, three days ago. The new resident at Momo-chan's Home went way overboard and caused building-replacement-level damage, shattering my perfect pleasure schedule into smithereens. Obviously nothing I do today will make any difference at this point, so in a "whatever happens, happens" mood, I'm currently enjoying the latest Chronicles of Shiro-chan's Growthtogether with my soul's other half, Tobai-chan.
"Ah, here! This scene! Haah, Shiro-chan... I wish you'd hug me again with that pained expression like back then..."
'How pitiful... Master.'
Stop it, Tobai. Rather than pity me, bury that Hogyoku fermenting as fertilizer for your plum tree even deeper.
Being embraced by Shiro-chan's handsome, resolved, clouded face—such a wonderful development. Normally this would be a top-tier pleasure event rivaling that "Hinamori!" moment, but...
"Lucky you, Tobai—you don't remember anything from that life-threatening crisis."
'...I was planning to crush that ice lizard too, but thanks to that damn Hogyoku, it was chaos from the start.'
"Seriously! Even on video it looks terrible. I wonder if Shiro-chan's okay..."
According to reports from the Soul Society's covert Hollows, his body was successfully healed using the Twelfth Division's limb-reattachment technology.
But the real damage from that scene hit his psyche.
Having shown him such a cruel development, my pleasure plan—carefully calibrated through Shiro-chan analysis to find that delicate mental balance—now requires adjustment. If I proceed with the clouding moves I want to pull in the main event, I might despair him so thoroughly that he could end up catatonic.
I'd planned to fully enjoy clouding him over Hinamori-chan's misfortunes during the final Karakura Town battle from the original story, but now that he can't escape through death, I need some kind of follow-up. However, in his current despair state, considering the cumulative mental damage to Shiro-chan overall, even my ultimate technique [They Lived Happily Ever After with a Kiss] might not be enough for him to recover.
"What should I do? Even if I surrender after the final battle and become Shiro-chan's bride, will that be enough mental recovery...?"
'If you play the good wife and shower him with proper affection, won't he eventually bounce back? Not that I understand the intricacies of men's hearts.'
"!"
My eyes snap open. Despite the indifferent tone, Tobai-chan's suggestion is actually quite helpful. Essentially, long-term mental rehabilitation with a devoted cute girl he's fallen for supporting him. What man wouldn't recover from that?
Yeah, at this rate I can fully enjoy the present! I can reorganize the Arrancar army for the Thousand-Year Blood War arc after Shiro-chan goes to sleep at night! I juggled dual roles plenty during my Gotei days. It's fine. No problem.
"Alright! The plan continues as—"
'That is, if you're confident you can suppress the Hogyoku's pleasure cravings that entire time.'
"..."
...
"Waaaah! No fair! I wanna pretend to die in Shiro-chan's arms saying 'I'm sorry... I love you...'!"
'You'll try to hold back but lose control midway and go all out anyway, so there's no point worrying about it.'
With the remaining half of my century-and-a-half-long dream right before me, threatened with confiscation, I sob bitterly. Hey, don't make me sound like a terminal drug addict.
'Pleasure is also a drug that enslaves people to psychological euphoria. ...More importantly, that Hogyoku buried in the garden won't shut up, so I'm going to spread manure on it. Excuse me.'
"Wait, wha—"
Before I can stop her, Tobai-chan—veins bulging on her forehead—vanishes back to the inner world. What a cold zanpakuto, prioritizing Hogyoku-bullying over her grieving master. And she's supposedly a flame-type.
Also, I need that Hogyoku for the pleasure plan, so don't dirty it too much with filth.
"Haah... I really need to face reality..."
With no one left to hear my complaints and rants, I close the Chronicles of Shiro-chan's Growthvideo in a gloomy mood. It's almost night in the living world. Around the time high-school-student-Shinigami Ichigo-kun, having finished school and various preparations, comes to Hueco Mundo to rescue Orihime-chan.
Can't be helped.
There's plenty I failed to do, but my basic plan still stands. Of course, the successive screw-ups have made fulfilling all my fantasies difficult, but the century-and-a-half of preparation still firmly points the way to the main pleasure I desire.
I'll think about the rest later. If things get really bad, I'll have Hogyoku-san take responsibility and handle it somehow. After all, 'showing the path of wishes in one's heart' is the Hogyoku's true power.
There's no way it would go berserk during rehabilitation to fix Shiro-chan's broken heart, right?! (intimidating)
That said, the Hogyoku's response to that confirmation was '—Nooo, stop Tobai!'—so Momo-chan vowed never to directly touch that orb again.
***
"U-um, are you alright...?"
Having left my room and heading toward the office in a blue mood, a woman's voice reaches my back.
I'd noticed the spiritual pressure, but turning around I see Ulquiorra at the end of the corridor, accompanied by a beautiful chestnut-haired girl. Inoue Orihime-chan, the original BLEACH heroine who suddenly found herself here at Las Noches.
Mm, despite the low exposure and ascetic style, the Arrancar outfit emphasizing her magnificent body line is molto bene. Ulquiorra's also properly following my instructions to treat her like a proper butler-knight. Good.
Seriously though, by now I should've finished all my preparations and been leisurely enjoying these two's lovey-dovey interactions...
Momo-chan's face unconsciously darkens.
"...I'm sorry, Orihime-san. It seems I received various care while sleeping..."
"N-no no! I'm just glad your injuries healed. Your injuries..."
When I manage to show a smile, Orihime-chan looks down with a pained expression. It seems her presence here is guided by her kind-hearted healer nature—"I was worried about Hinamori-san..." Mm-hmm, this is undoubtedly the main heroine.
This angel apparently misunderstands me—someone jerked around by the Hogyoku—as "a girl used as an experimental subject for cruel research."
Well, considering the Hogyoku's origin story, she's not entirely wrong, but those guys are enjoying this thought-body life so much they made their master explode from ecstasy after that Shiro-chan hug, so I'd rather Orihime-chan save her concern for Chad or Ulquiorra.
My self-inflicted serious injuries also just super-regenerated once the Hogyoku calmed down, so how do I put this—it's appreciated but meddlesome, or rather, I wish she'd spent that time doing something else. Will Uru-Ori remain just reader delusion in this world too...? (tears)
"Legion Commander."
"Ah, yes. What is it?"
As I lament internally, Ulquiorra informs me "Lord Aizen summons you." Apparently he actually had business with me and just happened to be accompanying Orihime-chan. Tch, won't even let me indulge in Uru-Ori fantasies. Boring.
"Lord... Aizen's summons...?"
"Do not object, woman. All proceeds according to Lord Aizen's will."
"B-but why now?! Hinamori-san just recovered from her injuries..."
Learning I'm going to Yon-sama's place, Orihime-chan worries excessively. Isn't that guy's hate-gathering as a stepping stone becoming inadvertent follow-up for my screw-ups? Well, if it's win-win, fine...
Hmm, but "why now," huh?
From my perspective knowing the original story, this is actually perfect timing. The communication terminal in my pocket is vibrating, so let me earn some style points to boost morale.
"...Don't worry, Orihime-san. I'm fine."
"But...!"
"Ulquiorra, quickly take her to her palace room. You'll be summoned soon as well."
The three days' grace has passed, and Szayelaporro's surveillance network confirms everything's proceeding as planned. The situation's arranged as we intended.
"Huh? What do you mean...?"
And then, as I turn toward the confused Orihime-chan, at that very moment—
—We're raising the banner of war.
As spiritual pressure familiar to all three of us shakes Las Noches' corridors, I reveal my canon knowledge with my ultimate clouded smug face.
***
What would that master Le Corbusier have said? That great hall, stripped of all the ornate decorations synonymous with palatial architecture, rendered flat and inorganic—perhaps he'd have poetically praised it as "celestial harmony composed of mathematical philosophical order."
"—There are intruders."
Eleven chairs with high backs piercing the heavens. Ten Arrancars sat in those seats surrounding the long table enthroned at the great hall's center.
—Noveno Espada—
Aaroniero Arruruerie
"Intruders?"
The one questioning back suspiciously at the muffled voice echoing from the elongated mask is a muscular giant.
—Décimo Espada—
Yammy Llargo
"Apparently Underground Passage Twenty-Two collapsed."
Answering his question with elbows propped boldly on the table is a dark-skinned man sitting with good posture, emotionless.
—Séptima Espada—
Zommari Rureaux
"Twenty-two? Quite the distant entry point."
Letting slip a scoff at their conversation is another man—an old-timer with hoarse voice, insolently slouched in his chair.
—Segunda Espada—
Baraggan Louisenbairn
"Indeed. If they'd just burst straight into the throne room... things would've gotten interesting."
Agreeing with the exasperated elder is a long-sleeved young man. His suggestive smile revealed his black-bellied interior.
—Octava Espada—
Szayelaporro Grantz
"Hyahahaha, now that's good."
Discordant laughter rang through the table where the youth's ominous words lingered. A sharp-eyed giant with a massive circular collar towering behind his head.
—Quinto Espada—
Nnoitra Gilga
"Too loud... I'm trying to sleep. Keep your voice down."
At the piercing mad voice, the adjacent man frowned and yawned. A handsome fellow with shoulder-length black hair and stubble.
—Primera Espada—
Coyote Starrk
"...I haven't sensed Lady Hinamori's spiritual pressure since the last mission. Do you know anything?"
Next to the masked man sat a young dark-skinned woman. Though her voice was low and emotionless, faint confusion seeped through.
—Tercera Espada—
Tier Harribel
"Ha! As if that illustrious Legion Commander would fall to mere Shinigami."
Dismissing the woman's question with a laugh is a blue-haired youth. The large scar on his carelessly exposed chest looks like both warning and medal.
—Sexta Espada—
Grimmjow Jaegerjaques
"Quiet. We'll know soon."
The last one speaks. With sickly pale skin, black lips, and not a trace of life—the man sat enthroned in his chair like a stone statue.
—Cuarta Espada—
Ulquiorra Cifer
Each freely seated at the conference table. Overwhelming spiritual pressure fills the area.
Their name: Espada. Ten monsters recognized as the most powerful among hundreds of Arrancars who transcended species barriers and gained Shinigami powers.
Four footsteps echoed through the great hall where these pinnacle Arrancars gathered. The assembled Arrancars turned toward the great doors in unison.
Such tremendous spiritual pressure that even those bearing the title "strongest" involuntarily tensed. Everyone fell silent and bowed their heads as, at the center of those four figures... stood the king.
The king who had summoned them all here declared the greatest matter since his reign began, in a relaxed, sweet baritone as if heading out for a stroll:
"Good morning, Espada. We're under attack."
—First, shall we brew some tea?
***
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