The prison cellar was damp.Cold stone.Dripping water.A lantern swayed like a drunk firefly.
Inside—Ye Beixin sat cross-legged on a hay pile,Straw in mouth, hair loose, eyes half-lidded,as though he were resting in a luxurious immortal pavilionrather than a moldy dungeon.
Outside the bars—the guards whispered.
Whispering loudly.Whispering stupidly.Whispering like men who had no idea how to whisper.
"Brother… the more they investigate that Ye Beixin…""…the more atrocities crawl out."
"That… that beast…"
"He didn't even spare the prison women…"
"One of them is older than my grandmother!"
"How could he… HOW COULD HE…"
"Don't say it!"Another guard wiped tears from his face.
"It was Senior Sister Yu… MY goddess… MY sunlight… MY moon…and that pink-eyed demon—he—he—"His fists trembled.
"Brother, calm down—"
"I must! Every time I think about it, my fists start tightening!"
A chorus of men answered him:
"Yes!""Beat him!""Break his evil weapon!""Smash it until justice rains from the heavens!"
The torch crackled.
That animal! I'll avenge Senior Sister Yu today! I swear his evil tool will never rise to harm another Sister!"
"And I! I'll smash it! Smash it to flattened meat!"
Their eyes glowed with righteous stupidity.
In the corner, a particularly enthusiastic guard slammed his fist into his palm.
"Today, brothers— TODAY we avenge all the sisters of the sect!"
Cheers erupted.
And thus eight fully grown guardswith salaries, responsibilities, and presumably functioning brainsstormed into the cell.
Ye Beixin opened one eye.
"Brothers… why are you looking at me like you want to beat me up?"
One guard exploded.
"WHY?! You—you—you charming curse—you ruin the hearts of fair maidens,you tempt innocent women,you bewitch non human too,
Another spat on the floor. "We've been in this sect for thirty years. 10957.5 Lonely days Still single! And this shameless brat enters two years ago and— and—"Leave none of us any wife left—THAT'S WHY!"
Another kicked the ground.
An older guard sobbed."I've lived longer than mountains and even I can't get a date!Meanwhile this brat—this pink-eyed plague—breathes near a woman and she faints straight into his arms!"
"CUT HIS TOOL OF CRIME!"
"No—SMASH IT WITH A STICK!"
"Yes, YES, let him know the wrath of lonely men!" behind the guards the prisoners cheering them.
The moment he overheard—break his evil weapon—his hands flew to his crotch with survival instincts.
Ye Beixin blinked slowly.
"Hold him down!""Spread his legs!"
"No—NO! I am innocent—! My tool is innocent—!"
A small figure squeezed into the circle.A delicate, slender boy, almost fairy-like, wielding a baton thicker than his arm.
"Brothers, calm down.If you break his little brother, the elders will be angry—"
A voice squeaked.
Smooth skin.Long lashes.Soft voice.Thin waist.
Absolutely, unquestionably…a boy.
"The elders said they will punish him!"
The guards panicked."What do we tell the elders if they find out?"
yes! yes! Listen to sister. The Elders would be furious yes sister is wise so listen to her.
a snapping sound, veins popping on the forehead
"No one calls me sister."
The guards shoved him forward.
"Go, Brother Xiaolin! You do the honors!"
"Yes! Smash his criminal instrument!"
"Yes! Break his misfortune rod!"
The thin boy raised the iron baton above his head.
"What do we tell the elders if they find out?""We say… he tried to escape. Yes! And in the struggle… his… his treasures were accidentally crushed!""Accidents happen!"
The baton lifted.
He inhaled.
"DEATH TO PERVERTS!"
Two guards grabbed Ye Beixin by the ankles.Another grabbed his shoulders and hands.The baton glinted.
"Brothers—you're geniuses!"
They nodded to each other with deadly seriousness.
The baton lifted higher.
Ye Beixin's voice floated out lazily:
"Oh no…my little brother is innocent…"
The baton descended.
Ye Beixin screamed, "D*** HARDENING—
There was a metallic CLONG!The baton bent like boiled BANANA.Everyone froze.
The feminine boy stared at his ruined weapon. "Impossible… now-bent baton.
His jaw dropped.
"…what… what in the nine heavens…"
Ye Beixin saw the bent baton.The guards saw the bent baton.The baton saw itself bent and gave up on life and broken.
Silence.Then—pandemonium.
"HELP!! HELP!! THEY'RE TRYING TO MURDER MY FUTURE CHILDREN!"Ye Beixin clung to the cell bars like a wronged wife.
Someone tripped over a bucket.
The guards staggered backward, pale as rice paper.
"H-Heavens… is that thing even human…?""Brother… I think it growled at me…""It did NOT—!""It twitched!! I SAW IT TWITCH!!"
A man fainted.
Another tried to crawl out the cell window even though there WAS NO WINDOW.
One guard nervously extended a finger.Ye Beixin slapped his hand away like a fierce mother hen.
"Don't touch me you Pervert I'll bite you!""WHY ARE YOU THREATENING US?!"
The feminine boy gulped. "How… how did you even… ******… with… that…?"Every guard leaned in, morbid curiosity overpowering fear.
Cornered and dramatic, Ye Beixin sighed.
"Well… it began with Senior Sister Mu…"The guards' ears perked up like dogs hearing meat hit a pan.
"And then Senior Sister Lan… and then someone's cousin, and then someone's aunt—"
"AUNT?!"
Ye Beixin coughed lightly."No names, no names. But… certain… circumstances happened. One thing led to another. A misstep here, a compliment there, a soft sigh, a lantern going out, a moon being too round…"
The guards were taking notes by now.
"And her weakness was…?""Oh, that? Behind the left—"
"LEFT WHAT!? LEFT WHERE!?"Ye Beixin winked. "Personal."
They groaned like students failing an exam.Another guard shoved a roasted chicken through the bars.
"Bro… Master Ye… tell us more…""Want mutton? Dried fish? Wine? Just—just don't stop talking."
Soon, five guards were fanning him.Another was guarding the door.Another was pouring wine into a fancy cup he stole from the captain.
The entire night the cellar glowed with whispers, gasps, "no way," "impossible," and "teach me that line again."
By dawn, all guards were slumped around the cell like defeated scholars after a long lecture.
Ye Beixin stretched lazily inside, looking refreshed.
Then the guards remembered something very important:
"BROTHERS! We almost forgot!""We must bring justice to the sect!"
This time we hang it to death, it has to break some point.
"EVIL WEAPON! PREPARE TO HANG!"
They a rope, and charged.
"NO—WHY AGAIN?!"Ye Beixin tried to climb the wall like a desperate gecko."HELP! HELP! THEY'RE ATTACKING MY LINEAGE!!"
Just as they were about to commit unspeakable rope-based violence—
At that exact moment—
footstepspoundeddownthe stairs.
Elder robes flared.
The Prison Elder burst into the doorway.
His eyes widened.
His beard flew upward.
"WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING—"
Ye Beixin lifted a hand politely.
"Respected elder, these brothers said they wished to… correct my mistakes."
The guards fell to their knees instantly.
"ELDER—WE CAN EXPLAIN—"
"We—we—we—HE TRIED TO ESCAPE!"
"Yes! Yes!He almost broke the bars!"
Ye Beixin sat serenely on the hay pile.
The bars behind him were untouched.Absolutely unbroken.Not even dusty.
The elder's eyelid twitched.
"WHAT MADNESS IS THIS!?"
His voice was colder than winter steel.
"…You eight.Follow me.Now."
The guards shuffled out like condemned scholars.
Ye Beixin's kneeling and begging.
The elder froze mid-step.
He swallowed.
"Y-You… stay in your cell."
"Of course, respected elder."
The elder fled up the stairs.
Ye Beixin stretched, shook his hair lightly, and leaned back against the wall.
In the distant sky above the sect,the thunder rumbled again as if laughing.
The pink-eyed disaster closed his eyes.
Completely unbothered.
Completely unhurt.
And completely…absolutely…
trouble.