Our walk home was not fun.
The girls were pouting, especially Arisa, like a pack of grumpy cats. I, Souta the Human Punching Bag️, just wanted to curl up and die somewhere that wasn't a million-yen apartment filled with hormonal disasters and unpaid chores.
But alas... I was the "Man-maid."
Sounds great on paper, until you're the one stuck with every single responsibility.
As we trudged up the steps, I saw him.
Like a ghost of judgment and passive expectation, Wilhelm. Standing perfectly still at the top of the hill, arms behind his back, smiling like he knew something I didn't.
The girls walked past him, barely acknowledging his presence, except Nao, who grinned and waved.
"See ya inside, Maid-kun~" she said with a wink.
I smiled weakly.
Dead man walking.
Wilhelm's gaze locked on me.
"Souta, sir. May I borrow a moment of your time?"
Every muscle in my body said "no", but I nodded politely.
"Yes, Wilhelm… sir. What's up?"
He adjusted his gloves like he was preparing a formal speech.
"Today, you shall be cooking for the young ladies. I trust you have all the ingredients necessary?"
...
I blinked.
"I'm cooking? Today? For all of them?"
I looked toward the apartment door.
Flashbacks hit me like a PTSD war vet.
Eggshells in the sink. Half-finished cereal bowls on bookshelves. Yuki leaving milk out like a terrorist.
"Shit…" I muttered. "I forgot all about that…"
But then I remembered.
Last night's shopping trip. That hellish store run. Nao's Wallet being held hostage. The chaos.
"Actually… we might have what I need."
Wilhelm smiled faintly, like a man watching a child walk off a cliff.
"Excellent. Then I leave the battlefield to you, sir."
I saluted with the energy of a dying laptop.
"Yes… general."
The second I stepped inside, I was hit with a wave of chaos. Not noise. Not shouting. Just… vibes.
Unholy, messy, girl-infused vibes.
Yuki was still at the kitchen table, completely unfazed, eating the remains of this morning's toast like it was a sacred relic.
Nao was lying on the floor with open paint jars, muttering to herself while painting abstract cats on a pillowcase.
Reina was deep in a Lego trance, building what looked like a Death Star/coffee shop hybrid, with bricks scattered like landmines.
Arisa… had turned the living room into a paper hurricane. Books, clothes, her schoolbag flipped inside-out.
I stood at the entrance and surveyed my domain.
"This isn't a house. This is a war crime."
Nao looked up with paint on her cheek.
"Oh hey, our noble man-maid has returned~!"
Yuki didn't even glance at me.
Arisa? She smirked from the couch.
"Hope you've got dinner ready, chef. We're starving."
"I hope you like the taste of my suffering."
I sighed, threw my bag down, and rolled up my sleeves.
"Alright then. Maid mode: activated."
I took one look around the room… and sighed.
Time to activate my Maid Sharingan.
Laundry scattered like confetti.
Random clothes on furniture, under tables, draped over chairs like some kind of girl tornado blew through.
It was time for my most powerful cleaning jutsu: "Prioritize the Panty Field."
Quick analysis:
Bras on the floor.
Panties on the lamp.
An idol t-shirt halfway inside the microwave.
...Why?
I made my rounds, carefully snatching each item like a ninja disarming traps. But when I reached the dining table, specifically the chair where Yuki sat. I paused.
There, hanging off the back of the chair, was a crimson bra.
A very familiar crimson bra.
I reached for it like it was radioactive, hand trembling, breath low… trying not to wake the beast.
That's when her voice cut through the silence like a sniper round:
"Seems you're getting bold, pervert."
I froze.
Yuki was still calmly munching on her toast; eyes locked onto me like a hawk who'd just spotted a field mouse mid-scamper.
I stood there, hand mid-air, guilt all over my face.
"It's not what it looks like! I'm just cleaning! You guys are filthy! If you weren't so goddamn messy, I wouldn't be handling your... your boob armour!"
She smirked.
"So now you're blaming us for fondling our underwear?"
"I'M NOT!!"
I cut myself off before incriminating myself further.
Deep breath. Reset. I grabbed the bra like it was cursed and walked away.
She called after me, voice smug as hell:
"Perv~."
She's rage-baiting me.
She's actually rage-baiting me.
After surviving BraGate, I tossed the laundry into the washer like I was disposing of illegal evidence.
Next up: Nao's abstract horror mess.
She was in the middle of a "painting session," which looked more like a rainbow had exploded across the floor. Paint jars everywhere, canvas slumped on a chair, and brushes dipped in what might've been soup.
Hands on hips, I stood over her like a disappointed father.
"Nao. Please. For the love of god. Can we not do this on the floor?"
She looked up, blue paint on her cheek, and smiled with full childlike innocence.
"Sorry, Souta~ I just get so into it! It's hard not to make a mess!"
That damn face made it impossible to scold her properly.
I gave her a pass and asked her politely, to relocate the paint studio to her room.
Thankfully, she agreed.
Unthankfully, she left everything behind except the canvas.
"You've got to be kidding me…"
I picked up two dripping brushes and sighed.
Armed with cursed paintbrushes, I ascended the stairs. Then it hit me.
"Wait… I don't know whose room is whose."
There were five white doors in total. Four in a row, one at the end.
No nameplates. No clues.
Just danger.
This… was a game of Russian roulette.
Reina was gone. Yuki? Disappeared.
Arisa was on the couch with headphones in, zoned out.
I looked at the doors. My hand hovered toward the one in the middle…
"Wrong door, wrong timing… and my soul's getting isekai'd."
I walked over to the middle door, door number 3, my heart was racing.
It was only a door, I told myself, slowly grabbing the handle, but I knew it wasn't just a door; it was life or death.
As I began to twist the Knob, I heard something...
"Soooutaaa~ What're you doing?"
Arisa. Behind me.
Oh, thank god.
"Oh my god, thank you, I was gonna ask you earlier, but your headphones were in and I didn't wanna di-"
"Relllax," She smiled.
"How thoughtful of you, worrying about little old me. Anyway, from what I see, you're looking for Nao, her room's all the way down at the end."
She pointed casually down the hallway.
I exhaled.
"Thank you, Arisa. You're a saint."
I smiled, walked confidently to the end door, and pushed it open.
"Hey Nao, you left your-"
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"
I froze.
Standing dead in the centre of the room, half-dressed and VERY naked, was Yuki.
"YOU ABSOLUTE PERVERT!!"
She screamed, instantly hurling every object within reach. Hairdryer. Textbooks. Plushies. A perfume bottle.
"I-I'M SORRY!!"
I slammed the door shut as a rogue slipper bounced off my forehead.
I spun around.
And there she was.
Arisa. Giggling. GASPING. Bent over from laughter.
"Oops~ I forgot they switched rooms. I think… the door you originally picked was the right one."
She waved casually like she hadn't just orchestrated my death.
"YOU LITTLE!!"
Fuelled by betrayal, I stormed toward the original door, grabbed the handle, and flung it open.
"HEY NAO, YOUR BRUS-"
"AAAAHHHH!!!"
To my surprise, it wasn't Nao....
It was Reina. Half-naked. Again.
"I AM SO SORRY!"
WHAM.
Book to the face.
Makeup brush to the chest.
Lego brick to the shin.
"I JUST WANTED TO RETURN SOME PAINTBRUSHES GODDAMIT!!"
Ten minutes later, I lay on the floor with a sock stuffed in my mouth, bruises forming on my forehead, and my dignity fully gone.
Arisa was still crying tears of laughter.
Yuki was probably crafting my obituary.
Reina locked her door.
And Nao? She never even realized her brushes were gone.
"I just wanted to do laundry."