Chapter 30 - He...? NOPE!
"Brohm! HAHA!" Grann bellowed. He started marching toward the desk, throwing his arms out wide as if he was expecting a massive, bone-crushing hug.
The figure we all assumed was the legendary, grizzled Captain Brohm turned around.
He... No—SHE.
"What...?" I muttered out loud, completely taken aback. "I swear I heard a grown man's voice..."
A wild mane of reddish-brown hair spilled over a faded orange bandana, framing striking black eyes. Below them, a jagged web of burn scars marred her left cheek, puckering the skin in a stark contrast that gave her a hardened, battle-tested edge over her simple white tank top.
My eyes landed on her... gigantic, massive... boobies. I blushed slightly, but kept my composure.
She caught Grann's eye, suddenly froze, and let out a violent cough. "Cough—cough, arghh, ehem..!" She aggressively rubbed her throat, her face flushing slightly.
"Grann, you bastard," Brohm spat, her voice instantly dropping back into that terrifying, gravelly timber. She gritted her teeth, glaring at him. "Marching in here like you own the damn place."
"Why so serious? Bah, you're always so incredibly harsh to me." Grann pouted, putting a hand over his heart and mock-crying.
"Because you always eat most of our provisions!" She slammed a fist down on her wooden table, making the inkwells rattle. "One of my crewmen didn't even get to smell a meal after you left our last port, you gluttonous moron!"
"Bah, I get your frustration, but do you see this?" Grann puffed out his chest, "And this?" stretching and flexing his massive, boulder-like muscles without a shred of shame. "My body is a temple, Brohm! It needs all the fuel it can get!"
"I do not care about your temple! Get off my—"
Thud.
Grann dropped a heavy leather pouch onto the desk. The moment it landed, the drawstring loosened, revealing a glittering hoard of solid gold coins.
"Here," Grann grinned. "Enough to cover a back-and-forth ride. And then some."
Brohm stared at the gold. Her furious expression melted away in an instant. "Yeah, you can eat whatever you damn well like on this ship!" she chirped. She snatched the pouch with lightning speed and slid it under her desk, a radiant, blinding smile taking over her face.
Her personality shifted so violently the moment money was involved that I think I actually suffered whiplash. I guess I can't blame her, I thought, staring blankly. Gold makes the world go round.
"Tehee~" Brohm giggled, tilting her head.
'Tehee'?! My jaw practically hit the floor. She went from looking like a pirate who would skin you alive to... a cute anime character? Haha, wow. This voyage is going to be ridiculous.
Brohm then cleared her throat, her black eyes sliding over to Lyra and me. "And who are these little fellas you've dragged aboard?"
Grann beamed proudly, clapping a heavy hand onto my shoulder, nearly driving my knees into the floor. "They're my grandchildren."
"Ah~ Grandchildren, you say?" She stood up.
My eyes were locked in a losing battle. She was wearing baggy, brown cargo pants that ended sharply at her ankles, exposing her bare feet on the dark wood. But as she walked, the laws of physics took over. Every step she took caused a mesmerizing, rhythmic jiggle that completely short-circuited my brain. I began to overheat, looking frantically at the walls, the ceiling, the door—anywhere but at her.
Lyra, completely unphased, stood with her arms on her waist, staring up at the taller woman with unbreakable, terrifying confidence. "Are you strong?"
"Yes, I am." Brohm glanced down at Lyra's hip and smiled. "You have a really nice sword there. May I take a look?"
Lyra glanced at her scabbard for a fraction of a second, then looked back up. "No."
"Aw, I only wanted to see it. May I?"
"No." Lyra crossed her arms, her expression turning into a brick wall.
A single bead of sweat formed at Brohm's temple. Realizing she wasn't getting anywhere with the pint-sized warrior, she turned her attention to me. She immediately noticed my posture. I was stiff as a board, darting my eyes around like a trapped animal, my face completely crimson.
"Oh?" She smiled. Slowly, smoothly, she reached out, cupped my chin with her hand, and forced me to look up at her. "Oh, I like your face." She slowly licked her lips.
***
--Meanwhile, Inside Kyro's Body--
Red sirens were blaring. Smoke was rising from the logic processors within the brain. A dozen tiny operators in hardhats were screaming, throwing papers into the air, and running in circles.
The Chief Brain Cell slammed his hands on the master console. "Status report! Why is the core temperature reaching thermonuclear levels?!"
Visual Cortex, sweating profusely, "Sir! We just received a visual feed! The target just winked at us! I repeat, she winked!"
The Heart, pounding a snare drum at 300 BPM. "I CAN'T SLOW DOWN! PUMP THE BLOOD! PUMP IT ALL TO THE SOUTH SECTOR! WE ARE GOING TO MAX VELOCITY, BABY!"
Red blood cells, "Woah, we're going a lot faster than usual."
***
My hands moved completely on their own. Before my conscious brain could scream ABORT MISSION, I reached out, grabbed her chest, and gave it a solid, undeniable squeeze.
"Oh... squishy," I muttered unconsciously, completely entranced.
"Look at that," Brohm laughed, completely unbothered. "Even your grandson can't resist me."
"Bah," Grann shook his head, his face darkening. "Kyro, she's a succubus. If you touch her like that again, she'll suck out your soul."
"I'll give my body, my mind, and my soul to her..." I whispered, staring blankly into the abyss of her cleavage.
"Oh, he's already under my sheer beauty," Brohm leaned forward, her voice dropping back into a sultry purr. "I didn't even have to use my abilities. He'll make a good dinner~"
WHACK.
Grann intervened. He shoved Brohm backward by her face, sending her flying across the room to land squarely on her butt, and simultaneously delivered a universe-resetting slap to the side of my head.
My cheek burned with the force of a thousand suns. The spell broke instantly. My dignity deflated like a popped balloon.
"AH!" I yelled, clutching my throbbing face. "What was that for?!"
"She almost sucked out your soul!" Grann bellowed. "The more you touch her with sexual intent, the more her body instinctively drains your life force. You would've been dead if you kept touching her for more than an hour! Well, you never know. You're seven, you'll probably go out way sooner than an hour."
I paused, blinking through the pain. I'LL TAKE THE RISK, GOT DAMN IT! I thought wildly. An hour is a generous window!That is more than enough time!
"Ugh," Brohm grumbled from the floor, rubbing her nose. "You seriously had to push me that hard, old man?!"
"Bah, sorry, but I had to! You were going to kill my grandson, and my daughter will actually skin me alive if I bring them back dead."
"Eh," Brohm shrugged, casually getting back to her feet and dusting off her pants. She looked over at me and gave a wicked wink. "Fair enough. But don't be afraid to touch me later, little kid. You have my full consent."
A dangerous, familiar warmth immediately started creeping back into my chest.
"Stop it," Grann growled, stepping between us and gripping both of my shoulders with enough force to crack bone. Brohm just giggled delightedly.
Lyra nudged me hard in the ribs with her elbow, looking at me with a mixture of profound disappointment and absolute disgust. "That was weird even for you. You can't just go around grabbing people, you absolute degenerate."
"W-what...?! I wasn't in control, okay?!" I stammered, my voice cracking as I tried to defend what was left of my reputation. "I couldn't help it! Her boobs stared into my eyes first!"
"Hah! Right. Well, boys will be boys," Brohm laughed, turning around and walking toward the door. "The opposite sex is always your greatest asset and your greatest weakness. Can't blame the kid, though. I am hot as hell."
Just as she opened the door, she stopped. Her body stayed facing forward, but her neck twisted a literal, horrifying 180 degrees around to face us, offering a gentle, serene smile.
"Come now. I'll take you to your quarters."
Then, with a sickening pop, her head snapped back to the front, and she strolled out into the open ship.
I stood there, frozen.
Okay, the owl-neck thing is profoundly creepy. Absolute nightmare fuel. But... man. She really is hot as fuck.
Still thoroughly scarred by Captain Brohm's casual 180-degree neck twist, I made sure to walk exactly three paces behind her as we descended into the lower decks.
We navigated a long, narrow wooden hallway. Iron lanterns hung from the low timber beams at regular intervals, casting a warm, flickering glow across the polished floorboards. The ship hummed with life—the creak of the hull against the water, the distant shouts of the crew above, and the faint smell of salt and old oak.
At the far southern end of the corridor, Brohm stopped before a heavy door reinforced with iron bands. She fished a brass key ring from her cargo pants, unlocked it with a satisfying click, and threw the door open.
"Well, enjoy your stay," she said, leaning against the doorframe.
The room was surprisingly decent. It featured two sturdy bunk beds bolted securely to the walls. A plush blue carpet that looked like it had been plundered from a high-end merchant vessel. A few framed paintings of turbulent seascapes (and one rather ominous depiction of a kraken crushing a flagship), then a small wooden desk and chair, illuminated by a singular, brass oil lamp.
"Soon as we make sure everything in the inventory is accounted for, we'll head toward the Demon Continent," Brohm explained, her voice fluctuating somewhere between a gravelly pirate captain and her surprisingly melodic natural tone. "We'll have to head downstream through the Thunder Vein and break out into the open ocean. Our entire voyage will only take a day or two, but we'll eventually hit the continent's coast."
"Alright, now that is what I'm talking about!" Grann laughed, his massive frame barely clearing the ceiling as he stepped inside and looked around. "Thank you for providing your best room for us, Captain."
Brohm hissed playfully, crossing her arms. "I'm only doing this because you brought your grandchildren along. And, well, because you paid a ridiculously generous amount. Honestly, it's refreshing to see a barbarian named Grann who actually understands the concept of currency."
Grann rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling. "Hey... I mean, techinically, Reyna's husband gave me those coins before we left."
My head snapped toward him so fast I nearly gave myself the Brohm-neck special. "Wait. Was that all of it? Did you give her all the gold father gave you for the entire trip?!"
"No, calm down, boy. I've still got another bag full of gold in my pack," Grann said, waving off my panic.
I let out a massive sigh of relief, leaning against the desk. "Oh... thank gosh. I didn't actually know we were rich."
Lyra scoffed from behind me, tossing her gear onto the floor. "We own a massive livestock and vegetable farms, nitwit. Do the math. Of course we're rich!"
"Do the math?" I raised a skeptical eyebrow, turning to face her. "That's awfully rich coming from you. Like you even know how to subtract anything higher than twenty."
Lyra's eyes narrowed into slits. She pouted, her hand instinctively drifting toward the hilt of her sword. "Shut up, Kyro, or I'll actually break your jaw. I can count just fine."
"Anyway!" Brohm interrupted, clasping her hands together with a blinding, cheerful smile that completely shattered the tense sibling energy. "Enjoy your stay aboard the Wavecutter!"
With a theatrical wink directed squarely at my burning face, she stepped back into the hallway and slammed the door shut.
The moment the door closed, the reality of our brutal week of traveling finally caught up to us.
Grann casually unhooked his heavy leather pack and dropped it into the corner of the room. I followed suit, placing my bag right next to his with a heavy groan. Lyra unbuckled her sword belt, leaning the weapon carefully against my pack before dropping her coin pouch on top of it.
Without a single word, Grann marched over to the bottom bunk on the right side of the room and collapsed onto the mattress. "Ahh~ Comfy."
I stood there, staring at the remaining set of bunk beds, waiting for Lyra to make her move. True to her competitive nature, she scrambled up the wooden ladder to claim the top bunk.
"Okay, I guess we're all set," I muttered, turning around to ask Grann what time we should wake up.
"Zzzzzzz..."
A snore like a muffled chainsaw rattled the oil lamp on the desk. Grann was already out cold, his chest rising and falling in a deep, immovable sleep.
"Huh..." I hummed, completely bewildered by his ability to instantly pass out. I looked up toward the top bunk. "Lyra? You awake?"
"Zzzzz... mmm... rabbit..." she mumbled, rolling over.
Incredible. Barbarian DNA must include some kind of biological 'off-switch.' They go from hyper-lethal predators to literal logs in a matter of three seconds. Meanwhile, my brain is still calculating the exact trajectory of Brohm's chest jiggles.
Understandable, though. We had been walking for a week straight through rock, river, and mountain air.
I climbed into the bottom bunk, the mattress giving way under my weight with a soft, welcoming creak. The sheets were clean, smelling faintly of lavender and sea salt.
Before I pulled the blanket over my shoulders, I reached into my shorts pocket and pulled out a small, elegant violet box.
Onnie.
A soft smile broke across my face as my fingers traced the polished wood. I carefully popped the latch and opened it, revealing the miniature, perfectly detailed wooden figure she had carved of me. I pulled it out, holding it gently against the light of the singular oil lamp.
I wonder how Onnie is doing right now, I thought, staring at the little wooden eyes. She's probably busy doing something at her place... wherever that is. I still haven't even seen where she lives. Maybe next time we meet up, I'll ask her to show me. It's bound to be interesting.
The rhythmic, rocking motion of the Wavecutter began to take its toll. The ambient sound of the ocean waves lapping against the hull acted like a perfect lullaby. My eyelids grew impossibly heavy, the wooden figurine resting gently on my chest.
"Huh..." I yawned, letting out one final, exhausted breath. "A nap... sounds really nice right now..."
I closed my eyes, letting the darkness take over, finally drifting into a deep, dreamless sleep as the ship carried us forward toward the unknown dangers of the Demon Continent.
[End]