Please don't take this chapter seriously
*****
Girls when they just got a haircut:
"Oh mah gad, your hair looks so good! Where did you get it cut?" one girl compliments her friend's hair.
Well… it literally looks exactly the same as before.
"Ohh, I got it cut at blah blah bleh bleh, right at bloh bloh blih blih!"
"Really girl? OMG! Your hair is seriously gorgeous~"
"Omg thank you thank you, your hair is pretty too~"
And then both of them start complimenting each other non-stop.
Then a guy nearby walks over and says:
"Your hair… looks nice? It's literally the same as yesterday."
…Both girls turn and stare at him.
"Umm… okay? I have a boyfriend."
"Yeah, me too."
"Stay away from me, pls?"
The two girls walk off, leaving the guy standing there alone.
"…Uh, did they think that was sarcasm, or are they actually upset that I complimented them?"
Boys when they just got a haircut:
"Hmm… it looks exactly the same as before." Peter touches his hair while looking in the mirror.
He only trimmed a few annoying strands that were blocking his view (actually, those strands just distracted him a lot, they weren't really in the way).
Then Peter goes to school.
He enters the classroom, sits down, looks around at the guys chatting, and lets out a sigh of relief.
"Wait, I only cut a few strands? Why am I even nervous?"
So he calms down and chills.
…Well, he was chill until a bunch of guys came up behind him and grabbed his shoulders.
"Ooh, the wifey got a haircut? Looking good~"
"…" Peter starts sweating bullets, staring at the guy talking.
"You know what's even hotter than your hair?"
Then the guy's entire friend group surrounds Peter.
All of them are buff, tanned, and start licking their lips.
"I'm feeling very romantical right now."
"…pls no"
Girls when they wear nice outfits:
"Oh mah gad! You look so good~"
"Thank you~ But why are you wearing the exact same outfit as me? Are you jealous or something~"
"No way~ You're overthinking it~"
They talk for a bit, then things gradually escalate:
"GAMEIXNWKCNSOCNWJ!!!"
"NWCIAKICMEODBWLCIS!!!"
They start punching each other, neither backing down.
Holy crap! I looked away for one second and it turned into this???
"Ay ay ay! Whatssup!!"
Gwen appears.
"Ayo chill out! Why are you two suddenly fighting??"
Gwen gets between the two girls.
"SHE COPIED MY OUTFIT!"
"SHE COPIED MY FLOW!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"
"You two literally said the same thing. How about this: why don't you give your outfits names so they're… you know, different?"
"Good point."
So they name themselves Girl A and Girl B.
"Wait no—I told you to name the outfits, not yourselves! I'm not ready to add new characters to the story—"
Boys' side:
"Today's the fashion show. We need someone to represent the boys," Harry tells the class.
"Hmm…" All the guys start thinking.
There were tons of costume ideas: some wanted to be Homelander, some wanted to be Hitler, some wanted to be Mao Zedong.
But in the end, none of them were approved.
Obviously—who the hell would cosplay those people in front of the entire school?
"Uhh… We need someone perfect to dress as a girl!"
Then everyone turns and looks at one person.
"…Um, why is everyone staring at me?"
Peter Parker.
"…You know what? He's literally perfect in every way."
"Brilliant idea."
"No complaints."
"Wait wait wait!!!"
Then the whole class waits for Peter to change.
The moment Peter opens the door, everyone's eyes go wide and they scream:
Peter is now wearing a bunny girl outfit.
"UOHHHH!!!"
"PETER FEMBOY HAS ARRIVED!!!"
"This is Peni Parker, say hi to everyone, Peni!" Harry says.
"I fucking hate you guys."
Girls when they drop something:
"Aww… I dropped my stuff, I wonder if anyone can pick it up for me~" Girl A says in a cutesy voice.
"…Girl, we're in the middle of an exam," Girl B replies.
Every other student and even the teacher are staring at her.
"Well… Teacher, can you pick it up for me?"
"…Girl, it's literally right under your foot, it's not far at all," the teacher says.
"Hmph! Boys are so heartless, not even half as good as my boyfriend! Let me call him to help! BOYFRIEND!! BOYFRIEND!!!!!"
She takes out her phone and screams into it.
[...What the hell?]
"Come pick up my pen for me~ and I'll give you a kiss that I've already given to other people~"
[...You're seriously asking me, someone who's working 3 km away, to come pick up your pen?]
"Yeah~ Will you do it?"
[...]
Boys' side:
"…fuck."
Peter dropped his pen during the exam.
It rolled pretty far, so he has to leave his seat to get it.
The problem is…
Peter looks around—everyone else is still doing their test, the teacher isn't saying anything.
"…Should be fine, right?"
So he stands up, walks over, and picks up the pen.
Suddenly, someone touches his butt.
"?!"
Peter starts sweating profusely and looks behind him.
"Ooh, the wifey's being bold today~" Some guy is standing right behind him, hips practically glued to Peter's ass.
"…no homo—"
Immediately after, more guys line up behind him, one after another.
The last person in line is the teacher.
"…pls no, I'm still a virgin."
"Don't worry baby, he's only using one hole—after all, the other hole is the one on your mouth."
"That's right, only men can bring happiness to each other."
"As long as there's a hole, there's a goal."
"AGHHHHHHHH!!!"
And thus began a massive orgy in the middle of the exam.
Girls treating their boyfriends:
Girl A is being fed by her boyfriend.
"Nom nom, so yummy darling~ You're way better than my exes!"
"Oh really? How did your exes treat you?"
"They treated me so badly! Like I was their slave! I want freedom, I don't want to be controlled! I want—ohhh look at Girl B over there~ she looks so lonely sitting by herself~"
Girl B hears this and glares at Girl A, who's smirking.
"We're going through a rough patch, it's none of your business—"
"Oh~ so you broke up? Why not just say it? Judging by your face, you must be the one suffering after the breakup~"
Girl B grits her teeth and says nothing.
This gives Girl A even more ammo to mock her.
"See, honey? With that personality, anyone who dates her would suffer, only the boyfriend would be miserable~"
"You're always right, babe~"
Girl A laughs, making Girl B even sadder.
Then suddenly:
"Sorry I'm late!"
A guy's voice startles everyone.
"Boy B?! Why are you here?!" Girl B says in confusion.
"What are you talking about? We've been childhood friends and lovers, there's no reason I can't come."
"B-But… but…! I saw that girl standing next to you that day! She's younger and prettier than me… so I thought you two were a better match…"
Ah, so that's why she said the relationship was "strained"?
"What are you talking about? That was my dad." He says it completely deadpan.
…Huh?
"Also, even though we're only 15, there's something I want to say now so I won't regret it later…"
Boy B gets down on one knee and pulls out a wedding ring.
"B-chan… will you support me financially?"
Girl B immediately bursts into happy tears.
"Yes! As long as you let me drain every last drop of your protein!"
The two hug, kiss, and disappear into the bushes.
"…" Girl A is left with her mouth hanging open, watching everything unfold.
"It's okay babe, don't be jealous of their love! You have me!" Her boyfriend tries to comfort her.
"N-No, I'm fine…"
Suddenly, 66 guys walk toward Girl A.
"Sorry we're late, babe," all 66 say in perfect unison.
"Ah."
They all look at each other, then at her.
"…These are your exes?" the boyfriend sitting next to her asks.
"Who said I'm her ex?! I'm her current boyfriend!!" all 66 shout at the same time.
Then they look at each other.
"…You too?"
"Your girlfriend is her too?"
"…"
Then they all turn to her.
"…I can explain—"
Boys' side:
"WE GONNA HAVE SEX TODAY!!!" Gwen grabs my pants.
"WE WILL NOT!!!!" Peter kicks her in the face, but she refuses to back off.
"PLS PETER! I NEED THIS!!"
"YOU NEED SOMEONE TO FIX YOUR BRAIN!"
"Oh, interesting idea, I'll wait for you~"
"NEVER!!!"