Ilya was doing better.
He wasn't fully okay per se, but he was doing better. He had gotten into a routine rather quickly all things considered. Part of that routine and the process of getting better was to get over Shane Hollander.
Living with him was getting easier, but there were still moments when he felt like his feelings were getting in the way of their relationship.
The pair started doing movie nights, and there were so many evenings when Ilya wanted nothing more than to rest his head on his shoulder.
Or make some kind of comment about how the romantic couple in the film reminded him of the two of them.
But he couldn't make that comment without Hollander noticing.
So, often, he just withheld that and stopped recommending they watch romcom's together. The two of them were doing okay, and everything was working out.
Except for the getting over him part.
Ilya never did anything half-way. That was one of the things that made strangers think he was an asshole.
If he felt something, he felt that something. There was no beating around the bush when it came to the inner workings of Ilya Rozanov.
If he wanted something, he worked hard to get that something. And currently, the thing he wanted was Shane Hollander.
And not even just the sex.
(Though he did imagine what that would be like on a few occasions).
He wanted to do the coupley things too.
He wanted to kiss him soundly, make him feel like he was the only one in the world.
He wanted to take him on a date. Even if it was just to study, he wanted to kick his feet under the table, and smirk when he looked at him with an accusatory look.
It was a stupid dream, all things considered, but it was a dream Ilya held close to his chest.
There was also the fact that he was starting to become suspicious that Hollander himself was as straight as he seemed when the two first met.
That came to a head when, during one of their movie nights, as per Ilya's request, the two of them were watching The Terminator.
Hollander never said anything incriminating, but that night, once the two had gotten ready for bed and Ilya was logging the film on Letterboxd, his eyes caught Hollander's review.
It was fresh, maybe a few minutes old.
"hollan3r logged The Terminator
★★★★ • watched 28 September
People go for The Terminator or Sarah. I'm here for Reese myself."
It was simple enough.
Reese was attractive, that was a fact. Ilya himself held back making a few comments while the two of them were watching the movie.
But it was the way he phrased in that made Ilya stop dead in his tracks. He didn't say Reese was a good character, or that he was upset that Reese died. He specifically said that people came for The Terminator or Sarah, and he went for Reese.
As in. He didn't go for the woman. Or the bug burly man. He went for Reese. The male love interest.
The male love interest.
Ilya bit his tongue, liked his review, and looked over at Hollander's bed.
He was lit by his phone screen, and his eyes glance up to read a new notification that lightly buzzed his device. Ilya didn't have to guess what that notification was.
When he did, he smiles softly and dismisses it.
Even if the dark, Ilya could feel the anxiety. The fear that he had revealed too much.
And Ilya, ever the optimist, took the dive.
If he did or said something wrong, then he would happily pay for the consequences.
He just had to know what Hollander meant.
"So, Reese, huh?" he questions in the dark.
Hollander audibly exhales. "Yep." he pauses. "How about you? Reese? Sarah?"
Ilya knew what he was asking. Of course he did.
It was the same question he had asked him moments before.
"They are both nice." Ilya decides evenly.
"Good taste." Hollander replies, blinking.
Ilya lets the words hang there before exhaling. "Was that… was that the first time you said it?"
He didn't really say it, his brain supplies. He kicks himself and hopes he didn't overstep.
"Third." he admits, voice small.
"Cool." Ilya answers. He could leave it at that. Let the conversation fizzle out, but he gets a text, and an idea pops in his head. So, he pushes, "Have I introduced you to Troy and his boyfriend Harris?"
He turns his head to face Ilya's bed. "No."
"Would you want to meet them?" Ilya asks.
"Sure."
"You do not have to say yes, Shane."
Shane.
The name felt foreign on his tongue, but he was desperate to say it more.
He was so desperate, he barely even registered his response, which rocked him.
"I want to, Ilya." he says, voice soft and muffled by his blanket, or maybe his hands. Ilya wasn't looking at him anymore. "Maybe not now. But, at some point."
And that was that.
Shane Hollander had some kind of an interest in men, and Ilya had a little bit of a chance. It was slim, sure, but slim wasn't zero and he was running with that until he couldn't run anymore.
"He what?" Troy questions, taking his headphones out of his backpack.
The two of them made it a point to get together for a study session at least once a month, and, as per routine, before getting stuff done, they would debrief each other.
Troy's was fine. He told Ilya about his trip home to his parents the previous weekend and how he saw a few of his classmates who were surprised to see that he was out and proud.
Ilya was sitting on his hands the entire time, fighting back a grin.
He was waiting for the right moment to say something, and when Troy asked him how he had been, he bit.
He nodded, told him about a classmate he didn't like and then simply said "My roommate came out to me", waiting for Troy to react.
It was subtle at first.
He froze. His eyebrows piqued. And then he looked at Ilya, who was smiling full-tooth now.
"I say once more. He what?"
He smiles. "He came out to me."
"Your roommate as in, Shane Hollander who you're lowkey in love with Shane Hollander?"
"Low key." Ilya repeats. "That feels… generous?"
Troy raises an eyebrow and pulls out his phone. "You are ridiculous, Rozanov." he says, frantically typing something.
"What are you doing?"
Texting Harris.
"Texting Harris."
"Can I not tell you one piece of news that you don't immediately report to him?" Before Troy can reply, Ilya's phone buzzes from underneath his thigh. "You did not put this in the group chat."
"I might have."
Troy:
Rozanov's roommate came out to him.
I just felt the need to inform the troops.
Ilya:
this is really not needed
Harris:
He WHAT?
Luca:
i thought he already did that?
Kyle:
Yeah no, I would have remembered. Kip would have mentioned something if Shane had done that before semi-recently.
Ilya:
who is kip?
Kyle:
Scott Hunter's boyfriend? He lives on our floor? With said boyfriend?
Ilya:
shane is friends with scott hunter?
Kyle removed Ilya Rozanov
"You cannot remove me from a chat where you are talking about me." Ilya says, turning his attention back to Troy, who is giggling manically at his phone, effectively ignoring him.
"Someone removed you from a group chat? I can't imagine why." a voice says, breaking through the silence. For a second, Ilya assumes it was Troy, but he looked up, seemingly just as confused.
After a moment, Ilya's eyes found Shane walking toward them, smiling. He was wearing a dark blue hockey crew-neck, black shorts and a perfect smile.
(Not that Ilya would say that, of course.
He was far too strong and dedicated with the prospect of getting over Shane that he barely noticed the way his smile curved as he calmed down.)
"They were being mean." Ilya insists, crossing his arms.
Shane rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure they were."
"They were." he repeats. "Honest."
"Whatever you say, Rozanov." he turns to face Troy, his smile flickering for a second.
Ilya watches as something he's seen only a handful of times happens right before his eyes.
Shane switches.
His mouth goes flat and his eyes go distant, like he's trying his best to fit the mold that Troy might want.
Ilya had only seen it when he and Shane went to a floor meeting and he mustered up the courage to comment about how their neighbor was loud around one in the morning.
The way his jaw clenched, his fits were at his side and his eyes were wide, Ilya had never seen before.
And hadn't seen since. Until right now.
With Troy, which didn't make sense. Troy was a good guy. Ilya liked him.
Sure, he had a less than amazing past when he was in high school, fitting into the macho-man persona, but Shane didn't know that.
And those days were far behind Troy now.
"And you must be Troy Barett."
Ilya wasn't sure how Shane knew his last name.
"You're in the Psychology department, right?"
Or how he knew his major, which was information Ilya himself barely remembered. Troy told him once, and he tried to retain it, but it didn't really come up.
He glances at Ilya before replying. "Uhm, yes? I'm sorry, I don't have that information on you."
"I did my research."
"Right, of course." Troy answers. "That's not… slightly unnerving or anything."
Shane smiles. "Good," he says. "Maybe if you don't want people to know that about you, don't post about it online. It really didn't take much time."
"R…right." Troy manages weakly. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Rozanov, I'll be back. Shane, it was nice meeting you."
"You too!"
Once Troy leaves, Shane directs his focus to Ilya. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like I killed your cat."
"Why would you kill my cat?"
Shane rolls his eyes. "I wouldn't. It's an expression. You know, like you're pissed."
"I am not pissed."
"Oh, good."
A beat passes.
"How did you find his Instagram?"
Shane looks at him. "You follow him," he says. "And you've tagged him in a few photos."
"How did you find my Instagram?"
"Your username is lRoz but the I is a lowercase L." Shane deadpans. "It wasn't hard."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why would I tell you?"
Ilya squints. "Have you been stalking me?"
"Of course not! I just wondered if you had any social media, especially after you joined Letterboxd."
"I've been on Letterboxd."
"Right, right, of course." Shane answers. "I can follow you, if that would make your life easier."
Ilya thinks.
Troy mentioned Shane had Instagram, he just didn't want to investigate it himself.
He told himself he was respecting Shane's privacy, and that it would be weird if he just started following him out of nowhere.
If he was being honest, he didn't know if he would like what he found.
For all he knew, Shane had a long term partner or weird ex relationship in his past.
Which would be fine. Ilya just didn't want to see it.
"I mean, sure." Ilya decides. "If you're ready to take that step with me, Hollander."
"I'm ready to take some steps with you, Rozanov."
Ilya smirks. "Fantastic."
Shane smiles, suddenly glancing around as if he had said something damning. "I'll see you later. Let me know when you're on your way back, okay? Good. Great. Okay, bye."
—
you have requested to follow shhollander!
you are now following shhollander! 2m ago
🔒shhollander
Shane Hollander he/him
(Not casual) hockey enjoyer
🔗 boxd.it/hollan3r
26 posts 36 followers 318 following
[image id — shane sitting on a dock, one leg on dock, other dangling below, smiling. sitting with man who is identified as hayden pike]
shhollander Soaking up the rays with @hpike ☀️
12 likes 3 comments
[image id — shane at a hockey game. photographed with yuna and david hollander]
shhollander Always happy to support the hometown! (Even with they suck. I guess.)
21 likes 6 comments
you are now following lRoz! 4m ago
lRoz
ilya !! he/him
pretty fly for a bi guy
🔗 boxd.it/ily23
71 posts 628 followers 231 following
[image id — ilya standing on campus with troy and harris, ilya in the middle smiling wide]
lRoz !!! the boys (gays) are back btw !!!
612 likes 71 comments
[image id — ilya in a dog shelter with a small black labrador. collar reads "chiron". harris is sitting just out of frame, but ilya tagged him anyways]
lRoz ten likes and harris gets him and we share custody of him
341 likes 24 comments
OCTOBER
The Tuna Melt incident happens early October 16.
Down the hall from Shane and Rozanov's dorm was a kitchen.
It was clean enough from what Shane had seen in passing, but he never took much time to investigate it.
He had a meal plan and didn't have the need.
Did he sometimes miss his mom and dad's cooking and desperately wish he could go home? Sure.
But the ability to cook their meals at school was never going to capture the same buzz as having his parents make them for him.
The only reason Shane goes is because he gets a text from Ilya at 2:30 in the morning.
Shane should be asleep.
He had an early morning exam and was trying his best to grind out any studying he could beforehand, even at the risk of ruining his curated sleep schedule.
Rozanov wasn't there, but he figured his roommate was out with Troy.
He had started sleeping over at his friend's dorm, and Shane didn't want to be too overbearing when it came to texts.
If Rozanov needed him, he would contact him himself.
And that's exactly what he did.
Rozanov:
you are awake yes?
Shane:
Barely, but yes. Why?
Rozanov:
come to the kitchen
and bring a ginger ale
and a coke
Shane:
Why?
Rozanov:
just do it. i promise you won't die
Shane:
I'll be right there. I can't stay long, though, I have to study for my exam I have tomorrow.
Today, technically.
So, Shane grabs their drinks from the fridge and walks down the hallway, trying his best to not make a sound in the process.
He knocks on the door first, before clicking it open to find Rozanov standing at the stove, a focused expression on his face.
It takes him a minute to realize Shane's entered, and he takes that minute to look at his roommate.
Shane prided himself on never seeing Rozanov in his pajamas.
Even when the two of them did movie nights, they tended to do those in their regular clothes and then change into pajamas after.
And since Shane's skincare routine was longer, Rozanov would wait and go after him.
By the time he was done, the room was dark and Shane was done interacting with people for the day. Sometimes they would text about a video one of them saw, but that was rare.
And when it did happen, it was brief.
As a result, Shane never saw Rozanov so laid back.
He was wearing dark blue sleep shorts, tall socks with his black and white converse and a purple oversized crew-neck. He was scratching the back of his calf with his foot and he looked so at peace.
There was music playing, Shane realized, and Rozanov was humming along with the beat while lightly moving something around in the pan.
Rozanov always looked a little uptight, even as he and Shane became friendly, so it was nice to know that there was a soft side to him.
There was also the fact that his curls were going crazy, which made Shane dizzy.
The way they were resting on his head and curling around his ears was truly mesmerizing, and he wished Rozanov didn't use so much product during the day.
He wasn't hiding them, per se, but he was muting them.
At that moment, between the songs playing, Shane clears his throat and pretends to close the door to ensure Rozanov didn't think he was staring.
"Took you long enough, Hollander." he says, turning to face him, a soft smile on his face. "My coke is probably cold by now!"
"There is a fridge." Shane advises.
Rozanov turns. "Is not a good fridge."
"Well, who's fault is that?"
"Not mine, Hollander." He looks back at the pan and pulls two plates from his bag on the floor, setting them on the counter. "You like tuna melts, yes?"
Shane glances at them. "Yes? Why…?"
"My mother used to make them."
Oh.
"Okay."
"I just wanted one." Rozanov continues, putting one on a plate and handing it to Shane. "I just figured I'd share."
"I appreciate it." Shane says softly, taking the plate.
Rozanov smiles and the two sit at the table, slowly taking bites.
It was good, Shane decided.
Everything was perfect.
Sure, his ginger ale was room temperature, but a room temperature ginger ale was better than no ginger ale at all.
"You don't really talk about your mother." Shane notes. "Or… your family in general. Or Russia, really."
Rozanov nods. "Yes."
"You don't post about them, either."
"Correct." Rozanov confirms.
"Is there… I don't know? A story there? I guess?"
Rozanov sets down his food and sighs.
It's not angry or full of anything overtly negative, like Shane had expected. Rather, it's soft. Like he's been expecting this question since the two met.
And maybe he had.
Maybe he had been waiting for Shane to bring it up for two months.
"My mother died when I was twelve." he says lowly.
It's so low, Shane thinks he imagined it.
But there was no mistaking the way that Rozanov's accent twisted and turned around the world twelve.
Shane doesn't know what to say, so he simply nods.
"I left Russia when I was seventeen." he continues quietly, not looking at Shane. "My brother is… difficult. He is older than me. It is difficult to talk to him about things. Real things, I mean."
Shane continues to listen.
"He does not miss me. He has texted me once, and it was just about my father." he says. "My father is old-fashioned. He was not abusive, but he had expectations. He is police, and he wanted me to… do something worthwhile. He… is dying. Dementia."
Shane almost says something.
Almost asks a question.
But he can feel Rozanov almost breaking while telling the story, and didn't want to make it worse.
Instead, slowly, he reached a hand on the table and holds his hand.
He expects Rozanov to flinch, but he looks at their joined hands and simply smiles.
"I left because he did not need me. He would hate who I am now. I did not see the point in living somewhere I was not accepted."
He pauses.
Shane jumps. "Did you… did you have anyone? Before meeting Troy and Harris, I mean. Were you alone before college?"
He smiles weakly. "No." he says. "I have a friend, Svetlana. She has citizenship here, but was born in Russia. She helped me get here and she let me live with her before school. I do not see her much, but I have her. She is the closest thing I have to a family now."
Shane tightens his grip on Rozanov, desperate for his thoughts to get across.
I'm here for you.
I'm your friend.
You aren't alone, not anymore.
It'll be okay.
"My therapist told me it might be good to talk about it." he says quietly. "I didn't want to tell Troy or Harris."
Shane nods. "I understand." he pauses. "Tell me about her?"
And Rozanov Ilya does.
He tells him about her scent.
He tells him about how she would purse her lips when she would cook.
He tells him about how she would take Ilya to hockey games when he was younger.
He tells him about how when his brother was out late doing God knows what, she would spend time with Ilya.
He pauses.
Tells Shane she had bad days.
("Like I have bad days.")
Tells Shane his father was hard on her.
Tells Shane as much as he loves his mother, he doesn't want to be like her.
("She killed herself." he admits. "I found her.")
Shane wants nothing more than to hug him.
Instead, he loosens his grip and starts caressing his hand with his thumb, grounding Ilya to the moment.
The two sit there for a moment before Shane speaks.
His voice is cracked and broken from holding in tears.
He didn't want to start crying in front of Ilya when he was one pouring his heart out.
"I'm sorry, Ilya." he says slowly.
He looks at him. "Why are you sorry?"
"I'm sorry life has been unfair to you."
"Life has not…"
Shane frowns. "Ilya, you found your mother dead when you were twelve." As if he needs a reminder.
He imagines twelve year old Ilya.
Wide smile, curly hair. The boy in the photograph on his desk. A little older.
Maybe an inkling of his sexuality.
Twelve year old Ilya, innocently going to see his mother only to be met with something no child should ever have to see.
The dead, unmoving body of a loved one.
The loved one that had been there for him when nobody else was.
Twelve year old Ilya, having to tell someone.
Forced to keep it a secret.
Twenty year old Ilya, sitting in front of him, eyes wet with unfallen tears, still holding that guilt years later.
"No child should ever have to experience that," he says. "She should have been by your side forever. She should have helped you come to the states if you wanted, maybe even come with you. You should have been able to come out to her. If you wanted. She should be here, now. Taking you to hockey games, now. Life cheated you out of that life, and I'm sorry. There aren't enough words to express how sorry I am for you, Ilya."
He catches Shane's eye.
"I thought you weren't going to call me that unless I was dying."
Shane laughs. "I felt the situation called for it."
"Thank you, Holl— Shane. Really, thank you." he says quietly. He clears his throat. "If you tell anyone about this…"
"Nobody will believe me."
"Yes."
He moves to stand up before Shane has another thought.
"You having depression doesn't mean you're going to end up like her." he says, voice soft. "You know that, right?"
Ilya's mouth curves in a small smile. "I'm starting to understand that."
"Good."
Later, Shane wonders why Rozanov decided to tell him about his mother.
There had been plenty of opportunities recently if he truly just wanted to without any explanation.
He gets his answer at 1:50 in the afternoon on October 16. Shane was walking out of his exam when he was scrolling Instagram.
Then, he saw it, the answer to a question he had been too afraid to ask.
It was a new post from Rozanov, it must have been posted when he was in his exam.
[image id — an old photo. ilya is standing next to a beautiful woman, likely irina. the two have matching smiles and are wearing mother/son hockey jerseys. ilya is likely ten/eleven years old in the picture]
lRoz <3 for you mama. miss you everyday. today most of all.
341 likes 41 comments
svetlana12 she would be so proud of you, ilya.
tbarrett thinking of you man ❤️
h8rris I see where you got your good looks from, Rozanov. (Sending love)
shhollander Sending hugs, Rozanov.
kswift you liking hockey was not on my bingo card. (<3 sending hugs)
lucaaahaaas 🫶🏻 hope you're okay, roz.
—
Ilya loved Halloween. It was one of the rare things he genuinely loved about living in the states.
The thing he loved most?
The parties.
His freshman year, he snuck into one of the frat houses and spent the entire Halloween-weekend with them.
They welcomed him with open arms, either because he was just that cool, or because they were too drunk to notice that he wasn't a part of their fraternity.
Either way, Ilya had a great night.
His sophomore year, he, Harris and Troy went to a drag show on campus. The three of them drank, danced, and cheered in the queens performing like their lives depended on it.
Ilya might have then spent the Monday after Halloween weekend nearly dead, hunched over his toilet, but it was an amazing memory before that.
And that was all that mattered.
This year, Ilya had one goal.
He was determined to somehow get Shane to go to the party Troy and Harris's friend Eric was throwing with him.
He had started dropping hints early in the week.
Just a "Y'know, they're having a party. It might be better than just sitting alone" whenever there was a momentary lull in the conversation.
Shane hadn't caught on, thank God.
Ilya understood why he was hesitant.
Shane had explained a few weeks before that large places and gatherings of people made him feel sick, especially if it was a lot of people didn't know.
But Ilya didn't want to go without him.
Because he knew if he did, Shane would spend the night by himself in the dark of their dorm, and Ilya being Ilya, he would just be thinking about him all night anyways.
It'd be a lot easier to think about him if they were in the same place all night.
Together. Side by side.
Ilya didn't know if his begging worked until Shane came into their dorm that Friday after his class.
His eyes were wide with something Ilya hadn't seen before and he was afraid he might do something reckless.
He had his pre-planned dialogue all ready.
He was going to point out that after a day of class, a party and get-together with friends was exactly what Shane needed to unwind.
Before he could get any of that out, though, Shane broke through the silence first.
"What time?"
Ilya looks up. "It's 2pm Hollander."
"Fuck off, that's not what I meant." he says. "What time is the party?"
Ilya's eyes widen. "You mean…?"
"I mean."
He smiles and nods. "It's at 10." he answers. "Troy and Harris said it's gonna be at their friend's apartment a few minutes from campus. Harris is gonna be the designated driver to get us there and back."
"Fantastic." Shane says.
There's something about his tone that stops Ilya's excitement.
It's not laced with excitement or anything similar. Rather, it feels like there's malice.
Not aimed at Ilya, per se, but there.
"Why the sudden change in heart?" Ilya asks, against his better judgement.
Shane frowns. "Somebody in my lecture accused me of being boring."
That was an objective fact, Ilya thought.
He found comfort in the boring nature of Shane Hollander, though. He was consistent.
He woke up at the same time, he had a strict diet he rarely strayed from, he had a shower schedule, he had a skin care routine, he always called his parents at the same time every week.
Boring was just a rude way of saying that thing that Ilya came to love about his roommate.
He, of course, couldn't say any of that.
The last thing he wanted was to accidentally out his feelings for him in the process of trying to give him a compliment.
"And you think going to a party is going to prove them wrong?" Ilya asks slowly.
"Yes." Shane replies through gritted teeth. "He only said something because I, stupidly, told the class my plan for this weekend was to stay inside and watch Rocky Horror."
"I would love to watch Rocky Horror with you." Ilya wants to say.
The words dance on his tongue slowly. But no. No matter the reason, Shane was clearly committed to the party. They could do that tomorrow.
"Having a night in doesn't make you boring." he says instead. "But, if you're sure about coming, it'll be the best night out you've ever had!"
"And the only." Shane supplies unhelpfully.
"Starting it off with a bang, Hollander!"
Eric's apartment was smaller than Ilya assumed it was.
From the little information Ilya knew, he had graduated in May and had been dating Kyle since his senior year and Kyle's sophomore.
He never asked for background about how they got together, because whenever he mentioned it around him, Kyle would flush uncontrollably.
That might have just been a side effect of being in love, but as far as Ilya knew, he didn't do that when someone brought up how he and Shane met.
By the time Shane, Ilya, Harris and Troy got there, the apartment was more or less packed.
Everyone was singing whatever vague pop song was playing from the speaker perfectly positioned on the open windowsill and the overhead lights were off, leaving the place only lit by a few string lights.
All in all, the apartment was nice.
Ilya's eyes found Kyle and Eric immediately.
It was hard to miss them. Eric was a big guy, and the two of them were obsessed with each other.
When Ilya caught their eye, Kyle had Eric shoved against a wall and the two were making out in front of most people at the party.
Shane turns to Ilya and above the music manages, "I'm gonna go get a drink!" before slipping into the crowd.
Ilya watches him go, feeling the loss of him by his side almost immediately.
"You really have to either make a move or get over him." Harris says, directly into his ear.
Ilya frowns. "Yeah, I know," he answers, venturing to find a drink of his own.
Ilya liked parties.
He thrived at parties.
Especially when the host of said party stocked his fridge full of the best low-budget beer money could buy.
So, Ilya grabbed two cans, popped both of them open, and downed them each with ease.
He could feel the buzz almost immediately, and when he did, he allowed himself to relax.
He could be in the same place as Shane without freaking out. It was possible for him to act semi-normal in the presence of his roommate.
So, that's what he was going to do.
The song playing was something about a secret, and Ilya found himself easily dancing to it with everyone else.
He wasn't sure where Shane ended up, but he didn't let himself focus on it.
Instead, he allowed the music to overtake him, shaking him to the core.
Eric and Kyle had stopped sloppily making out at that point, opting to go their separate ways.
As separate as they could get at this party, anyways.
Which… where did Shane go? The apartment had two bedrooms, and one and a half bath. There was no way he really could get that far from Ilya.
The song changes. It's slower than he had expected for a second, but Ilya recognizes it immediately.
Three in the morning making love.
Ilya catches Shane's eye.
Laid on the floor of your apartment.
Shane catches Ilya's eye.
Bird's eye view of the two of us.
Ilya starts walking to Shane, the alcohol fully taking over.
He was known for having drinks affect him rather quickly, but he didn't realize it had been enough time.
Face in makeup and cheap fake blood.
"Hey." Shane says lowly.
His words are slightly slurring, but Ilya doesn't have enough morality in him to react.
He should tell Shane to take a break.
He sees the drink in his friend's hand.
He notices the far-off look in his eye.
He recognizes that Shane was probably highly uncomfortable in the situation.
But he was there.
Because someone told him he was boring.
And Shane decided he had to "fix" that.
Never really said that I loved you too.
"You really have to make a move." Harris had said. He had said more than that, Ilya was almost positive.
Hearing the song and seeing Shane though, he seemed to forget everything else in the world.
He was wearing a black cropped tank top with flowy black pants with some makeup on his eyelid and Ilya was in love with him.
Being in love, being drunk and making rational decisions didn't mesh well, Ilya found.
I don't think I realize just how much I miss you sometimes.
"Hi." Ilya says then, suddenly aware he hadn't said anything in response.
The two of them had started dancing together during the song, but they were doing it in silence.
As the song was fading out, Ilya made a choice.
He brings his hands up to Shane's face, cupping him as gently as he could manage.
Back then we were just creatures in heaven.
Slowly, he steps forward.
They were already close, but with his hands on Shane's face, closing the distance felt bigger.
Creatures in heaven.
Shane doesn't pull back.
Instead, Ilya feels him wrap his arms around his waist, pulling himself impossibly closer to him.
Creatures in heaven.
As softly as he can manage, Ilya closes the gap.
He kisses Shane Hollander.
He kisses his roommate.
He kisses his best friend.
Ilya tightens his hold on his face impossibly tighter and slips his tongue in Shane's mouth.
Distantly, he notices the taste of cheap beer.
Recognizes that—
Shane kisses him back.
We were just creatures in heaven.
And Ilya's knees threaten to fall under him. He leans closer, lightly licking Shane's lip.
Shane, to his shock, reciprocates, slightly grinding against Ilya.
Just as quickly as it started, it stops.
Shane puts sudden distance between them, ending the warmth and comfort that Ilya had found with him.
Ilya frowns.
"I… I'm going to go." Shane says evenly.
"W-what?" Ilya questions. "It's only…"
"It's midnight." he interrupts, his voice slightly panicked, words still slurring. "I'm going to go."
"Shane, you're drunk."
"I'll get an Uber, Rozanov."
Ilya wants to chase after.
Wants to tell him he's in love with him.
Wants to tell him so much.
Instead, he watches Shane leave, the sensation of his kiss still warm on Ilya's lips.
—
r/roommates
Posted by hollan3r • 4hr ago
i don't have a title for this thats how bad it is
yeah i'm back.
i have also lost the ability to function so if youve seen me before and are expecting the clarity i usually type with youre in the wrong place this time around.
for those of you that dont know me, ive been here a few times because i realized i was gay and might be slightly in love with my roommate who i started off as hating only to.. well yknow. i just said love.
you can make your own conclusions.
he kissed me at a friends party. i was pretty overstimulated the entire time, which was not his fault. but i kissed him back and realized what i was doing and i left.
i walked out of the party and am waiting outside in the cold waiting for my ride to show up.
my hands are freezing and he has texted me three times since i walked out. but he has made no effort to come find me.
i just felt the need to give an update. if you have advice, speak your truths please im panicking at the thought of seeing him again tomorrow.
running away would make me a coward but it is very tempting giving how much my head is already pounding.
6.1k comments
u/w3rprks 218 points • 3hr ago
not to say i foresaw this but i did foresee this!
u/land3y 312 points • 3hr ago
crazy to watch an enemies to lovers arc happen right before my eyes my head is spinning
u/hrrs 518 points • 3hr ago
Wait a second. I have to do brief research and I'll get back to you, op. Hope you're okay in the meantime.
u/hrrs 518 points • 1hr ago
→ replying to u/hrrs
Oh my god. Op please don't tell me your room number is 212.
u/hollan3r 718 points • 1hr ago
→ replying to u/hrrs
I don't know why you're asking, but yes, it is.
u/hrrs 518 points • 1hr ago
→ replying to u/hollan3r
Oh my God. There is no way.
u/wulfbrd 123 points • 1hr ago
i told you he was flirting with you, op. but nooo that can't be possible! bond with my roommate?? not before he'll freezes over!!
u/hollan3r 718 points • 1hr ago
→ replying to u/wulfbrd