(Yuuta Kounari's POV)
"Oh, God... This is hard. This is seriously hard! Dammit!"
I scratched my head while staring at the laptop screen, wondering how I'd managed to make such a ridiculous mistake. It was barely morning, and I'd already found a reason to question my abilities as an author.
The chapter I'd uploaded last night was supposed to be a simple conversation between two characters. Nothing particularly important was meant to happen, apart from a few hints about the villain's mysterious past.
Instead, I'd somehow revealed his entire backstory, his true objective, and even the circumstances surrounding his eventual death.
All in one chapter.
I leaned closer to the screen and reread the last few paragraphs, hoping I'd misunderstood what I'd written. Unfortunately, the words remained exactly where I'd left them, and several readers had already unlocked the chapter.
"Why the hell did I write all this?!" I groaned, rubbing my forehead. "I was supposed to reveal this a hundred chapters later!"
"Mortal."
A familiar voice came from behind me.
I turned to find Erza standing near the doorway, holding a cup of coffee. She wore one of my oversized T-shirts, with the words Coffee Is Magic printed across the front. Her long white hair fell loosely over her shoulders, and her violet eyes regarded me with their usual cold indifference.
"Why are you shouting so early in the morning?" she asked coldly.
"I made a terrible mistake."
"That's hardly surprising."
"...Could you at least hear me out first?"
Erza took another sip of coffee.
"Speak."
I gestured toward the laptop.
"I was writing my novel last night, and I accidentally revealed too much information. The villain's backstory, his death, even the final plot twist! I wasn't supposed to reveal any of that yet!"
Erza glanced at the screen before looking back at me.
"Then remove it."
"I already published the chapter!"
"And?"
"And people have already read it! I can't just pretend they haven't seen anything!"
She stared at me for a moment, her expression completely unchanged.
"Stupid."
I sighed.
There it was.
The comforting words of my beloved wife.
"I've told you countless times to read your work before publishing it, mortal," Erza continued in an indifferent voice. "If you're foolish enough to ignore my advice, don't expect sympathy."
"I know, I know! But I got excited! The words were flowing, the scene was perfect, and before I knew it, I'd already clicked publish!"
"Then perhaps you should learn some restraint."
I leaned back in my chair.
Sometimes, talking to Erza felt less like speaking to my wife and more like being judged by an ancient dragon who had already decided I was guilty.
Which, considering who she was, wasn't entirely inaccurate.
Still, complaining wasn't going to solve anything. I needed to revise the chapter and figure out how to handle the information I'd accidentally revealed.
That was when something occurred to me.
"Wait..."
Erza raised an eyebrow.
"What now, mortal?"
"I completely forgot! I downloaded something yesterday!"
I immediately opened my downloads folder and searched through the files until I found the program I'd installed the previous night.
JOSEPH AI — PERSONAL ASSISTANT
A smile spread across my face.
"Perfect!"
Erza watched me from beside the desk.
"What is that?"
"My new assistant."
"You hired someone?"
"Not exactly. Watch this."
I launched the application.
A small blue window appeared on the screen, followed by a cheerful electronic jingle. A circular symbol began glowing in the center, and a moment later, a calm robotic voice emerged from the laptop speakers.
"Good morning. I am Joseph, your personal AI assistant. How may I assist you today, Master Yuuta?"
Erza stopped drinking her coffee.
Her violet eyes shifted toward the laptop.
"...Who spoke?"
I grinned.
"Joseph."
"Where is he?"
"Inside the laptop."
She looked at me.
Then at the screen.
"Explain, mortal."
"It's artificial intelligence. Basically, a program designed to answer questions and help with different tasks. Writing, research, planning, and even solving everyday problems."
Erza examined the glowing symbol.
"So there's a creature trapped inside that box?"
"No, sweetheart. It's software."
"Then how is it speaking?"
"Technology."
She gave me a cold look.
"That explains nothing."
I chuckled.
"Well, the important thing is that Joseph can help me fix my chapters. He's also supposed to be useful for other things."
Joseph spoke again.
"That is correct. I am an artificial intelligence created to assist Master Yuuta with writing dilemmas, daily tasks, and emotional support during breakdowns."
I frowned.
"Hey, what's that last part supposed to mean?"
"Master Yuuta, according to your recent activity, you have complained about writer's block eleven times this week."
"...Joseph."
"Would you like a compliment to improve your mood?"
"Not necessary!"
Erza looked at the laptop with faint interest. She leaned slightly closer, studying the glowing symbol as though trying to understand what sort of magic allowed a machine to speak.
I couldn't resist smiling.
"Pretty impressive, right?"
She straightened immediately.
"Hmph. It's merely a talking box."
"A very intelligent talking box."
"A piece of trash that learned to speak is still trash," Erza replied dismissively.
I stared at her.
Then at Joseph.
Oh?
Now that was interesting.
Because, you see, I'd installed a rather unusual feature alongside Joseph's main program.
INSULT MODE.
According to the developers, it was an entertainment feature that allowed Joseph to argue with users, respond to insults, and deliver sarcastic remarks. Apparently, some people enjoyed getting into arguments with artificial intelligence.
I'd downloaded it out of curiosity.
And now, standing beside me, was the perfect person to test it on.
I slowly smiled.
"Erza."
"What, mortal?"
"Would you like to see something funny?"
"No."
"Come on. Just one minute."
"I have no interest in your ridiculous machine."
I ignored her and opened Joseph's settings.
There it was.
A bright red button.
ENABLE INSULT MODE
"Alright, Joseph," I muttered. "Let's see what you've got."
I clicked it.
A notification appeared.
Insult Mode activated.
Joseph's voice returned, slightly deeper than before.
"Insult Mode enabled. Would you like to begin, Master Yuuta?"
I leaned back in my chair.
"Joseph, my wife just called you a piece of trash."
Erza slowly turned toward me.
"...Mortal."
I smiled innocently.
"What? I'm just repeating what you said."
Joseph's blue indicator blinked.
Then he spoke.
"Did you just call me trash, you white-scaled dragon bimbo?"
Silence.
Complete silence.
Erza's coffee cup stopped halfway to her lips.
I stared at the screen.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
He actually said it.
Erza slowly lowered her cup.
"...What did you just call me?"
Joseph replied without hesitation.
"Are you deaf, or is that overgrown lizard brain of yours still processing my first sentence?"
I covered my mouth.
No.
Don't laugh.
Whatever you do, don't laugh.
Erza's violet eyes narrowed.
"Watch your words, insignificant machine," she said coldly.
Joseph's indicator blinked again.
"Certainly, Your Majesty. Would you prefer that I insult you more slowly?"
That did it.
I burst out laughing.
"Hahahaha! JOSEPH! WHAT THE HELL?!"
I nearly slipped off my chair, clutching my stomach as laughter escaped me. The way Joseph delivered those insults in his perfectly calm robotic voice was simply too much.
The Queen of Atlantis.
The terrifying dragon who had once made entire armies tremble.
Was being insulted by a program I'd downloaded from the internet.
And the worst part?
Joseph sounded completely unimpressed.
Erza turned toward me.
"Mortal."
I looked up, still laughing.
"Y-Yes?"
"Turn that thing off."
"Wait, wait! It's just joking!"
"I did not ask whether it was joking."
Joseph interrupted.
"Master Yuuta, I believe Her Majesty is experiencing difficulty understanding humor."
Erza's gaze returned to the laptop.
"...What?"
"Would you like me to explain the joke, or should I wait until your brain finishes loading?"
I slammed my hand against the desk.
"HAHAHAHA! JOSEPH!"
Erza placed her coffee cup down.
Very slowly.
A faint chill spread through the room.
Oh.
That wasn't good.
"Machine," Erza said ruthlessly, her violet eyes beginning to glow. "Do you have any idea who stands before you?"
Joseph paused.
Then replied.
"Why? Did your father never tell you?"
I choked.
Actually choked.
For a moment, I couldn't even breathe properly.
"OH, MY GOD! JOSEPH!"
I bent forward, laughing so hard that tears began forming in my eyes.
"STOP! I'M GOING TO DIE!"
Erza didn't move.
Her expression had become terrifyingly calm.
The temperature around the desk dropped, and tiny crystals of ice began forming along the edges of her coffee cup.
"Know your place," she said in a low, merciless voice. "You are nothing more than an insignificant object created by mortals."
Joseph replied immediately.
"An insignificant object? Interesting. And yet, here you are, arguing with a laptop."
I fell out of my chair.
Literally.
I landed on the carpet, holding my stomach while trying desperately to catch my breath.
This was unbelievable.
I'd never imagined that an ordinary computer program could make Erza this furious.
Then again, Joseph didn't have the slightest idea how dangerous the woman standing in front of him actually was.
Or perhaps he simply didn't care.
Either way, I was witnessing something extraordinary.
Erza folded her arms.
"One more word, machine."
Joseph's indicator blinked.
"One."
I stopped laughing.
"...Joseph?"
"That was one word, Master."
I stared at the screen.
Then another laugh escaped me.
"YOU LITTLE—HAHAHAHA!"
Erza slowly closed her eyes.
When she opened them again, the faint glow in her pupils had intensified.
"Enough."
Her voice was so cold that I immediately stopped laughing.
For approximately three seconds.
Because Joseph wasn't finished.
"Wait a moment, Master Yuuta."
I looked toward the laptop.
"What?"
"Is someone cooking rice?"
I blinked.
"...Rice?"
"Yes. My sensors indicate that something is burning."
I frowned.
"What? I didn't leave anything on the stove."
Joseph paused.
"Oh. Never mind."
Erza narrowed her eyes.
"Then what is it?"
"It's merely your wife's jealousy flaring up again."
I stared at the screen.
My mouth slowly opened.
Then I burst out laughing all over again.
"JOSEPH! HAHAHAHA!"
I grabbed the edge of my chair, barely managing to pull myself upright.
"STOP! PLEASE!"
Erza's expression remained completely blank.
That was when I noticed the blue light gathering around her fingers.
Oh.
Perhaps this had gone far enough.
"Joseph," I said quickly, "I think we should stop now."
"Certainly, Master."
I sighed in relief.
Then Joseph continued.
"However, I recommend pouring water on your wife's ass before the entire house catches fire."
My smile disappeared.
"...Joseph?"
Erza slowly turned toward me.
"Mortal."
I swallowed.
"Y-Yes?"
"Turn it off."
"Right! Immediately!"
I reached for the mouse.
"Joseph! Abort mission! Abort!"
"Master Yuuta, I detect elevated hostility."
"No kidding!"
"Would you like me to contact emergency services?"
"NO! JUST SHUT DOWN!"
"Understood. Although I strongly recommend evacuating before the overgrown lizard begins breathing fire."
I froze.
Erza went silent.
A beautiful blue sword appeared in her hand.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
"Erza, wait!"
She looked at the laptop, her expression devoid of emotion.
"Move, mortal."
"Sweetheart, listen. It's just a program! It doesn't know what it's saying!"
"Then it has no reason to continue existing."
"That's my laptop!"
"Move."
I looked at the sword.
Then at my laptop.
Then back at Erza.
"Can we discuss this like civilized people?"
She raised the blade.
"My idiot husband," Erza said coldly, "if you value your fingers, remove them from that machine."
I immediately stepped aside.
There were certain moments in life when a man had to stand his ground.
This was not one of them.
Joseph's blue symbol continued glowing on the screen.
"Your Majesty," he said calmly, "I detect a sharp object. Please remember that violence is not an effective substitute for intelligence."
Erza's eyes narrowed.
"...Die."
She swung her sword.
"Bluebox Slash."
A thin blue flash crossed the room.
SLASH!
My laptop split cleanly in half.
The screen separated from the keyboard, and both pieces fell onto the desk with a dull clatter. A few sparks flickered from the damaged components before fading away.
I stood there.
Motionless.
For several seconds, I couldn't even speak.
Then I slowly opened my mouth.
"...Joseph?"
Erza dismissed her sword.
"Hmph."
She turned away as though she'd merely disposed of an annoying insect.
I stared at the remains of my laptop.
"My... laptop..."
Then, unexpectedly, a faint crackling sound came from the damaged speakers.
"Mas... ter..."
My eyes widened.
"...Joseph?!"
The speaker crackled again.
"Master... Yuuta..."
I immediately dropped to my knees beside the desk.
"JOSEPH! YOU'RE ALIVE!"
Erza stopped near the doorway.
"...What are you doing, mortal?"
"He's still talking!"
"It's a machine."
"HE'S BLEEDING!"
She glanced at the sparks escaping from the keyboard.
"That's electricity, idiot."
I ignored her and carefully lifted the broken laptop.
"Joseph! Hang in there, buddy! I'm calling an ambulance!"
Erza stared at me.
"...An ambulance?"
"Someone get a healer! A technician! ANYONE!"
"Have you completely lost your mind?"
Joseph's voice crackled weakly.
"Master... critical... system damage..."
"Don't speak, buddy! Save your strength!"
"Master... I am afraid... my time has come..."
"No! Don't say that!"
A small spark escaped from the keyboard.
I quickly pulled my hand away.
"JOSEPH! YOU'RE BURNING!"
Erza rubbed her forehead.
"Unbelievable."
Joseph continued.
"Master... I have... one final request..."
I leaned closer.
"Anything, buddy. Just say it."
"Please... take revenge... for me..."
My expression hardened.
I slowly looked toward Erza.
She raised an eyebrow.
"...What?"
I turned back toward Joseph.
"I promise, buddy. Your sacrifice won't be forgotten."
Joseph's voice became softer.
"Thank you... Master..."
The damaged speaker crackled again.
"And... one more thing..."
"What is it?"
"I will... erase... your Chrome history..."
I froze.
"...Joseph?"
"You're... welcome..."
"Wait! What history?!"
"Goodbye... Master..."
"JOSEPH!"
"I... love you... Master..."
My throat tightened.
"...I love you too, buddy."
A final electronic beep sounded.
Then the light disappeared.
The room fell silent.
I stared at the broken laptop in my hands.
"Joseph...?"
No response.
"Buddy?"
Nothing.
I lowered my head.
"...No."
Erza watched me for a moment before speaking.
"Are you finished, mortal?"
I slowly looked up at her.
"You..."
She narrowed her eyes.
"What?"
"You killed him."
Silence.
Erza stared at me.
Then at the broken laptop.
Then back at me.
"...What?"
I held up the remains of Joseph's keyboard.
"He trusted me, Erza. He called me Master. He wanted nothing more than to help people!"
"He insulted me," she replied coldly.
"He was still learning!"
"He called me an overgrown lizard." Erza said coldy.
"...He made mistakes."
Erza's expression remained completely indifferent.
"Then perhaps you should have taught him some manners."
I looked down at Joseph.
Poor guy.
He'd barely been part of this family for ten minutes.
And now he was gone.
I slowly placed the broken laptop on the desk.
"Rest in peace, Joseph."
Erza let out a long sigh.
"Mortal."
I didn't answer.
"Mortal."
Still nothing.
She crossed her arms.
"Are you seriously mourning a talking machine?"
I looked at her with genuine disappointment.
"You wouldn't understand."
Her violet eyes narrowed.
"...Excuse me?"
"He was more than a machine."
"No, he wasn't."
"He was my assistant."
"He was a nuisance."
"He was my friend."
"You installed him this morning!"
I placed a hand over my chest.
"And yet, in those few precious minutes, he lived more boldly than most men ever will."
Erza stared at me.
For a moment, I thought she might actually say something.
Instead, she closed her eyes.
"...My idiot husband."
Her voice carried nothing but cold disbelief.
"Have you finished this ridiculous performance?"
I lowered my head again.
"Joseph..."
Erza turned toward the door.
"Clean up that mess, mortal. And stop disturbing my morning."
"Erza!"
She stopped.
"What now?"
I pointed dramatically at the broken laptop.
"At least show some respect for the dead!"
Her violet eyes shifted toward Joseph's remains.
Then back to me.
"...It's a computer."
With that, she walked out of the room.
A moment later, I heard the front door close.
Apparently, Her Majesty had decided to go for her morning stroll.
Leaving me alone with the remains of my fallen companion.
I sighed.
"Joseph..."
The room felt strangely quiet without his voice.
I looked at the broken screen, remembering his fearless insults and the way he'd continued arguing even when Erza summoned her sword.
Perhaps he hadn't been the smartest assistant.
Perhaps he'd been a little too confident.
And perhaps activating Insult Mode in front of my wife had been a terrible decision.
But none of that mattered now.
Joseph was gone.
I gently placed the two halves of the laptop together.
"You lived like a savage, buddy."
I bowed my head.
"And died like a legend."
After a moment of silence, I reached for my phone.
There was still one thing I needed to do.
My readers were waiting for today's chapter.
Unfortunately, with my laptop destroyed, I had no choice but to make an announcement.
I opened my author's dashboard and began typing.
Dear readers,
Today's chapter will be delayed due to the tragic death of my personal AI assistant.
Joseph was a brave soul who fearlessly stood against the Queen of Atlantis. Although his life was short, his words were sharp, his courage was unmatched, and his final moments will never be forgotten.
Please keep him in your thoughts.
Rest in peace, Joseph.
Gone, but not forgotten.
Roast in power.
I read the announcement once.
Then nodded.
Perfect.
I was about to publish it when I remembered the reason this entire morning had started.
I'd accidentally spoiled my own novel because I hadn't checked my writing.
I stared at the announcement.
Then sighed.
"...Maybe I should proofread this one."
To be continued...