Chapter 342: Little Shi: No More Dresses!
"ORA ORA..."
"ORA ORA..."
Two "evil spirits" (Stands) were trading blows. This time, it was a father-daughter match.
"Jolyne, stop. There's no need to take it this far," the "Purple" Jotaro said, looking helplessly at his daughter.
This daughter... was just too filial.
"Cut the crap! I don't care if you're my father! Right now, I'm just going to 'Ora' you on behalf of my mom!"
"Stone Free! Go!"
Jolyne wasn't giving her father, Jotaro, any face. Her Stand, Stone Free, attacked with a flurry of fists, and Star Platinum, who was blocking, didn't give an inch.
"Yare yare..."
Jotaro had a massive headache. Even his fight with Dio wasn't like this.
"Jotaro's parenting... wasn't very successful," Kenji said, watching with great interest. He then added, "Now look at my education of Little Shi. That is a complete childhood."
(Little Shi: Say that again after you put the belt away.)
"Who's winning?" Daigo asked curiously.
"They're just sparring symbolically. If they really fought, Jotaro would win. A father is still a father," Madara Uchiha said.
Your dad... is still your dad.
...
After the "Father Pucci" incident was handled, everyone returned to their own worlds.
"Mom! I don't want to wear these little dresses! I'm a boy!"
Little Shi protested. He wasn't a baby who didn't know anything anymore. He had a sense of shame and knew these were girls' clothes.
Thinking about how he'd been wearing dresses for years... he felt like he was going to die.
This "dark history"... it was suffocating. He could see his bleak future.
What kind of mother... does this to her own son?!
"It's fine! Little Shi is so cute, we can just raise you as a girl. Mommy wouldn't mind having another daughter♪," Elysia said with a chuckle.
"Want to try some... 'PAIR'?"
Kenji held out a bowl of golden soup. The whole point of raising kids is to have fun.
"Dad... are you sure this is 'proper' food?" Little Shi was highly suspicious.
No one had ever told him about this dish, but his sharp intuition told him... this soup was bad news.
"Absolutely proper! This is a dish recognized by the Gourmet God, Acacia!" Kenji said with certainty.
"It is! It's very delicious♪!" Elysia chimed in, backing Kenji up.
This is wrong. 99% wrong.
Elysia's comment didn't reassure Little Shi at all. It made him more wary. His parents... whatever they were plotting, it was definitely bad.
"You two... stop teasing Little Shi," Buer (Nahida) said, looking at Little Shi sympathetically.
Being born into this family... being teased was an unavoidable reality.
Little Shi, as if finding his "savior," immediately hid behind Buer.
Living in this "deep and fiery" home, only a few people could make his little heart feel "warmth."
He felt like he was either a "prize from a phone-bill top-up" or... found in a trash can.
"Buer, if you had a son... would you tease him like we do?" Kenji asked.
"Well..."
Buer hesitated at the question. She rubbed her stomach. If it were a son... 'walking' him wouldn't be so bad...
Watching Kenji and Elysia tease Little Shi... it looked pretty fun.
"Speaking of which, when is Nahida going to call me 'Dear Father'?"
Kenji rubbed his chin. That "little cabbage" (Nahida)... just wouldn't call him "Father."
I mean... I have that kind of relationship with your 'Mother'... why won't you call me it?
"That... may never happen," Buer said, wiping non-existent sweat from her brow. You're really obsessed with being Nahida's father.
She just couldn't get over the mental hurdle. She was a god who was hundreds of years old. She couldn't bring herself to call someone less than a hundred years old "father."
Kenji said regretfully, "I just... want to give Nahida the 'fatherly love' she's never experienced."
"Buer, if I said this... do you think she'd agree?"
Buer was curious, waiting to hear what he'd say.
"Nahida, be my son... wait, wrong, be my daughter!"
As Kenji spoke, he held out his right hand, a "kind and benevolent" fatherly look on his face.
Buer: "..."
ElysIA: "..."
Everyone else: "..."
Holy... 'adopting' a daughter... that's a... hardcore way to do it.
[Miss Pink Elf♪]: "Kizaru, that Whitebeard from your world... does he really like adopting sons that much♪?"
Elysia remembered seeing this scene somewhere... She hadn't seen much of One Piece, but she had that impression.
[Monkey D. Kizaru]: "Whitebeard... does love adopting sons. He's got a whole bunch of 'em. And some daughters, too."
Kizaru didn't really get it. One or two was fine... but that many? It was ridiculous.
And then there's Big Mom... she doesn't adopt, she just... gives birth to them.
Galactic Baseballer: "Interesting! I'm gonna go try this line on Uncle Yang (Welt). Wait for my report!"
A few minutes later...
[Gudako]: "Hoshi, you still alive? Squeak if you are."
[God of Justice]: "She's probably been dead for a while. We can start the banquet."
[Shizu-cute]: "She really loves to court death... saying that to an elder? She definitely got hit."
[Star Forger]: "Hoshi... said the wrong line."
[Star Forger]: "She should have told Welt: 'Even though you lost your father... you still have me...'"
(Even if Welt didn't know it was Otto's line, he'd still think of his own past and have a... stress reaction.)
[Fatty Blue]: "Is... isn't that a little mean?"
Doraemon was looking through his "Child-Rearing Manual." It... didn't say humans could do that.
Galactic Baseballer: "Ow, ow, ow! Uncle Yang! Seriously! He shoved a giant black hole in my face!"
It was just a joke! Welt can't take a joke!
[God of Justice]: "Oh, so you're not dead, Hoshi? (feigned surprise) I was just about to order you the 'Supreme Deluxe' Wangsheng Funeral Parlor package from Liyue."
Galactic Baseballer: "Even if the universe suffers heat death, I still won't die!"
[Naughty Xi]: "What if... it's a 'fate worse than death'?"
[Naughty Xi]: "For example... you can never 'lewd' again... or... all the trash cans in the universe disappear..."
Galactic Baseballer: "That's horrible! We can't lose the trash cans! It's like... the West losing Jerusalem!"
Galactic Baseballer: "Hexi, how could you say something so evil?!"
Hoshi clutched her aching chest, as if it were being squeezed. The thought of a universe without trash cans... her "Trailblazing" path seemed dark and hopeless.
"The 'Trailblaze'... cannot exist... without trash cans!"
Himeko and the others: ???