The mate bond was confirmed yesterday?!
Where?
How?
How is that even possible? How could it have been confirmed when Hillary himself doesn't even know about it?
But wait.. who says he doesn't?! What if he does?
What if he's known all along?
No… no. He doesn't know. He couldn't. He would have told me. He would have said something. He wouldn't have let it go that far last night.
But… what if he really have a mate?! How does he have a mate?
How could something so important, so life-altering, happen without him saying a single word to me?
My thoughts spin wildly, each one cutting into the next like sharp edges grinding bone. I can't slow them down. I can't think straight. There's something clawing inside my chest, something that feels like betrayal and panic and disbelief all crashing into each other, leaving nothing but wreckage behind.
Across the room, the Manager's voice jolts through the haze in my mind, loud and direct.
"I've told you so many times, if you're not feeling well in the future, then just say it!" he scolds harshly. "Why are you standing there looking weak and sickly and crying like a kid who doesn't know how to express themselves?!"
Crying?
Did he just say crying?
My chest tightens as I blink rapidly, disoriented. I hadn't even noticed. My face feels warm, raw. My lashes are damp. Somewhere along the way, the burning behind my eyes must have spilled over, even without me realizing it.
No.
No, I can't be crying.
What reason do I even have to cry?
I press my tongue against the roof of my mouth, willing the sting to stop, swallowing back the heat gathering in my throat.
My hands are shaking. My legs feel unsteady. Everything inside me feels like it's collapsing all at once.
"Now that you're already here," the Manager says, clearly unimpressed, "join the others and get this to the council room. You can seek medication when you're done with your duties today!"
He shoves a tray toward me, full of breakfast dishes, warm plates, filled mugs, baskets of bread.. and for a second I just stare at it.
I can't move.
My limbs feel leaden, hollow. My body aches, not just with the news I got, but with a soreness buried deep in my bones from what I experienced for the first time last night.
Every step I took this morning was a quiet reminder of the weight of that choice.
Still, I force myself to move. I take the tray from his hands, its weight surprisingly sharp in my arms, like the strain of holding it might snap me in half if I let my guard down even slightly.
I straighten my posture, biting down the dizziness that sways through me, and push forward. My heart is pounding with a heaviness that makes it hard to breathe, but I keep my focus on the hallway ahead.
Don't think.
Just walk.
I make my way toward the council room, every step feeling slower, heavier, as if my legs are wading through something thick and invisible. My arms tremble beneath the tray.
As I reach the doors, I pause. My fingers hover near the handle, not quite touching it. I'm breathing too fast now. My chest aches like something is pressing hard against it from the inside.
And before I open, Alpha Renon's voice, deep and rich and filled with pride, echo clearly through the closed door.
"Son, I've never been happy in my life like I was yesterday at the Alpha-Alpha Heirs Annual Celebration, when the mate bond between you and the great daughter from our friendly pack came to life…"
His voice is so proud it physically hurts to hear.
"I mean, how much must the Moon Goddess love you, to give you such a wonderful mate."
His words crash over me like a wave I wasn't prepared for.
So it happened yesterday. The mate bond. They went to that celebration, ..and it did happen when they met.
So he knew.
He knew.
He knew last night when I was with him. When I touched him. When I gave myself to him. He knew even then... and he didn't stop me.
He didn't say a word.
I feel like I'm crumbling inward. My heart is crashing into itself over and over, bruising and tearing under the weight of what I just heard.
The pain that grips me is nothing like anything I've ever known. Not even growing up with no family. Not even being born into a life of isolation. None of it compared to this.
This is pain that makes my bones feel hollow. This is pain that makes me forget how to breathe.
I want to walk in. I want to scream. I want to disappear. But I can't do anything. My body won't move.
My muscles feel locked in place, not frozen in fear but frozen in something worse. Grief, maybe. Humiliation. Some twisted hybrid of both.
What did I do?
Alpha Renon's voice keeps going, louder now, more passionate, as if I need to hear every word I don't want to hear.
"So my beloved son, as you know, at twenty-five you are ready for everything. In fact, you've been a great Alpha since you were young…"
There's pride in every syllable, thick and blinding.
"And now… I'm sure you wouldn't wait to settle with such an amazing mate. So we discussed the two of you yesterday…"
My nails dig into the edge of the tray. My shoulders tense.
"And as you know, when the next full moon rises, we had already agreed with you that you will officially take your place as Alpha, and I will step down from the throne."
He pauses, his voice swelling with a final, satisfied certainty.
"And since we see no reason to delay such a great union, we decided that on the same day you step in as Alpha will be the same day the two of you become one. Alpha and Luna of our Blue Moon Pack."
There's no hesitation in his tone. Just joy. Just approval. Just certainty.
"Victoria- my daughter in law.. has already proven her loyalty. She is happy and ready to become one of us. What do you say, son?"
I don't even get to hear Hillary's answer. Before he can speak, the door opens in front of me and a servant appears, her eyes locking on mine with impatience.
"We've been waiting for this for so long," she says sharply. "What are you standing here doing?! Bring it inside!"
I don't speak.
My fingers tremble around the tray. My hands are shaking harder now, no matter how tightly I grip the edge.
"Why are your hands shaking? Are you not feeling well?"
I don't respond. I force myself to move, taking a single step into the room and the moment I do, the air leaves my lungs.
I see her.
Victoria. Perfect in every possible way.
Her arms are wrapped around Hillary with such casual certainty, her posture relaxed, her expression open and radiant.
"My mate…" she murmurs proudly, sweetly, like the words belong to her.
And something inside me collapses for good.
I feel the air knock right out of my lungs.
Still yourself! I scream internally. Don't break here.
But the steps I take are like dragging chains. My legs feel like they're made of stone. Everything inside me feels like it's caving in, and I don't know how to stop it.
Where is my wolf? It should be strengthening me right now.
Where is the part of me that should be rising up right now, protecting me, bracing me, helping me stand through this?
Last night, it was wild. Restless. Desperate to push forward, desperate to make me give myself to Hillary.
So where is it now?
Why is it so quiet?
Why are you silent when I need you most?