I had barely slept last night , that kiss it was like I could still feel the warmth of his lips lingering on mine , he had come back home around three in the morning , I thought he would probably come to his room but he didn't, he had probably slept on the couch , that tingling feeling still resided as I felt my cheeks flush red , I bit my lip to pull me back from that derailing trance it somewhat was like a wake up call, the scent of him made my knees weak as my feet met the floor, I slowly walked to the room door , I didn't know what I was feeling , I was probably nervous , he should have probably gone to work by now , it was somewhat predictable. I felt a smile threatening to form at the corner of my lips , I sighed as my hand touched the cold metal and I finally opened the door , a low and soft creaking sound disrupted the silence of the house the blinds were still closed and there he was on the couch peacefully asleep, I took quiet steps towards where he was then I crouched down , he was knocked down cold and some of his hair were covering his eyes, he had looked exhausted ,I leaned in closer as I scanned his face taking in every intricate detail he was so pretty.
The timing was bad, I had told him my feelings when I had not resolved anything , it was impulsive and through the overwhelming circumstances I had blurted it out, I rested my head on the couch ,our faces so close , I had a lot of things on my mind and I had a lot of questions to ask, I didn't know how this would work. I couldn't help but think of the fact that everyone had a time when they were happy about their lives , I don't remember any moment like that , was God finally showing me mercy and allowing me to experience it for the first time , how long will this happiness last?.
" Do you really like staring at my face...?", my eyes widened in shock as a smirk tugged at the corners of his lips then he tilted his head and slowly opened his eyes , how long had he been awake, that teasing smile and that eyes that lingered on my face unevenly and affectionately, he always looked at me that way and I still haven't gotten used to it, for a moment we just stared at each other, his gaze unwavering almost like he was teasing me and then he leaned in closer , now he was just a breathe away , " or..., do you like me that much ", it was in a whisper , almost like a solitude where I was the only one who could listen, " or.....", his eyes scrolled to my lips and I felt that usual warmth and ticklish feeling spread through my body,his stare reminded me of last night , how he looked at me with so much passion and affection that I didn't know that those two could collide but...he somehow made it happen , " do you want me to kiss you again....", though he was teasing I could easily tell that he meant it and I impulsively tried to back away but...he held me by my hand, it was loose barely holding on like he was hesitating and then he fully took my hand in his , entwining it and locking our fingers together, I looked at him not knowing what to say, my mind, body and heart weren't cooperating at all , he tugged at my hand a little gaining my attention before he looked at the empty side of the couch, I could easily tell what he wanted and I found myself going in , he lifted the blanket a little to tuck me in then he extended his arm out , I followed through as I tucked myself in the blanket and used his outstretched arm as a pillow and now there was no way out, we both just looked at each other in comfortable silence , his presence was warm , his scent made me stomach tingle , as he stared at me with those unquestioning hazel eyes I wondered what was on his mind , random things like if he was going to work today or what time it was wandered aimlessly through my mind. As my mind wandered away I felt a light brush on my cheek , his fingers barely touching my skin then he spoke , " we don't have a name to our relationship yet, any ideas?", his voice was low and soft like he was talking to a child, but he was right we didn't have a name to our relationship yet, we couldn't call each other friends , acquaintances, we were definently not strangers , we have said we liked each other and we have even kissed, the sparks and connections were definently there, nothing felt missing but yet....., I couldn't name what we were , what was I scared of , was it the fact that if a name was to be put on this it would become official , I will have someone to hold on to , to lean on , that meant I couldn't run away if I wanted to , if I was to ever run away it would be easier if there was no name to this relationship.
I sighed , it was barely audible , I wanted to match the ambiance of silence , to not break any wall of quietness, " I may decide to run away again...", I looked up at him , " if there is no name to this....it would be easier for you to hate me if I should run away", i waited for his expression,maybe a flicker of anger or disapproval but instead.....he just pulled me closer by my waist and my hands were clenched against his chest but our bodies still met, his warmth and scent I could clearly feel them both now, " hmm....if you run away again ....I will just have to find you and when I do,.....", his thumb pressed gently at the arch of my back and I could feel my whole body flame up, " tsk...you will have to take responsibility...", his voice was a little husky yet soft , but..." responsibility?", it embedded in , "eventhough I don't run away I may not be able to make you happy...eventhough we say we like each other , there are still somethings I don't know how to do for a person I like..., I will have a lot of questions like if the conversation we are holding whether you find it interesting or you are just pretending to, what are his preferences, do I have to follow....", my monologue was broken off when Denver started chuckling, here I was talking about something serious and he just laughed , it sort of annoyed me, " hey...I'm being serious here.....", " you are so adorable...", he said cutting me off as he poked my nose with his fingers with that cheesy smile still plastered on his face, I wanted to smack it away so bad .
" You are making it sound like it's a duty to do what I want,...it's also my first time doing something like this , so I am not sure of myself too but I do know somethings ....", his hand reached over and tucked some of my hair at the back of my ear, and then his hand lingered there as he softly carresed the tip of it, I folded my feet in, he always had a way of making me feel flustered, " if you are bored with a conversation so be it, it's a natural response , we can both pretend to be interested in what the other has to say and why should we always be happy in a relationship.....", he leaned in closer and this time our noses brushed , he was crazy, " if we are always happy in a relationship that will make it boring, we should shout , scream, annoy each other , if possible we should tear each other apart and at the end of the day we can make up and eat cake....what do you think?", I couldn't help but smile, he was such a fool and I was also a fool as I could only just stick to his words , I wrapped my hand around his waist and embraced him, he hugged me back, his chin softly resting on my head , " it's not for you to decide to make me happy, it's not your responsibility to do that , just you liking me ...is enough Rhea", I could feel the sincerity in his words , he meant every single thing he said.
This happiness that I found, I so desperately didn't want it to be taken from me, I snuggled to his chest, he smelled so nice , I wanted this happiness to last for as long as possible , never in my life had I prayed so desperately for something before and never had it been so selfish.
I heard his slow and steady breathing, he must have truly been exhausted, "Rhea...let me worship all your imperfections and perfections , features you are ashamed of or things you don't like about yourself, I will like everything ", his voice was tired but those words struck like a chord and for the first time I made a selfish wish, I wanted this man all to myself.