Morning light spilled into the bedroom. Kunlapat woke slowly, the first sensation a muddy confusion, a thick disorientation she couldn't immediately place. Then her eyes focused. She was naked. She was lying in bed next to Lalin.
She shot upright, heart hammering, as the images from last night came rushing back in fragments, each one hotter than the last.
"P'Pat." Lalin's sweet voice surfaced from the sheets. She rubbed her eyes, sleepy and unhurried, pulling the blanket closer. "You're awake?"
Kunlapat didn't answer. She looked down at herself, at the bare skin that felt like evidence of something unforgivable, and her hands shook as she grabbed her clothes and pulled them on in a sloppy, graceless rush, like someone fleeing the scene of a crime. Then she turned and walked straight into the bathroom without once looking back.
Lalin watched the retreat, the familiar line of those shoulders disappearing behind the door. She lay there trying to make sense of it, trying to decide whether last night had been a slip, a mistake, or something Kunlapat had actually meant to do.
When Kunlapat came back out, dressed and composed, her expression was unreadable. She was visibly avoiding Lalin's eyes.
"P'Pat." Lalin said her name like a question, like a hand reaching out to stop her from leaving. "We need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about." Kunlapat's voice was clipped, decisive. "I was drunk last night."
"Drunk?" Lalin's voice cracked. Her brows pulled together. "You can be drunk and still know what you're doing when you sleep with someone."
Kunlapat went still for a moment. Her lips pressed together, tight, like she was holding something back by force. Then she lifted her gaze and met Lalin's eyes, and whatever warmth might have lived in her expression had been stripped away completely.
"It was just one night. What's the big deal? You slept with someone else behind my back before. This is nothing new."
The words hit like a blade drawn clean across the chest. Lalin stared at her, at the person who had just said that, and her eyes filled with pain so complete it left no room for anything else.
"P'Pat!" Her voice broke on the name. The tears she'd been holding back burned hot at the corners of her eyes. "Why would you say that?"
Kunlapat kept her face still. She looked at Lalin with eyes she was working very hard to keep cold, working very hard to keep from saying what they might otherwise say.
"Forget last night," she said, pressing down on the word forget with deliberate weight. "And don't say anything to Anda. I don't want my friend getting hurt."
Then she turned and walked out. The door clicked shut behind her.
Lalin didn't move. She stood alone in the middle of the room until her legs gave out beneath her, and she sank to the floor, the feeling of drowning rising up around her again, quiet and total and familiar.
***
Hours had passed since Kunlapat left the condo. Lalin was still on the bed, knees pulled to her chest, the wrinkled sheets piled around her like wreckage. She couldn't stop replaying it, the heat of Kunlapat's hands, the urgency of her mouth, the way her body had moved against hers in the dark. The warmth of it, those lips, that grip, that reckless, possessive pull, it was still living on her skin. She couldn't shake it loose.
Part of her had wanted to stop Kunlapat from leaving. To sit her down and make her face this properly. Because she couldn't keep letting it drag on like this, shapeless and unspoken. She needed to know where they stood. If Kunlapat still felt something, if she wanted to come back, then they had to do it right, had to be honest, had to stop pretending. Because what they were doing now made Lalin feel like she was betraying Anda, the sweet, patient girl who didn't deserve any of this. And it made Kunlapat look like someone who'd stabbed her own best friend in the back.
Then someone knocked.
Lalin looked up, a dim, cautious hope flickering before she could stop it. Maybe Kunlapat had come back. Maybe she'd changed her mind.
She opened the door.
It wasn't Kunlapat.
"P'Anda," she said softly, hurrying to arrange her expression into something that didn't give her away.
"Why are you making that face?" Anda asked, her voice quiet. The hurt was faint but visible in her eyes, in the slight tension around her mouth. "Did I come at a bad time?"
"No, it's fine," Lalin said, forcing a smile. "Nothing's wrong."
"I video-called you last night. You didn't pick up."
Last night. The blood drained from Lalin's face. Cold sweat prickled at her hairline. "I, um... I fell asleep," she said, stumbling over the words. While Anda stepped into the room, bag in hand, a large bag, the kind you bring when you're planning to stay.
"I might be staying here for about a week, actually."
"Huh..." Lalin's eyes went wide.
Anda raised an eyebrow. "Is that okay?"
"Y... yeah, of course, P'Anda," Lalin said, though the words caught in her throat. She tried to smooth her voice over the panic that was starting to build.
Then her eyes landed on it. Kunlapat's wallet, half-visible on the floor near the couch. Her heart stopped cold in her chest. If Anda saw it...
She moved fast. A little too fast, she knew, crossing to the couch and using her foot to nudge the wallet underneath it before Anda got close enough to notice.
"What's wrong?" Anda asked, watching her.
"Nothing," Lalin said. "Nothing at all."
But inside, she was burning.
Hell, the kind that lives behind your ribs and doesn't show on your face, was eating her alive.
***
"Alright, we'll wrap up here for today."
The moment the lecturer's voice dismissed the class, students who'd been packing up for the last ten minutes shuffled out in a wave. Kunlapat fell into step with Fahsai, her closest friend from their department.
"Weird," Fahsai said, narrowing her eyes with the particular expression she wore when she was about to be annoying. "Your best friend isn't here waiting for you after class today."
Kunlapat knew exactly who best friend meant.
"Anda doesn't have morning classes," she said, keeping her voice flat.
Which was true. But the fuller truth was that they'd fought last night, because Kunlapat had offered Anda something impossible, asking her to be a secret while Anda was already seeing Lalin.
And then last night, she and Lalin had...
Her phone buzzed again. Another message. Lalin's name on the screen, again, what had to be the hundredth time today. Kunlapat swiped it away without opening it.
"Who's texting you? Why aren't you answering?" Fahsai craned to look at the screen, curiosity unconcealed.
Before Kunlapat could respond, a familiar voice called from somewhere behind her.
"P'Pat..."
She turned. Lalin was walking toward her, the usual brightness in her face gone, replaced by something drawn tight and unhappy. She stopped in front of Kunlapat.
"We need to talk."
.
.
Lalin and Kunlapat stood facing each other in a corner of one of the university buildings. Lalin's arms were crossed tightly over her chest as she looked at Kunlapat with eyes full of displeasure, her thin lips pressed into a firm line. Kunlapat, meanwhile, was leaning against the wall, playing on her phone without a care, as if last night had never happened.
"I want to talk about last night, P'Pat."
Kunlapat lifted a brow slightly and pretended not to care. "I still haven't finished my group project. I don't think I'm free to talk." She changed the subject with an irritatingly casual air, her eyes still fixed on her phone screen.
"P'Pat!"
Lalin raised her voice, pushed past the last of her patience, and strode over to snatch the phone out of Kunlapat's hand. "Don't do this to me!"
Kunlapat flinched slightly. She looked up at Lalin. "I think we already talked this through. Forget about last night. Was I not clear enough?"
"Do you really feel nothing about what happened between us last night?" Lalin's voice trembled, her beautiful eyes shimmering with tears that looked ready to fall at any moment. "I don't believe that."
Kunlapat burst out laughing.
"What happened between us last night?" Her thin lips repeated Lalin's words before she said mockingly, "How can you even say that out loud? You're talking to my friend right now. Don't you think that's disgusting?"
The words struck right where it hurt, leaving Lalin's face numb. It felt as if she had been slapped. Shame and anger flared up inside her, driving her slender hand to strike Kunlapat hard across the face.
Smack!
Kunlapat turned back to look at the woman who had slapped her, her eyes blazing. In the next instant, her slender hand shot out and grabbed Lalin's wrist. She dragged her into the nearest women's restroom in the building, locked the door, and shoved the smaller woman back until her spine hit the cold tiled wall.
"What are you doing, P'Pat?" Lalin cried out in panic.
Kunlapat stared at the woman in front of her and did not answer. She loved Lalin and hated her all at once, yet she still yearned for her so badly it almost drove her mad. She gazed deep into Lalin's eyes, then leaned in and quickly pressed her lips to Lalin's.
Lalin flinched slightly, her delicate hands clutching tightly at Kunlapat's collar. The feeling that had only just gone quiet last night was stirred awake again. Before long, Kunlapat pulled her lips away and lifted Lalin's rounded chin, forcing her face up.
"Look at me," she ordered in a low voice.
Lalin had no choice but to meet Kunlapat's eyes.
"Do you know... how much I hate you?"
As soon as she finished speaking, Kunlapat pressed her lips to Lalin's again. This time, the kiss was even more demanding, even more pleading. She pinned Lalin so hard she nearly sank back into the restroom wall. Lalin moaned softly, her lips parting to accept the hot tongue slipping inside. It was scorching, as if she were being burned alive by desire.
"P'Pat..." she called the other woman's name, willingly letting Kunlapat unbutton her student uniform one button at a time. The fabric parted slowly, revealing the lovely curve of her chest beneath a sweet-colored bra that now rose and fell with each breathless pant.
Kunlapat lowered her head and pressed a trail of kisses along the graceful column of Lalin's neck, nipping and sucking lightly until Lalin moaned, her voice trembling.
Then, all at once, Kunlapat stopped halfway.
"Tell me to stop," she said quietly.
"And I will."