Chapter 9
Broken and More Broke (Return to the main story.)
Her loose pale green dress clung to her awkwardly as she walked.
It was past midday when he got up. He did not want to stay in the house, but he needed to. Even so, the future would not wait for him. Even the little future he had left. He needed to repair the garden fence. It shouldn't take long. It would take longer to straighten out the old nails. I wonder if anyone makes new nails. New anything. His mind drifted into wondering. Did anyone really have a chance to survive behind the gate? The work of the day continued. At least, the big grazing animals won't get to the garden. He hit his thumb with the hammer. "She-it! Well, that's enough of that." He tossed the hammer in the tool bucket. He sporadically waved his hurt hand in the air. He placed the bucket of tools in the barn. Mercy was in the chair. It was a good excuse not to swing a hammer again today.
She was relieved when she reached the chairs. She slipped on her matching gloves. She hoped he would not speak about where she had gone, or what she had done.
He asked, "Better now?"
She replied, "Yes." Please, I do not wish to speak of details.
He simply said, "Good." as he sat down in the chair. "The sisters are broken? You are not the way you wanted to be? What did you want to be?"
"We are too much of what we have become. We are not enough of what we were. We have become too far from the," she moved those black eyes back and forth looking for her words, "Mercy who was before Mercy." She shook her head, "We must speak better. Be clear for Human." Mercy sat on the edge of speaking. She did not say a word. Her mind darted around. She must be careful. She had to keep her human from turning against her.
"Oh," the man started, "That's why figuring out change is so important to you." He pointed at her. "When it happened to you before, you didn't see it coming. You didn't know it happened until, later. After. Mercy, one day all of a sudden you realized you weren't who you thought you would be?" That's very human.
"It is much more than just one thing."
"Not really an answer, Mercy." Even with the hints of honey those black eyes are creepy. "What were you supposed to be like?"
"Animal." She held both her hands, palm up, in front of her, "Humans, people."
"In what way? How? Mercy, this could be important to you. How were the sisters supposed to be more like people?"
"Until Samuel. We felt the broken. We could not name wrong until Samuel." Slowly, as she spoke, the creepiness in her eyes was replaced by sadness. "We have broken others to make Mercy. The Sisters are broken. Others are not for Mercy to take. We did not know others until the demon came. We did not know the demon was Samuel. We did not know Samuel was other. We did not know any could be other." She rose from the chair. She turned and paused. "Samuel, please help me." She went to see her sisters.
Maybe something remains in that shell, after all. Nothing had ever been saved after a human had turned. But maybe?
Day 56
The hopeful sentiment of the day before had passed as Samuel's pain increased. As each moment passed, he felt his time grow shorter. He had to try and find out what would happen if this creature ended. He knew that time may cut his hope short. He may be forced to end this creature, no matter what his hope may be. But for now, he must continue with the charade. No matter what his desire may truly be. He knew he had to outlast the creature.
"Samuel, the sisters wish to know the story of Samuel before."
"Before what?" He questioned.
"Before the beginning of Mercy."
"The time before you begin to tell your story about me? Why?" He considered other topics more important.
"Mercy remembers and must say." Her cold eyes blinked.
"Well, if you remember go ahead and say."
"You will make the memory clear. Make it return. Maybe, words come back. Words to say, Samuel."
"You want me to help you remember something? You couldn't just say that? I know, go ahead. Just ask a simple question. Could you help me remember something?" The creature's getting crazy again. Without knowing it, his hand had moved towards the gun.
"To ask such a question is difficult for us. It is from a time of pain."
"You mean, you have to face your past to move forward? And there is something painful, something you don't want to face stopping you?" He surmised. He realized his fingers touched the cold steel.
"It is worse. It is your past we must face." She lifted her hand to stop him, "We, me and you, must remember your pain for us to remember." The man's pain so far away. It was too near now. Still, no images came to her. Only pain.
"I can't. I won't give you what you want. I will not give you that. She's mine. I don't give a damn about what you did to her. She's not yours." He didn't want to stay. He didn't want to leave. He didn't know. He felt that he knew too much already. "You can't have anymore of her. If that's the price, the world can rot." All of him wanted to end this creature now. somehow some part of him still hoped for a way to save humanity. His trembling hand slowly moved away from the weapon.
She gave the man some time. "Mercy's path has changed, but our hope remains. Samuel, the price is not yours to pay. It is what we must pay for change. In this, we try to offer Samuel a gift. It is our hope to return part of her to you." Mercy stood and walked away.
Samuel thought about what it said. He thought about the old man Cana's stories about his wife, Feliz. Damn little creature. Somebody needs to end it.
Mercy returned to the chair. "I am sorry that this is the path. I cannot explain this. I am only sure it must be done. We will, I will try not to speak of her. We have no wish to bring Samuel pain." Mercy didn't remember anything about her; except, there was a her.
He knew that this creature's promises were empty, but he wanted to trust her anyway. And he really needed to act like he trusted her. Samuel lifted his head. "I don't want to go on with this. I don't see any good coming out of it."
"Samuel is incorrect." Mercy faced the ground, "Mercy can do better. Samuel shows Mercy. Mercy not the same with Samuel."
"Why did you have to pick me?" He said to himself.
"You are the only one." Mercy did not know why she exaggerated his importance.
"More gibberish? The only what?"
"We do not know. You should have been with us, but you are not?"
"I didn't die. I should have become part of you through my wife, but I didn't. And men don't go to you anyway? I didn't die. I'm the only one that survived you? The only one? Everyone goes to the mad death. Men go quicker, five or six days. You want my secrets, answer this. You call yourself a sisterhood. We are the sisters, past and present. What happens to the men? None of you ever talk about the men after they are used up."
"They are lost to us. Only the sisters stay." She did not look up. "We are aware you did not become part of us. We chose you for your survival, but not to learn the secret of it. Samuel, your memories are needed to unlock mine. You are my key to our past. To find me. I am sorry the past brings you pain. But I fear my past is much worse. You may be the only one I can trust."
She lifted her head. Silvery eyes with a ring of honey gold shimmered in the evening sun. Tears flowed down her cheeks.
It's a crier, damned creature, isn't it? "We'll see, tomorrow." Samuel thought. I had to find the only creature on the planet that cries. He knew deep down that this creature did not cry for him. Selfishness was the one thing that was always true about the sisters.
Day 57
He studied it as it walked. How could something that seemed so human be so evil? Another dress from the past. Another day to find a way to end the creatures or save the world. Yea, the sisters are broken, in the head. He had opted to give it a chance. He would follow that path as long as he could. He was tired. He may not be following any path for very long.
Mercy bounced through the grass. She never stepped on the same patch twice. She was wearing burgundy from her head to her toes. She bounced up to the chairs and stopped. Mercy chirped, "Good morning, Samuel." She bowed. Her hat plopped to the earth in front of the man.
He handed the hat back as he spoke. "You plan a dramatic entrance. Was this an attempt to endear me to you, in some way?"
"Yes, it was to endear with play. To make past harshness, less."
'Well, my Dear Creature Mercy, we should celebrate. You're actually answering questions with answers." He hadn't moved.
"Mercy does not understand Samuel's response."
"Samuel is being mean because he doesn't like what Mercy wants to talk about." He sat up in the chair. "You've said you needed help to find words. I may need the help if I talk about this?"
"Mercy will." She was interrupted.
"Stop talking, please." He scratched his head. "I've never really had any secrets. This would be easier if I knew what you were looking for."
Mercy started to speak.
"Don't talk unless you can say exactly what you're looking for. If you start with your gibberish, I will leave."
She put her hand over her mouth.
"I came from a family of scholars. My father was a special kind of healer. He was called Doctor. My mother studied chemicals and the stuff everything was made of. He said she was a special kind of doctor called a scientist. Maybe, it was chemist? Her sister studied the past. She was called a historian. I called her aunt. Aunt and her husband had learned about the old ways. I called him Uncle Jon. They taught others. They taught me to hunt for the past. They said, I was to become a scholar. They called it an archeologist. I was to join the Order of Travelers. I would travel and find the missing pieces of our past." Samuel glanced at Mercy. He paused. "Mercy, if you have to pee, I can wait for you?"
Mercy removed the hand from her mouth. "No peeing. Can I ask questions?"
"Yes, as long as they are not about peeing." he joked.
"I will not ask. I will just pee."
"Are you trying to tell a joke?" He asked.
"Yes." She wiggled in the chair.
"You're improving. But I think, I'll bring you a cushion." He pointed at her wiggling.
"I will go pee now." She ran.
When she returned, a cushion rested in her chair. "Hey and sacks. Thank you, Mercy."
"What do you thank me for Samuel?"
"For not asking me if I watched when you pee. This was the first time you didn't blurt that out. I thank you." You sick little creature. "Shall we try the seats and continue?"
"Restraint is difficult, Samuel. I will try harder. This will benefit both of us." She sat. "Picky. Softer. I like it. Please continue. Ooh, I think I like this picking sensation on my...."
The speech has gotten less crazy. The honey ring is bigger, and the gray is softer. Still don't know what it means. What did it say yesterday? Trust. It's wants to be trusted? "Mercy! Mercy, restraint does benefit both of us, at least for now." He reached over, and lightly tapped her on the back of her gloved hand. "I have to believe we can do this thing." Oh God, that was a bad performance. I hope she bought it.
Mercy gazed into his eyes. The honey began to expand over the grey. She swallowed. "I believe we should take a break."
"Sure." He replied. It responds to signs of trust. She had not responded in the way he wanted. It did respond. He was no longer prey. He had something now. He could find a way to manipulate it.
Mercy kept sneaking peeks at Samuel as she quickly scooted off into the distance.
The walk to the house seemed longer. The man stopped working for the day and rested. He would give Mercy some time before he returned to the chairs. Even so, he beat her there.
Mercy had not returned yet. He finished the book about the old man who fished. All of that, and the old man did not get the fish. He heard footsteps in the distance. He puzzled over the binding of the book. "Mercy, can you read?"
"I think I can?" Her head was crooked at a difficult angle. "What was in your book?"
"It said that sometimes you can win and still lose." He put the book down, "Or maybe, sometimes when you lose you can still win. I'm not sure."
She moved to see the cover, "Yes, I can read."
"You have a wet spot?" He pointed with a crooked finger.
Mercy scanned the front of her dress. "I do not." Her head rose, and she was confused.
"On your back side. The dark spot. Looks like you sat in something?" He waggled a crooked finger.
She craned her neck and twisted her body. "Oh yes. I can see it now. I will disrobe if this troubles you?" She began to tug at her dress.
"Mercy, stop, that may not be the best idea."
She examined Samuel's face. She froze. "I" she started. "We did not consider all aspects of the situation. We are unsure of next action."
"You started off with 'I". What were you going to say?"
Mercy twitched, "We do not wish to say. It may lessen us to Samuel?"
"First, secure your clothes. Then untwist yourself. And take a breath. Let your words come out. I am sure you won't be lessened. Not to me, anyway." You can't go farther than all the way down.
"I had a brief thought and acted on the impulse. I did not have restraint. I am? Please help with words?"
"You are looking for 'ashamed ', maybe? You explained yourself well. Would you please tell me the sentence you were going to originally say? The one with 'I' in the beginning." Now, my speech is getting odd.
"I thought it would please you."
He replied, "Mercy wants to have a good face for her Samuel."
Mercy nodded, "It is Mercy's wish."
"Mercy, at this moment in time, complete disrobing is too much of a good thing."
"I will be more restrained, in such matters. Mercy is less to Samuel. Mercy is ashamed."
"Mercy. Being able to stop yourself before anything bad happens; that's a win. You have nothing to be ashamed of." The little monster couldn't actually be ashamed anyway.
"Samuel. You speak well of us; even when, we have not done well?" The creepiness returned to her blinking eyes as she spoke. "We believe you make us a joke."
He squeezed the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "We are seeing the same thing in two different ways. Let me see. Okay. you slipped up. But your slip up was an almost slip up. Nothing bad happened. You stopped it from getting bad. It was a learning experience. You learned to stop yourself in the middle of something. And you learned a little about how to do it; you changed directions." He hoped she was buying this.
"Samuel saw Mercy learn and change? Mercy saw shame and fear. Mercy liked Mercy better before Samuel."
"That Little One is another lesson about change. It can be a pain in the butt and very hard to notice, especially in ourselves." He stood up to stretch. "May I continue with the story? Or do you have something else?" I believe she actually thinks I believe her. What could a monster actually fear?
"Mercy is unhappy that disrobing does not please Samuel." Mercy tried to stop herself, but she could not. She simply had to talk about herself being naked.
"If the world changes enough to allow you to undress without any bad consequences; I'm sure I'll enjoy it. Can we go on to something else?"
"You are not displeased with our actions?" Mercy questioned.
He was slightly annoyed. "No, I'm just sorry the situation doesn't allow for us to run naked while I admire your wet backside."
"Now, Samuel makes fun of us." Mercy grinned like the snake. Oh, Samuel admires my backside. We do like to be admired...
"Yes, I'm joking with you. You said you wanted to know my past. Shall we continue?"
"I would rather hear about your admiration for my back side." The creepy began leaving her eyes.
"Sure, we'll do that later." The more human it is the better. "Just sit around and admire our backsides."
She snickered. It was her first laugh in over two hundred years. Mercy liked Mercy, right now.
Samuel talked about his travels, discoveries, and the hope his people had when he was a young scholar. Mercy would stop him asking questions. She watched how he hid his eyes and spoke in a distant voice when he spoke about the one. He called Alyssa. His wife.
Mercy spoke out. "I have many questions. I fear to ask them. I have no desire to cause you more pain. In these questions, may be the answers I seek." Mercy covered her eyes with her hands. "I fear the asking and answering will bring you and me pain."
Samuel replied, "Ask."
"I... We will try to speak around the one you call Alyssa. We... I hope this behavior will bring you no pain." She stared at the ground for a moment. "Is the sickness you caught in the old places, is it the same as the one you have now?"
"No. The one I have now. I had this one before the one I told you about. Machines from the time before cured it once. I was told it might come back. The one I told you about.... The sickness from the old places was caused by the seed, spore, of a fungus. A plant like a mushroom. It was in my lungs. It was very hard to breathe with it."
"Samuel has a sickness that was fixed by the machines?" She paused. Then she blurted out. "We will get the machine and fix you."
"You can't. I mean it can't be done. There are no more machines." He tried to smile for the creature.
"The machine? It was in the hospital?" She had a finger in the air like she had a point. "You were carried from the hospital. How do you know it is not there? We will go there."
"I went back."
Mercy felt a shiver crawl up her spine as a memory wormed its way back.
"No one knew she had been taken by the sisters when I got sick with the fungus. We learned when I was at the hospital. She was left there when the hospital fell, and the city burned. I went back. I found her. That's it, no more." The man looked up at the creature. Suddenly, he realized what she had not said, "You knew? You remember something?"
"Mercy would like to speak. Samuel may stop us. We cannot see Samuel now." She covered her eyes once again. "In the place humans cannot go, sisters there have many words. Mercy cannot say all these words. Only the sisters there understand the meaning. Mercy will only say this: they speak of love for others, and desire to be loved. We did not understand. Only now do we begin to understand. We did not know; it was possible to love another. We felt that love could only be for us."
"I can see why learning something like that can be hard." Samuel spoke the only words that came to him. He felt no love for this creature.
"Samuel, I have more." She stood up and turned her back to him. "I am sorry, but I must say this to you. Part of the one you called wife is with me. She says love leads you the right way. I do not know what this means. I do know, she loved you. I took this love from you." Mercy walked away.
"Mercy, I don't know what to say to that." he said to himself. The creature should be glad he was so weak. It was the only thing that stopped him from ending it.
Day 58
She stood close enough to be recognized. She did not come any closer to the chairs. He had watched her from a distance. The crimson dress lazily hanging on her motionless body. He wondered what would come next. Next, he would have to lay down.
Day 59
He sat in the chair most of the day. He tried to figure out a poem about a black bird. He settled on one word. Evermore. He rose and walked across the field. He faced the girl when he spoke. "Walk with me to the chairs?" It suddenly came to him. The reason why a flock of Ravens was called an 'unkindness.'
She did not respond.
"I would like you to come with me, Mercy. You will come with me, and I will let you hold my hand." What would make it move? "If you do not, I will have to punish you. I will slap your bottom? That's it, I will slap your bottom. Then, I'll carry you there. I will just grab you and pick you up. Then I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you. If you stay here, you will miss out on telling me all about your peeing."
The creature did not respond.
"You do know that you'll be missing all the grabbing and touching and hugging and squeezing and rubbing and holding that goes along with spanking and carrying. And I'll be able to put my hands anywhere I want, and you won't be here to enjoy it. Or talk about it. Plus, you won't be here to do any grabbing and touching and hugging and squeezing and rubbing and holding or anything else you might want to do while I am spanking and carrying." That should be crazy enough to get its attention.
She did nothing. The heads of her sisters began to pop up around him.
He couldn't come up with anything really dirty to say, so he slapped her bottom. He waited. A creature's head popped up. He pointed the gun. It scrambled away. He slapped her bottom again. She was very hardy today. Usually, she can't keep her hands out of her skirt. And she's always talking about being naked or some bodily fluids. He picked her up.
When he finally got to sit again, he was panting. He hoped he hadn't hurt her. He had to bend her into the chair. He had no idea what to do next. Would something sexual wake her? More absurd speeches about touching and hugging? Would the gun scare her awake? Moving her didn't help. He peeled the glove off of her hand. He held her hand in his. "I'm going to tell you a poem about a bird, a man and someone he loved..." He wondered if his greatest fear might actually be coming true. Could it be possible for a human to actually like a creature? A monster?
Day 60
He stayed as long as he could, the night before. Her glove was back on her hand. How did it get there? Did she move? Was it another creature? Did it matter? The creature sat motionless as he approached. He really didn't have any new ideas. But he thought of something to say, "It was my sincere belief that not only would you have enjoyed being spanked more than you have shown, but it was going to take me all day to get you to stop talking about it."
"Samuel, please stand with me?" She faced the man and forced herself erect.
"You're back?" he returned. "It was the butt spanking comment? Wasn't it?"
"Please." She reached her gloved hands outward. "Stand with me?"
He was in front of her. Crouched slightly, he wanted a better view of her eyes. Eyes gray, black, gold, honey, silver, and hazy; eyes that said nothing.
"Mercy needs Samuel to not have restraint. We have found purpose of Samuel. Samuel will be the one to make world change. We have found joy and pain with Samuel. Mercy asks one last thing of friend Samuel." Her small hands gripped the barrels of the shotgun. She pulled it to her chest.
At first, he didn't realize what was happening. "No." He stumbled back. He popped the shells out of the gun. "No, I won't do this. Not like this." Crazy little creature.
"Samuel will end Mercy. Samuel will end the pain. Samuel will become better. You will help Mercy fix the world."
He towered over her, "Sit down. Sit down! You have a few more things to learn." He moved closer to her.
She recoiled back to the chair.
"First thing, you're not going to get off that easy. So, your feelings are hurt and you're guilty. Well, you aren't going to run away and hide. You're going to stick it out and try to do something about it. And every time you get too comfortable something's going to come at you. Like a bug who keeps biting you on the butt. It'll get worse before you can shoo it away."
"Samuel..."
"No, you don't get to talk. Second, a friend doesn't ask that of a friend. Not the way you did. And not for the reasons you gave. It's a careful deliberate thing to ask. You lose friends, but not the way you intended. Well, if that doesn't make sense, think about it this way. Doing this, this way, would bring me more pain than it would take away."
"Samuel..."
"Not yet. Did you consider what would happen to your sisters. The ones around here can't take care of themselves without you. What would they do without a leader? Would a new Mercy like being form? Would they all die?"
"Samuel?" She slid off the chair. Mercy landed on her knees.
"Go ahead. I'm through ranting for the moment." He expected her to be indignant in some grand, dramatic fashion. Instead, she kneeled at his feet like a broken beggar.
"Samuel, what do we do?"
"Stand up."
Tears rolled down her face. "I cannot."
"You are a weepy little thing, aren't you?" He reached down. He placed one hand under each of her arms. He lifted. "I'm not going to do this for you. Put some effort into it." His voice was gruff and commanding.
"What do we do next?" She asks as she clings to the man.
"Let's see. First, you stand up on your own. You let go of me. Then you go do your sister stuff. And clean yourself off; you're a mess. And I go wash you off of me; then, I take a nap. Nobody gets shot. Later on, we'll just keep going, and doing."
"I do not know how to keep going." She held on to him like a child, not wanting to let loose of its mother.
"Sure, you do. Life only gives you two choices. One is to keep going. The other choice, you don't get to choose, yet." Is she purring? "You can let go of me. Any time now. This is getting uncomfortable." His voice was still gruff but growing softer.
"No, this is the price you pay for slapping my backside." She spoke like a snake with a hint of human.
"That was for your own good." He began to slither out of her grasp.
"No." She wrapped her arms around him.
He pulled away. "Clingy, today, aren't you?" This was getting very irritating.
"Today, we cling. Later, Samuel will like it more."
"Was that a joke? Are you kidding around again?"
After a long while Mercy let go and walked away.
I've figured it out. The creature is just a child, a little girl child that never grew up. He went lay down. Time was growing short.