12. "INTERLUDE 004"
In this part of the book, I was starting to take notice of the high that I was on, I was like a lost cause because I would end every single day with a different girl from last time. For a moment, the playboy era felt good for my pain but then I started running into bad girls, I started feeling like the hole into lust and fornications was getting deeper and detrimental but could I bring myself to stop?
13. "RUIN OF ME"
My actions lately, I can't even make an excuse for the things I've said, done and thought of, it's all on me and all the darkness in my eyes is because I blew out the light with my anger, the blood in my hands is because of the battles I've been facing lately.
I never thought that my choice to love would be the ruin of me, giving up is what I keep doing and wasting is what I keep doing to my time, I Pray God forgives me for all the sins I've been indulging in. I've been dancing in the flame with the devil, maybe my soul is tainted now but I'm working on myself, I refuse to let his pain be the ruin of me.
I can't recognize the guy in the mirror, he is nothing like me and all the things that he's been doing keep tainting my soul but I'm not about to let this pain become the ruin of me, that's if I'm not too late.
14. "LONG ENOUGH"
It's been long enough, I should've been over it by now, we could've been cool as friends now, I know but I'm just too messed up in here for me to bring myself to that change. I keep shutting down my own thoughts and emotions, I keep telling myself that this is the best way to deal with my demons but it really ain't.
I've got scars from the past, my flaws made me this vulnerable and this complicated, any normal person would know how to move on and start afresh, I mean it's been long enough. I'm harboring so much shit and it's weighing me down but I just don't know how to detach myself from the past, I would love to start a new life, a new phase with new people but I just don't know how to.
It's been long enough, she shouldn't mean shit to me anymore, she shouldn't have that effect on me anymore but I keep dancing around the same flames with the ghosts of my past. She gave her love to the worst guy..
15. "PLAY IT SAFE"
I've been infatuated by the most prettiest girl I've ever seen, we've been talking and vibing and I almost made my life complicated by catching feelings but I've been meeting different girls everyday, indulging in lust and sex like a maniac. I know I've never been a type to play it safe but this is time I'm losing my way.
Sometimes I fail to wrap my head around some shit that happened in my life but maybe I don't have to, I try so hard to wear my skin but it gets harder everyday because I keep relapsing, like a drug addict going back to his plug after rehabilitation.
I don't play it safe, I don't stay away from girls and I can't stop finding interest in these beautiful faces, I keep falling in love with beautiful breasts and pretty thighs, lust got the best of me. I can't find balance between my toxicity and peace, I spend a lot of time on my bad habits and I'm afraid I might chase away something good.
Even though I'm aware of some shit, it doesn't mean I'll automatically stop, I still got flaws that weigh heavy on me and these flaws tend to convince me that some of the things I've been doing, are good for me.
16. "FIRE"
It gotta be something to do with my energy, it gotta be my dark spirit that invites bad girls, it gotta be my toxic energy that attracts me to toxic girls, this girl is a complete beautiful red flag yet I still wanna find out more about her.
Her conversations clearly tell me that she's not the type of girl I need for a relationship, this girl is not for keeps but I keep on tryna know her, I realize her red flags but then I'm almost ready to tell her she should show me and prove it, a toxic nigga and a toxic girl are a recipe for disaster.
It gotta be my animosity that pulls me more closer to the flames, I can clearly see that I could burn my fingers but I still wanna touch it, I still wanna get closer to her, even though it's clear that we're not a good match.
It's very clear that she could have some tricks up her sleeve, she shows me that she could play crazy little games and I know I shouldn't take her serious but I keep getting closer to her, I guess I enjoy playing close to the flames.
17. "F**KING SCENE"
She should leave her shoes at the door, she should let her body speak to me when she's turned on because I've got something for her to do for me before we bump and grind.
I want her to take off her jeans, leave her panty and shirt on, I want her to stand in between my feet while I sit on the couch, I want put my hand on her tummy and run it up under her shirt to her breasts but she gotta do as I say if she wants to have a good time.
I want to grab her butt with my other hand, pull her closer to my face, I will kiss her thighs with my tongue and lips, then I'll pull her panty to her knees for step three.
I want to spit on my fingers and put them in between her thighs, rub her flower round and round until I feel her bean, then I'm gonna foreplay her clit until her legs get weak, she's gonna beg me to give it to her already and she's gonna bust as soon as she starts riding on it.
She should wear lace panties, she should wear a white shirt and she should use her body to communicate because I'm fluent in body language, before we make love, I've got something that we should try out.