Those words shook him so much, yet in the end, Fuji didn't let him stay despite having their wholesome sex.
What did she mean by those words?
Despite Nifuji's wish to ask more, Fuji said, "Go to Toyama first. We can talk later. She needs you more, and I have Mayuri and Eli with me."
"O-Okay."
Yet, when Nifuji was on the train, he couldn't think of anything and focused on the last word that made his soul stir.
Papa?
Did she call him a Sugar Papa?
Or, did it have another meaning?
"Let's think about that later..."
Once again, Nifuji had to admit that his body was strong, and despite having fought for the entire day, he was still as strong as ever, but he was hungry, so when he arrived at the station, he brought several boxes of ekiben, before he went on the train, eating them, as he thought of the certain possibility that he had tried to exclude, yet—
"That's all there is to it, right?"
Now, he understood why Fuji was like that.
If that was her condition, Nifuji naturally understood, but he also felt it should be okay.
How could he have so much confidence?
Wouldn't he be worried?
Naturally, he would be lying if he were all right, yet he felt he was, since he could take care of anyone and was old enough to have his first one.
More importantly, Fuji wasn't young anymore.
Fuji was 30 years old, and despite her beauty, she was alone.
Yet, she met him, a scumbag.
If she met someone else, what would happen?
"Hmmm...."
Nifuji didn't want that, but at the same time, he also knew it was difficult, especially since he knew Fuji's personality well: instead of romance, she was into her books, her daily life, and all the other things.
If it were a normal man, they would definitely expect her to do something, which led to the breakup of their relationship.
It was because it was him that they suited each other well, considering he hardly asked her anything.
Wait, did he even ask anything?
No, since for him, their companion was already the best thing he felt, and he loved the feeling of being with them, and because of that, he had to change everything.
His indecision made him unable to properly express his feelings or his troubled heart, which almost hurt those he cared for and who cared about him.
Nifuji had to solve everything, so he had to fill his stomach to have the energy to fix all his problems.
"It's strangely quiet."
As he finished his food, Nifuji felt like his world seemed different from before. Usually, when he was on a trip, Chika was by his side, and the two discussed many things, especially the city they were about to visit. Whether it was food, beautiful places, or other things, he realized that without her, everything became so silent, making this trip feel very different from how he usually felt before.
This silence made him feel a bit lonely, yet it also gave him time to think about himself, since he realized he hadn't had time to be alone, as he was practically always with others or at work.
"This is good sometimes..."
Nifuji didn't hate the idea of being alone, as he knew that sometimes, his mind was overwhelmed by everything, and all he just wanted to have was a quiet time where he could focus on his mind, calming himself instead of forcing himself to be with others, as he might be sensitive or overly emotional during that time.
It wasn't that he hated the companions of others, but he was just afraid that if he stayed with them during such a situation, he might regret lashing out at them. While the chance was small, since he didn't think he could get angry, he, as a human, wasn't perfect, and he knew he would sometimes make mistakes. So, in the case of such an accident, what would happen?
"Hmm..."
Nifuji felt like he should apologize, since, unlike women, who might have a strangely hard time apologizing, it was more cost-effective to apologize to others, as a meaningless argument would make him tired.
"Be water, my friend."
Nifuji wasn't sure whose quote that was, but he knew that in his life, he had to be like flowing water. It kept moving, yet it wasn't forceful; it was gentle, leading, flowing, but somehow fierce at a certain moment.
Was that the key to having a harem?
He wasn't sure, but he knew he was saying nonsense when, in truth, he was wondering how Chika was.
"I think she should be okay."
The thought of Chika going on a trip without him might worry him, but she wasn't a child. It was also perfectly normal for one to go on a solo trip. This time, she told him that her friend would join her on her trip to Toyama, as this friend of hers was just jealous of all the trips that she had taken with him.
Naturally, this friend was a woman, and they were pretty close.
"Will she tell about our relationship?"
There was a chance, but at the same time, it was also possible that Chika wouldn't say anything, especially when she knew her bad habit, which was to keep everything inside herself.
Wait, this wasn't a bad habit, as he also often had such a tendency to keep everything to himself.
"Ah, I guess, I am like that, too."
When he thought about it more, he felt that this was his bad habit of himself since instead of talking with his women, thinking to solve everything within himself, he isolated himself from others, as he didn't want them to see his weak side, yet were their feelings so shallow that they would leave him when they saw his weak side?
Naturally, it wouldn't be as their connections ran far deeper than others could imagine, despite how wrong it was in the eyes of society.
For him, they would support him, and they wished to be his pillar, but at the same time, they also understood their limitations, as they had no ability to help him, so all they could do was to help him with various mundane things, such as food, clean clothes, and all other things that he was too lazy to do.
It might be something simple, yet waiting wasn't easy either, as the decision wasn't in their hands, and all they could do was wait for him till he finished his problems.
Their thoughts would be about him, wondering what they could do, yet in the end, they were powerless, waiting for his decision, and because of that, he could only say, "I am really a scumbag."
Nifuji had been hiding behind the mask of callousness, saying he was fine even if the others left him, yet would they be okay if he left them?
At the same time, by saying those words, he also meant he was just afraid of a connection, of responsibility, and of his feelings being betrayed.
Yet, it was a normal reaction, since how could it be so easy for one to fall in love when the risk was clear?
However, if he didn't dare to do it, was he still even a man?
Especially when he left all the decisions to his women, whether they would stay or not, instead of holding them tightly in his arms, and telling them how much they meant to him, and how he loved them so much.
This cowardly act of his... when he thought everything he had done was just so infuriating.
Nifuji wanted to beat himself up, as he was just a selfish bastard who wanted to hide in his comfortable space, feeling happy by himself, closed his heart, so that way, he wouldn't hurt when they decided that they couldn't accept him, instead of taking the risk, and told them that he wanted them for his entire life.
It might be something selfish, yet this was much more manly, as he didn't fear rejection; instead, he exposed his heart bare.
"I am such an idiot..."
Nifuji closed his eyes, covering his face with his palms, wondering why he only had to realize it now. If he could, he should have done it in the past instead of having his women live in the constant worry of fear, as he might leave them forever.
"I should beat the shit out of myself."
Nifuji was angry. Yet, he knew that all he could do was just solve everything. It wasn't late; he should have had time to fix everything, and because of that, he knew that after he went to Toyama, he should visit everyone, ease their worries, and help them understand what he meant.
Yes, by doing that, he would become a real scumbag, someone who dated so many women, yet it was fine.
It didn't matter, since, for them, having entered his life, they would be his responsibility.
No, by saying they were his responsibility, it would mean they were a burden to him. Instead, he just wished to. He just wanted them in his life, and because of that, he would erase all of their worries, expressing his feelings as he made his determination.
GURGLE!
In the foreground, the deep, sapphire-blue waves of Toyama Bay crash against the Onnaiwa (Woman Rock), a jagged islet topped with a single, resilient pine tree. Unlike a silent beach, the silence here is broken by the rhythmic, nostalgic clack-clack... clack-clack of the local train. It's a slow, heavy sound that vibrates through the sand.
Yet, despite all of her imagination, all Chika saw was just a lukewarm wave that was retreating over a reef silently, which made it impossible for her to hide away her disturbed feelings.