"I finally managed to get so close to escape and damn this call has unnerved me a little. Should I bother to check! Uhh...screw it!"
He descended and casted a glance at the phone—lying on the pillow over the bed.
"Neon!?" He picked up the call swiftly.
"Yo, what's up buddy! You alive yet?" Voice came from the other side.
"Unfortunately yeah, for now. How come you called me today, Neon?"
"Busy days, you know how it is... Anyway, I've something I want you to do urgently. I have made my evaluation project which is needed to be edited but—"
"But there's no one who can aid you and you're terrible at it." Yohan interrupted with neutral tone.
"Hehe, yep buddy!"
"You could've just texted me, why bothered to call?" Yohan said while slowly leaning back on the bed, head tilted towards the ceiling, eyes tracing the fastened knot. Cradling cell phone with his right hand.
"Dude! You literally take days to respond as if I'm sending you some love letter through a pigeon."
"Sorry but— I've no interest in guys." Yohan sighed a little.
"You son of a—"
" 'kay, send me the details. I'll tell you by tomorrow once it's done. Bye—"
"W-wait, You participating in *NMAE right?"
[*NMAE = National Martial Aptitude Exam , a type of entrance exam quite renowned in Iystoria Republic, given by copious number of students after completing their higher studies to get selected in one of the eleven most prestigious Academies - Universities established in the Nation for those who have a talent in Qi manipulation and martial combats — most notably swordmastery.]
"Um... No, I guess. What about you? You were preparing for this for so long."
"Why!?" Neon sounded mildly dismayed. "I'm sure you'll crush the tourney, buddy and as for me...uh... I recently had some major injury in the right thigh during one of my training sessions. Because of that I'm walking with broken rhythm. So... I don't think I'll be able to participate. Your school announced about this tournament yet?"
"Ahh... I'm not sure. Maybe they did. Yohan shrugged it off. "I often don't pay that much attention. Either way, I won't participate since you know..." Yohan ran a hand through his wavy strands.
"Okay... as you wish," Neon said, easing back. "They have made a lot of changes this year for the tournament. At least skim the prospectus first. But in the end it's your choice."
"By the way, you didn't even care to inform me about your injury, like when it happened?"
" Hm... To be honest, it didn't cross my mind and shouldn't you be checking on your homies once in a while?"
"..." Yohan tilted his head slightly, pressing his left hand against the side of his neck in a subtle stretch, and stayed silent.
"Bye, gotta go, I'll send the details about the project in the next hour." Neon added, ending the call.
Yohan lowered the phone, leaning forward on the bed. Subconsciously scrolling through the screen up and down, lost in reverie with tranquil eeriness surrounding the room.
So he isn't taking the exam! Hm...well yeah he comes from a wealthy family, so he's not binded to just one path. He has many other options too including his father's business. If he fails in one - he can just try another, that's how he always has been. Although that's not the same for everyone.
No matter what path you choose to follow and how hard you work on that, in the end money matters the most. Without money, you can't even dream for the dreams. That's the reason I can't just blindly follow some random way to thrive and just in case I fail, I'll end up wasting both money and time. Ugh... Why the hell I overthink everything.
I remember back in my previous school, tournaments cropped up constantly—sports, competitions, everything. Every single one came with fees, plus extra charges for uniforms, gear, and miscellaneous "essentials." I was always hesitant to just boldly ask my family to pay for the dues since despite being good in personal practices I couldn't shake the anxiety that I might flop in the actual event. And I might end up wasting my parents hard-earned bread. It could have been a different case if I've been a little more smart enough to know a way to earn some quick *Rosis in this era of recession.
[*Rosi is the national currency of Iystoria]
No matter what we try to pursue, everything demands money, and I need to be extremely wise and cautious while choosing my path of life, considering my family's standing. And...
I thought you were trying to die and now you are contemplating... You're such a hypocrite!
Yohan felt a sudden chill through his body, the instant this voice erupted out of nowhere. Eyes widened, frozen in blank astonishment. For a moment, his vision blurred like reality distorted in front of his eyes. Instinctively, he pressed his left hand to his temple, anchoring the chaos surging behind his eyes.
'No, what am I even doing? What the heck I'm even supposed to do!!! I'm screwed! I can't conclude anything... I'm just a failure, a failure — I even failed to die. I failed this time too.' His voice grew ragged and tensed as he continued to reflect these thoughts out loud in his head.
What are you so worried about? About living or dying? I know how desperately you want to live, the more you long to die, the more you cling to live. Is living really that worth it and alluring for you?
"I-I don't know..."
You do know. You've always known. You know exactly what needs to be done—you're just terrified of letting go of who you used to be and-
No, it's not. You know it too, how much I've tried to change, tried to be better, tried to be someone else but...
But you couldn't and will never be able to. As long as you're alive, you'll keep circling the same wounds. Tell me then, what do you think makes the life meaningful?
Yohan sank to the floor, back hitting the cold wood of the bedframe. He clutched the back of his head, fingers digging in as if he's getting a severe headache.
Life holds value only because death exists but it doesn't bother me at all and will never. I don't give a damn if it doesn't have any meaning at all, why the hell I'd bother to know the meaning behind something or someone I hate. I know there's no answer to content me and won't solve anything. I HATE LIFE AND THIS PATHETIC SELF OF MINE.
And you think that you can escape this by simply dying, right? What makes you so sure that there's peace awaiting you after death? Is it that you're some omniscient being? Who knows everything!
...I'm not sure... it's... it's...tchh...
No one knows what lies beyond death, whether it's nothingness or another life or heaven or hell. So how come you're so sure that you'd have escaped once you're dead, who knows what even greater misery lies ahead for you. Yet if you're so desperate to die then why not just live a life as a hollow vessel.
While killing myself emotionally???
Has anything good ever come by clinging to them? And most of your emotions have already gone blunt. However , do you actually think you can completely kill your emotions? No. No one can. No matter how fiercely one can attempt to do so—something always survives, until he dies spiritually as well, there are always some emotions left inside even if you renounce your humanity. You can't become entirely empty.
It's not the emotions, it's the empathy which makes us humans.
So what you want to be? A human or someone useful?
Yohan clenched his teeth with turmoil, One hand clawed into the floor while the other gripped hard his hair above his brow.
No,no,no...not again... damn it!!!!!!!! Damn everything...
You don't want to live but you can't die either, not yet at least, that's what you need to accept.
An uncanny grin tugged at his lips, out of place, like a crack in porcelain.
Then...what...?
You don't want to live because you can't find a worthy reason to live nor so to die either. Then live to find that reason even if that reason makes no sense to others or barely has any meaning.
Humans often need a reason to live, sometimes the reason is just purely based on curiosity or on survival instincts, it's nothing that deep. But as for you, you lack a purpose, so make a new ambition of finding a purpose to live, and live for that ambition.
His pupils flared and smirk widened into something feral as if he's finding something utterly enthralling.
"Oh," he breathed. "And once I find it—then what?"
As obvious as it sounds, then live for that reason you've found, and do whatever it takes to fulfill that absurd, preposterous ambition of yours.
"Tch-heh... You really sound like some over-the-top villain motivator of some cheesy-cheap show, X."
He masked his mouth with his right hand—eyes blank wide staring the floor.
"Now I possess a vague idea of what I've got to do."
Hold this in your head, this is your last chance, don't fail this time too, else you know how devastating it can get for you.
"As a soon-to-be king once said, 'As long as I'm alive there are infinite chances'. I'll die, I sure will, everyone does, but in my own way. Who gives a damn about fate." He changed his stance to stand - using the bed as a support.
You sure are an impulsive guy seeing your sudden shift of mood, I have nothing to say further, yet try not to make your reality a part of some fiction, remember it's not a novel of yours or someone's fantasy, it's your reality.
"I don't give a damn." Yohan rose with deliberate slow pace while speaking in an indifferent way and the voice vanished thoroughly without any fading effect. Then he took a deep breath, raised his head, brushed his hair back and gave a stern look with sharpened eyes.
Let's see what's so interesting about this NMAE first, wonder if I'm even eligible for it or not, got to check the prospectus first to verify the requirements I can meet or not.
Thinking this he picked his phone and laid on the desk chair beside the bed.
I would need at least an average sword or some other decent gears to participate, as of every year pattern. Else I can't even imagine making it past second stage, considering how much of a fortune candidates pour in several things from high quality gears to private academies in order to get higher ranks, basically it's a lot about who spends more money on better gears and arms, making it really unbalanced and unreasonable for an exam - conducted to test skills.
"And of course, even an average sword costs a hefty some but..." He gasped for a second. "What the heck is this?"
His smile tweaked slightly in the right and eyes gave a tiny spasm of betrayal. "Why in the world even the cheapest swords cost this much, every single one is worth the price of this damn house's whole month rent."
He smacked his forehead while his eyes were stuck on the screen and said, "Nevermind, I guess I'm done for."
Cursing himself and his every decision he had made in his life, he visited the NMAE's webpage, fingers searching that one link to download the whole curriculum of the exam.
'The interface is actually trash, wonder even if they have some decent web developer team. Ah, here it is.'
He tapped on the blue highlighted link, in hope of opening the file he needed, but right after clicking, a random advertisement page opened on his screen - with no skip button of course.
'Screw this genuinely.' A pesky twitchy smile pulled at the corner of his face, tugging his right brow along with it - trying his best to keep his composure.
'Why the hell they have to put ads on a government affiliated website.' While cursing in all the known and unknown languages, he kept spamming the refresh button and finally got back to the first page and took a long deep breath to sooth himself.
" 'kay. " Clicked on the link. Took another deep breath and threw the phone on the bed with a maddening look. This time that link took him to some other random site - rather than opening the page he desired, in addition the screen got stuck on that page.
'Forget it... This website has so many bugs.' He glanced at his phone and moved ahead to pick it up.
'Nah, I shouldn't be harsh with my phone, I can't afford another one if it gives up the breath.'
He forwarded to refresh the jammed screen.
"Calamities?"
Suddenly, a headlined word caught his attention on that random webpage he'd visited - by not his will of course.
"Four Calamities Of The World! Huh?" Forgetting his current task, he got indulged in reading the article on that page:
'There are four calamities that hold dominion over this world, unseen hands steering the threads of reality as puppeteers of fate.
Their origin is swallowed by time, their dominion stretching beyond memory. There's no clear detail about since when they first stirred, nor how long their shadow has stretched across the ages. Most humans walk blind to their existence, feeling only faint tremors of their touch. Their presence lingers behind veils of uncertainty, wrapped in deliberate obscurity. Not even the order of their emergence is known. To the world, they are still myth—kept alive only through murmured rumors and secondhand dread, unsupported by proof, yet stubbornly persistent. They are the unseen architects of the impossible, eternally hovering at the edge of perception.
Each Calamity rules over a major pillar of human civilization.
1. Calamity Of The Statistic World : the official world, where ordinary lives are measured, tallied, and recorded. Laws bind its surface, authority commands obedience, and society ranks souls by wealth, influence, and political sway. Here, every action is logged, every ambition scrutinized, and the mundane masquerades as control.
2.Calamity Of The Shattered Realm: the underworld, the mirror to the Statistic World, yet fractured, lawless, and cloaked in shadow. Morality bends and snaps here, and yet its tendrils reach into surface politics and diplomacy, infecting the world above in whispers and schemes. Chaos rules, yet purpose thrives within its anarchy.
3.Calamity Of The Unseen Domain: the master of myths, faiths, and forbidden knowledge. Its dominion stretches over theology, arcane cults, clandestine rituals, and legends unrecorded. Subtle, insidious, and perilous, it molds belief itself, swaying masses with promises of salvation, power, or terror. One of the deadliest forces when it comes to bending collective thought.
4.Calamity Of The Infinity Horizon: the sovereign of discovery, science, and hidden truths. It whispers through laboratories, libraries, and uncharted phenomena, steering innovation, exploiting the forbidden, and guarding the cryptic. Here lies the power to manipulate reality itself, the allure of knowledge too dangerous to unveil, the edge of understanding and madness intertwined.
Lately, it's been speculated that two of the four Calamities may have already been devoured or absorbed by the remaining pair. According to fragmented, obscure accounts, this obliteration occurred a decade—or perhaps two—ago, though which Calamities have fallen remains shrouded in uncertainty.
These calamities also assumed to have certain names:
1) Eternal Eye
2) -— '
"Yohan, come down! Hurry!" His mother's voice cut through his thoughts, breaking his immersion and dazing him slightly—forgetting to read further.
'Ah...F*ck, I got distracted before even doing anything productive, damn my fidgety head.' He hurriedly got up and closed that site which he couldn't do before.
"Yohan! Are you listening?"
"Yeah! Coming." He replied back in a hasty staggering voice.
'Gotta remove this dangling strap too.' He glanced at the ceiling and hastened to his mother.