Kana couldn't find any booze left, so she had no choice but to sneak back into the guild's wine cellar and haul out a few more barrels.
As she passed by Erza—who was sitting quietly with her head down—Kana's nose suddenly picked up a familiar whiff of alcohol. That scent… it was eerily similar to her missing prized wine.
She sniffed the air like a detective on the case, zeroing in on the cup in front of Erza that looked like it was just holding juice.
In a flash, Kana dashed over, snatched the cup, and took a big whiff. Bingo! It was a mix of strong fruit juice and the unique aroma of her precious stash!
"Erza! You secretly drank my—" Kana started to complain without thinking.
Before she could finish, Erza wobbled to her feet, then snapped her head up. Her eyes locked onto Kana—super sharp but totally unfocused!
Kana's heart skipped a beat. A bad feeling washed over her, and she instinctively backed up a few steps, stuttering, "U-um… Erza, if you wanted a drink, you could've just asked me—"
Her words got cut off again, this time way more roughly.
Erza narrowed her eyes and demanded in a drunk but deadly serious tone, "Kana! You're sneaking drinks again?!"
"Huh?" Kana froze.
"S-sneaking? What do you mean?"
Erza swayed a little but her presence only got scarier. "Roger told me before! Kids who sneak alcohol mess up their brain development and get dumb! How many times have you done this?! Confess!"
(She's… totally wasted?!) Kana's mouth twitched.
(I swear that bottle wasn't even that strong… Wait, don't tell me this is Erza's first time drinking?!)
"Listen, Erza, I'm an adult now, so I can—"
"No backtalk!!" Erza wasn't having it. A flash of white light, and a longsword appeared in her hand, the tip pressing right against Kana's throat!
"Y-yes ma'am!!" Kana nearly jumped out of her skin. She threw her hands up, shaking like a leaf, and quickly changed her tune. "I'm sorry! I was wrong! I'll never drink again! I swear!!"
(Drunk Erza is a hundred times more unreasonable than sober Erza!!)
Erza finally huffed in satisfaction, plopped back down with flushed cheeks, and slammed her empty cup onto the table with a loud thunk.
"Come here! Pour me another!"
Kana pouted but muttered under her breath, "You won't let me drink, but you're going at it like a champ… Talk about double standards…"
"Hm?!" Even drunk, Erza's ears were sharp as ever.
That icy, murderous hum made Kana's face switch from grumpy to super sweet in a split second. She grabbed the barrel, poured a full cup, and chirped, "Aye aye! Here's your drink! Enjoy!"
Erza grabbed the cup without looking, chugged it in a few big gulps, and slammed the empty cup back down with another loud thunk.
The whole guild, which had been buzzing with noise, suddenly went quieter. Everyone glanced nervously at the clearly off-kilter Fairy Queen.
Her cheeks got even redder as she scanned the room with hazy eyes. Then she zeroed in on Happy, who was hugging a fish and trying to sneak away from the chaos.
"Hey, you over there!" Erza's voice boomed like thunder.
Happy's fur stood on end. He froze, stood straight, and yelled, "Aye! Present!!"
Erza leaned in, grabbed his tail, and hoisted him upside down, staring hard at his little blue face. "Wakaba! Since when do you eat fish?"
She wrinkled her nose. "You reek of fish!"
Happy broke into a cold sweat, voice shaking. "I-I'm Happy…"
"Hmmm?!" That long, threatening hum was all it took.
Happy instantly caved for his life. "Aye! Right, right! I'm Wakaba! Totally Wakaba!"
Thinking fast, he blurted, "I've been trying to quit smoking lately! But the withdrawal symptoms are brutal—I feel awful all over. I heard eating fish helps, so… yeah, that's why!"
Erza nodded like it made perfect sense. "Smoking's bad for your health. Good job deciding to quit."
Then she casually tossed Happy across the room like a piece of trash.
She reached for her empty cup again.
Kana, now the official pour-girl, was already one step ahead and refilled it.
Erza nodded approvingly in her drunken slur. "Your service… is pretty good. Tip… coming later."
"T-thank you, Queen!" Kana forced a smile while everyone else screamed in her head:
Gray: "Idiot Kana! Why'd you pour her more?! You trying to get us all wiped out?!"
Kana: "You think I want to?! If I'm slow, I'm the one getting wiped out! This is self-defense!"
Lisanna: "Where's Roger?! Get him to stop this crazy Erza!!"
Levy: "I saw him leave with Mira earlier…"
Lucy: "Hurry! Contact Roger! Otherwise drunk Erza's gonna take us all down!!"
Everyone grabbed their communication lacrima like it was a lifeline, frantically trying to call for help—
THUNK!!
Another huge slam! Everyone jumped, dropping their lacrima all over the floor.
They looked up in terror. Erza had turned around and was staring right at them—like a wolf eyeing a flock of sheep.
The whole group got goosebumps, huddling together in the corner, barely daring to breathe.
"Mira!" Erza's cold, drunken voice rang out like a death knell.
Macao, pinned by that stare, went stiff. He glanced around—no mistake, it was him. Remembering what happened to Happy and Kana, he swallowed hard and squeaked in a weird high voice, "I-I'm Mira…"
The second those words left his mouth, Erza's magic exploded! Her eyes turned murderous.
In an instant, the sky filled with hundreds of weapons—swords, spears, all pointed straight at Macao!
"You dared to badmouth me in front of Roger!!" she roared. "I'm gonna kill you!!"
"W-what?! I never did!!" Macao's hair stood straight up as he waved his hands frantically, voice back to normal. "You've got the wrong guy! I'm Macao!!"
"No excuses!!" With her furious shout, the swords rained down like a storm right toward Macao!
Chaos erupted—everyone screamed, ducked, and ran for cover from the drunken bombardment.
"Laxus! Gildarts!" Gray yelled while dodging a massive sword that stabbed into the floor. "Help us stop this lunatic!!"
Gildarts just sat calmly at the bar, sipping his drink with a big grin. "Eh, drunk Erza's aim isn't great anyway. Think of it as emergency dodge training! Pretty fun, right?"
"You're not the one almost dying!!" Macao rolled like a donkey to dodge a sword that skimmed his head, voice cracking.
"One hit and we're reporting to Porlyusica in a body bag!!"
"Somebody go get Roger!! Only he can handle her like this!!"
"What… are you guys doing?" Roger's heavenly voice finally came from the guild doors.
He and Mira had just returned, standing there staring at the storm-wrecked hall.
Mira, beside him, hid a giggle behind her hand, clearly enjoying the show.
(Ara, I only mixed in a tiny bit of alcohol… I just wanted to see Erza choke a little. Who knew she'd get this drunk?)
(But wow—drunk Erza mistaking everyone and going berserk? It's… surprisingly hilarious.)
All the flying weapons stopped dead the moment Roger spoke.
Everyone let out a huge sigh of relief, like they'd just survived a war.
Lucy pointed frantically at the swaying Erza. "It's Erza! She got drunk! Her eyes are all weird, her brain's totally scrambled—she almost wiped out the whole guild!"
"Drunk?" Roger walked over, eyeing Erza's unfocused gaze and wobbly stance. He was about to say something when—
Erza suddenly tipped backward, falling straight.
Roger caught her instantly, pulling her into his arms.
Looking down at her flushed, peacefully sleeping face, he shook his head with a helpless smile.
He adjusted his hold, carrying her princess-style, and turned to the guild. "I'm taking Erza home to rest. You guys keep partying—don't worry."
As Roger carried her out, everyone finally relaxed, slumping like they'd just fought a tough battle.
Sting stared at the wreckage with stars in his eyes, turning excitedly to Rogue. "So awesome! That's our Fairy Queen!!"
"Even drunk, she's insanely strong and terrifying! Exactly like the rumors—no, even cooler!"
Lucy got those three black stress lines on her forehead again. "You really are the kind of guy who'd idolize Natsu…"
"Your brain works exactly like his. Totally weird."
Back home, Roger gently laid Erza on the bed and was about to get up to make hangover soup when he felt a tug on his clothes.
He turned around. Erza had sat up at some point, her crimson hair spilling over her shoulders, swaying softly.
Her eyes were misty and dazed, staring at him. Two fingers gently pinched the hem of his shirt.
"Roger…" Her voice was sticky-sweet from the alcohol, like melted honey.
"Don't… don't go."
She looked like a sleepy little puppy. Roger couldn't help but chuckle softly.
He sat on the edge of the bed, brushing her loose hair behind her ear. His fingertips grazed her warm cheek.
"What is it, Erza?" he asked gently.
"Is there something you want to tell me?"
Instead of answering, she grabbed his hand, looked up, and closed her eyes.
Her long lashes cast tiny shadows.
A few seconds later, she mumbled, "I want… a kiss."
Her lips parted slightly, revealing a glimpse of pink tongue. They glistened with a hint of wine, like dewy rose petals.
Roger swallowed hard, leaned down, and brushed his lips against hers—so different from the hands that wielded swords, soft and bouncy like jelly.
The alcohol had melted away all her usual shyness. She hummed happily into the kiss, then suddenly cupped his face and took the lead.
Roger paused for a second, then smiled, threaded his fingers through her hair, and deepened the kiss. Their tongues met, and he tasted sweet fruit wine.
Erza quickly melted, her body going softer and softer until she lay back on the bed, pulling him down with her.
When the long kiss finally ended, her face was bright red, chest rising and falling, completely boneless.
Then a flash of white light—her casual clothes instantly changed into a bunny girl outfit. Snow-white skin peeked out everywhere, the black top making her glow. Her legs were wrapped in sheer stockings that showed every curve, and the bunny ears on her head wiggled as she tilted her head.
"Should we… keep going?" she whispered, voice a little shaky.
The sight and her scent hit him like a tidal wave. Roger felt his blood rush.
He took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay in control. "Erza… are you sure I should keep going?"
She didn't answer—just nodded softly.
That nod broke the last barrier.
Roger leaned down. The rustle of clothes was extra loud in the quiet night.
Sunlight slipped through the curtains—it was already 10 a.m.
Roger quietly stepped out of the room, closing the door gently.
He turned and met Mira's knowing smile.
She was sitting at the table, cheek in hand, grinning. "Ara~ You two were pretty intense last night~~"
Her voice teased, "It's the first time in years I've heard Erza begging for mercy~"
Roger's face burned. He'd been so caught up he forgot the soundproof barrier.
"Y-you heard everything?"
"Was I not supposed to?" Mira's smile grew, tilting her head cutely. "I couldn't sleep at all~ Good thing I had some silence barrier cards, or I'd have been up till dawn."
Roger coughed awkwardly, avoided her eyes, and escaped to the kitchen to start porridge.
Mira watched his back, smiling helplessly.
(Welp, I basically set Erza up to win. She got to be first…)
(I never should've spiked her juice.)
"Sweet or savory porridge, Mira?" he called from the kitchen.
She snapped out of it. "Savory! Century egg and lean pork, please."
"Got it."
Thanks to a little time magic, the sweet honey aroma and savory pork scent soon filled the air.
Roger brought two bowls to the table and slid the savory one to Mira.
"Thanks, Roger." She took small sips, secretly admiring the guy across from her.
(At least I got his first kiss. That puts me ahead of Erza.)
(Plus what's about to happen later…)
Her smile turned sly. (So really, I'm not losing at all.)
After breakfast, Mira went to her room to pack, then came back beaming.
"It's been four years since I took a job request—I feel a bit rusty."
"I promised Lisanna we'd take a mission together this morning. We'll be back in about a week. If Erza asks, just tell her that, okay?"
Roger blinked, then nodded. "Sure, but you're really going on a job?"
Mira put a finger to her lips and winked playfully. "Secret~ I'll be back in a week."
"As for why…" Her smile turned mischievous. "You'll find out once Erza wakes up."
With a little wave, she vanished out the door.
An hour later, Roger carried a warm bowl of sweet red bean porridge into Erza's room.
He set it on the table, sat gently on the bed, and nudged the still-sleeping girl.
"Erza, wake up a bit. Come eat something."
"I made your favorite red bean sweet porridge."