Age 16 (Jan 2008, After Ayaan's Breakup)
Dear Diary,
The whole school won't shut up. Elena Gilbert and Ayaan Saltzman — over. Done.
Mystic Falls' golden couple shattered, and now every girl is circling like vultures. They whisper, giggle, pray he'll look their way. It's pathetic.
But me? I'm not pretending. I want him. Not in some fairy-tale Elena way. I want to eat him alive. I've done everything else with guys — everything except the final step. I don't even know what I've been waiting for. Maybe I've been waiting for someone like him.
I should be careful, though. Because I don't want to get obsessed — I'm scared. Scared of what revolves around him.
Because it's not just him. It's the Continental.
Everyone in Mystic Falls pretends it's just a motel, but I know better. I've been inside. Room 13, the "sin room" — that's where people like me get their pills. And that's the least mysterious part of it.
Whenever he's there, the whole place changes. The staff hush, the air thickens, like they're covering up something bigger, something worse.
And he's at the center of it. Always.
I've heard whispers: Ayaan's a VVVIP member. That's a level so high most people don't even believe it exists. I don't know what it takes to have that. Wealth, yeah, but more than that. Power. Something untouchable. And Ayaan — the boy I see at school, the one who tops every class, every sport, every art contest — somehow belongs to this world too.
And that's what terrifies me.
Because me? I'm nothing. Despite going there a couple times a month, paying the basic fees from my crap waitress job, I'm at D-class. The lowest of the low. They treat me like dirt unless I'm paying.
I know the hierarchy — everyone whispers about it:
D-Class: Basic entry. Pay to walk in the door, no questions asked.
C-Class: Frequent visitors. Small discounts, tolerated instead of sneered at.
B-Class: Regulars with clean records. Can request favors, sometimes.
A-Class: Serious clients. Doors open, whispers hush. They get service no one else sees.
V-Class: The truly important. Wealth, influence, fear. Treated like royalty.
VV-Class: The shadows behind the scenes. No one knows their faces. Staff bow when they walk in.
VVV-Class: Untouchables. People so powerful the Continental bends its own rules for them. Most say it's just a myth.
But then again… so was Ayaan. He is just like a myth. Someone so perfect shouldn't be allowed to exist, I've always felt that. He exudes an aura that is different from all of us. No teenager should have that, I certainly don't.
Also I don't even get it. Why is the Continental even here?
Mystic Falls is a ditch. No tourist attractions, no big trade hubs. Just some Civil War ghosts and a couple "haunted" sites for bored paranormal bloggers. This town shouldn't even exist on their map. And yet, they built here. And Ayaan's right in the middle of it. I don't know how or even have any proof for what I'm saying, but I feel so.
I should run. Stay away. But when he looks at me — when he says, "Hello, Vicki," like he's known me all my life — I forget the fear. He would never take advantage of me. That's what makes him different from everyone else.
But maybe… maybe I want him to.
---
Age 16 (March 2008, After the Fire)
Dear Diary,
The fire destroyed everything. Houses, trees, the sky itself. But what really burns is how it cracked people open — showed us all for what we really are.
Take my boyfriend. Or, should I say, ex. The night the fire started, his face between my legs to take the edge off exam stress. And the second the sirens blared, the coward bolted. Left me naked, alone, shaking on the bed while the world went to hell outside. Fucking Asshole!!!
I dumped him before sunrise. I might have insecurities — I know what people say about me — but no one gets to treat me like that. I should've broken his dick for that night. It wasn't good anyway.
And there was also Ayaan. But not the golden boy.
I saw them carrying him into the ambulance. His body was burned beyond recognition, like a wax doll left too close to a fire. For a heartbeat, I thought he was gone. But then the sickest thought hit me: relief.
"If he lives, he'll finally bemortal.," I feel even horrible for having that thought, but I couldn't help myself. He was too much, a constant reminder of all of my failures. Of all that I could have been.
Because before he was burnt in the fire, he wasn't like us. He was untouchable. Perfect — he was an idea. But fire doesn't care about ideas. It burns the paper and ink alike.
Now people already whisper he's finished. That no one can come back from this. Even Matt is bolder these days, circling Elena while she cries over Ayaan
I know, how much Matt hates that Elena is still tied to Ayaan, but he's grateful too — grateful for the opening it left him. He's already acting like a cuck through all this. I guess he wasn't completely untouched by our broken family after all. I feel ashamed and relieved at the same time — it's a weird, twisted feeling.
I've even heard him mutter that he hopes Ayaan doesn't wake up. Because if the body survives, the mind won't.
At least I don't think anyone can survive that kind of fall from heaven. That's why everyone says it's better for him to end here than to live the endless suffering of a half-life.
But not me.
I want him to survive. Not as the golden boy, but as the broken one. Because broken, maybe he'd see me like everyone else. Not with hope as he did in the past, as if I'm salvageable, as if I still can change As if I'm not already tainted.
Maybe he'd finally understand what it feels like to fall, to crawl, to need someone else just to keep breathing. How impossible it is to come out of it all.
And then maybe, just maybe, I could feel him, conquer him. Be above him at least once. "see, you were wrong about it all. There is no saving people like us who have already given into temptation."
does it make me a bad person? To want him shattered, just so I can touch him? Feel his equal? To want his fall to drag him down to where I live?
The doctors say he's past the danger. That he'll probably wake up. And I tell myself I'm glad. But the truth is darker.
Because I don't just want him alive. I want him broken.
---
Age 16 (August 2008, Before the School Visit)
Dear Diary,
I don't know how to feel anymore. Pity. Happiness. Both.
He's alive. Ayaan. But he's not the same. He looks like a shell of what he used to be. Burned, scarred, pale, hollow-eyed. When I saw him lying there, all I wanted was to pull his head to my chest and hold him until he stopped looking so lost. But I couldn't. I was terrified if I touched him, his skin would tear apart under my hands.
And yet… I was happy. Happy he survived when everyone else thought he wouldn't. Happy he wasn't gone like all the whispers in the wind.
The Continental asked me to deliver a letter. A white envelope with the golden crown. I didn't peek — I wouldn't dare. I know the cost of that. He opened it slowly, read in silence, his face blank — and then the paper burned. Right there in his hands, curling into ash without a match, without a spark.
For the first time, I saw Ayaan panic. His whole body tensed, eyes wide like a cornered animal. Afterward, he reached for the notebook at his side table. Ten numbers, one to ten, each with empty spaces beside them. He kept staring at it, like he was trying to drag something important out of his head. When I asked, he gave careless replies, like it didn't matter — but his eyes told me everything.
Was it a trick? A prank? Something the Continental does to remind even him who's in control? I wanted to ask what was in the letter, but I couldn't. His fearful eyes closed me off. Still… I feel like I'll get another chance. I don't know why.
What makes it stranger is that he was alone today. No family. No friends. Just like me.
Elena I get. After the breakup, she ran to Matt. Maybe to make Ayaan jealous, maybe just to fill the hole he left. And now she feels guilty, I know that look. Of disappointing people you don't want to. They aren't official yet, but everyone sees them and rumors aren't helping her case either.
But Bonnie? That's different. I heard from Matt, that Bonnie and Elena had a huge fight some time back because of how little Elena seem to care. There was a drift, another gossip I heard in class.
Why hasn't Bonnie come since after Ayaan woke up, even though she's been by his side every single day of his coma. It even felt like, after Elena, it was Bonnie's turn to claim him. Three months straight, no break. Like religion; and now she's vanished. Why?
Something's weird.
But I don't want to think about it too much. Easier to just write. Easier to just pretend that for once, it's me who got closer to him somehow after knowing his secret.
Continental. Fire. 10 Points. Letter. Bonnie's disappearance. Everything is connected somehow.
- vivki