It was a cool morning in the stables of Axel, the calming chirp of the birds, the yellowish rays of light permeating through the cracks on the wood walls, the smell of horse shit, and the raging man with a purple eye gazing over the sleeping figure of a goddess.
(This fucking useless goddess had the gall to defend herself. After all I put up with her yesterday she dared hit me with a skill no less. I see now that her max stats are no joke, that punch could have very well killed a loveless guy like me right there. And worse, I haven't fucked anything in likely thirty-two hours. I can feel the abstinence burning through my veins. And the top of the cherry is that I can't even distract myself with breakfast because she spent all our money yesterday.)
The angry man stood boiling in place with a chain connecting from his arm to a bed where a beautiful girl slept. She was comfortably laying on her back with the blanket of agony dropped to the floor and she had drool coming out of her mouth. The sight looked like she was mocking Crim even in her sleep. He spat at the floor and walked out with the chain spilling in trail out of his right arm. He walked out and the sun light blinded him momentarily, causing him to stand in place. He heard the sound of something crashing on the grass before him. He managed to get his sight back and noticed bird shit had landed right where he was about to stand had the light not blinded him before.
Quack, quack, QUAAAAAACK!
A metallic floating chain caught the insolent bird and dragged it down to the ground. The chain had just one tip and couldn't separate in multiple ends, however so long as it could continue to grow, the chain could fold itself to generated forms like tendrils, pillows, beds and such, and even act as a spare tip to use while the real tip remains in use somewhere. Five minutes went by and the useless goddess smells something cooking and shoots out of bed skipping happily in the direction of the smell.
Whitcher got there predator leech?
Morning useless snack, as you can see I've caught us a meal. Since some alcoholic goddess I know drank all our money.
Where Crim was sitting a cooked duck was being held nearby. Inside a red burning chain that had folded until it took a form that resembled a pot. The part of the chain that remained silver and at regular temperature rotated the onion duck, roasting it ever so slightly into a decent meal against the parts sizzling red. The useless goddess observed how the chain used its serrated spikes to cut a slice of the duck meat and brought it straight to the mouth of the sex offender leech.
Ahhhhhh chomp the useless goddess sat next to him and mimicries his actions.
Ahhhhhhhhhh…
The chain cut a slice of the duck and made an attempt to feed her, only to retract just as she tried to take a bite, teasing the hungry goddess. She shot a deadly stare at the man clad in red. He let a soft laugh and slightly moved his fingers to make the chain feed the hungry goddess. She took her bite and chewed up feeling satisfied with the taste.
Hey this really bothers me, why is a cursed item so convenient? Something like this should be a crime against the heavens and anything that's good in the world, something that would bring pain and despair to showcase the consequences of disobeying the gods. Yet why do I feel like I want to borrow her for myself after you're done defeating the demon king?
There's no greater romance than the power of a curse. To hold the power of sin in the palm of your hand yet power trough pain and sacrifice to achieve you goals and print your name in the pages of history, truly a dark blessing in disguise. Ahhhhhhhh...
Crim and Aqua where caught off guard by the little mage like girl clad in red that sat around the roasted duck with them and was opening her mouth like she wanted to be fed. Crim just remained silent for a moment, and the little girl just kept her eyes shut and the ahhhhhhh going. Basically, demanding the meal. Crim gave up and began moving his fingers like a puppeteer, and mommy Calamity Chains feeds her youngest daughter.
Hah delicious, solid and delicious, but most importantly solid. I hadn't eaten anything for three whole days.
Ahhhhhhh.
Annoyed by the exigent demands, Crim made the chain spill out of his wrist a little more before it folded in two extra tips like tendrils. The three tendrils began to cut at the roasted duck meat and caught the slices with the spikes before bringing them to the girl's mouths and his.
Crim: Say what's a little girl like you doing eating so casually with strangers? Ahhhhhh chomp.
How rude, I am not a little girl. My name is Megumin, I'm thirteen and I would eat with a devil if he fed me right now. Ahhhhhh chomp.
Hey, those crimson red eyes and the strange name. Are you perhaps a crimson demon? Ahhhhh chomp.
Demon?
Crim nearly stands up at the revelation, but seeing the calm demeanor of the useless goddess helped him calm down a little. Luckily nobody saw how much he had freaked out so he tried to play it cool and stay on guard.
Yes, My name is Megumin. An arch wizard and foremost of the crimson demons in the art of Explosion. Ahhhhh chomp.
The little girl stood up for an introduction with flowing cape and all.
(What's so weird about her name?)
Crim couldn't help but find Megumin act cute and played along.
My name is Crim E. Vilan. Wearer of the Chains of Calamity and goddess slave driver. Ahhhhh chomp.
Hmph! [Pouts, stands up for introduction] And my Name is Aqua. The goddess of the Axis sect that rules over the domain of water and guides the souls of young men that died on earth to the afterlife. Ahhhh chomp.
Sis is wrong to pretend to be someone else like that. You'll receive divine retribution from the goddess Aqua herself. Ahhhh chomp.
Ignore her; she's a little whack on the head. Ahhhh oh my we ran out of duck.
Aw.
By the way little girl, why did you say you hadn't eaten in three days? Where are your parents?
Back in the crimson demon village. I left home in my quest to become the greatest mage this world has ever known.
(Oh right this world is in the middle ages, she's old enough to leave home even at this age.)
Hey parasite leech can't you get another onion duck? I'm still hungry.
Well, if I see one flying by then sure, now that you woke out and we finished the meal I can take all the chain back and leave this place. We probably catch one in our way to the guild. [[Pain of the Light Breeze]]
The burning red links of the chain returned to its usual silver color and began to retract completely into Crim wrist.
That's so cool, but you should make your chants longer otherwise it loses pizzazz.
That chant is pre-selected and can't be modified or there'll be painful consequences, but I'll think about adding random banter if I ever want to piss off my enemies. It's been a pleasure enjoying this picnic Litt…. Megumin, see you around. Change out of that pajama and meet me at the guild Aqua. I'll see if that blonde blockhead lets me pick some magic class today.
Wait your adventurers? What coincidence, I am one too and I don't have a party yet.
Oh no dear Megumin that delinquent is not an adventurer. He'd said some rude things and now he's banned from the guild kusukusukusu He has to rely on me to get the quest for him. He's a leech and parasite who needs girls to take care of him no matter where he goes. I am his caretaker.
(No, you're my sex slave, and so far I rate your performance in all fields incredibly useless.)
Then you are the adventurer then?
Aqua: Yes. I'm Aqua, the beautiful archpriest.
Then would you like to let me be—
Emergency, emergency, all adventurers report to the guild immediately at once.
Huh what was that?
Is a call from the guild to have all adventures gathered to combat a powerful enemy or complete a time limited quest. Ha ha ha, this is the perfect chance to show the might of my explosion magic, truly a blessing of the gods that we'd be called for an emergency like this after our faithful meeting.
All right. If they pay us I don't mind. I can't really be counting on ducks in the sky for a living.
And so the party made way for the adventurer's guild. Once arrived they tried to walk into a crowd of gathered adventurers and an angry shout told an intruder to stand outside, the intruder angrily attended the meeting from the door outside.
You should all know what this call was for but I'll say it again for those of us new here. It's the cabbage harvest!
YEAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Hey, what the fuck is cabbage harvest and why did we get called on emergency for mere vegetables?
You be quiet! Anyways, as an especial incentive the guild has decided to offer 100 USD Eris per cabbage captured. So go outside and have some fun.
YEHEHEAAAAAAAA!