His eyes widened. He felt both warm and cold inside. His mind was in the state of shock. Not even his ability for cold reason and logic could help him
It felt weird hearing that someone care. It felt, oddly, nice.
But, because of his experience, he couldn't let his guard down. He couldn't trust somebody that easily.
Part of him wanted to, but he just couldn't.
Million of thoughts are storming in his head. He wants to respond to her somehow, but his mind is still in the state of shock.
So he did the worst thing he could.
He punched her.
The punch was that strong, that he manager to push her back, and the poor girl lost her balance, making her sit on her butt.
His mind became clearer now. He knew that he did something wrong, but this was his first time experiencing something like this.
Her expression changed. Her look full of anger now.
He matched her gaze, his eyes same as her.
Before she could say anything, he shouted:
"I told you to leave me alone! You don't understand what is wrong with me, so don't bother me!"
Maybe because of the heat of the moment, or adrenaline coursing his body, he felt nothing. Maybe a little hot, but empty inside.
But he knows that when he cools down, and when he starts reflecting on his actions, he won't be able to sleep.
Some people say it's a form of anxiety. He just calls it guilt.
In middle school, if he were to say something slightly embarrassing enough to make other kids laugh, he would feel like he was haunted.
He would feel pain because other laughed at him. Pain that he seemed stupid.
Fear that tommorow he would have to listen to the same story again, how stupid he was.
So many tears were shed because of some stuff other people wouldn't even remember.
Whenever he reached for help, their advice was:" Just don't let it bother you. " And they would pretend that everything is normal
And now, after he learned how to live with other people and himself, not to get exposed too much, she comes in, pretending to care.
Even though he appreciated her help, he knows she can't help him. Nobody can. And that's why he has to continue ignoring people's help, so that he doesn't get his hope up about changing his life.
Turning his back on her, he repeated his ritual. He inhaled deeply, calmed himself down, and felt empty inside. He learned that his was the best way how to fight his guilt.
With a heavy heart, he made the first step to the classroom. But before he could touch the doorknob, something weird happened.
He isn't in the classroom anymore, but somewhere else entirely.