Kairen grabbed Temari in a flash faster than lightning and quarks.
She didn't even realize she'd been picked up yet.
Kairen smacked Temari's butt. "Come on, I'll take you to see your new house!"
Temari kept struggling. "You pervert, put me down!"
Kairen laughed. "Still talking tough—rushing to see me like this?"
"Pervert! Where are you taking me?"
"I'm taking you to the Imperial Kitchen!"
...
Kairen was like a pancake vendor, flipping Temari—front side, then back side.
Sprinkle some cumin, add a little flower oil, and a fragrant wife-cake was ready.
Kairen took small bites, the cake was extraordinarily delicious, and his mouth ended up full of oil.
After the heavy rain, Kairen went shirtless, lit a cigarette, and blew out a scene.
At this moment he entered sage mode, his head full of philosophy.
Kairen thought about the past and the future, then muttered,
"Am I getting a bit too lust-driven?"
Morning once, noon once—spending the whole day charging like a gale.
Blunt Kairen once said that people have to find their own value in life.
Kairen felt that besides reproducing, he was just there to make up the numbers.
Temari bit Kairen's abs in hatred and cursed, "Your brain is in your lower half."
Kairen pressed down Temari's head; before it even passed his navel, he started causing trouble.
"Bast… bastard!"
The female lead's speech leaked a bit—after all, her mouth wasn't exactly clean.
After a bout of balls-aching roughhousing, Kairen slowly put on his clothes and patted Temari on the head.
"You'll live here from now on."
Temari rinsed her mouth, spat out some water, and glared at Kairen.
"I'm not living in a place that belongs to a bastard like you."
A voice came from outside. "Boss, the people from Sunagakure are here. The Daimyō of the Land of Wind and the nobles have all been tied up and brought over. They're waiting for you to decide."
Kairen smiled. "Good. It's time I had an empire of my own."
Temari was puzzled. "What are you planning to do?"
Kairen walked straight outside, then appeared in the Golden Hall.
He sat on the throne.
"Mm~"
Wolon and Fenchu, the two mascots, served as stone lions, guarding Kairen on both sides of the throne.
On both sides of the hall stood Cloud Kairen, Doctor Snake, Academic Genius…
All the worthy ministers and fierce generals who had followed Kairen to conquer the world.
Canon stood beside the throne and shouted in a duck-like voice, "The Emperor arrives!"
"Long live Your Majesty, long live, long, long live…"
The Shadow Clones cooperated and bowed.
The people of Sunagakure were a bit dumbfounded—they had no idea what Kairen was putting on.
Your Majesty? Is that the title for a Daimyō?
The Sunagakure elders didn't care about the details—just lick first and get it over with—so they followed along and congratulated Kairen.
Another faction of Sunagakure looked at Gaara, waiting for his response.
Gaara stayed silent, arms crossed, quietly watching Kairen.
"Hahaha…"
Kairen laughed nonstop, then suddenly choked his throat.
"Cough cough cough…"
Cloud Kairen hurriedly stepped out.
"Your Majesty, please take care of the body!"
Kairen took a couple of breaths; he'd gotten a bit carried away.
He looked appreciatively at Cloud Kairen.
"Thank you for your concern. I… mm! I know my own body."
"Dear ministers, what matters do you have to present?"
Kankuro jumped out. "Moku Kairen, what exactly did you call us here for?"
Kairen's face flew into a rage. He grabbed Wolon next to him and gave that bear butt a squeeze.
Canon read the room and immediately berated Kankuro.
"Insolence! His Majesty is the supreme of the world. To call him by name deserves death."
"Guards! Drag this madman out and feed him to the animals!"
People from the Sunagakure elders also jumped out.
"Kankuro, do you think you're still the Kazekage's brother? Times are different now."
"Woof! Woof! Woof!"
A group of Shadow Clones led over more than a dozen dogs and directly surrounded Kankuro.
Kankuro took out a crow.
"Who's afraid of who?"
Canon shouted, "This is outrageous! Guards, wipe out his clan—send the women to the harem, grind the men to ashes, and in his home chop the earthworms upright and shake the eggs until the yolks are mixed."
"Let me see who dares!"
A kunai flew in and stuck into the ground in front of Kankuro.
Temari walked in with her arms crossed, face cold, and shot Kairen a glare.
"You're going to wipe out my family?"
Kairen had just wiped her—how would he dare wipe out her family?
He laughed awkwardly, waved his hand, and ended the farce.
Kairen's harem came out and interfered in politics without the slightest concealment, and the royalist faction didn't say a single word.
The elders' faction, on the other hand, licked until their hemorrhoids hurt.
An old man jumped out and pointed at Temari, scolding,
"Temari, how dare you! Do you know where this is? Since when is it your turn, a woman, to speak?"
The elders looked at Kairen, tongues out—this wave should get them some bones, right?
Kairen lounged sideways on the dragon throne, treating it like a sofa, and even kneaded Wolon into a pillow.
He sneered at the elders. They were just a bunch of fish he kept to muddy the waters—since when did they dare point at his food?
Kairen gave Canon a look. Canon nodded and flicked the whisk.
"Drag him out—send him to the desert to eat sand for the rest of his life."
The Sunagakure elder who had jumped out was feeling smug, when he suddenly realized the dogs were actually surging toward him.
Like dogs pouncing on food, he was quickly dragged out, and as he went he kept shouting,
"Your Majesty, I'm wronged! I'm wronged!"
Left on the spot was only Temari, arms crossed, wearing a faint smile.
The elders were startled and thought to themselves that the Sunagakure princess had climbed pretty fast—she'd probably already climbed to this lord's pillow.
No, we can't fall behind.
Temari stood next to Gaara, tugged Kankuro's ear, and scolded,
"Are you an idiot? Don't you want to live?"
Kankuro gave an awkward laugh and obediently accepted Temari's scolding.
Gaara quietly glanced at Kairen above, then at Temari beside him, and asked a bit strangely,
"Sister, why does he give you so much attention?"
Temari panicked and stalled,
"I… I knelt to him for a long time just now, so of course he… he gave me attention."
Gaara was very unwilling to see that.
"Sister, don't demean yourself. I won't lose heart again."
Kankuro also looked indignant.
"Yeah! Don't beg him anymore. Worst case, we leave Sunagakure."
Temari had no choice but to agree.
"Alright, alright, I won't take his humiliation anymore."
Temari made up her mind to stay far away from Kairen.
Yes! Even if he's strong no matter what, I won't touch him anymore.
I, Temari, am quitting the addiction.
...
Fenchu climbed into Kairen's arms and competed with Wolon for favor.
Kairen smacked his lips. "Dear ministers, is there anything else to present?"
Cloud Kairen stepped out and clasped his hands in salute.
"Please, announce it to all under heaven, establish the empire, take the title of Son of Heaven, call yourself the lone one, uphold glorious orthodoxy, and unify the divine land."
Becoming emperor has to follow a process.
No matter how hard it is, the formality matters—after all, it's a big deal.
From this it can be seen that whether becoming emperor is for fun or for going to jail, you have to go through the procedures.
Kairen stood up. "Let's go. I, Kairen, will go worship Heaven right now."
"We respectfully escort Your Majesty!"
The group rushed out of the hall in high spirits.
The people of Sunagakure were left staring blankly. What is he doing now? They really couldn't keep up with Kairen's jumpy way of thinking.
(T/N: Everything looks very Chinese I removed many elements, but it is impossible to remove them completely. I hope you understand what you are reading)