It feels like flying, it feels like no restraints, like endless freedom.
It feels like being alive.
Running through the forest, jumping high to the sky, on trees, from branch to branch, hunting for life.
Feeling the wind on the skin, smelling the air around, hearing the whispering of the wind on the hunt for life.
This is the kind of freedom that I seek.
But what keeps me away from it is my desire, my desire to help everyone that I encounter.
I will help them to improve their live and find the freedom that they so desperately lack.
That's why I move through the world, I'm following my desire to help all those that need my help to liberate them. That's what I was made for. By him, for him, for ever, as long as I breath in this wonderful world.
Sadly I can't save everyone and some even have to be truely liberated by me, like this one deer a few days ago. I had to use my own hand, my own two finger to liberate it from its misery.
You may ask how I can tell who needs to be liberated by me, that is a easy question to answer.
I can see it, I can smell it.
It is a thing that is in the air, like a transparent mist with a very clear smell.
Sadly I can't save everyone, some show hostility towards me and my o so wunderfull task of helping them.
I recently found a settlement, they may show hostility towards me, that's why I need to pick one when that one is alone.
I'll jump from atop on him and inject my seed of liberation in him like once father did to me and his to him, all the way back to the one that created our line.
I'll liberate them all.
I can remember it clearly, I was playing with my sister in the woods, we climbed on trees, jumped over roots and rolled in grass.
It was early summer, the sun was high, a bit after noon, the air was warm and the bird chanted melodies in the slow wind.
Flowers painted the green, brown and blue even more colourfull.
We came to a river, the water was clear and even some fish could be seen.
It would have been like every other day, if not for a tiny misstep.
We, my sister and me, stod at the top of a hill, to our feet was the river, we were thirsty, so we came to drink there.
A quick look in between us two led to a silent bet, a race who would be there the first.
She started emidiatly, got a head up of around three steps until I started to stumble forward.
I surely wouldn't win, I was faster for sure but on such a short distance was nothing that I could do.
Still, I could still smell victory. And so I ran, faster and faster. My boots dug slightly in to the grassy ground under my weight.
My eyes fixated on her back, just tiny bits out of my arms reach and coming closer.
She started to decrease her footing, the wet edge of the water looking almost up her toes.
I tried to stop, stumbled, lost balance and crashed in to her.
I could feeling the suffocating cold on my body, on my face, so I rose up.
With a burning chest I struggled to keep my head up but I still looked for my sister.
In an eyes corner was a shadow under the surface.
Plunging after her, all I could was to grab her and that I did.
Completely wet, with cold skin and blue lips came we up the shore.
My thoughts in that moment were that fatger would definitely do...
But still we needed to get back.
And back we got. Mother made us warm water and gave us some freshly cooked fruits and blankets.
She asked if we're fine, I had a small cut on my left arm, nothing major, sister was completely fine.
At least that's what I thought.
She got a fever in the following days.
Coughing and a feeling of weakness came later too.
I wish I could have saved her.
Her condition would only worsen in the following days.
I wish I could save her.
Father got with some connections a healer from the south-west, he arrived at the dusk to the third night.
I can't remember what he really looked alike, he was tall and had dark clothes, a fuzzy beard and short hair but no sharp details.
I want to save her.
This healer conducted strange rituals that seemed to darken the air around. It helped sister at first but at the very next day would it all be worse.
I will save her.
I asked him if I could help him some how.
I will save her!
He denied, I would only stand in his way.
I WILL SAVE HER!
The healer worked day in day out, even over night for four days straight but in the end...
I WILL SAVE HER!!
Why do I remembered this right there?
And what was that before that?
I was still crawled up hidden in the bush but there was no sign of this hideous beast with its many arms.
Slowly and cautiously were my eyes scanning my surroundings, I didn't dare to move a single muskle in my body for quite some time.
I breathed out a small clout of relief when the evening cold started to build up and the sky behind the dying leaves formed in darker shades of blue to black.
Listening to the voices of the forest, the trees with their leaves, with their branches that whistled and cracked.
Step by step, slow and steady taped my toes on the ground in between sticks and piles of yellow and brown leaves.
I could hear how my heart was racing, bump, bump, bump, my eyes were wide open and my skin could feel every slight move of air.
Step by step I moved, moved down hill in the direction were the night sky was the brightest.
The moon laughted in the shadows of the trees down, it was a bright light compared to the stars, silver in steel and gold in the feel.
I soon heard something, came across something, I got to a river, waves danced around rocks, water plunged on to itself and so on.
It took quite some time but in the end united the river in to a lake.
Looking around, the silver of the moon danced on small waves, clouds fought with the stars for the supremasy of the night sky.
I want to be as free those stars.
But will I ever be...?
This world is so beautiful to the eye but so ugly to the life.
Is it worth it? Am I worth it?
All this pain, all this suffering, is it worth it?
Why are the gods so silent?
I know they exist, I saw it, they were once among men.
If the gods have forsaken us, for what is to live left?
I had many more thoughts there, it felt like I had a clear mind, a find that could come to thoughts that would be else ways be hidden.
Is it because I am scared of this hideous beeings in the woods? Is it because I am exhausted of all this...? Is it because of the night?
Well I don't know.
The only thing that I know for sure is that change will come afford.
Father woke me up, he was by my bed, his hands on my shoulder and he called me awake with a soft voice.
I felt tired, sure out of missing sleep, but it felt like the muskles in my legs were pierced a hundred times.
And my feet felt even worse.
"Phew" a sign of relief in his voice after he noticed that I came to mind.
"Where have you gone in the past four days?"
I've been gone for four days?
Sure my time perception isn't good but four days?
"You were the first to disappear, do you know what happened to hunter Markov? He went missing a day after you and without a trace too."
Was it that monster in the woods that took him?
Will I go missing without a trace too?
My breathing quickened, I felt cold, my limbs were shacking and shivering, I felt like throwing up.
This can't be real, this can't be true, this thing is only out of my imagination.
"AHH!" I started to scream hysterical, father tried to calm me down and mother came soon in the room too.
They embraced me in a tight hug, but I could still unly scramble for words and blur out nonsense and gibberish.
It took me quite some time to calm down and really feel the warmth; my mind was blank, no thoughts and no worries.
Tskyove, my older brother, came to us, better said he came to father. Father looked up with a questioning look on his face.
"Father there is some one at the door that would like to speak to you."
He announced a visitor with words like that or something similar.
"Good morning..." It was a voice unknown to me that came to visit father.
Sure I live in this more or less small village for my entire 12, was it 12?, yes I am sure it was 12 summers.
Or I might have just forgotten who the owner of the voice is.
"I am very sorry I could not find your lost child ..." The unknown voice from the door completed his sentence like that.
Father greeted and answered "Morning, actually ... was found at the edges of the woods, close to the lake on the opposite, at dawn by logger Vilsk."
"Kheeh" I heard the onkown sigh " Is he well? Has he any injuries?"
"Every thing seems to be fine as far as we know so far, no visible cuts or brushes or blue spots. Which is actually something unusual for someone that is breakable like him."
"May I have a look?, I maybe I'll find something that you guys missed."
"Well it can't hurt or?, he is with his mother in the room second door left."
I heard some foot steps first, then the door closing, followed additional steps until a stranger stood in the door of my room, father was close behind.
"Can you tell me what happened to you?
Do you feel any unusual things or do you have pain?
Do you have bad dreams?"
The stanger asked me lots of questions but with every word he said it felt like the room darkened, it got colder, his ember brown eyes, it felt like they were looking on prey.
My heart started bursting in my chest again, all I could hear before I started to scream uncontrollable again was "Oh where's my etiquette, my name is Mark..."