Basel, April 1941.
-Yes, I know, but she's starting to have doubts… Maybe we should only see each other once a week, until she calms down… Okay, fine. We'll talk again, goodbye.
I had been standing for 20 minutes, and I only heard part of the conversation, but now I know that Heinrich is in contact with someone I don't know. But who is this man, and why does Heinrich want to see him so badly? Is he hiding something serious from me?
This whole situation exhausts and angers me. We're engaged, and he doesn't seem to trust me.
-Oh hi Ruth, are you okay?
-Yes.
-I was wondering about the wedding…
-There's no need to wonder about anything.
-What? What do you mean?
-You think I don't suspect anything.
-Ruth, I…
-I what? You're hiding a lot of things from me and you still plan to marry me? I don't want that, if it's a relationship based on lies.
-I'm sorry, Ruth, for lying to you, but I don't have a choice.
-Why don't you have a choice?
-I'm sorry.
-I swear, Heinrich, if you don't tell me, I'm leaving this place.
He moves closer to me and leans against the kitchen counter.
-I met someone, a spy.
Surprise clearly appears on my face, but I wait for what comes next.
-I decided to hire him so he could give me information about what's happening in Germany. And for some time now, I've been getting answers to my questions.
-What questions?
-About your family.
My heart skips a beat, and silence settles between us in the kitchen. I take time to understand that he's talking about my family.
-I know, Ruth, that you have trouble talking about your family, but I think now especially since you discovered that I've been hiding something from you I'd rather you know everything from now on.
I lift my head, but no words come out of my mouth.
-I found out that your little brother escaped from the camp. My spy told me he was helped out by a German doctor, but the Nazi soldiers can't find him anywhere.
A huge weight lifts from my shoulders, and I slightly regain the space to breathe.
-But he didn't find anything else about your parents, except that they are both in a camp in Poland. I'm sorry.
-I'm sure they're fine. We just have to ask your spy to find out more and also to help them. He could do that, right?
-Ruth, that's not how it works.
-And why not?
-You don't realize how difficult it already was for him to get there without being caught.
-But if he already succeeded once, it should be fine. So next time, he could save my parents.
-Ruth…
-And then he'll find my brother and bring him here with us, and we'll be safe, and...
-Ruth.
-WHAT!
-It's not possible. Forget it.
-But you don't know that. We haven't even tried.
-I know. That's all.
-And my brother?
-What, your brother?
-We should go back to Germany to find him.
-It's too risky.
-Well, I don't care. I'm going back.
-Oh yeah? And how? On foot?
-If that's the only way, yes.
-Ruth, stop being delusional. It's absolutely pointless.
Anger rises in me. I go to my bedroom, take the bag of newspapers, come back to him, and empty the bag onto the floor in front of him.
-What is all this?
-I'll ask you the same question.
Nothing comes out of his mouth; his gaze is filled with guilt.
-Why did all the newspapers from this week end up in your bag?
-I… I hid the newspapers so you wouldn't find them, so you wouldn't discover what's happening outside.
-So you're hiding the truth from me, for my own good?
-Yes.
-Do you sincerely think that after everything I've been through, I'm not aware of what's happening outside these walls?
-That's what I thought. I'm sorry for hiding all this from you, but I needed to make a gesture for you.
-Are you sure it was really for me that you did all this?
My question catches him off guard; he no longer dares to answer.
-I think you're trying to redeem yourself for I don't know what, and you're trying to ease your conscience.
-You don't know what I've been through.
-But you don't either, Heinrich. You have no idea what I've been through.
-Yes, that's true. You're right. I am trying to redeem myself, but I did all this for you too.
-Heinrich, you have to tell me everything now. I need to know.
-I don't want to talk about it.
-Heinrich, please talk to me.
-No.
He grabs his jacket and leaves the apartment. I find myself alone, like last night. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to say anymore. But I so desperately need to know why he wants to redeem himself, and I need to find my family but he doesn't seem willing to help me.