"You will never know how much I had to dig inside my heart… to hide my own emotions and conscience, and to spit out those poisonous words at you. You think I am not grateful for the way you treated me before the rebellion… You think I despise you.
That's right… I do.
So please go away from this cruel world and stay away from trouble, Caius… I did not break myself just to see you thirst for revenge that would finally eat you up again. Break this circle as I broke myself…"
The night was lively. Always.
A guilty child sat near the window, a table of food in front of him. His eyes did not want to look ahead, for he knew that a pair of painful brown pupils would drill him into sadness. He started playing with his fingers, looking out the window at the bright skyscrapers and the vehicles driving away.
"When were you going to tell me the truth, Gideon?"
His mother—me—was not able to protect him. He had never been so rebellious, taking his own decisions like this before the incident. Odette sat across from him, looking at the child with so much in her chest that she simply could not pour it all out in front of him… could she?
After the silence, he looked at her, fear in his eyes shining brighter than the lights outside. "I saw Caius, Mama," he said, biting his lip to stop himself from sounding weak. "He is my class teacher."
Of course he is… this is the best way to hurt me. Hurting you.
"Why did you not tell me this was the reason from the beginning itself?" She leaned forward, placing her hand on his head. She was not mad at him for bunking classes; rather, she worried about what could have happened if he was not safe when he went to his friend's house.
"He hurt you a lot…" The words came out of him with difficulty, his eyes tearing up. Now, as a grown boy, he knew how to look away in shame when he showed even a speck of weakness. "He hurt Mama so much. It's still in your heart, I know."
A large reality pummeled her to the ground. That was how she felt.
Her hand stopped rubbing his head. She could only stare at him, speechless.
"What do you mean, baby?" Did she look that haggard after that incident? Had she ever looked so sad and miserable that a ten-year-old could tell?
Gideon looked back at the distant city and stood up from his seat, walking up to her. Without a word, he embraced her. By instinct, her arms wrapped around him. He rested his head on hers as she sat. Gently… as if reassuring a child, he slowly explained.
"I did not want to see Mama hurt more when I say his name…" A sigh left her body. "Me and Jed planned to hang out at his place and not let you worry, Mama. I'm sorry." His head began to hurt from all the tears he tried to hold back.
Odette stared into oblivion, taking every word into her shattered heart. Tears fell from her eyes, melting her coldness into small grieving trails. She hugged her child tightly, forcing her voice to sound strong.
"You don't have to worry like that…" Her mouth trembled as she swallowed a cry. "Mama is not that weak. You know I can handle it."
"I'm sorry I did not tell you," Gideon said, looking out once again.
The sky had no clouds, just a dim, dark blue illuminated by the lights that kept his apartment bright when bedtime came. He wondered how all those people passing by- walking, driving, taking the bus, even the airplanes overhead- were living ordinary nights.
Life was happy for him… until he saw that person again. It made him lie to the only person he loved, made him truly understand fear and how weak he was. That needed to stop.
I'd rather sit in class with Caius than see her cry one more time late at night… She thinks I can't hear. I don't fall asleep that fast. I know Mama cries when she's alone sometimes, especially when she goes out with her friends and comes home.
That night marked the change, paving the way to newly installed CCTV cameras and her personally driving Gideon to school and back. She had a heavy schedule, yet nothing was higher on her priority list than her child and his education. If personally taking him to school and picking him up gave him peace, then she would do it- no matter how tired she became.
A week passed by, and Gideon would come home not wanting to talk about the subjects Caius taught. Apart from being his homeroom teacher, Caius was also his English and financial literacy teacher. This made things harder for him. However, every night before bed, they would pray together and talk things through.
Odette would listen to every worry Gideon had. In return, she would open her heart as well, and together they would plan for the next morning.
A small mobile phone was given to the child, to be used only if Caius stepped out of line or created an emergency. Arvin and Azeal were also informed of the situation, so if anything happened- or if Caius tried anything - they would know to get Gideon first.
In this way, the week passed. To their relief, there was no sign of Caius crossing any boundaries or threatening them. It almost made them wonder why he had returned to this part of the world, and specifically this part of the city. It could be that they were not his primary target.
Until…
"You know I came back to find you… so why don't you make things easy for everyone and let me have you?"