Morning in Tortuga was a surreal experience. The sun rose politely. The people of Tortuga… did not.
Edward stepped over a snoring pirate, avoided a pair of boots still being worn by a man hanging unconscious from a balcony, and adjusted his coat with the grace of someone who absolutely did not belong here but refused to admit it.
On his shoulder, the seagull let out a self-important squeak.
"Exactly," Edward agreed. "Today is the day. No fires. No tavern wars. No angry sailors chasing me."He paused, then added, "Ideally."
"SQUEEK."
"That's the attitude! We find a crew, we find a ship, and we find my friends. And preferably we don't get stabbed before lunch."
Edward headed straight to the docks, where hungover men and women were lounging in hammocks, scrubbing decks, or trying not to fall into the sea.
He found a potential candidate: a tall man with impressive sideburns and a tattoo that read Experience Counts.
"Hello!" Edward greeted cheerfully. "You look like you know which end of a ship points forward."
The man burped loudly in his face, then rolled off the dock into the water.
Edward stared after him as bubbles rose."Well… that's a no."
"SQUEEK."
"Yes, I know it's going great so far."
Next, Edward approached a trio of veteran-looking pirates sitting around a crate.
They looked competent.
They looked dangerous.
They looked like they hadn't slept since last Tuesday.
Edward smiled pleasantly."Gentlemen, I'm looking to hire a crew."
"We cost five gold a day," said the first pirate.
"We do no work before noon," added the second.
"And we don't follow orders," the third finished.
Edward blinked."You… don't follow orders?"
The third pirate shrugged. "We find orders limiting."
"SQUEEK."
Edward nodded."Yes, I agree. That's just existing badly."
He turned around and walked away before the conversation could get any worse.
The tavern from yesterday had already been rebuilt by Tortuga locals who worked surprisingly fast under the influence of rum and questionable carpentry.
Edward entered cautiously.
Two men were arm wrestling on a barrel. A woman was counting the teeth she'd knocked out of someone last night. The bartender was scrubbing soot off the sign with a sigh.
Edward cleared his throat."Anyone here looking for work?"
Silence.
Then
SQUEEEEEEEEK!
The seagull spread its wings dramatically, as if declaring war on the entire tavern.
Every head turned.
A scarred man pointed."Is that the demon bird wot attacked Ferguson yesterday?"
"SQUEEK!!!"
Edward took a subtle step backward."It was a misunderstanding."
"Looked pretty intentional," another pirate growled.
Edward grabbed a mug off the counter and held it up."FREE DRINKS FOR ANYONE WILLING TO JOIN MY CREW!"
The tavern erupted into cheers.
And then into chaos.
A massive brawl broke out over the mug, followed by two tables flipping, a chandelier crashing down, and a man yelling, "MY LEG!" for reasons unknown.
Edward crouched behind the bar."I hate this island."
"Squeak," the seagull said smugly, standing on a rum bottle like a gremlin king.
Edward escaped the tavern through a back window, only slightly singed. He brushed dust from his sleeves and sighed.
"Right. Third time's the charm."
He looked around the quieter part of Tortuga, where people who didn't enjoy being punched in the face tended to gather. A few sailors were sharpening blades, tying knots, and discussing navigation. They looked… normal.
Edward breathed out in relief.
"Hello!" he called. "I'm looking to hire."
A woman with a sharp gaze and a hat far too large for her head looked him up and down.
"You, the fool who burned down the Tangled Siren yesterday?"
Edward hesitated."…Yes?"
She smirked."Good. Means you're interesting. What sort of crew do you need?"
Edward brightened instantly."Well! Loyal, competent, preferably not excessively stabby."
"SQUEAK."
"And you must tolerate my seagull."
The woman looked at the bird. The bird glared back.
"…Fine," she said. "Name's Mira O'Connell. I'm a navigator. Best in Tortuga who isn't already dead or drunk."
"Perfect!" Edward said. "Welcome aboard, uh, aboard nothing, but soon something!"
Mira burst out laughing."You don't even have a ship?"
"Not yet."
"You have money?"
"…Not yet."
"SQUEEK."
"You have a plan?"
Edward grinned."Oh, absolutely not."
Mira rubbed her temples."You're an idiot."
"Usually."
"Fine. I'll help you. If only because watching you try to pirate alone would haunt me forever."
Edward clasped her hand gratefully."Excellent! First mate done!"
Mira blinked."Whoa, hold on, I didn't say."
"SQUEEK!"
The seagull hopped onto Mira's shoulder.
She froze."…Did your bird just promote me?"
"He does that," Edward said solemnly. "You'll get used to it."
Step 5: The First Crew Member (Accidental Success)
With Mira on board, reluctantly, Edward straightened his coat again.
"Now," he said, surveying Tortuga with new determination, "let's go find the rest of the crew."
The seagull puffed up proudly.
Mira sighed."This is going to go terribly, isn't it?"
Edward smiled."Absolutely."
Together one foolish captain, one competent navigator, and one unhinged seagull—they marched deeper into Tortuga in search of more souls brave, stupid, or drunk enough to join them.