"Are you kidding? I'm Konoha's Third Hokage! I've devoted my life to this village!"
The Third froze, the words spilling out on instinct. But he didn't realize that by answering like that he'd already taken the bait.
"Be bold—give an example."
Hakken encouraged him with an expectant look. "According to the Wall of Honor and Merit regulations, we record your most outstanding contributions and update them in real time."
"This is the rule. You should understand that keeping a huge shinobi village like Konoha running depends on fairness."
"So, begin your performance. Want to be on the wall? State your contributions."
"In the late First Shinobi World War, this old man and the Second Hokage, Tobirama Senju, went to the Land of Lightning to negotiate."
"Everything was going smoothly until Kinkaku and Ginkaku suddenly appeared. I stepped forward and volunteered to cover the rear."
Hiruzen said it with a proud tilt, the confident tone of a seasoned veteran.
Just as expected.
Hakken gave a cold chuckle and cocked his head. "Did you actually cover the rear?"
Did you cover the rear?
Damn it—no.
Not at all.
In that instant, the Third felt Hakken Yoru's hostility slowly coil around him.
Yes. In the end, he hadn't covered the rear.
"That, indeed, didn't happen, but—"
Hiruzen's face flushed; he was mortified.
"Oh, that's a shame."
But?
Sorry, no buts.
Hiruzen wanted to say that his lone willingness to cover the rear had earned the Second Hokage's trust and led to his appointment as Konoha's Third Hokage. The Second had been blind to choose Hiruzen, maybe—but under those circumstances there wasn't a better choice.
Still, does that count as a contribution? The one who died was the Second Hokage. If you put that on the wall, what would you add after his name?
"Anything else?"
Hakken blinked and asked again.
"I led Konoha to victory in the Second Shinobi World War!"
Hiruzen thought for a moment, then bellowed with renewed pride.
"Then how many enemies did you personally slay on the battlefield? I'll have the number engraved."
That innocent face leaned in again, the boy like a curious kid, eager to know just how mighty the revered Third Hokage had been in the Second Shinobi World War.
Damn it. He hadn't even been on the front lines that time!
Hiruzen's breathing quickened as he stared hard at Hakken Yoru. He wanted to bite the boy to death, but he was Konoha's Third Hokage—he couldn't lose his composure over this.
If word got out, forget the Wall of Honor—the villagers would spit at him in the street.
"What a pity."
Hakken sighed, shaking his head in mock regret. "As for commanding from the rear, you don't seem to have taken part either. All the credit went to the legendary Sannin on the front lines."
Open sarcasm.
Blatant sarcasm.
"This old man in the Third Shinobi World War—"
Hiruzen opened his mouth, ready to claim that the Third Shinobi World War had been won under his wise leadership, but the words stuck.
The Hokage who'd actually earned the credit in the Third Shinobi World War was staring right at him. And he hadn't forgotten how this Hokage had eventually stepped down.
Wasn't it because leadership during the Third Shinobi World War failed under pressure, forcing him to hand the position over to Minato?
To say that would be utterly humiliating.
But you think that's enough to keep my name off the Wall of Honor?
Hiruzen let out a cold laugh, pride swelling in him again.
"Indeed, I did not personally go to the battlefield on those occasions."
"But the legendary Sannin you just mentioned were disciples I taught, and Minato is my great-disciple. Even you are my great-great-disciple!"
"I taught talent to Konoha!"
You're something else.
Damn impressive!
Hakken couldn't help but raise his thumb in mock admiration. But seriously—who the hell is your grandson?
Turning his head, Hakken winked at Minato. "Minato-sensei, can I betray my grandmaster?"
Pfft!
Minato couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing.
That slap in the face came completely out of nowhere. But seeing his disciple's exaggerated winks, he knew that wasn't the point.
"Hakken, what's this about?"
Fine, I'll play along. Just don't scare me like that next time.
"Think about it—Konoha's Sannin, also known as the Three Scoundrels of Gambling, Lust, and Drugs."
"The disciples taught by your teacher's teacher—one was a hopeless gambler who left Konoha."
"Another spent his days peeping on women bathing. I even caught him red-handed once."
"As for the last one, well, there's no need to say more. His human experiments killed countless promising Konoha children."
Hakken spoke without restraint, his disdainful expression making the Third Hokage's stomach churn.
"With such a grandmaster, I'd rather not stay!"
There was no need to put it that way.
Minato gave a bitter smile. His student really didn't hold back against the Third Hokage. Sneaking a glance at Hiruzen, he could tell from the flush on the man's face—red as a monkey's behind—that he was furious beyond words.
And with that, the credit for "teaching Konoha's talents" was gone.
Come to think of it, being the teacher of Konoha's vices wasn't exactly something to brag about.
"Orochimaru did conduct human experiments, but I led the team that captured him."
The Third gathered what little dignity he had left to refute.
"And where is he now? Did you actually capture him?"
Hakken didn't even bother to feign politeness anymore. He looked at Hiruzen calmly.
I see.
He's playing with me.
"This old man, for Konoha..."
Hiruzen's face turned red, but he couldn't think of anything to list as his contributions.
Guarding the village's legacy?
Not really—he knew all too well how devastating Konoha's losses were during the Third Shinobi World War.
"Go back and think about it. When you've figured it out, come back and explain yourself clearly."
"The Wall of Honor in Konoha doesn't welcome slackers."
Hakken patted Hiruzen's shoulder once more before making it clear he was done.
He wasn't the Hokage, of course. But it was obvious that staying any longer would only humiliate Hiruzen further.
Swallowing his anger, his chest burning as though it might explode, Hiruzen turned away in humiliation, opened the door, and walked out.
Before coming here, he never imagined things would turn out like this.
His face burned. His pride stung even worse.
Yet, he couldn't say a single word in his defense.
What have I done for Konoha all these years?!
Ah!
What have I done?!
As he closed the door to the Hokage's office, Hiruzen's heart pounded violently in his chest.
But then, from inside, came the words that completely shattered his final shred of composure.
"Hahahaha! This is killing me, Minato-sensei! The Third wants to get on the Wall of Honor? He can barely climb onto a bed, let alone the wall!"
Pfft!
A mouthful of old blood burst from his lips.
Hiruzen's head buzzed violently.
"I swear! I will earn those merits..."