All flash of memories i remember a lot pretty hazy and a lot pretty clear. So eager to write those clear one. More than my those life where I had Baek Suho, Wei Jiwu ; Xiao Lin made me create huge feelings for him. I don't care about if I like him or love him that way, more than that I just crave his closeness's, clinginess's, his lovesickness. Like they makes me drunk. I am addicted, and i am not getting my dose all those years. A rock like me expected to carry that flower my Xiao Lin with me.
One day i dreamt something so different. not any of my memory, not as dream. But like a message. A direct message from someone helping me to know about all those things. As like i was waiting for all those life to know exactly why this happened to me. My Xiao Lin. Sure he didn't left me.
I woke up panting heavily like i felt i have grabbed a thousand weight full carriage i took for miles to reach.
My whole body were sore. Then i remembered every simple thing and my eyes like popping out in horror.
The next morning i was all froze like i got drained out from a death right now. I took the whole day to recover. For the courage to follow up next. I could feel my whole body trembled to take that action. To know further more. Because i might cant take anymore. I cant bare again seeing him with those sacrifices for me he did without knowing me. I can't add more pain. But i am also curious. Why the hell those all happened. Why god made me that vulnerable. Couldn't do anything for him while he gave me everything he could. Every little thing for me.
The whole day i tried to going out, scroll my phone, start back to gaming or anything to distract me. But i was still in the fear.
Should i really take the step?