I should be sleeping.
I even tried to turn off the lights, loosen my tie, and sat on the edge of the bed like a normal human being.
Didn't work.
My mind keeps replaying the same moment: Sienna looking up at him with those wide, uncertain eyes… thanking him… saying good night in that soft voice like she wasn't planning to stab him emotionally for once.
I drag a hand through my hair and stand, pacing the length of his room
This is stupid.
I have real problems Kai, surveillance, the bug in her apartment, the two families playing chess with his life.
I doesn't have time to think about...
My phone buzzes.
A message from his security detail stationed near her room:
"Miss Sienna's lights are still on."
I stare at the screen for a second, jaw tightening for reasons i will absolutely not examine.
I type back:
"Keep your distance. Just make sure she's alright."
The guard replies with a thumbs-up emoji.
I would fire him if i wasn't busy being irrationally concerned about whether Sienna is pacing the room, crying, or overthinking everything the way he is.
I stop by the window, staring at the garden below. It's quiet. Peaceful.
I hate it.
Peace gives me too much time to think.
And every thought, annoyingly, circles back to her.
The way she looked shaken but tried to hide it.
The way she followed him just a little, like she didn't want him to leave.
The way her voice softened when she said thank you.
I press my thumb against my forehead.
This can not happen.
I can not be drawn to a girl in this mess.
Not when danger is spiralling in from every direction.
And yet…
Somewhere deep in my chest, a thought surfaces uninvited, reckless, uncharacteristically tender:
I want to keep her safe. Even if she never chooses me.
I step away from the window.
Enough.
I need to see for myself.
Within a minute, I'm walking down the hall, silent, stopping outside her door. I don't knock. I just stand there like an idiot, fists clenched, listening.
I hear movement on the other side. Her pacing. Her sigh. And then...
A quiet, shaky sound.
I freeze.
Was that… a sob?
My knuckles hover over the wood.
I'm one second away from knocking when her voice whispers through:
"Get it together, Sienna…"
I pull my hand back immediately.
She's not crying.
She's fighting with herself.
And that somehow feels worse.
I close my eyes, face hardening in a way that has nothing to do with anger and everything to do with helpless, unwanted emotion.
I walk away before i do something i know I'll regret.