The Uchiha clan had money—lots of it. And in the end, weren't ninja just well-paid mercenaries?
Uchiha Kairen reached out to an old "business partner" — Kakuzu.
No need for words — 500 million ryō, for one simple job: keep Danzō from returning to the village for two months.
How Kakuzu handled it didn't matter. The payment was made upfront.
When Kakuzu saw the mission, he accepted it instantly.
This brat's gotten bold, he thought. Good thing I didn't kill him back then — this kid's basically my personal gold mine now.
Next, Kairen contacted the Celestial Group and Hannya Group, instructing them to stir up chaos along the border of the Land of Earth.
"Use whatever means you like," he said. "200 million ryo per group."
The goal? To delay Orochimaru's return to Konoha as much as possible.
This money wasn't his alone — it came from the collective contributions of Konoha's citizens, representing the will of the people.
How could this be called "misuse of public funds"?
Those two returning would only destroy the peace everyone had worked for — they were reactionary forces, and naturally had to be kept away. Let them play their games out there.
Then Kairen even sent a request to the Seven-Tails, asking it to occasionally make an appearance in the ninja world during this period.
"Hahaha, what a giant cake," he chuckled. "Tempting, isn't it? You want it? There it is — come and get it."
And just like that, three months passed.
When Danzō finally stumbled back into the village, he looked like he'd crawled through hell.
Orochimaru and Jiraiya followed close behind — both equally irritated.
The ninja world had been overrun with "treasure-hunting teams", and someone had clearly been sabotaging them all the way.
Meanwhile, Sarutobi Hiruzen had practically pulled all his hair out.
Three months, and he still hadn't come up with a single effective countermeasure. Every small test he attempted had been crushed by the Uchiha in return.
Now, at last, his "old teammate with a big black pot" and his "promising young successor" were back.
He almost wept with relief.
Danzō sat down with a face as black as charcoal, listening to Hiruzen recap the same old intel he'd long known.
He wanted to swear. This? You called me back for this? I was this close to capturing a Tailed Beast! With a Tailed Beast in hand, what's an Uchiha? I'd flatten them all!
And that damned bounty hunter Kakuzu — the bastard had been shadowing him for days, trying to ambush him for a payout.
A single rogue thinks he can claim a Tailed Beast? He's begging for death.
Once his business was done, Danzō swore he'd personally end him.
But while Danzō was cursing inside, Orochimaru was doing the same.
Sensei, you're the Hokage. And you called me back for this? I've been suffering in the Land of Earth, and every few days you send me pamphlets about "Sunflowers" and "tree planting" projects. What is this nonsense?
I'm a ninja. My pursuit is immortality. Why are you telling me about this? You've wasted months of my research time! Do you know how many experiments I've had to restart? Money, time — who's paying for it, huh? All this for some stupid "Sunflowers"?
Hiruzen had talked for half an hour before realizing that neither of the two before him considered any of this a problem.
Retail shops? So what? Tree planting? Who does that hurt?
Taking care of orphans? We used to do that too. Saving money's better anyway. Taking care of old people? They're useless now. The disabled? The word says it all — "waste."
Dragged back for this domestic nonsense?
Are you sick, old man?
Danzō began to overthink. Is Hiruzen afraid I'll capture the Tailed Beast? Is this his way of warning me?
Orochimaru too was brooding. Did Sensei find out about my experiments? Is he keeping me here to monitor me? To stop me?
You underestimate my resolve, Sensei. I'll continue my research with or without your approval.
Seeing the two men fall silent, Hiruzen thought they'd finally understood him.
So he smiled faintly and let the silence linger. The three of them sat there — awkward, motionless, the air thick with misunderstanding.
Finally, Hiruzen looked at his beloved disciple, Orochimaru, with expectant eyes.
Orochimaru sighed inwardly. Ah. I've been called on.
"Sensei," he said calmly, "I'm afraid I can't think of any good ideas right now. But whatever orders you have, I'll carry them out."
He was satisfied with his own answer. You're the teacher — if you can't solve it, how can I? I'll just play the obedient student. Smart and well-behaved, right?
Hiruzen smiled, pleased. Still so obedient… he'll learn, in time.
Then his gaze shifted to his old teammate — Danzō Shimura, the self-proclaimed "Shadow of the Pot."
Danzō spoke solemnly:
"There's no need to rush. I've already tracked down the Seven-Tails' whereabouts. Within a week, I can have it sealed and brought back. Once that's done, we'll wipe out the Uchiha. Leave a few docile ones to repopulate the clan — we can breed them however we like. In front of a Tailed Beast, what use is planting trees or raising Sunflowers? We're ninja. We should do what ninja are meant to do.
The Uchiha clan has grown decadent. It's time they were eliminated from the shinobi world."
Hiruzen listened, torn between relief and exasperation.
Relieved, because Danzō was still as stupid as ever — no real threat.
Exasperated, because if he did catch the Tailed Beast, maybe that would help, but if he didn't… then what?
Am I really supposed to sit and watch the Uchiha rise unchecked?
"Danzō, I'll leave the Seven-Tails to you," said Hiruzen. "I hope to hear good news soon."
Danzō nodded curtly and stormed out.
You drag me back just to scold me? You underestimate me, Hiruzen. Everything I do is for Konoha!
When he was gone, Hiruzen turned to Orochimaru.
"Orochimaru, let Danzō handle the outside affairs. Stay in Konoha and assist me with the village's administration."
He meant it casually — but Orochimaru's mind twisted the words into suspicion.
So he found out. He wants to keep me under his nose, to watch me.
"Yes, Hiruzen-sama," Orochimaru replied with a cold expression.
Hiruzen turned toward the window. The sunset bathed the Hokage's office in gold.
He took a long drag from his pipe, then exhaled softly.
"Orochimaru… don't lock yourself in the lab all day. Get out more. Talk to your subordinates. There's no end to learning ninjutsu, but don't forget to take care of yourself. Manage your time wisely. You may go."
"Yes, Sensei." Orochimaru's face darkened further as he turned and left.
Hiruzen simply wanted his pupil to build connections — to show his face more, to bolster morale.
The village had only two pillars left: himself and Orochimaru.
If Orochimaru went out and made appearances, it would deter the restless.
But Orochimaru didn't see it that way.
You don't even bother hiding it anymore, Sensei? I thought you'd at least understand me. You've disappointed me… or perhaps I've disappointed you.
Smart people always overthink things.
A simple conversation turns into a maze of suspicion.
And so, this "chicken-talking-to-duck" exchange not only caused the "Hotpot Duo" — Hiruzen and Danzō — to miss their chance to strike at the Uchiha,
but also deepened the rift between Hiruzen Sarutobi and his disciple Orochimaru.
For the Uchiha clan, it was nothing short of a pleasant surprise.