Ethan knox - October 2120
I don't move, even after Kai disappears into the dark and the sound of his footsteps fades into nothing. My body just… stays there, like it hasn't quite processed that he's actually gone.
The space he left behind feels too empty, like something important has been pulled out of the world and everything else hasn't caught up yet.
The night suddenly feels colder, sharper against my skin, and I realise my hands are still half-raised from where I reached for him. Slowly, I lower them, curling my fingers into my palms as if that might ground me somehow.
I had him right there... I felt him.
So why does it still feel like I'm about to lose him?
I drag in a breath, but it doesn't settle anything. It just catches halfway, uneven and tight, like my chest doesn't know how to work properly anymore.
The images push in again without warning, vivid and relentless. Kai on his knees, blood everywhere, his body shaking like it's being torn apart from the inside. The dagger. The way he-
"Ethan."
Finn's voice cuts cleanly through the spiral, steady and anchored, and it pulls me back just enough to stop everything from collapsing completely. I blink hard and force myself to focus on him, even though my thoughts are still trying to drag me backwards.
"Yeah, I'm good," I say quickly, the words automatic and not even close to true.
Finn doesn't call me out on it, but the look he gives me says he knows exactly how far off that is. He just exhales quietly instead, giving me space rather than pushing, which I'm more grateful for than I can explain.
Noah stands beside him, still and tense in a way that make it seem that his mind is running far faster than the rest of us. His gaze isn't really on anything in front of him, like he's still replaying everything in precise, clinical detail.
"I don't understand why he wouldn't tell us" I admit, my voice softer now but still tight around the edges.
"Because he determined it was not relevant to current outcomes" Noah replies immediately, his tone precise and matter of fact.
I turn to him, disbelief cutting through the fog. "That's not how that works, Noah. You don't just decide something like that doesn't matter."
"It is consistent with his behavioural pattern" Noah continues.
"He almost died," I cut in, the words sharper than I intended, pushed out by something raw and unfiltered. My chest tightens as the weight of it hits again. "That's not just something you file away and ignore. That's not… small."
Noah goes quiet.
Finn steps in slightly, grounding the space between us before it tips too far. "He didn't tell you because he didn't want you to see him like that" he says calmly.
I frown, my stomach tightening. "Like what?"
Finn hesitates, just for a second. "Broken."
The word lands heavier than anything else so far, because it lines up too perfectly with what I saw. Guilt twists sharply in my chest, and I shake my head quickly.
"I don't think he's broken" I say, the words coming out firm despite everything else. "I don't. I just… I don't want to lose him."
The admission feels small compared to everything behind it, but it's the only way I can say it without my voice giving out completely.
Finn nods slightly, understanding in his expression. "I know. But he might think that's what you saw. Kai has always had the habit of acting strong for others sake"
That thought settles uncomfortably, and I look away, replaying the moment in my head. The way I grabbed him, the way I couldn't stop shaking, the way I looked at him like I was already scared he was gone. It's not hard to see how he could take that the wrong way.
"I just didn't want him to go through that alone" I add more quietly, because that part matters just as much.
Noah exhales slowly beside us, pressing his fingers briefly to his temple.
"What if he doesn't come back?" I ask, the question slipping out before I can stop it.
Finn answers without hesitation. "He will."
I look at him, searching his expression for any doubt, but there isn't any. His certainty is steady, almost reassuring in its simplicity.
"You don't walk away like that unless you plan to return" he adds.
I want to hold onto that, but the image of Kai leaving still lingers too clearly in my mind.
"But for now… give him his space," Finn says, his voice calm but firm, like he's holding a leash on the storm inside me. He turns toward Noah, his posture relaxing just slightly. "We should head back. We can come back tomorrow, after things have settled a bit."
Noah doesn't answer. He just nods once, slow and deliberate. But I can't stop catching him sneaking glances in the direction Kai went, like he's torn between logic and instinct, unable to fully let go.
Finn starts toward the car, and for a moment I think Noah will move with him. But he doesn't. He just stands there, tense and still, like he's afraid to leave Kai out there alone just as much as I am.
I take a shaky breath, trying to push down the panic curling in my chest. "Don't worry," I say softly, more to myself than anyone else. "I'll… I'll look after him when he turns around. You two can talk tomorrow."
Noah finally exhales, a sound barely louder than a whisper, and then he finally moves, following Finn without another word.
I'm left alone. The quiet settles around me like a weight, and I swipe my sleeve across my face, rubbing away the wetness of tears I didn't even notice anymore. My fingers tremble slightly from the lingering adrenaline, but I force them steady.
Finn's right. Kai isn't running. Not now he wouldn't.
All I have to do is give him some space. Just breathe, wait and let him come back on his own terms.
And somehow… knowing that makes it just a little easier to stand here.
______________________
I try to keep myself calm. I really do.
But the hours drag on, slow and heavy, and there's still no sign of him. My chest tightens, my stomach twists, and I feel that familiar itch of panic crawling back in.
I pace the bedroom, feet shuffling over the floor like I'm trying to stomp it out. Every so often, I peek into the near future, just a flicker, hoping to catch him turning back toward me. Every time, nothing.
I slump to the floor finally, resting my head between my knees. My chest presses down like a weight I can't lift. What if he doesn't come back?
Tears start to prick at my eyes again, hot and stubborn. Then the bedroom door swings open. My head snaps up before I even think, and there he is.
Kai.
Relief hits me in a rush, dizzying and overwhelming. My legs move before my brain can catch up, and I step toward him, slowing at the last second, careful not to crowd him.
"You came back" I say, breath catching, the words heavier than I realise, probably heavier than they should be.
Kai's gaze meets mine, calmer now, softer, less guarded. "I wasn't going anywhere" he says.
Something about the simplicity of it settles into me, grounding me. I rub the back of my neck, letting out a shaky little laugh that sounds more like a breath. "Right… yeah. Not exactly your style to disappear dramatically," I add, trying for a joke, even if it's more awkward than funny.
Kai's lips twitch faintly, not quite a smile, but it's enough to make me feel lighter.
My expression softens. "I'm sorry," I say, serious now, letting the words spill out. "I… overreacted. A lot. I saw what happened to you, and my brain just… went full panic mode. I didn't think. I just… reacted."
Kai doesn't say anything, just watches, and I push on before my courage can waver. "I don't need to know everything," I whisper, voice softening, warmer. "I just… I don't want you handling stuff like that on your own. You don't have to carry it all by yourself."
A crooked little smile tugs at my lips, the kind that sneaks in even when the world feels heavy. "You're kind of stuck with me, whether you like it or not," I add, more playful now, because hey, if I don't make him roll his eyes at me, it wouldn't be me.
Kai's expression shifts just slightly, something subtle but real. After a pause, he nods. "I could never leave you."
Something in my chest eases, just a little, letting me finally breathe normally.
"Good," I murmur, a little grin tugging at the corners of my mouth. I keep my gaze on him, really seeing him for the first time tonight, not the broken, haunted image I've been replaying in my head. He's here alive and that is enough.
"I'm sorry I used my power against you all," Kai says softly, voice low, almost ashamed. "And for storming off."
I don't think twice. My arms reach out, and he steps in without hesitation, hugging me tight. I bury my face in his chest, letting the tears fall freely, hidden and safe.
"You promised," I murmur against him, my voice soft but firm. "Now… you're never, ever allowed to leave me again."
Kai hugs me tighter, and I squeeze back, nuzzling closer. My heart slows, my chest eases, and for the first time tonight, I actually feel like we're okay. At least for now.
I can feel his head nodding on my shoulder.
I grin, a little teasing, a little relieved, letting the tension of the night bleed out through the corners of my mouth. "Good. Because… I don't think I'd survive it if you did."
Kai lets out a small laugh, low and quiet, the kind that feels like a sigh of relief. "You're dramatic" he mutters, but there's no bite to it. Just a shared understanding.
I tuck my face back into his chest, letting myself finally exhale fully. "Maybe," I whisper, "but you kinda like it."
He shifts slightly, chuckling under his breath.
For a long while, we just stay like that, wrapped up together in the dim light, the world outside fading until it feels like nothing else exists.
I wish I could take all his past pain away from him, but instead I need to focus on making sure he has a better and brighter future.