Shumin walked back to her room with Shu Yan trailing behind her like a storm cloud.
She was angry, terrified, confused and her thoughts were running in circles like a headless chicken.
King's threat… goosebumps… why is my life like this…ahhh!!!
As soon as the door closed, she threw her arms in the air.
"I need COFFEE! My brain needs caffeine to survive this world!"
Shu Yan blinked. "…Coffee?"
Shumin froze.
Right. Ancient era. No latte, no espresso, no cappuccino.
She swallowed disappointment.
"Fine… give me anything hot. Soup, tea, boiling water...
I don't care. My soul needs heat."
Shu Yan nodded and left.
The moment Shumin was alone, she slumped onto the bed dramatically.
"How will I do anything now? How do I plot without being noticed by the King?"
She pressed both hands around her neck dramatically.
"My precious neck… I don't want to lose it!"
Right at that exact moment, Shu Yan walked in with a tray.
She saw Shumin clutching her neck and instantly panicked.
"M..my...My lady!! What are you doing?! Are you trying to strangle yourself?!"
Shu Yan rushed forward and tried to pry Shumin's hands off her own throat.
"NO! Stop..Shu Yan...WAIT..." Shumin yelped as Shu Yan tugged harder.
Shu Yan, trembling, cried out,
"Don't do this! Your life is hard but it isn't THAT hard!"
Shumin flailed. "I'm not trying to die! I was just thinking!"
Shu Yan gasped as if hearing the most tragic confession.
"…Thinking???"
"Yes! Thinking!" Shumin yelled. "Not choking!"
But Shu Yan didn't believe her. Her eyes filled with tears as she turned toward the door.
"I'm calling the royal physician...!"
Shumin lunged and grabbed her sleeve.
"Don't you dare! If you call him, the King will think I'm actually crazy!"
Shu Yan sniffled, wiping her eyes. "But you had your hands on your neck…"
Shumin threw her hands up. "I was being dramatic, not suicidal!"
Shu Yan stuttered, "My lady… you really scared me…"
Shumin sighed, patting her maid's shoulder.
"Sorry, sorry… I promise. If I ever decide to choke myself, I'll warn you first."
Shu Yan: "…That does not make me feel better."
Shumin: "It should."
Shu Yan…" she whispered dramatically, "What should I do to stay unnoticed by the King's eyes? Tell me!"
Shu Yan didn't even hesitate.
"Don't do anything."
Shumin stared at her.
"…That's the WORST advice ever."
"My lady, please!" Shu Yan begged.
"Doing nothing is the safest option. Just stay put, breathe, eat, sleep..."
Shumin cut her off with a gasp.
"Impossible! You know why I'm here! For a happy ending! If I don't do anything, no no...there will be NO ending! The ZhanYao CP will die! No happy couple… no story… no mission!"
Shu Yan looked exhausted. "My lady… please stop saying strange words I don't understand…"
Shumin paced around the room like a criminal planning a heist.
"First… first I need to hide myself from the King. If he sees me again, my neck…" She touched her throat again. "…my precious neck!"
Shu Yan quickly moved her hands away from her neck before another misunderstanding happened.
"My lady, please stop touching your neck in dramatic ways!"
Shumin ignored her.
"Bring me… something small… a scarf… a veil… anything to hide my face!"
Shu Yan blinked. "To… hide your face?"
"Yes!" Shumin said with determination. "I need a disguise!"
Shu Yan reluctantly obeyed and brought a handful of small cloths and veils.
Shumin started experimenting like a kid trying filters on an app.
One cloth—too big.
Another—too tiny.
One made her look like a thief.
Another made her look like a lost nun.
One even made her look like a bandit princess.
Finally, she tied a half-face style that covered her nose and mouth, leaving only her eyes visible.
She turned to Shu Yan proudly.
"Perfect. Starting today, whenever I have to face His Majesty, I'll wear this! He won't recognize me!"
Shu Yan stared blankly. "…My lady, this is not how palace works."
Shumin ignored the reality.
"Step two: I must impress the King so he removes my house arrest! But also… step three: I must NOT die in the process."
She slumped back on her chair, totally conflicted.
"My neck must survive. My mission must succeed."
Shu Yan silently agreed with the neck part.
Shumin clapped her hands.
"Okay! I need ink and paper! I will plan properly!"
Before she could move, she winced.
"Ah..!!my finger!"
She lifted her hand and frowned at the pricked, swollen fingertip.
"Look at this… the sacrifice I've made…"
Shu Yan hurried to bring bandages.
"My lady, please sit before you hurt yourself more."
Shumin obediently sat while Shu Yan carefully wrapped the little bandage around her finger.
Shumin lifted her bandaged hand and whispered dramatically,
"The Goddess of Love… returns… again…"
Shu Yan whispered under her breath,
"Heavens save us all…"
Shu Yan placed the ink and paper in front of her lady, bowed, and hurried off to fetch hot food.
The moment the door closed, Shumin cracked her knuckles dramatically.
"Alright… time to save myself, the queen, the king… and my neck."
She dipped the brush into ink like a warrior preparing for battle.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
She stared at the blank paper.
"…Where are my emoji buttons??"
She looked around the room desperately.
"That's right… ancient era… no keyboard… no emojis. I hate this place."
With a defeated sigh, she grabbed the brush and began scribbling.
---
Dear Majesty Li Zhan,
My self: Concubine Wen Qian (she drew a little round face with big watery eyes that vaguely looked like a 🥺)
First of all: Sorry (she scribbled a crying face 😭 with ink tears running down the paper)
I'm stupid. Sinful. Did major mistake.
I swear I'll never do that again.
Also I'll never show my face 😶 (she drew a blank emoji with no mouth and two dots for eyes)
You are so kind. Can you please remove house arrest?
I swear I will never disturb you.
If I break any rule again, I'll give my head (she added a wobbly drawing of a head rolling down a hill, then crossed it violently)
🙃
---
Shumin stared at her masterpiece.
Ink blots. Crooked drawings. Uneven lines. The crying emoji looked like a ghost.
She whispered to herself,
"Sorry, ZhanYao family… I'll save you… somehow. And sorry for the little lie, but I will absolutely… NOT give my head. Never."
She added a dramatic underline under "never" and nodded proudly.
Then she folded the letter and puffed her chest like she just wrote a royal decree.
"Perfect. Emotional. Cute. Pitiful. King-proof."
At that exact moment, Shu Yan returned holding a tray.
"My lady, I brought..."
Perfect timing!" Shumin jumped up and shoved the letter to her.
"Take this. Give it to His Majesty. Now."
Shu Yan stared at the paper, then at the weird faces drawn on it.
"My lady… you want me to… give THIS to the king?"
"Yes!" Shumin pressed her palms together. "Fast. Before I lose courage."
Shu Yan swallowed hard, hid the letter in her sleeve and hurried toward the king's palace
her steps stiff, her face pale.
Shumin exhaled and sat back.
"Okay… now… I hope he doesn't chop my head before even reading it…"