The drizzle is persistent today and Taehyeon fights the urge to pull his blazer over his head to protect his hair. He has bigger priorities right now and he is hoping that Minjun will be the one to spot him first. Seeing a load of boys running around in the rain makes Taehyeon feel uneasy. He'd really rather not have to approach them to ask around just to find Minjun.
Luck comes to Taehyeon at times like this. In any other situation Taehyeon would consider this unlucky but he forces himself to be relieved when Minjun identifies himself by waving his arms wildly and shouting Taehyeon's name.
Waving listlessly, Taehyeon is well aware that this isn't putting him in the right frame of mind to have a difficult conversation. He puts some energy into his arm and tries his hardest to smile as Minjun jogs over to him.
"Hey."
"You finally came to see me," Minjun grins. "You're way more studious than I thought. You never look at me when I come to your classroom."
Guilt stings but Taehyeon forces that feeling out of mind. "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
"Always," Minjun says. He hops happily up the stone steps towards Taehyeon and looks around for a moment before leading Taehyeon to sit down. Cold immediately spikes up Taehyeon's spine and he knows his bum is going to be wet for far longer than is comfortable. He shifts away from the puddle as best he can and Minjun tugs him closer. Resigned to the fact he'll be wearing these trousers all day, Taehyeon interrupts Minjun's rambling about how nice the first year students are to let him hang out in their PE lessons.
"I actually had something that I wanted to tell you."
Surprise suits Minjun. In the moment after wishing he could tell Minjun something good he supposes he has good news. After putting up with Taehyeon's stupid crush for so long, Minjun won't have to tiptoe around whatever Taehyeon might think or feel.
"What did you want to tell me? Should we find somewhere more private to talk?"
"I think here is fine," Taehyeon says. He doesn't want to lose his nerve and he suspects they're a safe distance from prying ears anyway. He takes a deep breath and tries to remember the words Bada helped him to come up with. "I have something to say. I wanted to tell you because you always say that friends should tell each other things that are important."
Minjun nods, leaning closer as he wordlessly urges for all this to continue. Taehyeon lowers his voice and holds firm against his instincts to flinch away. This is normal. Nobody could accuse him of anything at all.
"I actually have a boyfriend now. I didn't think it would ever happen but somebody likes me back."
For a very long time, long enough for Taehyeon's bum to go completely numb, Minjun doesn't say a word. Taehyeon lifts his gaze and sees that Minjun is staring right at him. Maybe this is too weird. Minjun kept claiming he wanted a boy to talk about things with but discussing boyfriends might be a step too far for even him.
"I'm sorry. This is weird, isn't it?"
"It is," Minjun mumbles. "Who is your boyfriend? What happened?"
This isn't covered by anything he rehearsed with Bada. Taehyeon needs to use his own brain to come up with, "It wasn't like a formal thing but he kissed me. And we've been texting."
"You kissed?" Minjun repeats the words a few times, quiet enough that Taehyeon doesn't think anybody else hears but loud enough that being the only person to hear it feels odd.
"Yeah."
"So this is a real life in person boyfriend and not one of your online boyfriends?"
"That's right."
Again, Minjun is quiet. Taehyeon considers leaving things here, especially when he immediately veered entirely off-script, but Minjun apparently isn't done.
"Why?"
"Why do I have a boyfriend?" Taehyeon asks. The question could be anything but even his guess doesn't make much sense as something he can answer.
"Yes. Why do you have a boyfriend? I thought you liked somebody else."
Uncomfortable as it is, freezing and numb, Taehyeon decides to play along with the vaguery. It isn't like he has a point of focus of his own.
"I did like somebody else. But it was pointless. The person I liked didn't like me back. It would be stupid of me to wait around and be unhappy hoping for the impossible to happen. I don't like to be a pessimist but I'd really be an idiot to cling onto something as unlikely as what I wanted."
"How do you know that person doesn't like you back? Did you ask them?"
"Do you like boys?" Taehyeon shoots back. This version of surprise doesn't sit on Minjun's face half as nicely as it did when he was anticipating whatever Taehyeon wanted to talk about. Without reflecting on this for a single second, Taehyeon knows that he went too far. The only times he has been able to admit as much have been with Bada, or facelessly online, or when he'd given up on trying to save himself. It must be twice as awkward for someone like Minjun to be asked the question.
Skirting past an apology, Taehyeon looks away. He says, "this boy hasn't said that he likes boys either, but he kissed me. It means that he is willing to try. I think that's important."
"Sorry," Minjun says, shoulders hunching around his ears as he looks towards the loose football match he'd withdrawn from. "I'm being weird, aren't I? I shouldn't be like this when you're telling me some good news. Congratulations. I'm happy for you." He even smiles and Taehyeon could absolutely believe it if his memory jettisoned the last five minutes they've been sitting here in the miserable drizzle.
"Thanks." The words don't quite fit the situation but he can't think of anything more suitable. When someone congratulates him, he is meant to thank them.
"Are you going to add your boyfriend to the group chat?" Minjun asks. "It has been weirdly quiet and nobody is saying much anymore but… nevermind. You probably wouldn't want to do that, would you?"
Taehyeon doesn't mention the fact that he wouldn't need to add his boyfriend to the group chat regardless. It wouldn't be fair to tell anybody about Woobin without asking and at this point Taehyeon is wary of how Minjun would take that bit of news too. It shouldn't matter but it somehow feels like it does.
Minjun scuffs his trainers on the stone step below and keeps his head down as he says, "Is it horrible to say that it would have been better if we'd never tried to be friends?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing strange. It's just that some people are more interesting as strangers than they are when you get to know them. I'm one of those people who are disappointing to know."
"That's not true."
Minjun manages to look directly at Taehyeon for half a second longer than he has since Taehyeon tried to explain things. This isn't something that Taehyeon is happy about. The smile returns quickly along with the dropped gaze, all just so that Minjun can ask, "Alright then. Do you want to keep being friends after this? Are you coming to tell me like this because you plan on treating me the same as before?"
Taehyeon hadn't thought much of it but he was at least relieved by the prospect of getting a love story of his own without having to do anything about the odd pressure being friends with someone like Minjun adds onto his shoulders. Oh. He had thought about it enough if he went through the effort of scripting up a good way to tell Minjun but his mind never lingered too long on the aftermath. Telling Minjun seemed important but Taehyeon would never have been able to articulate why. In the way, he must have assumed things would go back to the way things always were before they ever spoke. He assumed that they would stop existing in each other's social orbit. Minjun will be graduating before long and Taehyeon wouldn't have any reason to ingratiate himself with the school heartthrob.
The eventuality isn't exactly hurtful until Taehyeon understands that he is coming to that realisation right in front of Minjun.
He must have gone too long without saying a word because Minjun sets his face into a grimace. He is looking up but his focus is a point somewhere beyond Taehyeon's shoulder.
"Thanks for everything, Taehyeon," Minjun says quietly. He stands slowly, like a great exhaustion has decided to weigh down each of his limbs.
Watching him trudge down the stairs is painful. Taehyeon feels like he should say something but he doesn't know what. None of this was part of his bland and inoffensive script. If he managed to get Minjun to come back there is no way he could smooth things all over satisfactorily.
Instead of doing anything nice, all Taehyeon can do is watch Minjun's wobbly walk to the dusty school field. He steps in a puddle and winces at the mud splashing onto his white socks. Minjun inspects his socks for a long time before he folds down into a little ball.
Taehyeon has never upset anybody before, at least not like this. Squabbles with his sister are harmless. No matter how vicious they get with one another, neither of them are very good at holding grudges. Bada is sensitive so they are prone to falling out but there has never been anything irreparable between them.
This is different. It is too much.
The rain is getting heavier and Taehyeon gets up. He needs to go back inside. He can't keep watching this whilst knowing that he can't do anything. It's his fault in the first place. He doesn't even know why it happened this way.
Taehyeon makes it back to his classroom before he knows it. He sees Minjeong chatting happily to Taeri and Jeongwon but as nice as that is, he can't face any of them. He finds Bada in class 6 and is relieved his friend is texting without noticing much of the world around him.
Taehyeon sits closer to Bada than he'd ordinarily allow himself at school and rests his head on Bada's shoulder.
Bada laughs, a light sound as he leans his head more heavily against Taehyeon's.
"What's going on? I thought you were going to talk to Minjun today."
"I did."
"You're done already? How did it go?"
"He was really sad."
"Oh."
Bada puts his phone down on his desk and pulls Taehyeon into a proper hug. He asks all sorts of sensible questions about Minjun and what he might be up to now, but Taehyeon can't answer any of them.