Uchiha Fugaku was starting to sense something was seriously off. Sure, his wife used to nibble on him playfully back in the day, but never like this. These bites were ferocious! And since when did her teeth get so sharp? His lips were practically swollen into sausages!
He snapped his eyes open and got a good look at the person in front of him: pale skin, eerie features, long silky black hair, and a freakishly long tongue flicking out with a menacing glare.
"What the hell are you?!" Fugaku shouted. "Where's my wife?! Wait—Orochimaru?!"
Orochimaru, meanwhile, had calmed down just enough to study the lunatic who'd tried to kiss him. The guy's face looked oddly familiar.
"You're… Uchiha Fugaku?!" Orochimaru's mind went blank.
What in the ninja world was going on? He'd been revived, right? His soul, his body—everything felt intact. He was back, no doubt about it.
But why was he staring at Uchiha Fugaku, a guy who was supposed to be dead? And where the heck was this place? It definitely wasn't his old lab. Where had he ended up?
Orochimaru's heart sank as he scanned his surroundings. His pupils shrank to pinpricks when he saw the crowd around him.
Oh, crap.
A lineup of absolute monsters! The First Hokage… the Second Hokage… the Fourth Hokage… and was that Uzumaki Mito? Uzumaki Kushina, too? And this weirdo Fugaku who just tried to lock lips with him! Over there, that white-haired guy—Sakumo Hatake, the White Fang? Plus a few unfamiliar ninjas and some kid standing off to the side.
"Someone tell me what's going on!" Orochimaru thought, half-panicking. "Did dying send me through some kind of time warp?!"
At that moment, Ito Hirofumi, Uchiha Fugaku, and Orochimaru were all staring at each other, completely dumbfounded.
Fugaku's lips looked like overcooked hot dogs, and the spark in his eyes was gone. He collapsed to the ground with a thud.
"My wife… my Mikoto… she's gone again!" he wailed. "Eight times! This is the eighth time! 800 million ryo—gone! Aaargh!"
Orochimaru, watching Fugaku lose it, took a few cautious steps back. Since when was the Uchiha clan leader this unhinged? Orochimaru shifted his gaze to the kid in front of him—Ito Hirofumi.
"Hey, kid," Orochimaru said, his long tongue flicking out to lick his cheek, almost like he was washing his face. "Who are you? What's this place? Care to explain what just happened?"
Ito was just as confused. "Old man, what's your deal? You wanna tell me what's going on with you?"
Orochimaru's eyes narrowed, a dangerous glint flashing in them. "What did you just call me, kid?"
How long had it been since anyone dared talk to him like that? And this punk was wearing a Konoha headband! Were Konoha's brats really this bold now?
"I called you 'old man.' Got a problem with that?" Ito shot back.
"Kid, you're asking for it!" Orochimaru snarled. He didn't care about some random Konoha genin. If this kid couldn't talk respectfully, he'd just take him out. There were plenty of people here to question afterward. First, he needed to figure out his own situation. A nobody like this kid? Easy pickings.
"Heh heh heh… Hidden Shadow Snake Hands!"
Whoosh! Bang! Boom! Swoosh!
Orochimaru barely got his jutsu off before a mob of heavy hitters appeared out of nowhere, surrounding him.
Uchiha Madara and Hashirama Senju flanked Ito, glaring at Orochimaru with murder in their eyes.
"You're trying to attack my student?" Madara growled, his Mangekyo Sharingan spinning to life. "You wanna dance, huh?!"
Hashirama frowned, stepping forward. "Can't let you pick on my student, you know. He's my only one—and Madara's, too!"
Minato Namikaze flickered into existence behind Orochimaru with his Flying Thunder God Technique. "Orochimaru-senpai, I'd suggest you don't make any sudden moves."
Tobirama Senju appeared on Orochimaru's other side in an instant. "Nice work with the Flying Thunder God, Fourth. Looks like you've added some new tricks."
A short white blade pressed against Orochimaru's neck—Sakumo Hatake, the White Fang himself. "Orochimaru! Long time no see. Didn't expect you to be dead, too."
Izuna Uchiha and Shisui Uchiha both summoned their Susanoo, the massive chakra avatars rising like towers.
Senju Butsuma and Uchiha Tajima, noticing the commotion, rushed over. "Who the hell's picking on little Hirofumi?!" they shouted in unison.
And then, from a distance, a roar echoed: "Eight Gates! Gate of Shock—OPEN! This is the power of youth!"
---
Gulp.
Orochimaru's clothes were soaked with cold sweat. His legs felt like jelly, barely holding him up. Were these lunatics really about to kill him over some random kid?!
He suddenly recognized the man next to Hashirama—Uchiha Madara. The legendary Uchiha Madara! And this Konoha kid was their student? What kind of twisted ninja world had he woken up in? He dies once, and everything's gone topsy-turvy!
While Orochimaru was freaking out, Ito Hirofumi felt the opposite—pure, unfiltered security. With this lineup, even the Sage of the Six Paths would get a couple of slaps before scurrying off. Otsutsuki aliens? They'd have to pay a protection fee. Kaguya popping out of the moon? She'd crawl right back in.
Hell yeah! Ito thought, his lips curling into a smug grin—higher than ever before. The Crooked-Mouth Dragon King was back in action!
"Heh heh heh heh… Orochimaru, Snake Uncle! Ready to have a nice chat now?"
---