"This is awesome! It's USJ!"
Kirishima and the other students' voices rang out, full of amazement.
I'd been sleeping peacefully, but their voices woke me up. I yawned big and looked out the window. There stood an unmistakably theme-park-like massive facility.
Sleeping peacefully on the bus, then waking up at a theme park.
And not just any theme park—our very own USJ.
Could I really be this blessed?
Wait, is this Osaka? Are we in Osaka?
I pressed Bandage-Sensei about it, and he made a disgusted face.
That's not the reaction you should have when a beautiful girl gets close, damn it! What, you prefer men? You prefer men, don't you?! You homo!
"...Sigh. It's not Osaka, so settle down."
"Yes, understood, Bandage-Sensei! Do we get souvenirs on the way back?!"
"There's no souvenir shop. Give up."
No way!
"Then what am I supposed to take home... dirt?"
"This isn't Koshien either. Get away from Osaka."
"BandageSen~sei! Koshien isn't in Osaka, it's in Hyogo! You mixed it up because of the Hanshin Tigers, didn't you? Hehe!"
Smack—Bandage-Sensei's hand struck the top of my head. It wasn't just painful—it really hurt.
"Everyone, quietly follow me. I'll introduce you to the other teacher who'll be overseeing your class today."
With Bandage-Sensei brooking no argument, everyone obediently followed.
I had Kacchan give me a piggyback ride. I mean, my head hurt like crazy.
It hurt so much I couldn't move, I swear, believe me.
"Shut up and just hold on."
"Hm? You want me to squeeze tight? You pervert."
"I'll blast you!"
"...Those two are actually dating, aren't they?"
"Don't say it, Kirishima. Think about Ojiro's feelings a little."
"Why does my name keep coming up?! Hey, Sero!"
Following Bandage-Sensei's guidance, we found a new breed of pervert wearing something like a space suit. The polar opposite of an exhibitionist—a bundler.
Is that their everyday outfit?
Total pervert.
Despite being a deviant, the bundler stood boldly before everyone and gestured to the theme park spread out behind them as they began speaking.
"Floods, landslides, fires... et cetera. This is a training facility I created that anticipates every kind of accident and disaster. Its name is—the Unforeseen Simulation Joint!"
While everyone seemed to be processing something internally, I was the first to regain my senses and raised my hand to the bundler.
"!? Uh, um, yes, you there—what is it?"
"Does that 'et cetera' include encounters with perverts? Like bundlers, for example?"
"Bundler!? What, is that a new type of pervert?! Sorry, I didn't really anticipate that one."
"That's because you don't want to get caught your—"
"Midoriya, shut up or you're getting a parent-teacher conference."
"Sorry for interrupting, Bundler-Sensei!"
"I-it's okay. If anything catches your attention, feel free to speak—wait, 'bundler' means me!?"
Though shocked, the bundler managed to recover after some fluster and returned to their story. They're not a pervert for nothing—their resolve is different. Also, Bandage-Sensei, shouldn't you arrest them?
"Niko, that's rude to Thirteen-Sensei!"
While giving the bundler a suspicious look, Uraraka called me out.
"But isn't it weird?"
"W-well, if that was their everyday clothes, it might be weird, but it's a hero suit, so..."
Oh, if that's the case, someone should've told me sooner. I thought they were a bundler.
"Wait, you don't know Thirteen-Sensei, Niko?"
"Nope."
"D-don't mimic my accent! That's embarrassing. Listen, Thirteen-Sensei is a hero active in disaster rescue. I really like them... ehehe."
"So you like that type, Uraraka."
"That's not it! What you're imagining in your head and what I'm thinking are totally different, okay?!"
"Somehow, even though I understand, being denied so thoroughly hurts, senpai."
"Don't entertain every stupid conversation that idiot Midoriya drags you into. You'll become stupid too."
"You're harsh, senpai."
"Only to her."
After that, the bundler—I mean, Mr. Thirteen's—valuable lesson continued. Everyone listened quietly like borrowed cats. Uraraka had broken down a bit.
Still, Mr. Thirteen has quite the Quirk. Black Hole, they say! Can you believe it, dear?! My, how dangerous! Right, dear?! —S-Sensei? Bandage-Sensei? Um, what's with this hand placed on my head— Ow ow ow ow ow! My brain's gonna come out! My brain's gonna come out, Sensei!
With Bandage-Sensei's Iron Claw, my stamina plunged into the red zone. I wilted, saying I couldn't attend class like this, but then he kicked my butt.
This sexual harassment jerk!
"Midoriya, don't disrupt class."
"Yessir, I'm sorry."
As my irritation muscles tensed, Bandage-Sensei placed his hand on top of my head. I braced for a second strike, but instead, he patted my head.
"...Um."
"You're an idiot, but not just any idiot. You don't need to worry so much. Just attend class normally for now. Fortunately, I have a Quirk that can 'stop things.' If anything happens, I'll protect you. Not as a hero, but as a teacher. Got it?"
"Uh, sure."
Bandage-Sensei said something cryptic.
It's a mystery, a total mystery. What? Justifying sexual harassment?
Unforgivable. Completely unforgivable.
Well, resisting further would only hurt more, so I won't do anything... sniff sniff.
"Oh?"
I turned around and saw something strange.
A black whirlpool-like thing floating in midair.
As I stared at it wondering what it was, my eyes suddenly met those of someone peeking through the vortex.
"Don't move as a group!"
Bandage-Sensei suddenly shouted.
I could hear everyone's murmuring.
I was fixated on the gaze peering from the vortex and didn't understand what was happening around me.
The figure behind those eyes emerged from the vortex.
A scrawny guy covered in hand-like objects all over his body—someone who looked so weak I could probably beat him to a pulp, yet somehow I didn't feel like I could win. The chills wouldn't stop. He should be funny. But I can't laugh—no, wait, he is pretty funny. What even is that? Wahaha.
Following that man, a bunch of thugs came pouring out, but my gaze wouldn't leave that scrawny guy. I couldn't look away. He was just too funny. What is that?
"How long are you going to stand there staring, Midoriya! Fall back! Thirteen, protect the students!"
Suddenly grabbed by the scruff of my neck, I was thrown. I used my attraction Quirk to balance myself properly and land.
"Whoa."
"Huh?"
The moment I landed, I heard a weird voice, so I turned around to find Kacchan with both hands outstretched.
What's up, Kacchan?
What's with those hands? Some new gag?
"Haha, my condolences, Bakugo. What's that? Is this another 'it already started' pattern like the entrance exam?"
I heard Kirishima's voice—he still hadn't grasped the situation.
In response, Bandage-Sensei spoke while putting on his goggles.
"Don't move. Those are—"
"Bob!"
"—Villains!"
After a brief silence, Bandage-Sensei gave me a merciless warning without taking his eyes off the enemy: "Parent-teacher conference."
Nooo! It just slipped out! It was a momentary impulse! I didn't mean any harm—well, maybe I did, but I don't want a parent-teacher conference!
◇◇◇
"Thirteen and Eraserhead... According to the teacher curriculum we received the other day, All Might should be here..."
Irritated by Kurogiri's words, I recalled the curriculum we'd been given. All Might's name was definitely on it.
"Where is he... I went to all the trouble of bringing this huge crowd... How can the Symbol of Peace, All Might, not be here...?"
So annoying.
Really.
Why isn't he here?
What would make him come?
What should I do to make him come?
He's a hero, after all.
Ah, I bet—
"Maybe he'll come if I kill some kids?"
Because he's a teacher.
All Might is.
A hero and a teacher.
Then he'll come.
Watch me, Sensei.
I'll—
"Show the world just how full of shit All Might's justice really is."
***
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