I thought about it long and hard.
About how Section Chief Lee Ja-heon could successfully escape this insane Groom Training Ghost Story.
'I really, really considered every possible method….'
Methods to escape through loopholes ouside of the rules.
From admitting that he was already married and this couldn't possibly marry again, to persuading them that he had fatal flaws that made him unfit to be a Groom.
But considering the trends in the Exploration Records, I could only predict results that sent shivers down my spine….
'In the first place, why did the unqualified one lie? I predict he would end up being interrogated by the housemaster and then undergoing unspeakable acts after being told, 'I will make you qualified'….'
In the first place, the Exploration Records of this ghost story had the thrill of how cleverly one could match the 'answer key' of 'possessing a Groom's Virtues' in any unexpected situation.
Or, how those who failed met a miserable death in some absurd manner.
Ultimately, whether it was disqualification or a reason for exclusion, those who did not meet the 'Groom's Standards' were almost certain to face only a eerie and meaningful gutter ending in the style of a ghost story.
Groom Training.
A Mental and Physical Labyrinth that drives people mad precisely because it never gives up on its trainees.
If that's the case….
'The answer is… a frontal assault.'
And the one who possesses the stats needed for the 'frontal assault' is….
Braun.
The embodiment of intense entertainment itself, the living incarnation of talk shows.
An Entity that could move according to logic entirely alien to that collective 'us'.
–If Braun becomes a Groom Candidate, he will undoubtedly be of help.
'It's worth a try.'
This was the conclusion I reached after hearing about the characteristics of this place, the nature of the housemasters as educators, and the descriptions of the wedding.
The problem is….
[Mr. Roe Deer, it seems this Braun has received the wrong signal. Good heavens, surely my friend didn't just that I posses the body of a terrorist!]
Yeah.
The problem was that I had to persuade both sides….
-Braun.
[Of course.]
[If it's a heartfelt request from my friend, I must accept. To help without expecting anything in return is the duty of a good friend.]
…His voice grew closer.
[But Mr. Roe Deer, oh. One wonders how long someone who only ever one-sidedly receives services can go on exploiting the basis of friendship….]
....
It was fortunate that I wasn't in a human body right now.
Otherwise I would be frozen in fear.
And.
-Wait a minute, Braun.
I was at least able say this calmly.
-I'm not asking for a one-sided request. I'm inviting you to join in, since you're already here.
Because.
-It'll be the most entertaining this way, won't it?
[…!]
-You'd hate to see this go the same predictable route as every other Exploration Case, wouldn't you? Surely you don't want a plot that predictable ?
-In a situation where you're involved?
Of course not.
Of course!
- If you could turn this clichéd setup into something witty and original, wouldn't you?
-Like in your own show.
[....]
Braun was silent for a moment.
But then.
[Mr. Roe Deer, you really…!]
His voice trembled faintly, as if moved. I felt a warm weight pat my shoulder — how the hell though???
[You really know how to persuade. And….]
The pressure on my shoulder grew heavier.
[You also know how to invoke my pride as an Entertainer only when it suits you. Sometimes reacting as though hurt or offended by it.]
I thought my heart would drop.
And then.
[...Hmm. I'll let it slide this time! That fickleness is the mark of a true star, after all.]
The weight patted my shoulder and disappeared.
[But, do not forget that I too possess that quality.]
[At this rate, there may come a dramatic moment when that very quality meets yours, Mr. Roe Deer….]
....
[Even if it's not right now!]
Phew.
-Of course.
…That was close.
'That means there won't be a next time.'
From now on, I really need to be careful.
…Anyway, I was relieved that the persuasion ended well.
'Good.'
Suppressing a sigh of relief, I spoke to the body's current owner, who had been silently listening to the entire conversation.
-Section Chief.
-Let's take a gamble, just this once.
Braun will….
'Wreck this place completely.'
***
A cloudy morning at St. Anticus Boarding School.
"Hm,hm-hmm."
A Groom Candidate was in the process of shaving, wiping off the shaving cream cleanly while looking in the mirror of a small washbasin. His smoothly trimmed chin was revealed.
Then he styled his hair with pomade. A low, pleasant humming echoed from his throat, and soon a brush skillfully swept through his hair.
Beneath that white hair, a refined face appeared.
Lee Jaheon.
He was wearing the same uniform as yesterday. The official attire of St. Anticus Boarding School.
But somehow, the impression it gave off was different. The way he wore it and the way he held the collar had all changed….
"Much better."
The touch of a professional.
The Anomaly, whose very being was founded on standing before cameras and presenting himself to the public, smiled into the mirror.
And then he stepped out the door with a light step.
Creeeak.
The somber and ascetic interior of the boarding school was now elegantly decorated with blue candlelight and white velvet.
Roses, lily of the valley, baby's breath, silver ornaments placed beneath wax patterns melted by the blue flames….
Classic and unremarkable.
"Oh. Greetings."
Lee Jaheon sat at the breakfast table.
His face, or rather, his ideal pale body created by excellent makeup, was arranged on the chair at the table.[1]
Today's menu had been simplified. To purify the body before the wedding.
Lee Jaheon, without touching the single glass of willow sap, asked cheerfully.
"Tomorrow is the long awaited wedding day, isn't it?"
The the education housemaster affirmed.
At the same time, he gently pointed out the Groom Candidate's way of speaking. It was too ornate, eloquent, and the striking accent failed to convey the reverent impression expected of a groom.
The pronunciation was also excessively New World-like.
"Oh, I will keep it in mind."
He made a witty and elegant gesture of zipping his lips with one hand.
This was also behavior unbecoming of the White Bride's Groom, but since it was not judged enough as 'failed,' the housemaster did not assign any penalty points.
It did, however, affect judgment.
Raising one eyebrow, The housemaster looked around at those seated at the table and lightly rang a silver cup with one hand.
Like a bell announcing the time.
♩-
And he proclaimed it.
Only one among the candidates.
The name of the most excellent and perfect trainee who would become the 'Groom' for tomorrow's wedding.
That candidate was….
....
Not Lee Ja-heon.
The alias he used to enter this place was not called.
Lee Ja-heon did not become the Groom.
Unfortunately!
"Hoo."
However, the housemaster encouraged all Groom Candidates, saying they too would have roles to play in the wedding.
This was news Lee Jaheon had already heard.
And the announcement concluded with the plan to move to the wedding venue together in the afternoon for introductions and preparations.
Oh, additionally, an Experience Trainee was disqualified from breakfast. They vomited beneath the table.
"An…!"
As a penalty, they were instructed to clean the stomach by pulling it out of their throat on their own.
In any case, with that, all training was officially concluded.
Amidst anticipation, sorrow, and fear, they underwent the procedures of bathing and meditation to purify their bodies and minds.
Lunch was not provided.
Instead, a glass of white wine was served with salt.
Lee Ja-heon experienced all of it with a smiling face.
And then.
♩- ♩-
The final bell rang.
Now, the housemaster led the trainees to the place where the wedding would be held.
Below.
The door leading to the boarding school's basement opened. The housemaster urged the trainees to be barefoot, and they descended the stairs, leaving their shoes behind. Candles placed at every corner of the stairs melt and light up.
The stairs turned to stone and connected to the outdoors. That place was….
A dark cave.
"..."
A primeval quartz cave, as if touched by human hands since ancient times, revealed itself.
Further inside, a large space emerged.
The wedding venue.
The place, with unreadable characters inscribed on its stone walls, was prepared with chairs for guests, decorations, and an Altar for vows.
The old silver ornaments, which should have rusted by now, still sparkled in the candlelight due to persistent maintenance in this strange place.
The blue light of the candles burned the humid air, and strangely vivid roses, lily of the valley, and baby's breath bloomed.
And….
The Bride's seat, where white attire was placed.
"This is the place,"
said the housemaster.
The Groom Candidates, as glorious, important, beautiful, and artistic elements that would illuminate the wedding, would be distributed to the guests as souvenirs towards the end of the ceremony.
So he said.
Are you looking forward to it?
"Oh, of course. It's a work of art! I'm excited to see what magnificent work you are planning."
Before correcting his impertinent tone to befitting a Groom, the housemaster explained with a smile.
They would now become….
The Wedding Cake.
Isn't that truly amazing?
They would be able to take on this important role that adorns the finale of the wedding. A chance to become a part of it in the Groom's mouth. Some Groom Candidates were so moved that they shed tears.
An Experience Trainee, screaming and trying to escape, seemed unable to accept their disappointment at not becoming part of the cake.
They would be used as practice cake before the main ceremony, the housemaster decided to offer encouragement and help. Of course, they wouldn't be served.
This could cause dissatisfaction for our great White Hand's Wrathful Bride, who resides beneath our land.
Unqualified trainees who couldn't even become Groom Candidates cannot be used.
Becoming a part of the wedding is a right that should be granted to those who are grateful for having been taught as her Groom. Those who do not meet the standards should be satisfied with attendance.
"Hmm."
And there is a separate, most glorious part of the Wedding Cake.
It is the very top tier.
"What kind of honor is that?"
It is the honor to become the Bride's portion.
The top tier would be cut and served as the cake portion to be offered to the White Bride, and would have the joy of being presented at the Altar.
"Indeed."
And so, the housemaster announced the candidate who would enjoy that place of joy….
You.
"Me?"
Yes.
Your most handsome face among them will be the piece offered to the White Bride.
Your tongue, which fell shortest of the Groom's Standards, will be cut out, and the inside will be filled with Rose Cream.
"..."
The Groom Candidates grabbed Lee Jaheon. They, who would become Wedding Cake together, laughed with joy and camaraderie.
Those who are already dead.
A Soul Wedding, repeated by those who, long ago, were buried alive and captured by some strange and powerful entity that awakened beneath the earth, would soon begin….
"Well, that's…."
The Entertainment Ghost Story smiled brightly.
"Classic."
Huh?
"White Bride! Oh, calling Human Sacrifice a wedding is also truly classic. It's a kind of metaphor. Classic, easy to understand, and simple."
Words poured out.
"It seems they tried hard to interpret the relationship with an incomprehensible, overwhelming, and terrifying being within the framework of human civilization!"
Clap, clap, clap….
"Oh, please don't misunderstand. It's not criticism, but pity. It's important to uphold tradition…. It's just a pity that it's nothing but a futile formality!"
He, who had by now taken out gloves from his pocket and put them on stylishly, adjusted his attire once more.
And asked.
"Has anyone recently discovered what the White Bride likes recently?"
Silence.
"I knew it. You seem like people with no sense of adventure."
"How many times have you repeated this? The Bride must be tired and annoyed by now. You're just pushing in a sacrifice, no, a 'Groom,' who only caters to her whims and can be tolerated!"
"At least the ceremony should be fun, or I'd lose the energy to sit and watch! But Wedding Cake? Inviting guests? Return gifts? It's utterly stale."
A barrage of piercing insults rained down.
The stunned figures stood stiffly, listening to his voice.
However, only one person suppressed a cheer, wanting to clench their fists.
'This is it.'
Well done, Braun!
It was Kim Soleum, who was inside Lee Jaheon's mind. He, who had been watching what Braun was doing with Lee Jaheon's body with bated breath, was now letting out a sigh of relief.
'As expected, it's working properly….'
This was the frontal assault method.
It was….
'Ruining the Wedding!'
The goal is to cause such a massive disturbance that the boarding school's mentality breaks and they postpone the wedding after sending all the trainees away.
Of course, in this process, one must achieve the insane combo of not dying, not being retaliated against, and successfully persuading the ghost story…
Surprisingly, the one who could do it all, or rather, the Ghost Story Entity, was attached to their minds.
The talk show host.
The legendary Entertainer.
Moreover, since the essence of this boarding school is a ghost story related to events, they could not escape its overwhelming influence….
Look at this scene.
'Not having to draw blood is a bonus.'
Good.
"Now, do you know what you need to do?"
I see Braun, who is using Lee Ja-heon's body, raise one hand.
Yes, telling them to think more carefully about the next wedding, and then disperse….
"Survival!"
....
Huh?
"A dignified yet desperate struggle until only one Groom Candidate remains!"
Wait a minute.
***
Thud.
Eun Haje dropped the spoon she was holding in her mouth.
This employee, who had only just been released from the Disaster Management Bureau with a verdict of 'Daydream Resignation. No charges,' and returned to My Sweet Officetel the day before yesterday….
"…What the hell is this again?"
She saw it.
A crazy broadcast playing on the late-night TV she had turned on in her officetel.
[Your Perfect Groom:
Receive the Bride's Choice]
Amidst visuals and effects like a black-and-white TV from the early 20th century, a dating show was airing.
But the host had a familiar face.
"Section Chief?"
[1] Honestly it’s unclear if the original was describing Brown/Lee Jaheon here or the other candidates… I’m leaving it as is but it’s up for interpretation.