My heart drops straight through the floor and just keeps going.
"Did you kiss Selene?" Bianca repeats.
There's this awful, heavy silence where the only sound is my brain screaming at maximum volume. How did she find out? Did someone see us? Was there a hidden camera in the library?
"Bianca?" My voice comes out way smaller than I intended. I sound like a guilty twelve-year-old who just got caught stealing cookies. Which, honestly, is pretty accurate to how I feel right now.
"Answer the fucking question." Her voice is low, dangerous, the kind of whisper that's somehow more terrifying than yelling. "Did you or did you?"
Fuck. Okay. Think, Adam.
But there's no thinking my way out of this one. I can't lie to Bianca. Not about this. Not when she's looking at me like I just betrayed her in the worst possible way.
"I... yeah. I did." The words feel like lead weights falling out of my mouth.
Her jaw tightens, and for a second she just stares at me. Those teal eyes are burning into mine, and there's so much emotion swirling in them that I feel like I'm drowning just from making eye contact.
"Cool. Great. Good to know." The words are clipped, sharp enough to cut. She turns around and starts walking again, her stride quick and purposeful.
I follow after her, my stomach churning. I reach out, trying to catch her hand. "Wait, Bianca, can we just talk about—"
"Don't." She yanks her arm away from me like my touch physically burned her. She whips around, glaring down at me. "Don't fucking touch me right now."
Her eyes are shining, glassy, like she's about to cry. The image makes my heart clench painfully in my chest.
She turns and starts walking again, faster this time, and I'm left trailing behind her like a lost puppy who just pissed on the carpet.
Fuck fuck fuck. No.
We reach my next classroom in record time and Bianca drops me off without a single word. Then she's gone, disappearing down the hallway like she can't get away from me fast enough.
Fuck.
I head into the classroom on autopilot and I take a seat near the back, barely registering where I am or what class this even is.
Fuck.
I pull out my phone with shaking hands, keeping it low under my desk. My fingers feel clumsy as I type out a message to Bianca.
Adam: can we please talk about this
Adam: whenever youre ready
I stare at the screen for a moment, waiting for those three little dots that would indicate she's typing back. Nothing. Just my pathetic messages sitting there, delivered but unread.
Fuck.
Then I start texting Selene. I need to understand what happened. How did Bianca even find out?
Adam: bianca found out we kissed
Adam: shes really pissed at me
The response comes almost immediately.
Selene: yeah! I told her! 💕
Selene: I thought she should know!!
Oh. Well, that explains how she found out, I guess.
Selene: and I totally get why she's mad!
Yeah. I think I do too. I think I was right earlier. Bianca does, or well, at least she did, like me back.
Fuck.
Selene: dont worry!! we'll talk before ur next class okay?? 💕
My fingers hover over the keyboard. I want to respond with something like "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BEFORE NEXT CLASS, WE NEED TO TALK NOW, THIS IS A CATASTROPHE," but instead I just type:
Adam: okay
I pocket my phone and try to focus on class.
I fail spectacularly.
Class goes by agonizingly slowly, each minute stretching out into hours. I keep replaying the interaction with Bianca in my head, watching her eyes get all glassy, hearing the way she told me "Don't fucking touch me right now." It's torture.
I barely restrain myself from just ditching and running off to find Bianca. The urge is strong to just stand up, walk out, find her, and force her to talk to me. But I know that would probably make things worse. If she doesn't want to talk right now, cornering her would be about as smart as poking a sleeping bear.
Finally, finally, the bell rings.
I'm out of my seat before most students have even started moving, practically teleporting to the door. I burst out into the hallway, and I spot her immediately.
"Adam!"
Selene's waiting for me right outside the classroom, exactly as promised, and when our eyes meet, she gives me this big smile that seems completely at odds with the situation we're currently in.
"Hey!" she says, bouncing slightly on her feet. "Come on, let's walk and talk!"
Despite everything: the anxiety, the guilt, the crushing weight of having hurt Bianca. I feel some of the tension leave my body when I see that expression on her face. There's something about Selene's smile that just makes me feel like everything's going to be okay, even when my life is actively falling apart.
We start walking toward my next class, and I automatically move closer to her, keeping my voice low so the students passing us won't be able to hear our conversation.
"Selene, I need help," I start, my words tumbling out in a rush. "Bianca won't talk to me and I don't know what to do."
"Oh yeah, I know! We were texting literally all last period!" She says this cheerfully, like we're discussing weekend plans instead of the impending doom of my relationship with Bianca. Her pink eyes are bright and sympathetic though, so it's not like she doesn't care.
My heart jumps. "Wait, what did she say?"
"Hmm..." Selene taps her chin thoughtfully, and there's this mischievous glint in her pink eyes that I can't quite read. "Well, she made me promise not to give you advice, sooo..." She grins at me. "Good luck!"
I... what?
Wait, hold on. She's been texting with Bianca and won't tell me anything? Why is she taking this so lightly? "Selene, I'm seriously worried here. I'm scared Bianca's going to hate me forever now."
"Aww, Adam!" She reaches up and pats my head, her fingers running through my hair affectionately. "She's not gonna hate you! I promise!"
She says it with such absolute certainty that I almost believe her. Almost.
"How do you know that?"
She just gives me this knowing smile that doesn't answer my question at all, and we keep walking.
My brain is going about a million miles per hour trying to process this whole situation. Selene isn't mad. She's not even concerned. She's acting like everything is completely fine, which is... confusing, to say the least.
Maybe I need to just be direct. Lay my cards on the table.
"Selene... I think Bianca likes me," I say carefully, watching her face for a reaction. "Like, romantically. And that's why she's so upset."
"Oh yeah, duh!" She looks at me like I just pointed out that water is wet. "Of course she does!"
I nearly trip over my own feet. "You... you knew?"
"Adam, of course I knew!" She giggles. "Bianca's not exactly being subtle!"
My brain is malfunctioning. Nothing about this makes sense. Selene is just... smiling at me. Like this is fine. Like this is normal.
Before I can stop myself, the words are already out. I'm blurting what I was thinking in my last class without questioning if I should even say anything.
"And I—I think I like her too," I say quietly. "Like... romantically."
There. I said it. I just confessed to my girlfriend that I have feelings for her sister.
This is the part where she gets upset, right? Where she gets angry or hurt or tells me I'm an asshole?
"I know!" She says it so enthusiastically, still smiling that bright smile.
"You..." I blink at her, completely lost. "You know? And you're not mad?"
"Why would I be mad, silly?" She laughs, and the sound is genuinely happy. There's no edge to it, she's not being sarcastic.
"Because I just told you I have feelings for your sister while we're dating?!"
"Mmhmm!" She nods like I've just stated something completely reasonable and not totally insane.
"Selene, I'm so confused right now..." I tell her honestly. My brain feels like it's melting. "I don't understand what's happening."
"You're so cute when you're confused!" She giggles again, booping my nose. "Okay okay, I can't give you advice because I promised Bianca, but..." She pauses, her pink eyes sparkling with something I can't identify. "I'm not gonna be mad at you no matter what you say to her. Okay? So just… be honest. Talk to her!"
I blink at her. "You won't be mad... no matter what I tell her?"
"Nope!"
"Even if I..."
"Even then!" She's grinning now, clearly enjoying my complete and utter bafflement.
Uh... what? What does that mean? Is she giving me permission to confess to Bianca? Is this some kind of test? Is she actually upset and just hiding it really well? Is this a trap?
My brain is working overtime trying to decode this interaction, and it's coming up with nothing.
We make it to my classroom, and Selene pats my head one more time. The gesture is sweet and affectionate, and it makes me want to scream because nothing about this situation makes sense.
"Alright, this is your stop! You got this!" She says it with the energy of a cheerleader sending someone off to a big game.
Then she leans in close to whisper in my ear, "I love you, Adam."
The words send a shiver down my spine. Despite everything: the confusion, the anxiety, the complete and utter bafflement, my heart still does this stupid little flip in my chest.
"Love you too," I whisper back.
She pulls back with this radiant smile, gives me a little wave, and then practically skips away toward her next class.
I stand there, watching her go, my brain completely fried.
What the hell was that whole interaction? What the hell just happened? I was looking for advice, a path forward, maybe some clarity on how to handle this absolute clusterfuck of a situation. Instead, I'm left even more confused, with even more questions than I started with.
Did Selene just give me permission to pursue Bianca? Or was she saying she won't be mad if I talk to Bianca about my feelings? Does she know something I don't?
I shake my head and walk into the classroom, my thoughts still spinning in circles.
I slide into the seat next to Luna, and she immediately looks up. Those big violet eyes of hers meet mine, and I can see the concern in them instantly.
Shit. I must look as much of a mess as I feel.
"Um... are you... are you okay...?" Luna asks quietly, her voice soft and worried. She's fidgeting with the sleeve of her hoodie, pulling it down over her hand.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I force out a smile. "Just working through some… family stuff."
"Oh..." She hesitates for a moment, then slowly reaches out and pats my head with her small hand. The gesture is so gentle and sweet that it makes my chest feel tight. "I hope... it works out..."
"Thank you, Luna. Really." The smile I give her this time is genuine.
She pulls her hand back quickly, a blush spreading across her pale cheeks, and she turns her attention back to her computer. I can see the tips of her ears are pink beneath her purple hair.
God, she's adorable.
Stop it, brain. We have enough problems without you making things worse.
I try to work on my side project, but I know it's pointless. My mind is entirely elsewhere.
I'm just dying to get to lunch. That's when I'll see Bianca again. That's when I can try to fix this mess.
The minutes tick by with agonizing slowness. This is going to be the longest class period of my life.