Chapter 5
H&H Become J&P Potter
Tuesday, 23rd July, mid-morning
Still in Ragnok's office, Gringotts
Antonia the angel beckoned older Harry and older Hermione to her. The angel placed a hand on each of their heads, then said, "Transform."
Harry saw that Hermione started out the same height as Antonia, but Hermione grew three inches taller. In the chest, Hermione's breasts grew and grew—becoming even bigger than Susan Bones size, so now Hermione's chest was much fun to look at.
On Hermione's head, her bushy brown hair changed color to a buttery blond, and lengthened two inches; her hair almoststraightened, becoming wavy instead of bushy. Her cheekbones bulged out in front, and her chocolate-brown eyes lightened and shifted color to pale blue.
Hermione now looked like a Playboy centerfold—a Playboy centerfold who was now, for some reason, staring at Harry.
Harry realized that he was no longer the same height as Hermione and Antonia; he now was looking down on Hermione and Antonia—and seeing them clearly, with no glasses on his face.
Blond Hermione grinned at Harry and said, "Ah declare, John, you now are blue-eyed and tall and muscular. You are most handsome."
Then Hermione looked at Antonia in confusion. "Ah can't call John 'John'—Ah mean, Ah can call him 'John,' but Ah can't call him 'John'—blast it!"
Harry grinned at the new blonde with the Southern accent. "I bet it's a safety feature built into the magic, so we don't speak the wrong name by mistake."
Harry now was speaking with an American accent. Somehow Harry knew he was speaking with a Nebraska accent.
Harry continued, "So relax—"
Harry tried to say Hermione. But right then his mouth disobeyed his brain, and addressed Hermione's new form as Paulina.
Now Harry pointed a finger at blond Hermione and asked, "Where are you from, gorgeous Paulina?"
She replied, "Ah'm from Jawja," Georgia. "And may Ah say, John Pottah, it is strange to hear mahself talk like thiyis."
"No argument there, Paulina Moffitt," Harry said. "Now I sound like one of those characters on American TV shows."
Hermione gave Harry a smoldering look, which she had never done before—not even in the tent. "Paulina" said, "Looking lahik you do now, John Pottah, you could be the star of one of those American TV shows. Your chestnut rat's-nest Pottah hair and your piercing blue eyes makes you look lahik a bad boy."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Having shown you how "Paulina" speaks, I will stop the phonetic spelling of her words and will resume proper spelling. However, I will continue to spell any words that are associated with either "John" or "Paulina" with American spellings, not British spellings.
John and Paulina's American-accented flirtation was interrupted by Antonia the angel: "Harken, O chosen one of prophecy, John George Potter formerly Harry James Potter: Seek out first the diary-horcrux at Malfoy Manor. Yes, this is a daunting task, but you can do it, for you have many times proven yourself to be brave and clever. Apparate to coordinates A7C3x52B7 07B9x942A 0000x0000, and you will find the means to complete this task."
John said, "You want me to waltz into the heavily warded place where Lucius Malfoy lives, grab the evil diary, then stroll out again. Sure, easy, no problem."
Paulina hugged him.
Antonia held out her hand, palm up. "Your Ollivander wands on yonder desk and in your wand holsters now are Walton wands. Here are documents you need, to 'prove' you are John Potter and Paulina Moffitt." Light flashed, then several papers and parchments were resting on her flat hand.
John took the papers; then he and Paulina glanced through them. The papers were school transcripts from Ilvermorny, for six years of schooling for John and Paulina that each ended in June 1990; the O.W.L. scores for John and for Paulina; heritage tests for John and for Paulina; and other papers. John glanced at the O.W.L. scores for John Potter—they looked exactly the same as what Harry Potter had scored in 1996, except that John had not scored a "Troll" in History of Magic!
Included in the paperwork were birth certificates. John's and Paulina's new birthdates were July 1, 1973 and September 20, 1972 respectively.
John said to Antonia, "Just to be clear: My new birth certificate says I wasn't 'born as the seventh month dies'; but the Prophecy still applies to me."
Antonia replied, "Yes, you still are 'the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord.' You were given that 1 July birthday so that the Meddlesome One would not bother you unduly."
Then Antonia said, "To carry your new documents, you need something to carry those documents in." Light flashed, and hanging from Antonia's hand was Hermione's beaded handbag that had been charmed with space-expansion charms, as well as—John could not begin to guess all the charms that Hermione had laid on that bag.
Paulina squealed. "Thank you, Antonia, you are most kind!" Paulina hugged the angel, then (as soon as Paulina took the handbag) she hugged the handbag too, before dropping the new documents into the handbag.
"Finally," said Antonia, "John Potter needs money." Light flashed, and a Gringotts key appeared on a corner of Ragnok's desk. "This is a Gringotts New York vault key, registered to John G Potter, with a current balance of G103." Antonia looked at Ragnok. "Gringotts New York records will show the vault as being active since July 1984."
Ragnok blinked in surprise.
"I go now," Antonia said. " 'John' and 'Paulina,' be brave and clever, and follow the plan, then you will not fail."
Paulina nodded. "It's a good plan."
John said, "Um, Antonia, I have a question. When Paulina and I have destroyed Voldemort, I don't see any alternative than for Paulina and I to 'return' to Ilvermorny, bringing Harry with us. How can this work? According to the papers you've given us, we've each completed six years at Ilvermorny, but neither of us has actually been there. Nobody at that school knows us. Won't all these magically-created lies"—John gestured towards Paulina's beaded handbag—"be exposed when we go to Ilvermorny?"
Antonia replied, "The students and professors at Ilvermorny now have a few vague memories of you, but those memories are that both of you were 'quiet'—Fay Dunbar quiet. The people at Ilvermorny will recognise your names, and will recognise your faces if shown photos, but will tell anyone who asks that you two kept to yourselves."
Antonia looked at Paulina. "Any other questions?"
John smiled cruelly. "When you return to Eternity, would you please tell the 1991 version of Thanatos that Grim Reaper Gerhardus von Schiffer has Harry Potter's file when he shouldn't have it? Thank you."
Antonia nodded. Then, with a flash of light, the angel vanished.
John said, "As curious as I am where those Apparation Coordinates go to, I'd much prefer to go to Gringotts New York and we get married right now."
Ragnok asked, "Do you plan to claim your Potter Head of House ring before or after you marry? Underneath your new look, you're still Harry Potter, age seventeen; I'm sure Magic will let you claim the Lord Potter ring."
John shook his head. "Won't work. I'm supposedly the American second cousin of the Potter Heir, from a cadet branch of the Potter family—I can't claim the Potter Head of House ring without 'blowing my cover.' However, I believe the Potter family magic will let me claim the Potter Regent ring."
Paulina said, "John, sugar, how about we wait on that? The instantyou become the Potter Regent, you'll replace Professor Dumbledore as Harry's magical guardian, and I'm sure the Bearded Meddler will be sent letters."
Ragnok's grin showed pointed teeth. "There is nothing that any of us can do about when the Ministry would send Dumbledore a letter, but as for Gringotts?"
Ragnok bellowed then, in Goblinspeak, and a young, unarmed goblin ran in. Ragnok gave an order that included the words Dumbledore Albus. The young goblin briefly replied, then bowed himself out of the room.
Ragnok grinned. "There we go. The same meddlesome wizard who has schemed that young Harry Potter never gets Gringotts owl-post, now himself will be sent no Gringotts owl-post till I say so."
Ragnok looked at John and Paulina. "In the meantime, I'll remove five hundred galleons from the Potter family coinage vault. This, and your supposed seven-year-old Gringotts New York key, should do you well enough until you claim the Regent ring." A bag of coins appeared in the center of Ragnok's desk.
Ragnok handed the Gringotts New York key and the sack of coins to John, who handed them to Paulina, who put them in her beaded handbag.
Ragnok wrote a brief note in Goblinspeak, then signed the note, then use the point of an ornate dagger to cut his own finger, then dripped three drops of blood onto the note. Ragnok handed the note to John.
On Ragnok's desk, during the entire meeting, were the two wands that Older Harry Potter had given to the goblin teller, when Older Harry first had spoken with the teller. Now Ragnok gave these two wands back—to John Potter. John Potter noticed that the wands looked different—they were Walton wands now, not Ollivander wands. John restowed the wands in his two wand holsters.
After this, Ragnok escorted John and Paulina to a room of the bank that few wizards ever saw: it was for Gringotts employees' international Portkeys.
Less than half a minute later, John and Paulina were in Gringotts New York. John promptly handed Ragnok's note to a goblin.
Ten minutes later
Somewhere in Gringotts New York
John and Paulina were standing in a room with a stone floor, a stone ceiling, and four stone walls; though the stone wall in front of John and Paulina was almost completely filled with a stained-glass window.
In the room with John and Paulina were two goblins, acting as witnesses; two human curse-breakers, acting as witnesses; and a third human curse-breaker, acting as officiant. The marriage ceremony was brief and to the point.
When the officiant said, "You may kiss the bride," John did so. The resulting glow was bright enough that everyone in the room except for John and Paulina had to cover their eyes.
John felt something on his left hand. He discovered that he and Paulina now were each wearing a Potter wedding ring.
It took another half-hour before Gringotts New York received the official paperwork from the USA's Ministry of Magic that stated that John George Potter and Paulina Priscilla Moffitt were married in Gringotts New York.
By then, Gringotts New York had drawn up applications for two magical passports, for John Potter and Paulina Potter. These passport-applications were promptly Portkeyed to the USA's Ministry of Magic.
It took yet another hour before the USA Ministry owled official magical passports to John and Paulina at Gringotts New York.
John stared at his passport photo. The face in the photo did not talk or move around; but since the photo was magical, soon the eyes blinked.
And what eyes they were! The John Potter in the photo had cobalt-blue eyes—eyes that were as striking in their own way as the green eyes that Harry had had till earlier today.
The John Potter in the photo had the notorious Potter rat's-nest hair, but now that hair was chestnut-brown. In fact, John Potter's hair was the same color that Hermione's hair had been before her transformation.
Most shocking of all: the face in his passport-photo had no trace of a forehead scar. The photo's face wore no glasses.
Paulina, who had been staring at her own passport photo, said, "I declare, John, you should've warned me I'm now a stone fox!"
John grinned at his bride. "Yeah, if Hugh Hefner met you now, he'd offer you one of his notorious one-month modeling contracts."
John then pointed out to Paulina that, according to his passport, his birthday was July 1, 1973. John asked Paulina, "Do you realise what this means?" Grinning John answered his own question: "First, it means that I'm a legal adult in the nonmagical world, so can adopt Harry in the nonmagical world. But also it means that, if Dumbledore sneaks a look at my passport, no way will he consider me to be 'born as the seventh month dies.' I'm under his radar now."
All these services by Gringotts New York had cost John galleons; still, the sack of coins was not even close to running empty, and his Gringotts New York key was untouched (except for identification). John spent another thirty galleons for him and Paulina to be Portkeyed from Gringotts New York to the magical section of JFK Airport.
At JFK Airport's magical section, for two hundred galleons, John rented an international Portkey to send him and Paulina to the magical section of Heathrow Airport in London.
At Heathrow Airport, John and Paulina presented their magical passports at Magical Britain Customs, and officially entered Great Britain—as Americans.
They immediately returned to Gringotts London, to pay another visit to Ragnok.
Ragnok drew up a document for the Granger parents to sign, stating that they consented to Paulina P. Moffitt Potter, their daughter's supposed age-eighteen magical second cousin, becoming Hermione's magical guardian. John and Paulina expected nobody at Hogwarts to object to such a document when it was filed with them—quite the opposite, in fact.
The time now was 2:42 in the afternoon, London time. The Granger parents were still at work; and John and Paulina did not plan to visit young Harry Potter till tomorrow.
What to do in the meantime? What to do?
John called for Greyclay, the Potter head house-elf, and the newlywed couple was elf-popped to Potter Manor.
"What is Potter Manor's condition?" John then asked.
Greyclay's answer: One part of the manor house was ruined, and the wards were down; but other than this, the manor house was livable.
John and Paulina exchanged bawdy smiles, then John asked, "The 'livable' part includes the Potter Library?"
"Yes."
Newlyweds John and Paulina consummated their marriage on a rug in the Potter Library.
The Potter ancestor-portraits who witnessed this activity all were scandalized—except for Portrait-Lily, who called out, "Don't forget the Cushioning Charm!"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Why did I make transformed Harry and Hermione look the way they do?
Transformed Harry must not only have the Potter name, but he also must "look like a Potter." It's canon that all the Potter men have the rat's-nest hair; but I decided that John Potter, who supposedly is only distantly related to Harry, would not need glasses as do James Potter and Harry Potter. Of course for the "John Potter" disguise to work, John must have no trace of a forehead scar; nor can the young man have green eyes when he supposedly is not related to Lily Evans.
As for "Paulina Moffitt," she supposedly is descended from Ramses Malfoy, who presumably had straight blond hair. I gave Paulina half of that: Paulina's hair is blond and wavy.
Still, this gave me many options about how "John" and "Paulina" could look. So why did I make them be "Brad and Angelina" attractive? Because in future chapters, when "Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived" and Hermione Granger are at Hogwarts as first-years, and "John" and "Paulina" are there as seventh-years, I wanted for John and Paulina, not Harry, to draw everyone's attention. John, the former Boy Who Lived, and Paulina, the former Brightest Witch of Her Age, can handle being in the spotlight, whereas for the two eleven-year-olds, being the centre of several hundred students' attention is a deep shock. This is my way to draw attention away from young Harry and young Hermione.
Also, I wanted to make sexism work for me. Canon implies that not only is Hermione smarter than everyone else in her year, but Hermione is, for all the years of her Hogwarts schooling, the smartest student in the school. By making Paulina be as attractive as a Veela, nobody will notice that Paulina is as intelligent as young Hermione.
Chapter 6
Explaining Soulmates to the Grangers
Still Tuesday, July 23rd
6 p.m, Potter Manor
John (formerly Harry) and Paulina (formerly Hermione) made love for a little over three hours.
John/Harry was surprised how passionate Paulina/Hermione was in their lovemaking; but John was not at all surprised how many bedroom tricks that Paulina knew, even before John broke her hymen.
At six o'clock, the newlywed couple pulled on their clothes, then John called for Greyclay to lead the couple to places in Potter Manor where John and Paulina could take showers. Despite strong temptation, John and Paulina did not shower together.
For John and Paulina to get dressed in different clothes than what they had arrived in, they wound up wearing Charlus and Dorea Potter's clothes, which the Potter house-elves magically altered to fit the young couple.
In the kitchen, four overjoyed Potter house-elves served dinner to John and to Paulina, then the Potter elves gave the newlyweds a tour of Potter Manor—both the parts that could be lived in and the parts of the manor house that were uninhabitable.
John ordered the house-elves to repair Potter Manor, taking gold from the Potter coinage vault to buy whatever building supplies the house-elves needed.
By the time that John and Paulina had fucked like rabbits, had showered, had eaten dinner, and had been given a tour of Potter Manor, the time was a little after 7:30 p.m.
But before John and Paulina left Potter Manor to meet with young Hermione and young Harry, the newlyweds wrote a note—
.
July 23, 1991
Attn: Improper Use of Magic Office
We are John Potter and Paulina Potter, newlywed eighteen-year-old magical Americans. We each have a British magical cousin who'll be beginning Hogwarts this September.
Our intention now is to each visit our cousin at least one time apiece. This letter is to let you know that if you detect magic happening at Number 4, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey, England, or at Number 24, Churchill Way, Crawley, West Sussex, England, don't get excited until at least September. The source of the magic you'll detect at those two places won't be our young British cousins performing underage magic; but rather, Paulina and I performing magic for our cousins' in-the-know no-magic family.
(signed) John G. Potter
(signed) Paulina P. Moffitt Potter
.
Once the letter was written and was signed, John asked Greyclay to elf-pop over to the Improper Use of Magic Office at the Ministry and to hand the letter to someone working late.
7:43 p.m.
Crawley, West Sussex
Paulina side-along apparated John to the Granger house's back yard. Paulina knocked loudly on the back door.
Nothing happened.
Thirty seconds later, Paulina again loudly knocked on the back door.
Inside the house, John heard young Hermione's excited voice: "They're at the back door!"
Seconds later, the back door was yanked open, and young Hermione was grinning at both John and Paulina.
Grinning Hermione said to Paulina, "Tell me the next digit: three point one four one five nine...?"
Paulina grinned back. Speaking with a Georgia accent, Paulina said, "That's a trick question, sugar. You've recited the beginning digits of pi. If you're using an infinite number of digits, the next digit after nine would be two, followed by six. But if you're rounding off to the nearest millionth, the digit after nine would be three."
Young Hermione murmured "Love your accent," while she pulled the door wide open. The bushy-haired girl then stepped back, as she spoke in French. Paulina replied in French, then led John into the back of the Granger house. From there, Paulina walked confidently into the living room, with John and young Hermione following. John saw that young Hermione was smiling as happily as if Flitwick or McGonagall just had awarded her points.
"You two look different," smirking Dan Granger said to the newlyweds.
John bowed. "I am John George Potter, from the American state of Nebraska; and my wife is Paulina Priscilla Moffitt Potter, from the American state of Georgia."
Emma Granger chuckled. "Paulina? Named after the character in Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale?"
Paulina said, "The woman who verbally defended dead Queen Hermione when King Leontes spoke slanders against her? Yes. In the same way, at Hogwarts this Paulina will defend young Hermione Granger from bullying."
Young Hermione looked relieved.
Emma Granger was impatient to see the magic demonstrations.
John and Paulina began with "the first spell your Hermione ever will learn: how to turn your wand into a magical flashlight."
After each eighteen-year-old cast the Lumos Charm and its Noxcounter, Harry conjured a big white feather.
Paulina pointed her wand at the feather and said to young Hermione, "Pay close attention to my wand-movement now: a swish and a flick. Wand-movements matter."
Then Paulina incanted, "Wingardium leviosa."
Paulina made the feather float and dance. To John's amusement, Paulina soon made the feather swiftly dive down toward the coffee table, almost crashing into the coffee table, before changing direction to skim the top of the table.
John chuckled. "A Wronski Feint using a feather? Paulina, you might not like Quidditch games, but evidently you've learned at least one thing about them."
Paulina looked at the Grangers and said, "I know that making a feather float doesn't look impressive. But when you're first-years, trying to make a feather float for the first time is hard. Some firsties in our class, it took the entire class-period before they managed the spell."
John said, "In one case, a student kept not-casting the spell because he was mispronouncing the incantation. He kept saying the second word as levioSA instead of the correct leviOsa."
Dan Granger asked, "But now you can levitate objects heavier than a feather?"
"Yes we can," Paulina replied. She gave her wand a swish and a flick as she incanted, "Wingardium leviosa." At the end of the casting, Paulina's wand was pointed at the couch that Dan, Emma, and Hermione were sitting on.
That couch slowly rose until Dan's head almost touched the ceiling. Then the couch slowly dropped till it was back on the floor. All three Grangers now were staring at Paulina with wide eyes.
John smiled at young Hermione and said, "You'll be pleased to know that when our class first was taught this spell, this witch beside me was the first student in the class to make their feather float."
John discovered then that Paulina-hugs were just as delightful as Hermy-hugs.
Dan Granger said, "Would you please show us something dramatic? Something amazing?"
John incanted, "Expecto Patronum!" But what came out of his wand was not a glowing white stag; instead, John's Patronus turned out to be a woolly mammoth.
Paulina cast her own Patronus then. No longer was it an otter; instead, her corporeal Patronus was a largemouth bass that "swam" through the air.
The Grangers acted impressed; the Potters were startled.
Paulina leaned over and murmured in John's ear, "I don't think Dad needs to know that I have a new, X-rated Patronus-memory."
Seventeen minutes later
Young Hermione had, to John's complete lack of surprise, drawn up a list of questions for the time-traveler newlyweds to answer. The newlyweds had just been hit with the genius girl's latest question.
("Question 6: Paulina, how many wizards at Hogwarts were in the same year as you? Of those however-many magical boys, how did you know that Harry was 'the one'?")
Paulina answered, "The number of wizards in our Sorting was somewhere between twenty and twenty-five. As for knowing that Harry was 'the one'? Between Halloween 1991, when our friendship started, and June of 1994, I always thought of this manas my very close friend. It wasn't until this man, his godfather, and I were flying on the back of a hippogriff in June 1994 that I realized: I love my best friend."
John said, "Which just shows, once again, that's she's smarter than me. I loved her at the end of our second year, May of '93; but I didn't realize I loved her till I had died in May '98 and I was sitting across the desk from Thanatos. Death himself told me, 'According to your file, she's your soulmate'; then this woman confessed to me she loved me, and I realized that I loved her back."
Paulina gave John a fierce hug, and kissed him.
Emma said, "This word soulmate—I take it that the word doesn't mean merely someone who is quite compatible with you?"
Paulina answered, "That's right. John and I aren't merely 'quite compatible,' we're perfectly suited. Of all the billions of people on the planet, he's perfectly suited to me and I'm perfectly suited to him."
John said, "Let me tell you something else that being soulmates in the magical sense means." Now John was looking meaningfully at young Hermione. "If we'd kissed even once, lips to lips, between the day I met her on the firstie train and the day we died, we would've been magically married—no vicar, registrar, or justice of the peace needed."
Young Hermione's eyes were wide.
"Why didn't you?" Emma asked. "Kiss our daughter, I mean."
John sighed. "Besides my not realizing I was in love with this witch here? Potions. Potions that were slipped to us by magical people we thought we could trust. Eventually I thought I was in love with a redhead stalker fangirl, and your daughter thought she had a crush on an argumentative, lazy-slob redhead boy in our year. Nope—in both cases, our 'love' came out of a cauldron. Your daughter and I never got romantic, despite our closeness, because we each thought we'd be acting disloyal to the aforementioned redhead boy. Where did our strong loyalties come from? Loyalty Potions."
John looked at young Hermione. "Some advice: When you get to Hogwarts, the redheaded twins are good kids to know, but avoidthe rest of their family."
Paulina said to all three Grangers, "Being married to my soulmate is a thousand times better than anything I ever had with Ron, even when potions were creating false emotions in my head."
Young Hermione was smiling.
Dan Granger sighed. "Princess, now I don't want to send you to that school at all. But the deadline has passed for school fees, so now I've spent money that I can't get back and I can't afford to write off."
Dan looked at John and at Paulina. "Please, give us some good news."
Paulina said, "Here's one bit of good news: Britain has a second magical school, Manchester Magical Academy. Their application deadline is June 30th, so Hermione can't go there this year; but she can go to MMA next year. Plus, MMA teaches both magical and nonmagical subjects. For Hermione, MMA really is the ideal school; I wish I'd known about it way back when."
John said, "I mentioned that I'm here to save my younger self's life; I'm also here to hunt down and to kill Voldy. The way I plan to do this is to take guardianship of young Harry, then to let Paulina and me be talked into attending Hogwarts as seventh-years. Both Paulina and I will make sure that young Hermione is as protected as a royal princess."
Both Granger parents said, "Thank you."
Young Hermione yawned then. John said, "It's getting late, and we should go."
Paulina pulled out a parchment from her beaded handbag. "Before we leave, Mum and Dad, may we ask you to sign this? It declares me, Hermione's supposed second cousin, to be her magical guardian. The sad truth is, since you're nonmagical, there are things you're not considered competent to decide for Hermione, even though you're her parents."
Dan Granger asked, "What happens if we don't sign it?"
John answered, "Then whichever Hogwarts professor becomes her Head of House also becomes her magical guardian. If Hermione is injured, it's the magical guardian's decision—not Hermione's, not yours—what happens to your daughter. If the magical-guardian professor is McGonagall, she won't do what is best for Hermione, she'll do whatever Dumbledore orders her to do."
Dan and Emma signed, then Paulina put the parchment back into her beaded handbag.
Emma asked the newlyweds, "What are your plans for tomorrow?"
John replied, "To start my younger self on a life that's free of both physical abuse and Dumbledore's head games."
Now late evening, back in Potter Manor
The newlyweds chose a bedroom at random: the bedroom last occupied by Charlene Heloise Potter. The newlyweds exercised self-control while the house-elves changed the sheets on the bed and otherwise freshened the bedroom. But as soon as the house-elves left, John and Paulina resumed their conjugal experiments.
Early the next morning
Wednesday, July 24th
Number 4, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey
John and Paulina were standing in the street, near the curb that was in front of the Dursley house. The time was early enough in the morning that only two of the Dursleys' neighbors were outside to see the Potter newlyweds. However, Notice-Me-Not Charms on both John and Paulina meant that while the young couple might be seen, the Potters would be disregarded.
Paulina was waving her wand as she examined the infamous "blood wards" that Dumbledore had used as an excuse to imprison Harry Potter at the Dursley house.
Paulina said, "I declare, John, I've lost all my respect for the headmaster. These wards are worse than ordinary."
"Go on," John said.
"These wards are vampiric, sucking magic from young Harry's magical core to power themselves. The wards have nothing special in them that might have come from a genius mother's sacrifice for her son. The wards here look like something an uncreative seventh-year put up for a NEWT practical."
"Shit."
Paulina nodded, instead of rebuking her husband for his profanity. "The one bit of cleverness I see in this ward-scheme is that the wards block one person with a specific Hufflepuff Magical-Signature Text—I'm guessing that the one person is Voldy. But wait, there's more."
"What else?"
"Built into the wards are several rune-based monitoring spells. They detect whether Harry Potter is sick or injured, or if he's dead. They're not wards, they don't block young Harry from becoming sick, injured, or dead, they just let the headmaster know what's up."
John snarled, "So Voldemort can't kill young Harry, and Death Eaters can't kill or injure young Harry, and Dumbledore thinks his job is done. The Dursleys abuse young Harry, and Dumbledore knows this because of his detection-spells, but Dumbles has done nothing to stop the Dursleys' abuse. Young Harry being beaten is just more secret knowledge that Dumbledore can hoard."
Paulina said, "I'm so sorry, honey." She gave John a one-armed hug.
"Dumbledore put up these wards; so none of what you just said should surprise me. Is there any good news?"
"I see 'bad intent towards Harry Potter' wards here, but I'm pretty sure that they don't define 'taking young Harry away from the Dursleys without the headmaster's permission, so Harry can live with his older self' as bad intent towards young Harry. Meaning, the wards won't stop us from walking up to the front door, and they won't warn the headmaster that we've come here. However, one of the rune-based spells has a quirk that you should know about."
"Oh?"
"One of the detection-spells informs Dumbledore if young Harry isn't on the property at 6 p.m. if he was on the property at 6 a.m. So we need to tweak our plan for today."
John grinned at Paulina. "Or we could throw your brilliant plan completely in the trashcan and just wing it."
She slapped his arm. "Turkey."
An hour later
As the postman was walking up the path to Number 4, Privet Drive, an owl landed on the path in front of the postman.
The postman barely noticed the owl; the owl was unimportant.
The owl stared at the postman whilst the owl held an envelope in its beak. For some reason, the postman felt the urge to take the envelope from the owl. But even as the postman obeyed the urge, he did not wonder where this urge came from, because the urge was unimportant.
Already in the postman's hand was a brown envelope (containing a bill, most likely) and a postcard. Without thinking about it, the postman slapped the owl's envelope on top of Number 4's little mail stack.
The postman barely noticed that the owl's envelope had an unusual feel to it, had no stamp on it, and was addressed with green ink. The postman only barely noticed these things because the envelope was unimportant.
The owl flew away, to roost in a tree. Since the owl was unimportant, the postman did not watch where the owl flew to.
The postman continued his walk up the path. The postman barely noticed that two people were standing just off the path. But beyond making sure that he did not bump into either of the two people, the postman did not even glance at them, because the two people were unimportant.
The postman stepped up to the mail slot, and dropped into the mail slot the brown envelope, the postcard and the unstamped, odd-feeling envelope that was addressed in green ink.
The postman turned away from the mail slot, and began his walk down the path.
The owl, the unstamped envelope with the green writing on it, the urge to take the envelope from the owl and the two people who were standing just off the front path—to the postman, they all were unimportant. In fact, they were so unimportant that by the time the postman had taken three steps away from the mail slot, he had forgotten about all the odd things he had encountered at Number 4, Privet Drive; and the postman would never think about those odd things again.
Meanwhile, inside Number 4, Privet Drive
Click. Mail had just been pushed through the mail slot and had fallen onto the doormat.
Uncle Vernon did not even look up from his newspaper. "Get the mail, Dudley."
Eleven-year-old Dudley whined, "Make Harry get it."
Uncle Vernon snapped, "Get the mail, Harry."
Ten-year-old Harry Potter said defiantly, "Make Dudley get it." The exercise would do the baby whale some good.
Instead of agreeing with Harry's good suggestion, Uncle Vernon said, "Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley."
Harry felt anger, hopelessness and despair, but none of these emotions showed on his face. Harry dodged Dudley's Smelting stick and went to get the mail.
Three items of mail were laying on the doormat: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister, Aunt Marge; a bill that was addressed to Uncle Vernon—and a letter for Harry.
Harry was bending down to pick up the mail when—
Ding-dong!
—the front doorbell rang.
Harry yelled, "Someone is at the door!"
Uncle Vernon yelled from the kitchen, "DON'T STAND THERE, ANSWER IT! BUT IF IT'S A PEDLAR, TELL HIM THAT WHATEVER HE'S SELLING, WE DON'T WANT ANY!"
"Yes, Uncle Vernon."
Harry opened the front door. Standing there were a young man and a young woman. The woman was beautiful enough to be a film actress, or a presenter on the telly. The young man was tall and muscular, and was handsome overall—
—except for his hair. That hair was brown, unlike Harry's own black hair, but atop the young man's head was the exact same rat's-nest hair that Harry saw every time he looked into a mirror.
"Oh, hello," said the young man. He spoke with an American accent. "You're Harry James Potter, right?"
Uncle Vernon yelled, "WHO'S AT THE DOOR?"
OMAKE by Red Phoenix Dragon
Young Harry ignored his uncle and replied, "I am Harry Potter. Is James my middle name?"
"Yes, after your father, James Potter."
"My father's name was James Potter? I never knew that. Do you know what they looked like?"
Paulina-Hermione cursed the old fool again.
Chapter 7
John Buys Harry's Freedom—Sort Of
Still morning, Wednesday, 24th July
Still Number 4, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey
Ten-year-old Harry Potter opened the front door. Standing there were a young woman and a young man. The woman was a blonde so gorgeous that Harry would never expect to meet a woman like her in person. The young man with her was tall, muscular and blue-eyed, and he had a handsome face—but he also had hair that was just like Harry's, except for colour. Harry never had met anyone with the same messy hair that Harry had.
Harry stared at the young man in shock.
"Oh, hello," said the young man. He spoke with an American accent. "You're Harry James Potter, right?"
Shock number two!
Uncle Vernon yelled, "WHO'S AT THE DOOR?"
The young American man, who was standing just outside the doorway, put his hand out to shake. "I'm John Potter, your second cousin. Paulina and I are on our honeymoon, but we thought we'd come by and say hello."
Harry's brain shut down. His paralysis meant that he did not shake the man's hand. "Potter? You're my cousin?"
"I am. May we come in, please? It might be July now, but mornings in Britain are cooler than what Paulina is used to."
"Oh, sure, erm..." Harry stepped back and let the beautiful young couple enter.
As Harry was shutting the door, the blonde squealed. "I declare, John, that's a Hogwarts letter! We came at the perfect time!"
John Potter smiled at Harry. "You got your Hogwarts letter today? I bet you have tons of questions!"
Harry had no idea what the American Potters were talking about.
The blonde, meanwhile, had bent down to pick up Harry's letter. "Um, John?" she said worriedly.
Uncle Vernon waddled into the foyer. "BOY! I EXPECT YOU TO—WHO ARE YOU?"
"Please," Harry said to his cousin and his wife, "you need to leave now!"
John Potter calmly replied to Uncle Vernon, "I'm John Potter and this is my wife Paulina. We're on our honeymoon, and we came here to meet my famous cousin Harry."
Harry said, "I'm famous? What am I famous for?"
Uncle Vernon snapped, "You're famous only to the other freaks!" Then he demanded of the Americans, "Are you two freaks too?"
"Define 'freaks,' Dursley," John Potter replied coldly.
"Magic-users. Wand-wavers," Uncle Vernon snarled.
"What?" said Harry. "You've always told me there is no such thing as magic!"
By now, Dudley and Aunt Petunia were standing behind Uncle Vernon. Aunt Petunia sneered at Paulina Potter, "To look as good as you do, this can only be by doing freakish things."
"Bless your heart," Paulina Potter said with a smile. The words sounded friendly, but Harry suspected that the meaning was anything but.
Uncle Vernon took a threatening step forward. "I don't want any more freaks in my house. Get out!"
"You tell 'em, Dad!" said Dudley.
Paulina gestured at Harry with the "Hogwarts letter" she was holding. "Look, John, the boy is shaking, he's so frightened."
Suddenly the blonde shifted the "Hogwarts letter" to her left hand, and now her right hand was holding a cooking chopstick. She pointed the cooking chopstick at Harry's relatives. "Y'all back off!Harry's Hogwarts letter is addressed to 'The Cupboard under the Stairs,' and you call us freaks? Y'all are despicable!"
By now, John Potter also was holding a cooking chopstick, which also was pointed at the Dursleys.
Harry had no idea what was going on. But Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were acting as though the Potters were pointing weapons at them; when Dudley stepped forwards, his mother grabbed him and pulled him back.
Cousin John asked, "Harry, do these people hurt you enough to make you bleed? Do they break bones?"
Uncle Vernon said, "Don't answer that, boy, if you know what's good for you!"
A yellow-green blob came out of John's chopstick and hit Uncle Vernon's hand. "Ow!"
John said, "Don't be such a baby, Dursley. That's a Stinging Hex, a first-year spell. It causes no bleeding and no broken bones."
Aunt Petunia's face turned white; clearly she had picked up John Potter's hint that he knew other spells that did cause bleeding or broken bones.
Meanwhile, John Potter was asking Uncle Vernon, "Dursley, are you going to let Harry answer my questions?"
Uncle Vernon yelled, "Put down that wand and face me like a man!"
Harry thought, "Wand"? As in "magic wand"?
Meanwhile, John was saying to Uncle Vernon, "Oh, you don't like that I'm not fighting fair? You have no room to complain, since you're three times Harry's weight and almost twice his height."
John looked at Harry and said gently, "Harry, we need to know: Have these people hurt you? Have they made you bleed, have they broken bones?"
Harry looked down at the floor. "Aunt Petunia hasn't made me bleed. But both Uncle Vernon and Cousin Dudley have made me bleed, and both of them also have broken bones of mine. Aunt Petunia once hit me hard on the head with a frying pan—does that count?"
Paulina glared at the Dursleys. "And y'all call him a freak?"
Harry pleaded, "Would someone please tell me what is going on?"
Uncle Vernon said, "Silence, boy! These—"
A blue beam of light flew out of John Potter's chopstick/wand and hit Uncle Vernon in the face. Uncle Vernon still was talking—in fact, clearly now he was yelling—but from him came only silence. John's chopstick/wand shot out an orange light, which hit Uncle Vernon in the chest; suddenly Uncle Vernon was tied up with ropes.
Cousin John said to Harry, "Magic is real. Only a few people can do magic—one man or woman out of six thousand. But mostly the ability to work magic runs in families. The Potters are a magical family of many generations—I can do magic, and your father James could do magic. But sometimes—and nobody is sure why—a boy or girl has nonmagical parents and so he or she grows up in the nonmagical world, but the child is born magical. Paulina is like this, and your mother Lily was like this."
Paulina said, "Magical boys and men are called wizards, even when they don't have long beards. Magical girls and women are called witches, even when they don't wear pointy hats. I'm a witch, and your mother was a witch."
John said, "You're a wizard, Harry. Your Hogwarts letter proves it."
Aunt Petunia said, "My sister was a freak! Only one in six thousand people can do magic? That made her a freak!"
John pointed at Harry's letter, which Paulina still was holding. "Harry, the letter to you is from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Britain's oldest magical school. They're inviting you to attend their school that begins September first, for the next seven years, to learn how to do all the different kinds of magic except evil magic."
"Out of the question!" Aunt Petunia said. "No way is the freak going to that freak school to learn freakishness! He's going to Stonewall High and he'll be grateful for it."
John Potter said "Infinity Incantation," then hit Uncle Vernon in the face with a yellow light from his cooking chopstick/wand. The ropes that had tied Uncle Vernon up, disappeared. Cousin John said to Uncle Vernon, "You aren't silent anymore, but none of you better come any closer to Harry, or you will regret it. Understand?"
All three Dursleys agreed—whilst scowling.
John said, "What I want to know is, if you're nonmagical and you think magic is 'freakishness,' why are you raising your nephew Harry? Harry's father James had many magical relatives in Britain whom toddler-Harry could have been given to."
Harry thought, I could've grown up in a magical family? Where I was loved?
Meanwhile, Aunt Petunia was angrily explaining to the young American wizard how Harry had wound up with the Dursleys—"He was left on our doorstep like a milk bottle!"—and how, despite Vernon's and Petunia's efforts to leave Harry at an orphanage, Harry was brought back to them again and again. As Aunt Petunia told her tale, the name Dumbledore came up again and again, and a letter from Dumbledore was mentioned.
Then Harry saw John and his young wife stare into each other's eyes. Soon John raised an eyebrow; Paulina nodded. Harry could not begin to guess what was going on.
John Potter knelt down, so that he was about at eye-level with Harry. "Harry, you don't know me and I don't know you, but Paulina and I want to be your guardians and to raise you, like your mother's sister and her family are raising you now. Would you like to grow up with us?"
Then John Potter glared at the Dursleys. "I'm guessing that you won't object to a transfer of Harry's guardianship from you two to Paulina and me."
Aunt Petunia said, "Doesn't matter. Dumbledore will make you give the boy back."
John said, "If I can get myself declared the Potter Regent, there's nothing Dumbledore can do."
Paulina said, "Harry? You haven't answered John's question."
Harry looked into the hateful eyes of his uncle, aunt and fat cousin. Then Harry looked at John and at Paulina and said, "I want to live with people who want me there. If I can learn magic too, that's even better."
Then Uncle Vernon said, "If you want Pet and I to sign papers, it'll cost you five thousand pounds for Petunia's and my signatures."
John Potter said, "Why would we agree to that? Since it's obvious you want to be rid of Harry."
"We want money because it costs money to feed the boy—"
"Except when they starve me," Harry said.
"—and Dumbledore never offered to pay us a penny."
John snorted. "I don't believe that at all. Prove it. Show me Dumbledore's letter."
Uncle Vernon puffed up. "Are you calling me a liar?"
"Yes," John Potter calmly replied. "And you're fat too. Show me Dumbledore's letter, or you're not receiving one coin from me."
Uncle Vernon said, "Pet, go upstairs and fetch the bearded freak's letter."
Aunt Petunia was back downstairs less than a minute later, holding an envelope. Just from looking at that envelope, Harry could see that the envelope was made from the same not-paper as Harry's "Hogwarts letter."
The "Hogwarts letter" to "Harry James Potter" was addressed with green ink; the letter to "Petunia Evans Dursley" was addressed with black ink. Neither envelope had a stamp in the corner, and both envelopes showed handwriting in which the lines varied in thickness.
John Potter took out of the envelope a folded-up piece of not-paper and unfolded it. He read the letter, as his blond wife read it with him. Then John passed the letter to Harry.
Harry was unimpressed. This "Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore" might be the headmaster of a school, but his letter came across as though a politician had written it.
Meanwhile, Cousin John was saying to Uncle Vernon, "You're right, the letter mentions nothing about money. I'll pay you five hundredpounds, not five thousand, to sign the papers transferring guardianship."
"Four thousand pounds," Uncle Vernon said. "And don't tell me that, just because you're in a different country, you can't get hold of the money quickly."
John said, "One thousand pounds; final offer. If you tell me to pay more, I'm calling the magical police."
Paulina said, "Just a friendly reminder, Dursleys: Harry Potter is a hero in the magical world. What do you think the magical police would do to y'all if we told them that y'all have hurt Harry Potter and have starved him?"
"We accept," Aunt Petunia said. She stared down Uncle Vernon.
Harry watched and listened whilst Cousin John and Uncle Vernon worked out the terms. John and Paulina would return to Privet Drive at seven this evening, with papers for Harry's aunt and uncle to sign, and with a thousand pounds in banknotes to present.
Then John and Paulina did something strange. They had entered the house through the front door, but for some reason, they wanted to leave the house through the kitchen door; and wanted to enter the back garden, not the front garden.
The way John explained it to Harry was this: "Magicals have a fierce law that says we can't let nonmagical people know about magic. The only reason we can tell your relatives about magic today is because they live with you. Really, when Paulina and I magically transported ourselves in front of your house, we were taking a risk that your neighbors might see us. Magical police could've arrested us for doing that—but we weren't arrested, lucky us. Anyway, it would be doubly risky if we magically left your house from the front of your house. Instead, we'll leave from your backyard, where the neighbors can't see us. When Paulina and I come back this evening, we'll knock on your kitchen door, not your front door."
Harry nodded. "That makes sense. Thank you for taking time to explain things to me."
Paulina held out Harry's unopened Hogwarts letter—which, Harry saw, indeed was addressed to "The Cupboard under the Stairs." Paulina asked, "Do you want this back now, or do you want me to hold on to it till tonight?"
Harry thought, Dudley will grab it out of my hand and rip it up, less than a minute after they leave, just to be mean to me. Aloud, Harry said, "Please, you keep it."
Paulina smiled at Harry and put his Hogwarts letter in her handbag.
As soon as John and Paulina walked out the kitchen door, Uncle Vernon announced that he was headed to work. Aunt Petunia shocked everyone when she said to her son, "Diddikins, be nice to Harry today. Don't bother him and don't hurt him, or I will be angry with you."
To this shock was added another shock: Aunt Petunia took Harry to Little Whinging Shopping Centre and bought him new clothes. Aunt Petunia bought Harry new pants (underwear), trainers (sneakers), socks, trousers, belt and a shirt. Harry never in his life had worn clothes that fit before.
As aunt and nephew were walking back to the car, Harry worked up his courage and asked, "Why did you buy me new clothes, Aunt Petunia?"
She was silent for a time, then she answered, "If your freakrelatives take you to talk to the freak police, it will go badly for Vernon and me if you're dressed like a street urchin."
Meanwhile, at Gringotts (London)
John presented his Gringotts New York key to a teller, then asked to speak with the Potter account manager.
John and Paulina met the new Potter account manager, Axefrenzy. (The previous Potter account manager, Bronzedagger, had been axed to retire early.) John and Paulina did not tell Axefrenzy that they were really Harry Potter and his British best friend, back from the dead and time-traveled back from 1998 to 1991.
After meeting Axefrenzy, the next thing that "John" did was to claim the Potter Regent ring. Magic accepted the claim, to Axefrenzy's surprise.
Immediately John claimed magical guardianship of Harry James Potter; Magic allowed this too.
Axefrenzy asked the Gringotts Legal Department for a template nonmagical-government guardianship-transfer agreement. Axefrenzy, John and Paulina spent fifteen minutes editing the terms of the template agreement and filling it in, to transfer Harry's guardianship from Petunia Dursley (and Vernon Dursley) to John Potter (and Paulina Potter). John and Paulina signed the agreement, then Paulina put the agreement in her beaded handbag.
Axefrenzy then gave John bad news. With Harry Potter being the last of the main Potter line and with him being underage, there should be no activity in the Potter family coinage vault and in the Potter family heirlooms vault. But the Potter coinage-vault key was out there somewhere, and Bronzedagger had removed G107 000 from the coinage vault. Axefrenzy and Ragnok suspected that most of that G107 000 had been diverted to Dumbledore, but none of that gold had shown up in Dumbledore's vaults.
John promptly ordered that Gringotts rekey the Potter coinage vault and Harry's trust vault, so that the existing keys would not work.
Speaking of Harry's trust vault, which the boy had yet to touch, there was much activity, much of it questionable. Every 31st July since 1981, the trust vault was topped off at fifty thousand galleons—but each 30th July since 1982, Dumbledore had diverted G47 575 to his own vaults.
John asked, "Why that strange amount? Why not steal all fifty thousand galleons?"
Axefrenzy replied, "If someone takes every coin and heirloom out of a vault, the vault-rental agreement ends. You need to leave at least one galleon in a vault to keep holding that vault."
Paulina said, "Remember, John honey, G202 a month has been withdrawn every month, supposedly to pay Vernon Dursley. That's G2,424 a year."
John said, "But now we've met starveling Harry, his aunt, his big, fat uncle and his big, fat cousin. All you need to do is look at poor Harry, and look at his fat uncle and his fat cousin too, and it's obvious where that thousand pounds a month went—and it wasn't to Harry!"
John took a calming breath.
John said, "Account Manager Axefrenzy, remember the part of the Gringotts poem that says 'For those who take, but do not earn, Must pay most dearly in their turn'? I request that you hold the Dursleys to what the poem says, even if Harry's relatives have never read the poem."
As John said this, his smile was bloodthirsty. Axefrenzy matched that smile with a goblin smile that was just as bloodthirsty.
Five minutes later
John hired Gringotts to put a Fidelius on Potter Manor, with himself as the Secret Keeper.
John also hired Gringotts to ward Potter Manor so strongly that the manor house would withstand attack from a horde of the fiends of Hell—or attack from one meddlesome headmaster.
Then John and Paulina rode a cart down to the Potter coinage vault. After the cart-driver rekeyed the vault, John took out G220. In the Gringotts lobby, John converted the G220 to one thousand pounds in fifty-pound bills, plus one hundred pounds in twenty-pound bills.
After Gringotts
John and Paulina briefly visited the house of young Hermione in Crawley. The Potters told young Hermione that they would visit again this evening, when Hermione's parents were home and when the Potters would bring young Harry with them.
Hermione's entire face lit up when she was told that soon she would meet young Harry.
John then told Hermione to tell her parents not to cook, because John this evening would be buying takeaway for everyone. This also was news to make Hermione smile.
John and Paulina went back to Potter Manor. There John asked Paulina for a scrap of paper (not parchment), and a ballpoint pen (not a quill pen). Paulina pulled both out of her beaded bag.
Then John wrote, left-handed to make his writing look more childish—
.
Profesor Minerva McGonagall,
Thank you for aksepting me to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I will come there on 1 September.
Harry J Potter
.
After John wrote the note, with handwriting suitably boyish, John gave the note to Greyclay. John told Greyclay to rent a postal owl that would fly the note to Minerva McGonagall at Hogwarts.
After Greyclay elf-popped away, Paulina asked, "Why did you write the note pretending to be Harry?"
John replied, "The last time, when I didn't answer my first Hogwarts letter, Dumbledore kept sending more and more letters. Before Uncle Vernon had us all flee in the car, I got about a hundred letters at once."
"You're joking, right?"
"The last letter Hogwarts sent, was delivered to me personally by Hagrid. This time I don't want Dumbledore sending out more letters, and I don't want anyone from Hogwarts going out to Privet Drive or going where Harry Potter is at. I want Dumbledore smugly thinking, 'Harry is following my plan. All is well.' "
After sending off the letter, John and Paulina ate an early lunch. They then whiled away the hours of the afternoon in the bedroom that was last occupied by Marigold Hera Potter.
Afterwards, both John and Paulina took a shower. They both needed it.
7:00 p.m
Number 4, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey
John and Paulina entered the Dursleys' almost-empty kitchen from the back door, after Harry unlocked the back door and let the Potters in. The three Dursleys quickly entered the kitchen. With six people standing in the kitchen—two of them fat—Harry felt crowded.
"I declare, Harry," said Paulina, smiling, "those look like new clothes you're wearing."
Harry blushed. "They are, yeah."
John put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "You look sharp, Harry. How often do the Dursleys do this for you, buy you new clothes?"
"Erm...," Harry said, turning scarlet with embarrassment.
"You got the money, Potter?" Uncle Vernon demanded. "Hand it over."
John Potter pulled a wad of fifty-pound notes out of his pocket. "Yes to your question, no to your order. Paulina?"
Paulina Potter reached into her handbag, pulled out a document and laid the document on the kitchen table. TRANSFER OF GUARDIANSHIP OF A MINOR, the document said at the top.
(Paulina then pulled Harry's Hogwarts letter out of her handbag, and handed the letter to Harry.)
Vernon said to John Potter, "Oi, those look like fifty-pound notes. Fifties are too hard to spend. Go back and get twenties."
John Potter laughed scornfully. "Not my problem, Dursley. If you wanted twenties, you should have asked for twenties this morning. Quit trying to throw your weight around—get it?—and sign the damn paper."
"No way, freak. Money first, then Pet and I sign."
"So you're refusing to sign, even when you see I brought the cash? Let me remind you, Dursley: If you don't sign, it doesn't matter to anyone why you didn't sign, and I get to call the magical cops on the entire rotten Dursley family."
Paulina said, "My husband is hoping you'll do something stupid, Mr. Dursley. He wants to keep the cash, yes, but he also wants to witness the Aurors arresting you."
Aunt Petunia said, "Vernon, please, let's get this done, and get the boy out of here."
Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia signed the document, whilst Harry sighed in relief. Paulina put the signed document back in her handbag.
Only then did John Potter lay the wad of fifty-pound notes on the kitchen table. Uncle Vernon counted the money, then pocketed the money.
Paulina and Aunt Petunia went upstairs to fetch Dumbledore's letter, Harry's immunisation records, and all other paperwork that the Dursleys had that related to Harry.
While Paulina was upstairs fetching documents, John and Harry were at Harry's cupboard. Harry watched John point his wand at the cupboard, which unlocked itself. Cool! Then John shrank Harry's few possessions and put them in his pocket—whilst muttering obscenities about the Dursleys.
When Paulina came downstairs, John transferred Harry's shrunken possessions to Paulina's handbag. Paulina seemed unbothered by the extra weight.
John walked Paulina to the back door. John said, "Harry, please unlock the back door, but don't go outside yet."
Harry (nonmagically) unlocked the kitchen door.
John said, "Anyone want to say anything before we leave? Harry, Vernon, Petunia, Dudley, Paulina?"
Uncle Vernon said, "I'm glad we're rid of you, freak."
Aunt Petunia said, "I'm glad I won't hear about what you do in that freak school."
Dudley grinned cruelly and said, "I'm sorry I can't beat you up anymore, freak."
Harry laughed at his relatives, and watched their faces fill with anger. "I'm magical"—he waved the Hogwarts letter about—"and I'm somehow famous. You three are ugly and nobody likes you. You three are losers."
"On that friendly note," John said, "let's go."
John put his hand on the back door's doorknob, but delayed opening the door. "By the way, Dursleys, Paulina and I know that you've received 116 thousand pounds from Harry's inheritance and you've misspent it."
"WHAT?" Harry exclaimed.
John opened the kitchen door and gestured for his wife and for Harry to step out into the back garden.
Harry, who was clutching his Hogwarts letter in his left hand, got the shock of his life when he stepped outside.
John, who still was holding the kitchen door wide open, called out, "They're all yours!"
Harry now saw that waiting outside the back door were scary-looking short men with strange skin, with teeth like piranha fish, and with long hands and feet. Now these piranha-teeth men rushed into the kitchen, through the back door that John helpfully was holding open.
Harry expected to hear Aunt Petunia screaming and Uncle Vernon bellowing. Instead, from the kitchen, Harry heard absolute silence.
"What are those people?" Harry asked.
"Goblins," said Paulina. "They run the wizards' bank. They hatethieves, and your aunt and uncle are big-time thieves."
"Why aren't the Dursleys yelling?"
Paulina smiled cruelly. "Oh, they probably are. But Silencing Spells mean that nobody outside the house can hear them."
John said, "Whoops, I forgot to do something." He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, and walked into the silent kitchen through the still-open kitchen door.
Seconds later, John stepped outside again.
"What did you do?" Paulina asked John.
"Those twenty fifty-pound bills I handed to Dursley? I recorded the bills' serial numbers ahead of time. Now the goblins have evidence that Vernon and Petunia sold a child."
Harry asked, "What will the goblins do with my relatives?"
Paulina replied, "That depends on the Dursleys. Over the past ten years, your aunt and uncle received £116,000 for your care. The goblins will figure out how much of that 116k they spent on you, and how much of the 116k they spent on themselves instead of on you. That money, the goblins will consider to be stolen from you. Once the goblins have come up with a total sum of money that the Dursleys stole from you, the goblins will multiply this number by 110 percent, then tell the Dursleys, 'Pay this amount.' "
"Whoa," said Harry.
"If the Dursleys can pay it all, or if the Dursleys can pay it all after some of their property is seized by the goblins, then the only punishment that the Dursleys will get is forced labor in a goblin mine."
Harry thought, Hold on, if the Dursleys can pay back what they stole from me, they'll "only" be punished with forced labour in a mine?
Aloud, Harry asked, "And if the Dursleys can't pay all the stolen money back?" Considering they all three spend money like water, that's the smart bet.
John clapped his hands together. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's Paulina and I introduce you to Paulina's second cousin! Hermione is magical too, she's about your age, her parents are nonmagical like your mother's parents and Paulina's parents, and she'll be going to Hogwarts as a first-year next month. I know you and her will get along great!"
Harry figured out that the answer to What will happen if the Dursleys can't pay back all the stolen money? was Something that adults don't think ten-year-olds should hear.