She woke.
Axin woke!
Ning Zhiqing's mind exploded — gone blank. For a moment she even forgot to push the other away. Her cheeks drained from pink to pale so fast it was visible; the fierce eyes she wore in court were only anxiety and fear now. Axin had woken — she'd been caught stealing a kiss. What if Axin hated her, thought her disgusting, never wanted to see her again?
The more she thought, the harder it was to breathe. Why hadn't she controlled herself? Axin was too beautiful, too intoxicating — how could she have resisted? But what if Axin rejected her afterwards? Even if Ning was highborn, wielding life and death, what then?
Ning's face was ashen; her eyes rimmed red. She stared at Axin, tears spilling uncontrollably and splashing into the bath, the room filled with the steady sound of falling drops. Her whole head was a single thought: Axin will never want me again. Though their lips had met and they stood so close, Ning told herself it had been her own secret, presumptuous move.
Warm tears clung to Axin's cheek. She loosened her hold on Ning's lips, unable to savor that familiar feeling properly.
Seeing Ning's pale face and tear-filled eyes, Axin felt puzzled and then a little pity. She lifted a hand and wiped at Ning's corner of the eye; Ning only stared and cried, not saying a word, as if her tears could not be wiped away.
"Zhiqing, why are you crying?"
Axin asked gently. Remembering the moment their lips had touched, she felt they might be able to grow closer. She hooked an arm around Ning's waist, leaned close to her cheek, and licked at the wetness by Ning's eye — the tears were salty and warm.
The gesture left Ning dumbfounded; she'd forgotten all the worst thoughts that had popped into her head a moment ago. Her whole body stiffened in the bath, surrendering to Axin's embrace. Axin… Axin was licking her tears? Ning could hardly process it; her mind still whirled. First fear, then shock — and the person holding her was naked, pressed so close that Ning could feel the warmth of her body without lowering her head.
Axin, is this… inappropriate?
"Zhiqing, did someone bully you?" Axin's breath brushed Ning's ear; the warmth flushed Ning's pale face. Ning had no idea how to answer. Wasn't this intimacy a bit too obvious? Didn't Axin feel it strange? She didn't dare look at Axin.
"Who bullied Zhiqing?" Axin's voice softened until it held a chill in the steam-filled air. She held Ning close and said low, "Tell me. Who made you cry?"
No… no one.
Truly no one.
Ning could not stand their heated closeness. She wanted to push her away, but she couldn't bear it. She bit her lip and, finding courage, wrapped her arms around Axin's slender waist. The smooth skin made her shiver; that surging feeling inside could no longer be contained. "No, no one, Axin. No one hurt me."
"Then why are you crying? I saw fear in your eyes — like the fear of being abandoned. Tell me why." Axin wanted the answer. Though her questions were slow and gentle, inside she burned to know. Her intuition said this mattered.
Ning remembered what had just happened and the tears welled again. She clung to Axin's waist and rested her chin on her shoulder before whispering, "I'm afraid you'll leave me."
"Has fewer petitions been presented at court lately? Zhiqing, you finished your work early and let your mind wander." Axin teased lightly.
Ning's mouth flattened; her tone eased. "There are always petitions. I have no end of them. Luckily Helian Fu can help shoulder some of the burden."
"Then why would Zhiqing think I would leave you?" Axin asked. Her delicate palm rested against Ning's exposed back; Ning's body tingled and nearly made a sound.
Ning pursed her lips and hesitated. Axin didn't press; she waited quietly for an answer. The steam had already soaked their hair; Ning's clothes were a mess from the bath, but she didn't care.
"We're soaked. Take everything off," Axin said suddenly.
Ning burned crimson as if scorched; she couldn't raise her head or move. Take… everything off. That felt wrong.
"I'll help, since Zhiqing is busy preparing what to say." Axin smiled as if solving a small problem. A strap snapped loose behind Ning; a warm fingertip found the knot of her undergarment and tugged. Axin eased back slightly; Ning's inner garment slid off and was set aside.
Ning: This is really improper, Axin.
Even with the mist between them, the two could clearly see each other. Ning dared not look properly. This was wrong — did Axin know how differently Ning felt?
"Your hair's wet too. Let it loose." Axin's words were gentle. Ning's hair fell free, mingling with Axin's in the bath; their long tresses slowly entwined with the water.
"Have you decided?" Axin asked.
"Huh?" Ning looked up, lost, and met those indulgent, permissive eyes. She could not look away. Axin's smile — how could she move away?
"I…" Ning exhaled and decided to reveal her feelings. They had come this far; sooner or later Axin would know. Finding some bravery, she looked Axin squarely in the face, wrapped her arms around her, and covered Axin's lips again.
Axin did not resist. That familiar scent returned — as if they had been intimate before. Axin's heart did not reject it; instead she felt pleased by the contact.
Their different fragrances mingled. Neither pushed away. Ning hesitated when she remembered her plan; she clung tight, afraid that letting go would mean losing Axin.
"You saw," she said, clutching Axin as if she would never release her.
"What did I see?" Axin smiled faintly.
"I kissed you." Ning's voice grew loud. "Axin, I kissed you." Her eyes reddened and tears surged — she loved this person fiercely but feared being exposed, feared being judged and abandoned. "Do you know why I kissed you? You're a woman, I'm a woman — but I kissed you because I wanted to. I want to kiss you every day, and never have enough. I want to kiss you until death."
"Kiss you until death?" Axin touched her lips, a normal, unshowy motion that seemed intoxicating to Ning. She pursed her lips. "Yes, kiss you until death. I want to kiss you to death."
Axin smiled low. "Why?"
"Why does there have to be a why? I just want to." Ning grew restless. "I pictured tying you up and kissing you so you couldn't leave me."
Axin's smile never left. This soul was unbearably adorable, even imagining such things. And yet — a fierce, enormous force inside Axin itself seemed to surge as if celebrating that line. Something powerful seemed ready to burst from her body.
Seeing Axin still smile, Ning felt wronged. "You didn't show disgust. I was relieved. But your obvious teasing still hurts me."
"Who said I was teasing?" Axin wiped Ning's tears and pressed the back of her head, kissing the corner of her eye. Her mouth curved. "I found that I also like kissing Zhiqing."
Ning: "…" Axin said what?
"A-Axin, what did you say?"
"I like kissing Zhiqing too."
Ning's eyes widened. She grabbed Axin and asked, "Axin, tell me. Why do you want to?"
"Because I want to. There's no more reason than that." Axin spoke honestly.
Ning softened, lips trembling with a tearful smile. She hugged Axin and whispered into her ear, "You don't hate me, do you?"
"Why would I hate you?"
"When I kissed you, how did you feel?"
"Pleasure of body and mind," Axin replied.
Ning's tears turned into a laugh. "You like me, right?"
"Like?" Axin paused, puzzled by the word.
Before she could think it through, Ning's voice cracked, "Axin, I really like you. I've been afraid to say it. I feared you'd see me as dirty and never speak to me again. I like you. I've liked you for so long I couldn't bear to force you into anything — the palace can't keep you if you choose to leave. I didn't want to hurt you."
"I won't leave you, Zhiqing." Axin patted Ning's back and soothed her. "I will stay with you until the end of your life."
Ning sobbed in a torrent — this time from happiness, not fear. Even if Axin did not love her, to be promised companionship until the end was enough to make her joyful.
But now she wanted more.
"Axin, I like you. Do you like me too?" she asked with trembling hope.
As Ning confessed, Axin's heart understood, awakening the feeling called love. A deep, uncontrollable love rose up. The look she gave Ning carried indulgence and warmth, and beneath that, a complicated, old-rooted love. It felt as if this love had been there for a long time, surfacing now each time like a thing that would occupy all of her feelings.
"Yes," Axin said. It was love. She lowered her eyes and smiled without explaining. She felt bound to this soul — perhaps they were fated. Whatever had happened between them before, she did not pry. All she wanted was to accompany this person to life's end, then sink back into sleep, only to wake and meet them again.
"Axin…" Ning dared not ask more. When she met Axin's gaze she was surrounded by a burning affection that answered everything. There was no need to ask — those eyes were full of love.
It was love. Ning's eyes swelled; how had she not noticed before?
"Let's be together." Ning hugged Axin's waist. Axin returned the embrace and they fit together like one. "In this deep palace, we'll enjoy honor and grow old together."
"All right." Axin answered.
After their eyes met, Ning turned away first and tried to rise. "We've bathed for so long. Let's get up."
"Are you serious?" Axin's eyes held a smile. "Are you going to leave wearing clothes straight away?"
This was catastrophic.
How dangerous.
Ning thought inwardly: this enchanting woman could kill her with a glance.
"Well then…let's wash again? More bubbles?" she mumbled, glancing around the bath.
Axin whispered, "Do you find the flowers more beautiful than me?"
"You're prettier. You're the prettiest, Axin."
"You're pretty too, Zhiqing." Axin moved in front of her, half-lidded eyes. "You're shy. Your cheeks are red. Didn't you say you wanted to be with me?"
"I'm excited," Ning protested. "I'm not shy."
"Sure you're not." Axin teased.
Ning: "…" (What did that mean?)
"I'll teach you." Axin said.
What?
…Later they left the bath together, faces flushed. Ning was less shy than before and held Axin's hand, refusing to let go. She praised: "Lin Taifei is indeed learned and skilled in odd arts — no wonder she's the capital's first talented lady."
"The Empress Dowager is a good teacher. One lesson and she learns," Axin replied.
"I come from the wilds; my learning's small. I'll rely on Lin Taifei's instruction." Ning said coquettishly.
"The Empress Dowager commands; I must obey." Axin answered playfully.
Outside, waiting palace maids hurriedly brought their clothes. Ning ordered them to lay the garments down and withdraw. The women kept their heads low, not daring to look up.
They dressed one another with practiced movements, as if they had done this many times. Once clothed and with hair dried, they walked out hand in hand.
"I quite like Lin Taifei's bath," Ning declared.
"From now on, my baths will be there. Keep some clean clothes at Lin Taifei's place." Ning instructed.
"Yes, Your Majesty." The maids answered.
Ning sat above with a cheerful face. "Have the meal sent. From now on I'll dine at Lin Taifei's — the food there suits me." After being with Axin she still could eat three bowls.
Recently everyone in the palace noticed the Empress Dowager's unusually good mood. She smiled at everyone and forgave small mistakes, speaking softly when correcting them.
Goodness — the stern woman who sparred with ministers in court could be so gentle when she smiled.
Those attentive servants realized the Empress Dowager was most amiable in Lin Taifei's quarters; she rarely lost her temper there. That showed how much she prized Lin Taifei.
At first the Empress Dowager said Lin Taifei's bath was pleasant, so she began bathing there and then claimed she enjoyed dining there too. One night, the Empress Dowager, unable to sleep, had the palace servants knock on Lin Taifei's door and asked to try the palace's supposedly magical chambers. Reportedly that night the Empress Dowager did not summon anyone; she left smiling and flushed in the morning. From then on she spent nights in Lin Taifei's palace, and no one thought it strange — they only marveled that Lin Taifei could win such trust.
"Zhiqing is shameless in this palace," someone murmured.
Ning lifted her chin proudly. "I am the Empress Dowager. If I'm not arrogant, who will be?"
"It's hot. Prepare some cooling soup for the afternoon," Axin said.
"Understood. Don't worry. I'll take care of myself." Ning pushed aside the small table and sat close to Axin. "Axin, let's go to the summer villa in a few days. You've been inside the palace since you entered — do you want to go out and see?"
Axin arched an eyebrow. "Is there another reason?"
"Nothing escapes you." Ning smiled and kissed Axin's cheek. "Of course I want some private time with you. The palace is full of people and it's inconvenient." Though Ning now held great power, she preferred not to trouble Axin with the additional fuss.
"Very well. Let's go." Axin agreed.
A few days later Ning handed state affairs to the young Helian Fu and, under his plaintive gaze, took Axin to the summer villa. Those who followed were confidants who already understood the pair's relationship. For a while at the villa they truly enjoyed uninterrupted bliss.
One day Helian Fu, tired from court and curious about what made the villa so attractive, rode out with petitions in hand. He barged in windblown, eager to see why the Dowager and Taifei had not returned for a month.
He sneaked in alone and, unexpectedly, found Ning stealing a kiss from Axin, who dozed on a garden bench. The boy froze, unsure how to react, standing stock still.
Ning glanced around; Helian Fu turned away and covered his face. "Dowager, I saw nothing."
"Fine. Even if you saw, I won't gouge out your eyes." Ning was unconcerned. She had prepared for their relationship to be revealed and no one could stop them. Whoever dared—she would punish. Power could protect those she wanted to protect.
"Anything else?" Helian Fu asked, trying to steady himself. That scene had upended his understanding. He peeked at Axin and saw Ning's look grow sharp — he swallowed hard and was relieved he was the emperor. With anyone else, perhaps the Dowager would have ended them. He stole another glance at Lin Taifei and felt afraid; she wore a hidden depth.
The three walked together, and Helian Fu felt foolish and small.
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