The atmosphere on the grassy plains of Long Ring Long Land had reached a fever pitch. With the score standing at 2-0 in favor of the Straw Hats, Foxy was desperate. He had lost his winning streak, his dignity, and most likely his future ability to look at a mirror without crying.
But the Davy Back Fight wasn't over. The third round—Combat—was where Foxy reigned supreme.
"Fehfehfeh!" Foxy announced, his confidence returning with manic intensity. "Since this is the final round, we need to select the arena! Bring out the Roulette of Destiny!"
A massive stone wheel was wheeled onto the stage by Hamburg and Pickles. It was divided into various sections representing different terrains: Forest, Sea, Coral Reef, and a suspiciously large slice labeled Foxy's Ship.
"The Captains will spin the wheel!" The announcer shouted.
Luffy stepped up. "I'll spin it!"
"No, no, allow me," Foxy pushed Luffy aside gently. "As the challenger of the final round, it is my honor!"
Foxy grabbed the wheel and gave it a mighty spin.
Whirrrrrrrrrr...
The wheel spun rapidly. The crowd held its breath.
Click. Click. Click...
It slowed down. The pointer passed Forest. It passed Sea. It hovered over Coral Reef... and then, with a final, defying-gravity clunk, it jerked backward and landed squarely on The Sexy Foxy.
"OH MY!" The announcer screamed. "What luck! The arena will be Captain Foxy's own ship, the Sexy Foxy! A battlefield full of cannons, trapdoors, and spikes! What a coincidence!"
"Coincidence?" Nami muttered, her eyes narrowing. "That wheel has a counterweight. I saw it wobble."
"Let it go, Nami," Ben chuckled, polishing his camera lens. "If he wants to fight on his ship, let him. It just means Luffy gets to wreck his property legally."
"Captains!" The announcer bellowed. "You have ten minutes to prepare! Get your gear! The final battle for glory—and the Jolly Roger—begins soon!"
---
Ten minutes later, the scene shifted to the massive upper deck of the Sexy Foxy. The pirate crew lined the railings, cheering for their boss.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" The announcer stood in the center of the ring. "IT IS TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT!"
"From the Red Corner! Weighing in with a bounty of 24 Million Berries! The undefeated master of the Davy Back Fight! The Silver Fox! FOXYYYYYYY!"
Fireworks exploded. Foxy emerged from his cabin, wearing boxing gloves and a robe that looked like it was made of purple disco balls. He threw punches at the air, looking smug.
"Fehfehfeh! Today, I reclaim my honor!"
"And now!" The announcer turned to the Blue Corner. "From the—"
"HOLD IT!"
A loud voice interrupted the announcer. Usopp snatched the microphone from the bird-man's hand. He stood in the center of the ring, wearing sunglasses and a suit he had hastily transfigured from a tablecloth (courtesy of Ben).
"Ladies and Gentlemen," Usopp's voice was deep, serious, and echoed with gravitas. "For centuries, philosophers and warriors have asked the same question."
The crowd quieted down, confused.
"Does the man make the Afro?" Usopp pointed a finger at the sky. "Or does the Afro make the man?"
"What is he talking about?" Sanji lit a cigarette, leaning against the mast.
"Shh," Robin smiled. "It's art."
"Today!" Usopp screamed. "That question will be answered! From the Blue Corner! The Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates! The man who will become the King of the Ring! MONKEY D. LUFFY!"
BOOM.
The door to the Straw Hat waiting room kicked open. Smoke (created by Usopp's smoke star) billowed out.
Emerging from the fog was a figure that defied logic.
Luffy walked out. He was shirtless, wearing red boxing shorts and red boxing gloves. A skull and crossbones was painted on his chest in crude blue paint.
But the most striking feature was on his head.
It was an Afro. A massive, spherical, perfectly round black Afro wig that jiggled with every step.
Luffy looked serious. Deadly serious.
"I feel it," Luffy whispered, looking at his fists. "The power... it's wild."
On the sidelines, the Straw Hat crew reacted with varying degrees of horror and amusement.
"WHAT IS THAT?!" Nami screamed, face-palming so hard it left a red mark. "Why is he wearing a wig?! Is this a joke?!"
"It's hideous," Vivi agreed, looking traumatized. "Who let him dress himself?"
"I think it suits him," Robin chuckled, a dark glint in her eye. "It looks like a sea urchin ate his brain. Very avant-garde."
"SO COOOL!" Chopper grabbed his cheeks, eyes sparkling. "An Afro! He looks so strong!"
"Gebabababa!" Dory and Brogy were on the floor, laughing so hard the ship shook. "The little captain has a mushroom head! It is the hair of a warrior!"
And Ben?
Ben was crouching near the ring ropes, his high-tech camera shutter clicking furiously.
"Hold that pose, Luffy!" Ben shouted. "Chin up! Look fierce! Yes! That's the money shot! The 'Afro-Luffy' collection is going to sell out instantly."
"Papa," Mini Merry tugged on Ben's pants, tilting her head. "Papa, I'm confused!"
"What is it, sweetie?" Ben asked, pausing his photoshoot.
"I scanned the Captain's head!" Merry chirped, pointing at Luffy. "It's just fake hair! It's plastic and fuzz! It has zero power rating! Zero!"
She stomped her little foot in frustration. "Why does the Captain say he's strong? Does looking silly make you punch harder? My logic circuits are getting all hot and spinny! It makes no sense!"
Ben laughed, patting her head. "That's the mystery of the Afro, Merry. It's not about physics. It's about vibes. And vibes are stronger than math."
"Vibes?" Merry blinked, processing the new word. "Vibes... okay. I will add 'Vibes' to the database. Definition: Magic hair power."
---
Foxy stared at Luffy. He stared at the Afro.
"What... is that?" Foxy pointed a trembling glove. "Do you mock the sacred ring with a wig?!"
"It's not a wig," Luffy said deeply. "It's my spirit."
"Whatever!" Foxy shook his head. "Referee! Start the match!"
The announcer rang the bell. DING!
"FIGHT!"
"Fehfehfeh!" Foxy immediately retreated. "You fell right into my trap, Straw Hat! This entire ship is my weapon!"
He pressed a button on a remote hidden in his glove.
CLICK.
The floor beneath Luffy suddenly opened up. Spikes shot out from the wall. A giant cannon swivelled from the mast.
"Whoa!" Luffy jumped, narrowly avoiding a spike trap. "Sneaky!"
"Take this! Foxy Face Bombs!"
Foxy fired a barrage of bombs shaped like his own face. They exploded in clouds of pink smoke and confetti, obscuring vision.
"I can't see!" Luffy waved his arms.
"Now! Gorilla Punch!"
Foxy donned a massive mechanical glove powered by pistons and punched through the smoke. Luffy, blinded by the confetti and confused by the Afro (which blocked his peripheral vision slightly), took the hit square in the face.
BAM!
"Hey!" Nami yelled from the sidelines. "That glove is a machine! That's a weapon! Referee! That's cheating!"
The referee slowly put on a pair of dark sunglasses. "I see nothing," he said flatly. "That is clearly a standard pirate hand."
"A STANDARD PIRATE HAND DOESN'T HAVE EXHAUST PIPES!" Nami shrieked.
Meanwhile, inside the ring, Luffy accidentally stepped on Foxy's toe while stumbling back.
TWEET!
The referee blew his whistle furiously. "FOUL! Unnecessary roughness! Step off the Captain's foot!"
"This game is garbage," Zoro muttered, hand on his sword.
"I know that!" Foxy grinned. "But can you dodge this?"
Foxy raised his hands in the signature gesture.
"Noro Noro..."
Luffy tilted his head. "Huh?"
"...BEAM!"
The pink beam of slow photons shot out. Ben, watching from the side, sighed.
"He forgot," Ben muttered. "He definitely forgot about the beam."
"Luffy! Dodge!" Nami screamed.
Too late.
ZAP.
The beam hit Luffy's Afro.
Luffy froze mid-bounce. He hung in the air, his limbs moving in excruciatingly slow motion.
"Fehfehfeh! Gotcha!" Foxy laughed. He walked up to the frozen Luffy. "Now, for the ultimate combo!"
Foxy began to pummel the defenseless, slowed Luffy.
Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch.
Because Luffy was slow, the impacts didn't register yet. They accumulated. Kinetic energy building up like a dam about to burst.
"And finally..." Foxy wound up a massive swing. "Megaton Nine-Tails Rush!"
He delivered a final blow just as the 30 seconds ran out.
BOOM!
Time caught up. All the punches hit at once. Luffy was launched across the deck like a rocket, crashing through the mast and embedding himself in the cabin wall.
"Luffy!" Chopper cried.
Luffy pulled himself out of the wood, shaking his head. He looked okay, but then he gasped in horror. He reached up.
The Afro... was tilted. It was squished on the left side.
"NO!" Luffy screamed. "MY POWER!"
"Medic! We need a medic!" Usopp yelled, vaulting over the ropes with a first aid kit. But instead of bandages, he pulled out a specialized Afro-Pick and a can of hairspray.
"Don't move, Champion!" Usopp shouted, frantically combing the wig back into a perfect sphere. "The structural integrity of the funk is compromised! If it goes flat, you lose 50% of your power! HOLD STILL!"
"Fix it, Usopp!" Luffy cried, tears in his eyes. "I feel weaker! The funk is leaking out!"
"I've got it! I've got it!" Usopp sprayed the wig. PSSSHHHT. "Okay! Volume restored! Get back in there, tiger!"
"THANKS, COACH!" Luffy roared, his confidence instantly returning to 100%.
"Are they serious?" Vivi asked, stunned.
"Dead serious," Zoro sighed.
Foxy prepared another beam. "You can't dodge it forever! Noro Noro..."
Luffy tensed, ready to run.
But Ben stepped forward to the ropes. He turned to Nami, Usopp, and the others.
"Plan B," Ben whispered. "Psychological Warfare. Hit him where it hurts."
"Got it," Nami smirked evilly.
"On it," Usopp cleared his throat.
As Foxy leveled his fingers at Luffy, Nami shouted.
"HEY! SPLIT-HEAD!"
Foxy flinched. The beam fired wide, hitting a seagull (which slowed down mid-squawk).
"Who said that?!" Foxy looked around, hurt.
"You look like a butt!" Usopp yelled. "A butt with a nose!"
"Yeah!" Chopper joined in (he was bad at insults but tried his best). "You... you big meanie! Your pants are weird!"
Foxy froze. His lip trembled.
"Butt...?" Foxy whispered. "Meanie...?"
"And your fashion sense is garbage!" Vivi added, channeling her inner royalty snobbery. "Purple and orange? It's tacky!"
"Tacky..." Foxy dropped to his knees. A dark cloud formed over his head. "I thought it was... festive..."
"LOOK AT HIM!" Usopp pointed. "HE'S CRYING! WHAT A LOSER!"
"Loser..." Foxy curled into a ball on the floor. "I'm a loser... I should just be a sea cucumber..."
Luffy blinked. He lowered his fists. He walked over to the depressed captain.
"Hey," Luffy poked Foxy. "Don't cry."
Foxy looked up, hopeful. "Straw Hat..."
"Yeah," Luffy nodded sympathetically. "It's okay if you're ugly. Lots of people are ugly. You can't help having a face like a split-open durian. It's what's inside that counts! Even if your outside is really, really weird."
It was meant to be a consolation. It was delivered with Luffy's trademark sincerity.
It was devastating.
CRITICAL HIT.
Foxy turned grey. He crumbled into dust (metaphorically). "Split-open... durian..."
"CAPTAIN!" Porche screamed. "HE'S DYING OF SHAME! STOP IT!"
"Give him the earplugs!" Hamburg roared, throwing a pair of heavy-duty industrial earmuffs at his captain.
Foxy, sobbing, jammed the earmuffs onto his head. He squeezed his eyes shut.
"I can't hear you!" Foxy yelled. "I can't hear the mean words! I am handsome! I am stylish! Fehfehfeh!"
He stood up, trembling with forced confidence. "You can't break my spirit now! The fight continues!"
"Damn," Ben snapped his fingers. "He plugged his ears. Plan B failed."
"Plan C," Zoro said. "Luffy hits him really hard."
"Works for me," Ben nodded.
Foxy, now immune to insults, went on the offensive. He pulled a lever. The entire deck of the ship tilted 45 degrees.
"Foxy Stage Tilt!"
Everyone slid toward the spiked railing. Luffy grabbed the floorboards with his fingers.
"Gomu Gomu no..."
Foxy aimed his beam again. "Noro Noro Beam!"
Luffy looked at the beam. He looked at the mirror shard Ben had left on the deck from the previous race.
"Mirror!" Luffy grabbed the shard.
He held it up.
ZAP.
The beam reflected. But Foxy, having learned from the boat race, dodged his own reflection.
"Too slow!" Foxy laughed. He charged at Luffy, donning a mech-suit overlay that increased his strength. "Gorilla Punch Mark II!"
Luffy dropped the mirror. He stood up on the tilted deck, the Afro billowing in the wind.
He didn't dodge. He wound up his arm. He twisted it tight, the rubber screeching.
"You shot the horse," Luffy said, his voice cutting through the carnival noise. "And you made my navigator mad."
"So what?!" Foxy swung his mech-fist.
"So I'm gonna send you flying!"
"Gomu Gomu no... AFRO HOOK!"
(It was just a normal hook, but Luffy insisted the Afro made it stronger).
Luffy's fist collided with Foxy's mech-suit.
CRUNCH.
The metal shattered. The fist continued, connecting with Foxy's jaw.
The impact ripple traveled through Foxy's face, up his split head, and out the back of his skull.
"FEH?!"
Foxy was lifted off his feet. He flew backward, past the mast, past the announcer, past the cheering crowd. He sailed over the railing of the Sexy Foxy and plummeted into the ocean below.
SPLASH.
Silence reigned for a moment.
Then, the referee (who Ben had been staring at threateningly) slowly raised a hand.
"WINNER! MONKEY D. LUFFY!"
"YEAAAAAH!" The Straw Hats cheered.
Luffy raised his arms in victory. "I WON! THE AFRO IS INVINCIBLE!"
"It was the punch, Luffy," Sanji sighed, smiling. "But sure. It was the Afro."
---
Later, on the beach.
A dripping wet, defeated Foxy sat on the sand. His crew was crying. They had lost everything. Their honor. Their flag.
"A deal is a deal," Ben said, holding a fresh pirate flag and a black marker. He handed them to Luffy.
"Draw, Captain," Ben grinned. "Give them a symbol they'll never forget."
Luffy uncapped the marker. He stuck his tongue out in concentration. He scribbled furiously on the black cloth.
"Done!" Luffy proudly revealed his masterpiece.
It was... something.
It looked like a distorted blob with stick legs, a crooked smile, and what might have been a skull but looked more like a melted potato. It was objectively the worst Jolly Roger ever created.
"Here you go!" Luffy handed the flag to Foxy.
Foxy stared at the drawing. His soul left his body.
"I have to fly... this?" Foxy whispered. "This abominable doodle?"
"It's better than dying," Zoro pointed out helpfully.
"Raise it!" Ben ordered.
The Foxy Pirates, weeping openly, raised the new flag. The wind caught it, displaying Luffy's terrible art to the world.
"It's... beautiful," Luffy wiped a tear.
"It's a crime," Nami shuddered.
"Well," Ben clapped his hands. "That wraps up the Davy Back Fight. We got the horse back. We kept our crew. And we humiliated the enemy. Good job, team."
"Let's go!" Luffy shouted. "To the next island! I'm hungry!"
As the crew boarded the Going Merry, leaving behind a traumatized Foxy and a happy Tonjit, the sun began to set on the strangest day in the Grand Line yet.