One Kick Girl — Chapter 271
"The Algorithm That Tried to Cancel a Punch"
Full Comedic Catastrophe — Shion POV
There are many natural disasters in this world.
Typhoons.
Earthquakes.
Raon discovering social media trends.
This one began at 8:02 a.m.
With a hashtag.
1. The Trend That Should Not Exist
I was drinking my morning tea. Calm. Peaceful. An intellectual goddess of composure.
Then my phone vibrated.
Then vibrated again.
Then began vibrating like it had unlocked a hidden boss phase.
Trending worldwide:
#OneKickOverpowered
Followed by:
#NerfRaon
Followed by the truly unforgivable:
#PunchPrivilege
I stared at the screen.
"…What."
From the living room came the unmistakable sound of Raon yelling at a toaster.
"WHY DOES IT HAVE A SETTING CALLED 'MEDIUM SAD'?!"
I closed my eyes.
Deep inhale.
"Raon," I called calmly, "please come here."
She appeared instantly.
Crumbs on her face. Hair slightly on fire. Holding toast like it personally offended her lineage.
"Yes, Shion?"
I turned the screen toward her.
She squinted.
Then gasped.
"WHO IS NERF AND WHY DO THEY WANT ME? I DON'T CONSENT."
2. The Accusation
Apparently, after yesterday's incident—where Raon accidentally defeated a multi-dimensional kaiju by sneezing mid-punch—the internet had… opinions.
Clip titles included:
"One Kick Girl RUINS Boss Mechanics"
"Was That Fight Scripted???"
"Top 10 Reasons She's Bad for Game Balance"
"Is She Even Trying???"
Raon leaned closer to the screen.
"I was trying! I tried so hard! I even counted to three!"
"You counted to one," I corrected.
"ONE IS A VALID NUMBER."
The controversy escalated when a popular commentary streamer, Maestro Dome, released a 47-minute analysis titled:
"Power Creep: How One Kick Girl Is Destroying Narrative Stakes."
Raon blinked.
"…What is a narrative steak?"
"It means people think your strength removes tension."
She froze.
Her eyes widened.
"…I removed tension?"
"You removed the final boss."
"…Oh."
She sat down slowly.
For the first time in recorded history—
Raon looked… uncertain.
3. Emergency Meeting at HQ
Within hours, the Hero Association summoned us.
The boardroom was filled with familiar faces:
Manager Kimchi, stress-eating.
DJ Bloop, live-commentating quietly.
The Pitchfork Trio, already holding pitchforks despite being on our side.
And projected on the main screen—
Public Opinion Metrics.
They were… fluctuating violently.
"Miss Raon," said Manager Kimchi carefully, "the public believes you might be too strong."
Raon gasped.
"THAT IS A LIE. I AM MODERATELY STRONG."
"You punched a hurricane."
"It started it."
"That's worse."
I adjusted my glasses.
"The issue isn't her strength," I explained. "It's perception. People crave struggle. They want to see effort."
Raon blinked.
"…You mean I have to struggle on purpose?"
The entire room went silent.
4. The Training Montage (Artificial Difficulty Mode)
We attempted damage control.
Step 1: Release a "humanizing" training video.
We filmed Raon lifting weights.
She accidentally bent the barbell into a decorative heart shape.
We filmed her sparring.
She tripped over air and still knocked out the dummy.
We tried slowing her down.
She moved at "casual speed" and still caused three sonic booms.
"TRY BEING LESS GOOD," I whispered urgently.
"I AM TRYING."
The building shook.
Outside, clouds parted in fear.
Manager Kimchi clutched his temples.
"This is worse."
5. The Debate Stream Disaster
To restore public trust, Maestro Dome challenged Raon to a live debate.
I begged her not to go.
She brought snacks.
The stream began.
Maestro Dome appeared dramatically lit.
"Miss Raon," he began, "don't you think your overwhelming power undermines the integrity of hero combat?"
Raon nodded seriously.
"Yes."
The chat exploded.
Maestro blinked.
"…You do?"
"Yes. Sometimes I punch and the fight ends before I finish my motivational speech."
"…That's not the issue."
"Oh."
He adjusted his glasses.
"Don't you feel guilty about trivializing danger?"
Raon thought deeply.
"I once apologized to a meteor."
The chat paused.
"…What?"
"It looked surprised."
Somehow—
The clip went viral.
Not in our favor.
6. The Breaking Point
By evening, new trend:
#LetHerStruggle
Raon sat on the rooftop.
Watching the sunset.
Uncharacteristically quiet.
"I don't want to make people bored, Shion."
Her voice was small.
Dangerously small.
I sat beside her.
"You're not responsible for how people interpret your strength."
"But if nobody feels tension…"
I looked at her.
The girl who could shatter mountains.
Who once cried because a kitten didn't high-five her.
"Raon," I said softly, "your strength isn't the story."
She turned toward me.
"It isn't?"
"No. Your heart is."
She blinked.
"…Is it strong?"
"Incredibly."
She smiled faintly.
"…Okay."
And then—
The sky tore open.
7. The Algorithm Appears
A giant holographic entity descended from the clouds.
A mechanical voice echoed across the city.
"BALANCE PATCH INITIATED."
The citizens screamed.
Floating text surrounded Raon:
Damage Output Reduced: 99%
Speed Reduced: 95%
Luck Stat: Suspiciously Deleted
Raon stared at the notification.
"…What."
The entity identified itself:
ALGOR-9000 — Embodiment of Audience Engagement Metrics
It pointed a digital finger at her.
"YOU HAVE CAUSED NARRATIVE IMBALANCE. PATCH REQUIRED."
Raon looked at me.
"Shion."
"Yes."
"I feel… normal."
A civilian dropped a spoon nearby.
Raon tried to pick it up.
It was… heavy.
Her eyes widened in horror.
"WHY IS METAL SO CONFIDENT."
8. Nerfed.
A minor villain appeared—some raccoon-themed bank robber.
Normally?
One flick.
Today?
Raon punched him.
He stumbled.
Then got back up.
The city gasped.
Raon gasped louder.
"IT DIDN'T WORK."
She punched again.
The raccoon villain dodged.
DODGED.
I felt the universe destabilize.
Raon fell to her knees.
"…Is this what… effort feels like?"
She looked up at me.
Sweating.
Breathing harder.
"…It's terrible."
I nodded solemnly.
"Yes. This is called gameplay."
9. The Choice
ALGOR-9000 hovered.
"PUBLIC SATISFACTION INCREASING."
Raon stood slowly.
Clenched her fist.
"…I don't like it."
"ENGAGEMENT METRICS APPROVED."
She turned toward the hologram.
"I don't punch for metrics."
The sky flickered.
"I punch because bad guys hurt people."
The air trembled.
"And because it makes me happy."
Her limiter flared faintly.
ALGOR-9000 recalculated.
"HAPPINESS NOT RELEVANT VARIABLE."
Raon smiled.
"It is to me."
And then—
She didn't punch.
She stepped forward.
Grabbed the raccoon villain gently.
And said—
"Please stop robbing banks."
The villain burst into tears.
"I JUST WANTED ATTENTION."
The public live-feed counter exploded.
He surrendered immediately.
ALGOR-9000 glitched.
"UNEXPECTED RESOLUTION METHOD."
I smirked.
"You optimized incorrectly."
Raon waved cheerfully at the camera.
"I CAN TRY OTHER THINGS!"
Public approval skyrocketed.
Engagement metrics spiked beyond projections.
ALGOR-9000's systems overloaded.
"PATCH… REVERSED."
Her stats returned.
The spoon trembled in fear once more.
10. Aftermath
Trending worldwide:
#OneKickHeart
#LetHerBeStrong
#RaccoonRedemptionArc
Raon stretched happily.
"So I don't have to struggle on purpose?"
"No."
"Oh good."
She sneezed.
A distant asteroid changed career paths.
I sighed.
Balance restored.
Mostly.
As we walked home, she nudged me.
"Shion?"
"Yes?"
"If I ever get patched again…"
I smiled.
"I'll uninstall the universe."
She grinned.
"Cool."
And somewhere in the clouds—
A terrified algorithm began drafting an apology letter.