“It looked incredibly chilly, but it‘s surprisingly warm inside, huh?”
“That‘s because there‘s a magic barrier.”
One that Morgan had set up.
“Where should I lay this child down?”
“There‘s a bed I sometimes use in that room over there, you can lay her there.”
“Got it.”
After sending Johanna off, I took out a piece of paper from a drawer.
Going to change my clothes, be right back
As soon as I finished writing the note, I immediately took the elevator.
I‘ve been wearing these same clothes for three days now.
Even though my body is clean from bathing diligently, I can‘t stop my clothes from getting dirty.
’I need to wash up and change my clothes quickly.‘
I felt like Johanna would say it was okay even if I was dirty, but it was precisely because of that that I wanted to be cleaner.
With a ding, the elevator doors opened.
I got off on the top floor of the three-story building, the space I used as my home.
The scent of Morgan that wafted out as soon as the doors opened made my head spin. It was strong and alluring.
“…I should air the place out first.”
It was to be expected, since it was the space where I had been intimate with Morgan countless times, but that wasn‘t all.
I had left it without cleaning, so dust had quickly accumulated, giving off a musty smell.
It didn‘t seem like Morgan had touched anything in particular. The house was in the same state as when I had left.
“I don‘t have time, so I‘ll just open the windows and dust… ah.”
As I was cleaning quickly, I suddenly remembered the rope on the first floor.
The object I had once used to attempt suicide in despair.
In the end, I survived, but I hadn‘t been able to get rid of the rope itself.
“…I‘m screwed.”
What would Johanna think if she saw that?
Far from changing my clothes, I got back on the elevator, now even more covered in dust.
Why was the elevator in this three-story building so slow today?
As soon as I reached the first floor, I looked for Johanna.
“Johanna…?”
Through the open crack of the clinic room door, I could see Johanna‘s vibrant hair.
I hurriedly opened the door.
I had hoped that someone might have cleaned up my traces for me, but no such thing had happened.
A rope, cut in half, was dangling from the ceiling.
The other half was in Johanna‘s hand.
“…You said you were okay.”
Johanna‘s voice was wet with tears.
I couldn't see her expression because her back was to me, but I could clearly see her trembling shoulders.
“I didn‘t even know you had become like this, and like a fool…”
“No!”
I snatched the rope and grabbed Johanna‘s shoulders, turning her around.
Her eyes were already brimming with shimmering tears.
“…It‘s all in the past.”
Should I hide it, or should I lie?
The countless excuses I had thought of in my head were washed away by those tears.
“In the past? You lied again?”
“It‘s true. I‘m okay now. I‘ve forgotten everything."
“…That‘s a lie too, isn‘t it.”
Johanna‘s hand tightened.
The rope I had snatched was back in her hands.
“Is it because it‘s over when you die, so you want to say it‘s in the past?”
“No, that‘s not it…”
“Then. What is this?”
The rope, thrown to the floor, formed a perfect loop by chance.
Just the right size to be tied around a person‘s neck.
The cheerful mood from before could no longer be found in Johanna.
“You… idiot! You fool!”
Johanna pushed me.
I could have resisted, but I didn‘t. I fell down limply.
Johanna climbed on top of me as I lay on the floor.
“Back then, when I was about to be stoned to death. You protected me. And do you know what you said?”
“That it was all over, that it was okay…”
“Did you say it with this kind of feeling back then too? Because we were fated to die anyway? Along with our child?”
I shook my head.
I could affirm everything else, but that one thing, I could not affirm.
“No.”
“Of course not. I know that too. But, do you know that you were always like this whenever you pretended to be okay?”
A tear fell from Johanna‘s eye. The tear that touched my cheek soon trickled down my chin.
“When my teacher died, you said it‘s okay. When I was about to die, you said it's all over so it‘s okay…”
Every time she said the word ’okay‘, Johanna hit me with her fist.
It didn‘t hurt.
There was no way Johanna would hit me, a mere civilian, with any force.
But I couldn‘t do anything about the pain in my heart.
“You‘re not okay. You‘re hurting, you‘re in pain. So why do you always lie…”
“Don‘t cry. I‘m sorry.”
“Sob… I‘m n-not crying, you know?”
Johanna roughly wiped her eyes.
But the tears kept falling, and she had to repeat the same action over and over again.
It was only natural that the corners of Johanna‘s eyes turned red.
“I… hic. I told you I didn‘t want you to die… I told you not to die. Why… what was it that made it so hard for you?”
“I don‘t know.”
“Eek…!”
Johanna stuck her fingers in my mouth and pulled it open to the sides.
And then pulled it all the way down.
She forcibly made my mouth into that of a crying person.
But can a person cry when their eyes don‘t cooperate?
Johanna shed tears over the fact that I wasn‘t crying.
For a long time, she buried her head in my chest and soaked my clothes with her tears.
By the time my t-shirt was soaked through beyond my outer shirt, Johanna said quietly.
“…You‘re not crying because I‘m here, right?”
Her voice was a little muffled because she spoke without lifting her head, but it wasn‘t inaudible.
“Maybe.”
“…Do I make you uncomfortable?”
“No.”
“Then you‘re pretending to be strong.”
“…That‘s right.”
Johanna sat up.
She, on top of me, looked down and said this.
“…This won‘t do. We have to trust each other.”
“Is crying in front of someone also a sign of trust?”
“Yes. I cried my eyes out, so it‘s unfair for only you to hold back.”
“You said you weren‘t crying earlier.”
“No talking back.”
There was a strength in Johanna‘s gaze.
“We need to go back to how we were.”
“What do you mean by that…?”
For some reason, I started to feel scared of Johanna.
“Come here.”
“This is my clinic…”
“Shh.”
Johanna pulled me without hesitation. We left the clinic room just like that and got on the elevator.
And without hesitating, she pressed the button for the 3rd floor.
“You live on the 3rd floor, right?”
“…How did you know?”
“When you rushed up, the elevator stopped on the 3rd floor.”
So she was watching.
The pulley moved slowly, carrying us upwards.
Johanna, who was half a step ahead of me, didn‘t move an inch. I could even see a firm resolve in her.
But I was only filled with worry.
This was the first time Johanna was coming to the space where I had lived with Morgan for six months.
Isn't that practically the same as cheating?
My feelings, which were already complicated, became so jumbled that I even forgot what Johanna had been saying just a moment ago.
In the end, we arrived on the 3rd floor.
“…”
“Ah, this is…”
The first thing that came into view was a bunny girl outfit.
A lewd outfit with certain liquids dried on parts of it.
The one Morgan had worn, saying she would show me something amazing…
’How am I supposed to explain this to Johanna…?‘
I couldn‘t help but curse.
“Where‘s the master bedroom?”
But Johanna didn‘t even seem to care.
Ignoring it? Why?
“Answer.”
“Ah. Over there, the door at the very back is the master bedroom.”
Johanna immediately walked towards the door I had pointed at.
When she placed her hand on the doorknob, I squeezed my eyes shut.
Because there were only two things I had done in the master bedroom.
’…Fuck.‘
As expected, as soon as the door opened, the lewd smell that had been condensed in the sealed room burst out and stung my nose.
And immediately, a humid air crawled out.
Traces of that kind of activity still remained on the bed in the dark master bedroom, as the lights hadn't been turned on yet.
I prayed she wouldn't turn on the lights, but of course, my inner voice couldn't reach Johanna.
“O…oh.”
Was it worse than she thought? Johanna‘s expression also faltered slightly.
“There are other rooms! This one is too dirty, so let‘s use another room…”
“We‘ll do it in this room.”
Do what?
Both I and Johanna knew.
Johanna had already made up her mind.
I could only watch her, feeling anxious and uncertain.
Johanna‘s resolve was firm, but she knew the state of the room was too severe to proceed as is.
Johanna said in a small voice.
“…Clean it.”
“I‘ll get the sheets and blanket right away!”
I cleaned the master bedroom with a speed that made me not miss the days I had the power of a Beast.
While I was at it, I also threw out all the strange items.
“…Close the door. And turn off the lights too.”
“Okay.”
The master bedroom, now slightly fragrant from the air freshener.
We sat on that bed, facing each other.
I had done it recklessly before, but this was the first time I was taking it slow, step by step, so I was extremely nervous.
The same was true for Johanna.
Johanna, sitting with her legs neatly together, had to look up at me slightly because of the height difference.
“…You did it, didn‘t you?”
“…Yes.”
“With whom?”
“…With Morgan.”
Johanna gave a slight nod.
And then, as if indifferent, she asked in a trembling voice.
“………Was it good?”
I was about to nod but immediately shook my head.
The moment I nod, I die. My intuition told me.
Instead of self-destructing, my intuition told me the best answer.
“I was lonely because it wasn‘t you.”
I was surprised even as I uttered the line of a crazy playboy myself.
Will this really work?
“Th… that, hehe. Really?”
It works…?
“…I‘m sorry.”
“Don‘t apologize. It happened because I wasn‘t here. Everyone knows you‘re attractive.”
After finishing her words, Johanna came closer to me.
“Now that I‘m here…”
And she slowly began to undress me.