The next day, Lin Wan didn't go to work. She spent the entire day lying in bed, her mind running over everything that had happened. Around 8 p.m., Chen Jin returned. Seeing her pale and listless, he cursed a few times before ordering food to be delivered.
He had been busy in the study, and by the time he came to the bedroom, it was already 11:30. Wanting to take a shower, he reached for his neck, only to remember the bandage. "Forget it," he muttered to himself. He decided to leave it dirty for now. Lin Wan lay on her side, facing away from him, her breathing even. But based on his experience, she was probably pretending to be asleep. He left the bedside light just on his side of the bed and grabbed a magazine, flipping through it.
After a while, as he got more engrossed in the reading, a voice, slightly hoarse, broke the silence. "Does this amuse you?"
He looked up, seeing Lin Wan staring at him intently. "Do you find it amusing? Hating each other, torturing each other. Isn't it exhausting for you?"
Without hesitation, Chen Jin answered, "No, it's not exhausting. It's amusing."
For a moment, there was silence from her side of the bed.
After a while, Chen Jin put the magazine down and lightly touched the scabbed over wound on his earlobe, asking, "Do you know about Zhu Houzhen?"
Lin Wan responded with a faint hum. Wasn't he the dissolute emperor of the Ming Dynasty? Was Chen Jin really going to discuss him with her? Was this his idol, perhaps? Maybe... after all, that emperor had a rather strange reputation.
"When I was young, I read the History of the Ming Dynasty, and when I got to the part about his leopard room, I was really envious. Then, one year after my birthday, my grandfather asked me what I wanted. I said I wanted a leopard. My grandfather laughed and the next day, he gave me a cat as a joke. Later, when I went to my hometown for the summer, my uncle said he had a surprise for me. When I got there, I found a few-month-old leopard cub. I was ecstatic. But not long after, I got bored by it because it lost its wildness and became as tame as a cat. Eventually, we gave it to the zoo."
"After that, I raised more animals—wild horses, German Shepherds, Tibetan Mastiffs. They were all fun for a while, but once they were tamed, they lost their charm. And there were snakes too—those were clever," he added, smiling as if reminiscing. When he saw Lin Wan staring at him wide-eyed, as if looking at a monster, he raised an eyebrow. "What? What are you staring at me for?"
Lin Wan shivered, especially at the mention of snakes. Goosebumps spread across her skin. She was becoming more and more wary. He seemed to know exactly what she was thinking, and it terrified her. "What exactly are you trying to say?" she asked, her voice cautious.
Chen Jin grinned, clearly pleased by her reaction. He patted her head and continued, "I realized, after a while, animals are nothing compared to people. People are far more complex and interesting. Take you, for example. You look fragile sometimes, even desperate, but you've never truly given up. Once you regain your strength, you're right back at it, stirring up trouble."
"Are you trying to tame me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Chen Jin didn't answer directly. Instead, he continued talking as if he hadn't heard her question. "When I first got that leopard cub, I would sleep with it every night. Before I went to bed, I'd wonder if the little thing would suddenly bite me. It was both exciting and nerve-wracking. I often woke up in the middle of the night, but every time I looked, I was still sound asleep, deeper than I was."
"Now I've found that same feeling again. Watching you, glaring at me with those murderous little eyes every day, I wonder if you'll try to smother me with a pillow while I'm asleep, just like last time. Or maybe you'll try something else, like..." He paused, seemingly in thought. "Stabbing me with a knife, or maybe turning on the gas valve and making it look like an accident?"
Lin Wan's back chilled at his words, her skin crawling as if a snake were slithering up her spine. The terrifying part was that he knew exactly what she had been thinking. She looked at him, her voice trembling, "Aren't you afraid of dying, keeping me around?"
Chen Jin smiled faintly. "Of course, I'm afraid. Probably more than anyone. But isn't fear what makes things exciting? Life is so dull; don't you have to find some fun for yourself?"
Lin Wan was silent for a moment before asking seriously, "But don't you think this is dangerous? Maybe... just maybe, you'll fall in love with me."
Chen Jin let out a soft laugh. "Love? Do you believe in it?"
Lin Wan's eyes dimmed, and she muttered, "Of course I do."
Chen Jin raised his fingers, running them over her soft, rounded ear, his voice indifferent. "Look, that's the difference between you and me. I don't believe it."
Lin Wan retorted softly, "That's because you've never experienced it."
Chen Jin raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to show off? How do you know the love you've experienced is real? Maybe it's just the beginning. The process and the end won't be what you imagine, and what you're holding onto now is just the memory of it. Memories get distorted over time, you beautify them, reinforce them, and eventually, you forget what they originally looked like."
"What you call love is just something women like you make up to deceive yourselves. Sometimes, it's used to fool others. To me, talking about love is nothing compared to actually getting it on."
The conversation turned more distasteful by the second. Lin Wan angrily concluded, "You don't believe—you simply don't understand."
Chen Jin chuckled. "I don't understand? You do? All I know is eating, sleeping, and fucking are just biological needs. Don't give me that look. You'll understand when you hit thirty. What I don't get is how you and your fiancé haven't even slept together, but you talk about love all the time. What if you find out he's impotent after marriage? Will you still love him? When the dopamine wears off, what will keep that so-called love alive?"
Lin Wan was about to retort, ready to argue, but then realized it was pointless to try and reason with someone like him. Logic had no place in this conversation.
Chen Jin continued to stroke her hair, the smile fading from his face as he sighed. "Life is inherently bleak, Lin Wan. You're still too young. One day, you'll realize this world isn't as good as you think."
"I've already realized that," Lin Wan retorted, her voice filled with defiance.
"No, you haven't. You're still clinging to an illusion. Right now, you're wishing I'd get what's coming to me. But I'm still doing fine, better than most people. Is heaven watching? No, there's no such thing as heaven. It's just a comfort for weak people. Heaven is just a layer of gas, and the world is nothing but cold matter and a bunch of selfish, weak people."
"Good things are always in short supply. Do you think there's such a thing as true kindness or beauty in this world? There is, but it's rare. When you need them, they're nowhere to be found. If you want to survive, if you want to live well, you can only rely on yourself. With this..." he said, raising his fist, "with enough ruthlessness," then pointing at his head, "and speed," before finally tapping his chest, "and hardness."