[SOME YEARS LATER]
It's late. Or early. Hard to tell anymore.
It's hard to find the start, you know?
I've been trying to figure it out. The exact moment when everything went wrong. When my life stopped being mine.
The cat purrs on my chest, warm and heavy. Azzy. Black fur. Golden eyes that catch what little lamplight filters through. He doesn't judge. Never has.
"Where did it begin?" I stroke behind his ears. He leans into it. "It has to start somewhere, right?"
I keep going back. Trying to find it. The moment. The choice. The thing I should have done differently.
"The test," I say. "When Father finally looked at me. When he actually saw me for the first time."
Azzy's tail flicks once.
But no. That's not it.
That day felt good. That was the day I thought everything would change. The day I thought I'd finally matter.
I was so stupid.
"The mission, then." My hand stills on his fur. "The gala. When I actually did it. When I destroyed the sculpture and proved I could."
His ear twitches.
Close. But not right.
That was supposed to be victory. Terrifying and exhausting, but I'd succeeded. Done what Father asked. That should have been the beginning of something better.
"The locket." The words hurt. "When it broke. When I left it there in the mud."
Azzy shifts, settling deeper.
I'd thought about it constantly that week. The chain snapping. The silver glinting in darkness. Her gift. The only real thing she'd ever given me, and I'd just... left it.
But that wasn't the moment either.
"That was just the fuse," I tell him. Tell myself. "Just the thing that lit everything else on fire."
A week passed between that night and when everything exploded.
A full week where I thought I'd gotten away with it. Where I waited for Father to call me in and tell me I'd done well. Where Mother asked questions I didn't answer. Where Emeline wouldn't look at me. Where that empty space at my throat burned like guilt.
A week of thinking I was safe.
And then I woke up one morning and learned I was wrong.
"That's the day," I say quietly. "Not the test. Not the mission. Not even the locket."
Azzy purrs louder.
"The day someone found it. Traced it back. Connected it to her."
My throat goes tight.
"The day my mother and Lady Anika were murdered because of something I dropped in the fucking mud. Because someone found it. Connected it to her. And came for her."
That's where it started.
Not when I tried to be strong. Not when I succeeded or failed.
When I succeeded at exactly the wrong thing and killed her without even knowing it.
"That's the day everything went to hell."
I look down at Azzy. His golden eyes blink slow. Deliberate.
He knows.