"Itachi. Kisame. Report back to the base immediately."
Unimpressed, the two nuke-nin barely bothered to look at the flickering apparition of their leader.
"We were told to report back in four days time," Itachi observed dispassionately. "We will not have time to complete our errand."
"I don't care."
The audible strain in Pein's voice was enough to stiffen Kisame's spine in wariness. Their leader wasn't usually emotive.
"You will report immediately. Itachi, you are the closest to a medic that our organization has. Your skills are required."
The Mist nukenin tried to keep a straight face. Itachi was not a medic by any means. Having copied several medical jutsu did not make him a practitioner of any sort, and although he was competent at the very few jutsu he had bothered to learn, he would probably end up savaging a patient with a problem of any complexity at all.
With that, Pein faded from visibility. Kisame heaved a sigh and stood, slinging Samehada over his shoulder as he went. "Well, that doesn't sound good," he commented sardonically, before turning a toothy grin that lacked joy on his partner. "Think Konan messed up her extraction of her target? That'd be ironic, after Pein got so high and mighty about how incompetent we all supposedly are."
Itachi stood silently. "I do not care to speculate. We shall find out soon enough."
Kisame rolled his eyes, but obligingly set off beside his taciturn partner. "Fair enough. We can find out in person in less than a day if we hurry."
~~~
"Well, this doesn't look suspicious in the slightest," Mei groaned, slumping forwards onto her desk. Her day had been absolute hell. After several rounds of accusations and impassioned speeches, most of the guests at her conference had gone home two days early.
It had been damn lucky that she had met with Tokiwa in the dead of the night to get their modified trade agreements ratified, because it didn't look like anything else mildly productive was going to happen.
"Four," she hissed into the warm wood, giving real consideration to banging her head against the surface to see if it would wake her up from this administrative nightmare. "Four kunoichi are just fucking missing from my backyard."
Even if she doubted Tsunade and Temari's version of events about the Ame representative assaulting and kidnapping Aiko, that hardly explained what the hell had happened to Nii Yugito and Fuu.
Temari and Tsunade had seemed as surprised as anyone else, including Samui, who had been found unconscious on the floor of the suite she shared with Yugito (with no idea how she had gotten there except the ridiculous claim that she had been drugged by Mei's people). Konoha's version of events was the official one she was endorsing (how could she not, they were allies?) but by no means the only one bandied about. Mei did not envy Konoha: the Raikage was going to throw an absolute hysterical fit. If this really had been an Akatsuki plot to create dissent, it had done the job nicely.
The only thing that everyone seemed to agree on was that the two jinchuuriki were victims. Whose victims they were varied. Some thought Konoha, some blamed both Konoha and Sand, some thought Mist was taking advantage of having them in her borders, and of course, Konoha was pointing fingers at Akatsuki. That claim was persuasive to Mei, but it couldn't be investigated until they heard back from Rain to see if they would disown their agent or take responsibility. It was a damn mess.
Mei herself wasn't certain if Rain had ordered Konan to make a move against Aiko or if Konan had been acting as an independent agent- or even for a third party like Akatsuki, but she did believe that Konan had been the one to take Aiko. Not everyone was willing to believe that without proof, of course, especially Iwa. Kurotsuchi had been in her temporary office just hours before pointing out that Konan was one woman and Sabaku no Temari had rather suspiciously cleared her quarters of her vulnerable aide just hours before the fight happened.
To be fair, she could see the point in that suspicion, but she had seen red when it was insinuated that Konoha had sacrificed the Uzumaki girl to make the scene convincing. The Slug Queen was a lot of things, but she wouldn't do that to one of her own people, especially not a resource like Aiko. Even if she wouldn't treat the girl well out of kindness, she would do so out of sense. Mei had mostly given up on having an adorable little seal master of her very own, but it wasn't like there wouldn't be takers if things with Konoha didn't work out.
Not that it mattered now. She had the bitter feeling that Aiko was dead, or wished she was. It was still possible that whoever had her would try to ransom her back, of course, but that would mean taking culpability for a short-term gain when they could easily push the blame around.
If Sabaku no Temari was to be believed, Aiko wasn't even the original target. So there was little hope that Akatsuki or Rain would judge her valuable enough to keep alive. Unless they really were stupid enough to think that Tsunade would allow a trade for her brother, of course, was the caveat. The Kazekage might well have given himself up for his sister, but Tsunade was removed enough from the situation to make that call properly. No matter how unpleasant it was.
Oddly enough, no one had even seemed to consider that the two incidents might not even be directly related, which was Mei's gut feeling. How could Konan have gotten two jinchuuriki out of the village when she was already occupied with her failed assault on Sabaku no Temari? She had either had at least one accomplice, or there was another party entirely. Someone who hadn't so much as blinked at the prospect of sneaking two formidable kunoichi out of an area secured against Jiraiya, for the kami's sake.
'That's about the only thing that did go right about this mess. We didn't see hide nor hair of that disreputable mutt.'
Mei's eye twitched. What a pathetically low bar to reach, after all her hard work. Ironic as well. They might have been better off with the hentai in the village, spymaster and all-around nosy twerp that he was. Moodily, she spat a mid-sized glob of lava onto her desk and watched it sizzle through the second draft of her apology to the international community at large. At least she had a couple days before the shit really hit the fan: the last of her guests had left a few hours ago. The remaining Jounin from Lightning would probably be the first to make it home, but her allies in Leaf and Sand wouldn't be home for several days yet to begin demanding that she provide assistance smashing the living hell out of Rain.
There was no way to see what was going to happen exactly, but it didn't take a genius to see that it was going to end in bloodshed. Two jinchuuriki had been kidnapped from her protection, as well as an ally's young rising star of a Jounin. The major villages would be baying for blood before the week was out.
As if the Raikage hadn't been bad enough before.
~~~
Two days after original altercation.
"Do you want me to kill her?" Nagato took Konan's cold hand in his own, solemnly watching the strain in her clenching hand as she tried and failed to rebuild her right hip. The wound was unnatural—it resisted her unique abilities in a way that made no sense. The paper she plastered over the gaping maw only curled up and scorched and had to be excised. Had she been anyone else, she would have bled out of her external iliac artery.
"That will not be necessary." A serene smile turned her face into a vision of beauty. Tenderly transfixed, he raised his grip to press a clammy kiss against her knuckles. He tried not to notice her flinch at the feeling of cold flesh against her hand. "If she dies, then my errand was for naught. I'm afraid I have failed you."
He remained silent. She had, but Konan would not be punished for that. She was only human, after all.
She tilted her face up on her pillow, breathing slowly and evenly. "I did have the opportunity to witness her reputed abilities," Konan murmured peacefully. "She does not lack promise. I may have been too forceful when I disabled her, but I feared that she might create more problems once not hindered by the protection of her comrade."
Nagato didn't much care right now, but she wouldn't have brought the topic up without cause. "Oh?" he intoned matter-of-factly.
Her eyes fluttered shut. "I admit that I covet her chains of chakra. Even a flighty child such as that one found no difficulty restraining an enraged jinchuuriki. Were you to persuade her to take up our noble cause, we would find the remaining captures much expedited."
"Unlikely," he mumbled, brushing her bangs off her forehead and carefully pulling the flower off her hair to rest at bedside. "She is close to the Kyuubi jinchuuriki."
Konan seemed to find just enough strength to look up at him with fond amusement. "You have had no trouble convincing less likely converts in past, Pein-sama. Whether it be the promise of her freedom, a peaceful death for her brother, or more direct means, I know that your modesty hides your ability to convince the girl to join us. She is young and in need of experience, but the raw materials are there to become something beautiful. A part of something greater." She smiled faintly.
He didn't reciprocate, but only because he could not. "Your unwavering faith warms my heart, Konan." He brushed a thumb over the back of her hand in silent reward. "If you have seen that the rumors are based in fact, then your confidence in me is great indeed."
She hummed peacefully under his ministrations. "I do not believe that she has the Hiraishin."
The motion of his hand stopped for a moment. "Oh?"
"Yes. Tsunade of the Densetsu no Sannin claims that the girl is the Fourth Hokage's beget, and that rings true. It is also undeniable that she is able to traverse great distances in the space of thought. Yet what I have seen…" Konan laboriously shook her head, hair rustling with the movement. "That is not the technique of ill-fame. Impressive, yes, but not the Flying God of Thunder. I might have believed that she was hearkening back to the method of the Second Hokage, who used it by placing his technique formula on many locations, because she certainly does not use it in the manner of her father."
"But?" A shiver of curiosity actually crept into his tone.
His old friend heard it and seemed content. "I believe that she was attempting to convince me of this ability when she forcibly transported me many miles from the place where we had been. If she had taken me to the land of waves from Water Country, I would have believed. But she did not succeed. Her technique failed her over the water. There was nothing floating there that could have held a technique formula and disguised her mistake."
"Do you believe that she wields some sort of improved body flicker?" he suggested ponderously, pulling his hand back.
"Yes. A remarkable innovation, to be certain, unconstrained by the usual requirement for line-of-sight. But it is not without limit in regards to distance. From my observations, she is highly accomplished in utilizing this technique in close combat. It was merely ill luck and overestimation of her abilities that revealed the lie."
At the word 'lie', Pein almost managed a frown. "A shame that one so young hides behind deception," he stated disapprovingly.
Blue lips twitched upwards. "Yes," Konan agreed quietly. "Though not entirely. From what I have seen, she is impulsive, immature, but clever enough to mix her falsehoods with truth. I no longer doubt that she was the seal master to seal the bijuu of three-tails. I suspect that reputation helped hide the lie."
"I no longer wish to discuss the character of your prisoner." She flinched into her sheets, but serenely lowered her eyes in respect. "If the girl uses a body flicker, she can be kept. I will allow you to decide how to treat her."
"You are kind." She paused thoughtfully. "I am in no condition to attend to my duties, however."
"I will assign someone to the task." Pein rose to tower over the graceful form draped over an exotic chaise, considering the conversation over. "Rest, so that you will be ready to participate in the sealing ritual."
"Yes," she agreed softly, and closed her eyes.
He gave one last look to his most dedicated servant before striding out to inform Zetsu that he could adjust the cocktail of drugs he was giving the prisoner to a lower concentration. She would be in no condition to make any foolish attempts to defy his will even after Kisame and Itachi returned, and it would be unwise to inadvertently rob himself of a possible instrument for his will through something like an overdose.
~~~
Zetsu was lurking outside the base when they arrived, which always set Kisame's hackles up. He didn't let that show, dismissively passing his gaze over his nominal comrade. He'd always hated plants, ever since he was a kid. Didn't help that the damn thing was coated in dirt. That wasn't unusual—it was how the fucker skulked around instead of walking. Zetsu was habitually filthy, and stank of weeks old blood.
It was considerably more unusual to run into his illustrious leader with loose soil in his hair. Apparently, he'd been in enough of a hurry to subject himself to the indignity of traveling with Zetsu. It was hundreds of times faster than anything else, but he would never be caught dead pretending to be a particularly vigorous root vegetable. Sure, he could travel under the earth when he needed to, but he had the sense not to roll around in it.
"Itachi, you will first tend to Konan."
If he didn't know his partner incredibly well, it would be impossible to tell that he was annoyed at apparently being signed up to play nurse for more than one idiot. Kisame ran his tongue along his lower teeth and idly sliced it open, then sucked on the cuts that resulted just to give himself something to do other than to snigger at the way Itachi curtly nodded and stalked off to obey Pein.
"Kisame, you will be feeding Samehada. Come."
He didn't bother to hide his grin as he silently loped off behind Pein. "Am I stocking up for two extractions then?" Samehada shivered on his back, scraping through the thick fabric of his Akatsuki house coat (no matter what Konan said, it still looked like an ugly house coat to him). It wasn't an implausible theory that Pein would treat him beforehand. He knew he would be shouldering even more of the burden this time around, seeing as how Sasori and the blonde brat had come down with a serious case of dead.
"No."
A brow raised, he waited for clarification. It didn't come until Pein gestured distastefully towards a shut door and began to step away. "Drain the prisoner inside of all but the chakra needed to maintain regular organ function. After that, wait until I return."
Bizarre, but he wasn't about to argue about a free meal. He half-expected to see a jinchuuriki when he shouldered his way into the storage room that had until recently contained extra chairs. At first, he didn't see anything at all.
He let out a snort of amusement when his eyes did land over the bedraggled figure he'd missed on his first pass of the room. Apparently, his new friend had curled up into a ball. A sharp kick fixed that, and he nudged the prisoner over with his foot to see just what bijuu had Pein so worried that he needed it further weakened before they extracted it.
"Not a jinchuuriki at all," Kisame marveled under his breath. It was a little thing. Probably a kunoichi, but a rather scrawny one, albeit rather generously smeared with blood and dirt. Konan really needed to stop dragging hopeless cases home. Zetsu had eaten the damn cat, so you'd think she'd have learned.
He shook his head briskly. What the hell went through his boss's head, he'd never know. Samehada gave a violent jerk, clearly impatient now that she knew the shivering flesh nearby was hers.
"Easy, girl," he soothed, lovingly drawing the blade over his shoulder and beginning to unwrap it. She convulsed eagerly, rippling and growing slightly in her excitement. His heartbeat picked up, keeping pace with her own thrill-seeking. As the last of the wrappings curled on the floor, he took Samehada by the handle again and pointed her downwards to let her guide his hand.
It didn't really matter where she touched her food, but she had preferences sometimes. One of those being that her food didn't stink like Zetsu or have a fine coating of mud, saltwater (what the hell?) or day-old blood. He found himself flipping the girl over and shoving Samehada's tip under the edge of her shirt just to find a clean spot to feed. With a 'shuck' and a blossoming movement like a rose, his beautiful baby opened up and dug her scales into the available flesh, hooking in and sucking eagerly.
Judging by the dirt all over her, fuckin' Zetsu had apparently gotten his thorns into this one too. He let his lip curl into a snarl, but couldn't even feel the normal irritation at the thought. At least the savage had left enough for his blade to feed on. Satiation flooded his veins, hot and heavy and Samehada's contentment was his own. He barely remembered to warn her to leave enough for the girl to live, numb with purring satisfaction by the time Samehada reluctantly pulled back, dripping hot blood over what had been white fabric in a former life.
"Not bad, kid," he conceded easily, feeling generous enough to kick the unconscious girl back over face-up with his foot to give her a little dignity. Samehada'd liked her chakra. It was hot and tumultuous and very definitely water-natured.
Maybe the boss'd keep her around long enough that there would be another feeding for his baby and not just for Zetsu. The thought kept an easy grin on his face, even as the prone body on the floor began shuddering violently. Probably a little too much blood loss and poor circulation, he judged. If she was moving around, that meant she had passed from unconsciousness to sleep of a sort, so he wasn't remotely surprised when the prisoner began to give signs of waking. He kept one eye on her and one on the door, tapping his heel against the floor in a content stupor. Making sure she didn't run off was both grunt work and pointless, but it wouldn't be much longer.
Eyes that had just a little too much green to match the tides back home fluttered open once, and then closed again.
"Are we awake?" he drawled, leaning over his temporary pet with a fond sort of possessiveness.
The eyes opened again, for longer this time. "We're not sure," an alto that didn't entirely match her appearance rasped out guardedly. "Are we… blue?"
Kisame snorted and bared his teeth. "We are," he agreed with fierce humor.
He half-expected her to cringe away or start crying or something else that would betray fear, but the girl just closed her eyes for a moment before attempting to lever up to a seated position. "Then we're awake, but very puzzled."
Feeling generous, he wrapped his hands around both shoulders to pull her up bodily and then let her slump forward. He didn't have all day to watch a teenager try to re-learn how to sit. "Wouldn't move too fast if I were you," Kisame warned good-naturedly, giving her a bracing pat on the upper back that sent her folding over nearly to her knees, wavering. "Just lost a lot of chakra, and you already looked like something the cat dragged in."
A distinctly unladylike snort was his response. "Hardly. I can take a cat. Any cat. Just point me at him."
Privately, he thought she was full of shit. At least as she was, anyway. Maybe he'd give her credit against a housecat on a better day.
The door opened silently, but she was already looking when Pein strode inside testily, Itachi on his heels. He was opening his mouth to demand something-
"Are you the rebellious one, then?" his pet mused a little drunkenly, surprisingly lucid gaze thoughtfully directed at Pein. When he didn't jump to respond, she leaned forward (and nearly fell) to clarify, "I'm starting to think I've been kidnapped by a boy band."
Pein did look a bit like he belonged in a boy band.
Kisame hooted, exchanging a glance with his partner. Itachi didn't seem to enjoy the jibe, though. Kid needed to lighten up. He looked like he'd just heard that his pet bunny died, for Kami's sake.
In the second that Kisame'd looked away, Pein had shot forward and lifted the girl bodily to dangle across from his eyes with his hand wrapped around her neck. "I do not play games, kunoichi," he intoned sternly, tilting his chin up slightly so that light reflected off the metal in his face. "You will earn yourself a painless death by explaining what it is that you have done to my associate."
The Mist nuke-nin took a moment to regret that there would only be one meal.
At her confused blink, Itachi lazily clarified, "Konan-san's wounds resist medical jutsu."
That seemed to clear things up for the kunoichi, but oddly enough, she didn't look concerned. Her face was turning pink and her toes were reaching for the floor rather desperately, but those were the only tells. Her expression was locked into- hell, that was cockiness if he'd ever seen it painted on a face before. What an ornery little shit, he noted fondly. No wonder Samehada had liked her. Eating prey, well that was fine, but Samehada liked other meat-eaters best.
"Oh, that." She wheezed out her answer in the most dignified murmur possible. "That's a stupid question. You should be asking where else I touched her, and if I'm willing to disarm the seals." And then the little bitch actually smiled. Granted, she looked like she was high, but it was a smile.
Pein's fingers tightened, forcing her flesh to bulge around his fingers. His expression was like iron.
That was stupid of him. If he crushed her windpipe, of course she couldn't explain the problem. Kisame half-expected to see Pein break her head open on the wall like an egg in his uncharacteristic agitation (he must really be attached to his partner) but he did seem to have the sense to restrain himself.
Pein let go completely without even looking down, calm as you please once again.
Little red crumpled at his feet like a discarded sweater. Apparently all she had was mental energy and sass. He valiantly pushed down the amusement that wanted to surface. Not even Hidan was stupid enough to backtalk Pein, to his face or otherwise. Kisame didn't believe the man was a god, but hell if he wasn't close.
"Itachi, ensure that she won't die." With that, Pein pivoted and walked straight back out, probably to worry at Konan's bedside.
He was actually a little curious about that. "What the hell did you do, red?" Kisame bent his knees and reached out to pull her up like a cloth doll so he could see her face. Amused, he grabbed her chin with a thumb and forefinger to stop her head from lolling on her neck. The faint scent of blood clued in him that she'd bitten her tongue when Pein had dropped her.
If the few minutes he'd known her were any indication, that was probably the first time she'd had the sense to bite her tongue.
"I didn't do anything," she slurred. It was a bad lie made worse by the lopsided little smile that accompanied it. "Sometimes old people just have their hips go out. Could happen to anyone."
Kisame tossed his head back and laughed, slapping Itachi's back companionably as he stood. "Have fun with this one, Itachi." The Uchiha gave him one of those impassive looks that all but screamed he was displeased, but he didn't even try to reprimand him.
~~~
'Well, I could be in deep shit,' Aiko thought philosophically. She knew that, but it didn't seem quite real. The situation was so absurd that it just couldn't register. 'I think when I get home, I'll write up my own ransom note in advance to cut out the middleman and just pin it to my shirt so that we all know where we stand the next some Akatsuki hits me over the head with a brick. Where did Konan get a brick?'
Her situation was probably slightly worse than being kidnapped by a boy band, but only slightly. What were they going to do, kill her? If Pein had placed no value at all on her life, he would have done so then. He needed or wanted her for something, and if it had just been for information about Konan's injuries he would have been more persistent.
'There's a big gap between 'they aren't going to immediately kill me' and I am safe to go skipping through bunny forest,' she tried to remind herself. But for some reason, she just couldn't seem to stop and focus on the worst that could happen. She felt… flighty and distracted.
Which was dumb, because if anything, her aching head and the oozing scratches and gouges all over her hands and arms should be grounding her to the real world.
Oddly, it was only after Kisame left that the ominous 'ba-dum' of Jaws music began thudding in her ribcage. She didn't want to be alone with Itachi.
"I don't want to be alone with you."
Aiko blinked, mildly surprised and covered her mouth with a palm. That wasn't supposed to come out. She licked compulsively at the blood in her mouth. It wouldn't help, but she was so very thirsty.
Uchiha Itachi seemed to be pitying himself. Both of him were. But he left the room wordlessly, and for a moment she thought she had won that battle of wits. She celebrated by gingerly lowering herself to the floor and closing her eyes.
"Noooo," she grunted, trying to bat away the creepiest boy band member when he told her to sit up. Itachi seemed to give absolutely zero fucks, however. He demonstrated that irritating lack of regard by briskly propping her up and placing a cup of something hot in her hands.
"Drink."
"Is it the blood of my enemies?" she asked tiredly, hoping that would put him off. Also, slightly hoping that he hadn't really given her a cup of hot blood, because now she was committed to drinking it.
(Outside of her line of sight, Itachi cringed. That was truly abhorrent).
Suspiciously, she cracked one eye open. Green tea?
"You must hydrate, so that you can stand long enough to clean yourself. I refuse to wash you, yet your wounds are filthy. If you do not wish to die, drink."
That was blunt. But it did make sense.
"I don't want you to wash me either," she admitted honestly, stiffening her elbows at her side and tipping the mug up to her mouth obediently. Dehydration bad, makes blood worse. No. She frowned. Makes blood loss worse.
Yes. Aiko smiled faintly, breathing in the fumes from an exceptionally good cup of tea. For all that he scared the absolute fucking crap out of her; Itachi probably wasn't going to poison her. Akatsuki had probably already done that, and judging by the stiffness in her limbs and the ugly yellow crusting on the wounds she could see on her arms, they hadn't treated her first.
That had been her first hint that her survival was hanging on a thin thread. They had captured her and brought her to some kind of headquarters, but they hadn't busted their asses to get her medical attention in the course of at least a day. They would have made more of an effort if it had been decided that her life was actually important, rather than just possibly convenient at some point in the future.
Another girl might have hunkered down and tried not to piss them off. But that was rabbit talk. With no idea as to what would please them, she wouldn't lower herself to pretending to cower. If there was an obvious, immediate benefit, then hell yes, pride at cost of life and limb was for dead suckers. But otherwise? No. She hadn't been killed in her sleep, so unless Deidara's zombie corpse leapt out from behind the curtains to get revenge she would take her chances with Akatsuki's dubious hospitality.
'Still, threatening Pein was risky.'
Despite her attempt to scold herself, she felt a stupid smile creep across her face. Damn, she was having an oddly difficult time restraining her emotions. It had been a mitigated risk, as well as a thrill. She had set the groundwork to convince Pein that she couldn't be killed. Not if he valued Konan, anyways.
It was even a partial truth. She wouldn't risk trying to transport herself in this state. Aiko liked her own skin, thank you very much. She had failed to reach a destination in a much better condition in this, and she was on the heady sort of state where she could lose consciousness at any moment. Oddly enough, she might be safer here than in the wilderness while passed out.
But that self-interest hardly extended to Konan, and she honestly didn't see a way that she could fuck up blowing the woman's head off. Cutting off her connection to the seal would be easier than moving herself to another seal.
If she were to move to another seal, though, she had two very interesting candidates. One of them about a mile away seemed to be Nii Yugito's. The one nearby was probably Fuu's, by virtue of elimination. She couldn't think of who else Akatsuki would have kidnapped that she had tagged so recently that she hadn't learned their chakra signature.
That meant that she had at least two nuisances to take care of before she made her own grand escape. Leaving them here would be shooting herself in the foot and enabling Akatsuki. Plus, she'd already marked them and they were now hers. Akatsuki could get their own damn jinchuuriki if they could beat her to them or pry them out of her cold dead hands. And, you know, stop her from stealing them, as she completely intended to do.
Aiko stifled a snort, rolling her head into the space between her arms with the cup held aloft.
'Eh. Later. I won't be any better off dragging someone else off with me on my adventure to the wilderness than I would be alone if I can't trust them, and that's assuming I don't end up leaving someone's leg behind. Yugito-chan might take the chance to smother me, assuming she's in any better condition than I am.'
And that seemed spectacularly unlikely, seeing as Akatsuki was probably planning to murder her and Fuu by ripping the concentration of demonic energy inextricably intertwined with their own life forces out.
Really, there was absolutely no way that she could leave this situation without those two jinchuuriki, with at least one of them alive to corroborate her story. It would be better for their bodies to be found in the same place than for her to break free and leave the other two. Konoha would be razed to the ground within a week—no one would be able to take that as anything less than an admittance of either guilt or criminal negligence, since Konoha had been the ones arguing that Akatsuki was incredibly dangerous.
A giggle surprised her, and the force of it shook her body and the hands curled around her cup. The tea inside sloshed up against the side for a moment.
Odd. That hadn't been funny at all, even by her admittedly macabre standards.
Then her tea was gone, and she found herself accepting a cold glass of water and three small pills of varying colors. She tried to give Uchiha an inquisitive glance, but got a face-full of 'I'm not taking your shit today' and Aiko meekly swallowed them. He was both bigger and badder than she was and had demonstrated a worrying carelessness in regards to stomping her in past.
Ew. Iron pills, maybe? Whatever they were, they wouldn't be chakra pills, judging by how unbearably drained she felt. Chakra levels that low had to be purposeful.
And that, she suddenly realized, was downright bizarre. Enough so to make her suspicious. They had to know that she was a Hiraishin user: Konan had seen her use it, for crying out loud. This wasn't some random sap like Sasori who had been blind-sided by her ability. If she was awake, that either meant that Akatsuki was run by incompetent lunatics or that they had something else to keep her from leaving. A trap that she didn't yet see, in other words.
Did that have anything to do with why she had been drained of chakra? Granted, that was a sensible precaution in any type of prisoner situation. It made the victim physically weak and prevented them from using jutsu or genjutsu at the risk of dipping into their own life force to do it. Aiko valued her own life enough that she wouldn't be trying to do anything that involved more chakra expenditure than the finger-spark jutsu unless they left her alone long enough for her reserves to fill up a bit.
'I know something totally awesome that requires less chakra than the finger-spark,' she wheedled. Aiko could set hundreds of Hiraishin without dipping into the bulk of her reserves. Even as she was now, she could probably lay down at least a couple of explosives after her head stopped pounding.
"Are you deaf, kunoichi? I have no intention of carrying you."
Oh. So apparently he was talking to her again. Wobblingly, Aiko forced herself to her feet, feeling distinctly less like a predator than she usually did. This lack of coordination was like, Bambi learning to prance kind of bad.
She ended up using the wall as a brace while she followed Uchiha out. Well, followed wasn't exactly the right word, since he was apparently too thorough to allow her behind him even in her current state, but he didn't seem to want to walk behind her either.
"Wash the contagions from your sores as best as you are able. I will have to sterilize them afterwards regardless."
For someone who seemed to speak almost exclusively in monotone, Uchiha Itachi could do a good job of sharing his disgruntlement.
But hey, at least he was enabling her to clean up. A shower would do her some good at this point.
"Motherfucker!"
Aiko actually bit her lip, hard, and turned her face down away from the spray of water. Okay, so not so relaxing when she was covered in open cuts on her shoulders and head. Her excellent constitution was probably the only factor she had to thank for not being a fevered mess right now—whatever was wrong with her, it wasn't a fever—and it had apparently done nothing for Konan's Death-By-Paperwork jutsu. That jackass.
'It's unhealthy, how much I'm beginning to dislike that woman,' Aiko noted thoughtfully. 'Am I just being petty because she kicked my ass?'
That would be an unhealthy attitude to take and one that could lead her to compromise her ability to function around an opponent who had already proved to be the superior combatant. It really wasn't a good idea to let things like that bother you if you wanted to live very long.
A few moments' contemplation and self-evaluation was all she needed to vindicate her feelings. Nah, it wasn't that. Konan just really rubbed her the wrong way.
Thus satisfied, she gritted her teeth and gently scrubbed at her body until the green washcloth turned an ugly brown, almost black color that matched the foul buildup around the drain. Apparently, Itachi or whoever had stocked this bathroom didn't give one single fuck if she smelled like flowers and sunshine as was her due, so she rubbed the bland soap over her hair as best as she could and resolved to sneak back into the house in Konoha to steal some of Karin's fancy shampoo in apology to her poor hair.
"Oh shit, Karin," she realized belatedly, dropping the bar of soap with a clatter. Aiko squeezed her eyes shut and tilted her face up to catch falling water on her tongue, letting the hot water warm her insides when it trailed in.
Depending on how long it had been, Karin and Naruto might already know what had happened. Fuck, they were going to freak out about her impromptu vacation to Chez Akatsuki.
'Probably my whole team will magically know that I really am freaking princess peach ten minutes after Tsunade gets back to Konoha, gossips that they are.' Aiko leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the cheap ceramic wall piteously, suddenly consumed by a bit of shame. Here she was, impassively checking through what she wanted to do before she brute-forced her way out of this hellhole (assuming that she could) without even thinking that her family and team would probably be upset. She had no idea how Sai or Sasuke would respond, to be honest, but it probably wouldn't be a shrug. Yamato and Kakashi… were they going to be disappointed with her? This was definitely a situation where they would say she was being reckless.
Would they? She frowned confusedly. They weren't unreasonable. If she explained her reasoning, they would be able to understand her situational assessment even if they didn't like it. But it wasn't like worry for a comrade was an entirely logical experience.
So, yepp. There would probably be a scolding. If she'd had Mitsuo's ears, she would have flattened them against her head.
'Am suddenly both depressed and grateful that I do not have adorable yet overtly expressive dog ears.'
She shut the water off and gave a disdainful look to her filthy clothes on the floor. Since Itachi had apparently become secretary of her bodily functions, he could be her maid too and clean them up.
"Is he expecting me to put those back on?" Aiko pursed her lips, and toed her tanktop over her bra in a half-assed concession to dignity. Well, tough shit for him. The towels in this joint were apparently sized for Kisame's scaly ass, so she felt perfectly comfortable winding one around her body and stepping out into the hall.
It seemed that Itachi had gotten bored with waiting for her to finish showering. What a crap maid. With a shrug, she picked a direction and started exploring. He would find her eventually.
But the man she found in the kitchen wasn't Itachi, Kisame, or even Pein. His back was to her, but she saw short, dark hair and one of the emblematic cloaks, so she felt free to assume this was one of her captors.
"Yo," Aiko greeted. "Your maid is pretty bad, could I trouble you for help? Am like, super naked over here."
"Tobi would love to help! He is a good boy." The man, comparable in height to Itachi or Kakashi, turned around with a smile in his childishly high voice and an orange mask on his face.
'Oh dear. That's not good.'