'Ughhh.' Aiko did her level best not to let her discomfort with referendums and refinement of security protocols show, and resisted the urge to kick her feet back and forth under the table.
She felt a little like a child in this setting. In a prohibitively formal room with Hyuuga Hiashi on her left and Inuzuka Tsume on her right, she wasn't certain if she wanted to sit up as straight as possible or slump under the table and hope they didn't notice her.
'At least there's no civilians to care that I'm wearing mission gear,' she consoled herself. Good thing, too. It was too hot and stuffy for more clothes.
Afterwards, she walked out with a little more haste than was strictly proper, and made a bee-line for a bar downtown. Anko slipped up to the counter beside her less than half an hour later, still rolling a dango skewer between her teeth.
"Long day, huh?" Anko reached over and stuck her skewer into Aiko's drink, and grinned when she got a disgusted look in return. The bamboo bobbed up at her innocently. Aiko pushed the hurricane away, and Anko grabbed it up. "Thank you love," she purred before she tilted it up, disregarding the straw entirely.
Aiko just rolled her eyes. "You are incorrigible.'
"I prefer intransigent," Anko pouted, wiping a bit of alcohol off her lips. Even as Aiko began to talk again, she leaned her elbows onto the counter and made a kissy face at a well-muscled Jounin whom Aiko didn't know.
"Right, of course you do," Aiko sighed, turning to glance in the direction Anko was looking and then rolling her eyes. She gestured to the barkeep with two fingers. The tired-looking woman nodded and wiped her fingers on the apron 'round her waist before Aiko glanced back at her companion. "It's a two-slipper day," she confided lowly.
At that, Anko gave Aiko her full attention. "What the actual fuck is that supposed to mean, shortstuff?" She raised one eyebrow and gave Aiko a seriously unimpressed look.
Aiko heaved a sigh and buried her chin in a palm. The other one gratefully curled around her newly delivered drink. "Mitsuo gets nervous sometimes," she stated conversationally. Anko looked baffled. "He finds sleeping with something that smells like me comforting sometimes." She took a sip and licked her lower lip, sitting up. "So if it's been a bad day off in ninken-land or whatever, I'll come home to find that he made off with a slipper to cuddle. On really bad days, he takes them both."
There was a moment of silence. Then a "pffft-ing" snort sound escaped Anko. Aiko's lips twitched up, and then both of them were laughing.
"I love dogs," Anko wheezed, gently pounding the counter with a fist. "That's some classy shit right there."
Aiko looked at her, tilting away and cocking her head to give the older woman a mock-disapproving look. "Well, you would know," she sing-songed.
"Oh, shut up." Anko nearly pushed Aiko off her stool and turned her chin up. "I will have you know that I am in fact a classy fucking lady."
"If you have to say it, it's not true. But fine!" Aiko put her hands up in a peace-keeping gesture, smiling faintly. She ran a finger along the rim of her now-empty glass, and then licked the pad of her finger. "Is it a two-slipper day for you too?"
In response, Anko called for another round of drinks. "How does a trip to the onsen sound?" She whirled the last bit of her drink and then swigged it in a frighteningly unladylike motion.
Aiko tried not to cringe.
The older kunoichi raised an eyebrow. "It's not that horrible to have to compare your scrawny ass to my voluptuous bod, is it?" she asked, affecting baby-speak. Anko gave an exaggerated pout and leaned over to pat Aiko's head. "Poor kitten," she cooed. "I know it's hard to see everything you'll never be, but-"
"It's not that, you hag," Aiko huffed, smacking Anko's hand away. "It's just- no, it's stupid," she shook her head. "Yeah, fine, I'd love to go with you."
'I'm being ridiculous,' she scolded herself as she shucked her clothes and settled them in the bamboo storage boxes. 'It's not like there's any real correlation in between me going for a nice, relaxing soak and something terrible happening.'
She held her breath for a moment and looked around cautiously, checking the skyline for signs of the apocalypse. Anko gave her an odd look, but said nothing. Pleased that no one appeared to be hiding in the tree line, Aiko gave a little smile as she settled in, piling the towel on her head and being careful to hold her book above the water.
"Ah, this feels so good," Anko moaned, giving a lissome stretch.
That was when the village alarms went off.
"I fucking knew it!" Aiko snapped, standing straight up and huffily padding across the stones. Wasn't there an old saying to that effect- a mock science question about what happens when a woman gets in the bath and the answer is that the telephone rings? She was just never going to be able to relax again. Just freaking fine, she got the message already, thank you cruel universe. She levered herself directly over the fence into the grassy knoll out back, and started to walk towards town, wringing her hair out as she went.
"Um… Uzumaki?"
"What?" She balled her hands into fists and tossed her head irritably in the direction she'd come from. What was taking Anko so long? They had to report.
"Wardrobe malfunction?" Anko said, somehow making it sound more like a question.
Aiko looked down. "Ah." She turned 180 degrees and pulled the towel that had fallen onto her shoulders around her torso. "Oh, shut up."
That didn't stop Anko's sniggers.
As soon as the two had stuffed themselves into their clothing, they joined the group waiting in the Jounin stand-by center. Aiko did her best to ignore the odd looks they were getting for being soaking wet and batted her eyes until someone made enough room for the two of them on the circular red couches that ringed the outside of the tower. She kicked her feet up onto her new friend's lap and idly pretended to flirt, just trying to keep the atmosphere light as the shinobi milling about grew tenser. They didn't like being crowded and waiting for information. The alarm that was still going off meant different things for different ranks—the civilians and genin were going home or staying in their workplaces, the Chuunin were securing various checkpoints, and on duty ANBU were manning the walls.
When the door opened, nearly everyone came to attention.
Tsunade waved a hand at the crowd. "Stand down."
Aiko hadn't moved a muscle.
"The situation in Ame has changed," she announced without preamble. "We have received information that leads us to suspect that their leader has left the country, and he's probably not alone." Tsunade raised her voice as if to speak over the crowd, but no one in the room had so much as whispered. Under their hard stares, she continued, "As of yet, we don't have solid information, but if I were in his position…" Her lips twisted into a wry smile. "Well, I'd be coming here, to the heart of the alliance. He thinks that if he can break us, he can demoralize the other countries." She paused for a moment. "He's probably right," Tsunade said quietly. "But that's not going to happen, is it, ladies and gentlemen?"
"Fuck no!" Anko whooped, slapping the couch and plastering a cheery grin on her face. Aiko wasn't even sure how much of it was bravado.
"Thank you, Mitarashi," Tsunade gravely acknowledged. "We're going to go sector by sector and evacuate all civilians and any shinobi fourteen and under to the panic shelters. I don't need to tell you that this is going to be chaos. While the Chuunin and genin take care of that, I will need each and every one of you to do what you can to help out. We have the walls watched, but we can't afford to allow any suspicious persons to use the evacuation as a distraction. Be on guard, people, and wait for further orders."
It took a long time for everyone to pile out of the room, busy as they were checking their immediate assignment off with Tsunade's beleaguered assistants. Kotetsu caught Aiko by the wrist and nodded in confidentially. "You're assisting in the evac. of one of the academy classes, Tsunade-sama says you'll know which one," he explained without preamble when it was finally her turn. "Report directly back to her once you're done with that."
'I'll know which- oh, Fukiko's class.' Aiko gave him a strained smile in acknowledgement and left the building. The Academy was next door- no coincidence, that. The students who had been sequestered inside since the alarm went odd were doing a relatively good job at remaining calm, she noted as she made the familiar trip to Fukiko's classroom.
She nearly immediately realized the logical fallacy inherent in that.
'Or their teachers are keeping order,' Aiko internally corrected. Academy Chuunin were a particularly fearsome breed. She wouldn't want to tangle with one of them. She thought even civilian teachers had a hard job, and they could be reasonably certain that none of their little dears would be stabbing each other at recess.
Fukiko-chan's lovely instructor re-enforced the hypothesis that Academy Chuunin were stupidly terrifying by attempting to take Aiko's head off when she rapped on the closed door to the classroom. Aiko jerked to the side as the wood burst and put her hands up, maintaining eye contact with the older woman. "Maa, what kind of welcome is this?" She gave the brunette a disarming smile, noting her disheveled appearance—flyaways in her ponytail, ink on her fingers—and concluded that the poor woman was under a lot of stress.
Momentarily, Aiko wished she'd bothered to ask the woman's name at some point before now.
"I'm here to help you herd the cute little students to their designated safepoint, Sensei," she slowly said, tilting her head slightly and hoping the older woman would stand down. Good for her, being proactive with her students' safety, but fighting would waste time…
The older woman lowered her hands even as she flushed a little with embarrassment for having attacked a Jounin. "Of course, Uzumaki-san."
'That's awfully formal, considering she's older than I am,' Aiko noted bemusedly. Still, it wasn't a good time to comment about something like that and she let it slide. "I think our ducklings are first," she confided, poking her head into the classroom. "Do you have them all?"
"There should be twenty-seven," Sensei responded immediately.
Aiko stopped and just looked at her. That was a lot of children for one person to watch in the best of circumstances. An academy where they trained children to throw sharp projectiles was not anything like those optimal circumstances.
"Bless you, woman, you're a superhero," she said sincerely. Without waiting for a reaction, she strode into the room and made her own count. Frightfully familiar faces she had never noticed before stared up at her- that messy haired brunette with the triangle markings could have been Kiba's female twin, the trio of Hyuuga students were achingly familiar in their proud posture, and there was a little redhead in the third row who looked enough like Sakura that it outright hurt.
"Well, they're all here unless someone is messing around with bunshin or we've traded with another class," she muttered, giving a forceful genjutsu dispel to be sure there was no funny business. All was well, so she scooped Fukiko up onto her hip—pure force of habit, that girl was so cuddly—and took up the rear while Sensei led them out of the Academy in single file.
"Aiko-sensei?" Fukiko whispered.
She stroked the little dark head against her shoulder, visually scanning the surrounding area. "Yes, Fukiko-chan?"
"Are you going to stay with us?"
Aiko bit her lip regretfully. "I have to report," she confessed. "I'm sorry. But I bet I can leave a friend with you. Would you like to meet one of my ninken?"
Hōseki wasn't the best in a fight, but she would be able to pinpoint approaching intruders a mile away to give warning. Mitsuo could too, of course, but that wouldn't do any good if no one could understand him.
The hound was not exactly pleased about being left to watch over a group of enthusiastic children for an unspecified period of time, but she graciously enough acquiesced to keep an eye on 'the puppy' and be there to call Aiko for help through the seal under her collar if needed. It probably helped that Fukiko took direction well about how to rub behind her ears and properly massage the pads of her toes. Aiko rolled her eyes, but considered that well enough and summoned up Mitsuo to walk her back to town and keep an eye on the crowds pushing their way to the shelters. She didn't know what good paying attention was going to do- surely any infiltrators or spies would know the security protocols well enough to blend in. But she'd been told to keep an eye out, so she did.
The trip had been several hours walking through one of the underground tunnels out of city limits, and many of the little hidey holes were splayed out under the cliffs north of Konoha. It would have been foolish to usher their most vulnerable citizens to one place to be murdered in dark caves. The further they were spread, the safer they were. Of course, one academy teacher was hardly enough security, so an older group would probably be joining them. Hopefully, if there was one to spare, anyway.
Neither Mitsuo nor Aiko sensed anything amiss in the groups teeming across town, though she did see a severely put-out group of teenagers she recognized in the mob heading towards the facility she had just escorted the Academy children to. Mildly suspicious, she leapt out in front of them. "Ino-chan? Shikamaru-kun, Chouji-kun," she greeted cautiously. Intruders using their faces to approach the secured facilities, perhaps? Those three were all older than fourteen.
Ino scowled at her, but Shikamaru seemed to cotton on to her thoughts. "It's a drag, but Asuma-sensei's ordered us to go hide with the kids," he drawled, looking downright unhappy. "Apparently, they don't have much faith that the clan kids in the field are going to survive, and Tsunade-sama gave us some speech about how it would be more crippling for Konoha to lose an entire generation of clan heirs in one fell swoop than it would be helpful for us to contribute to an unknown situation."
She nodded sympathetically, but Aiko silently agreed with Tsunade's logic. Naruto, Sasuke, and Karin were out hunting Akatsuki and therefore in danger. Hinata's team was out on a tracking mission of some sort and therefore possibly compromised as well.
"That sucks. Well, have fun. Someone has to watch the genin," she said a bit awkwardly, twirling hair around her finger. Mitsuo gave a soft whuff- and she relaxed, the last bit of tension fading now that he had confirmed their identities. "Anything you guys need?" she asked to be polite.
"No, I think we're good," Chouji sighed. "Hey, would you tell my dad where I am if you see him?"
"Can do," Aiko nodded. She hesitated- and then gave each one of them a brief hug, lingering a bit on Ino. The taller girl took a steadying breath as if she was breathing in Aiko's scent. Aiko pretended not to notice and drew back, giving them all a smile. "Well, I'll be seeing you." She waved them off, and tried to pretend that they didn't all know that this was possibly goodbye. This was the first time that Konoha had undergone a full evacuation since… Well, since Aiko was born, the night that Konoha lost over half their civilian population, she noted with a little irony. She knew she was hardly responsible for that, and probably hadn't influenced whatever had gone wrong with Akatsuki that made Tsunade fear for Konoha, but it sure felt like a correlation.
She shook the thought off as morbid nonsense and made her way to the central tower to report back to Tsunade.
There was quite a line that indicated that she was far from being the only person to be referred to report to the top. Shizune was the one who eventually flagged her into the waiting room, and pulled her aside. "Aiko, how are you doing?"
A bit bemused, she took the concern for what it was and let the older woman coddle her a bit. Shizune probably just needed something to do with herself, and if that meant Aiko had to tolerate having her hair petted, she would valiantly take that sacrifice for the team. She certainly didn't close her eyes to enjoy it for more than a minute, and she definitely didn't nudge her head into Shizune's hand. Nope.
"Aiko," Jiraiya called out stridently, clapping a hand on her shoulder as he padded in the office. She jumped a bit, surprised, but didn't have the heart to glare at him for playing tricks when she saw how tired he seemed. "Come in, little frog."
Her eye twitched.
'I'll take it,' she decided, reminding herself that she didn't particularly want to be waiting all day and Jiraiya was her ticket into that office.
Jiraiya pushed open the door and strode in without appearing to even see the alarmed and disgruntled looks on Tsunade and Nara Shikaku's faces. Aiko trailed in his wake, counting that his bulk would protect her from anything Tsunade may decide to throw. Shizune snorted but trotted in behind them, conscientiously pulling the door shut.
"Any news, hime?"
That was when Tsunade threw something. Aiko didn't quite catch what it was, but it exploded into hundreds of shards of glass against the back wall. Ever so slowly, Jiraiya put his hands up.
The Hokage huffed. "ANBU, sweep that up."
Aiko took a moment to be glad she wasn't the one on duty right now. That was an undignified use of an elite operative.
"Sorry, pervert," Tsunade said, actually sounding a bit remorseful. "Yes and no. No news about our mysterious Akatsuki leader. None of our teams have reported since the initial check-in."
No one breathed.
"Yeah," Tsunade said dully. "That's what I thought too. Hatake at least would have the sense to keep reporting, so they've either been separated or have gotten busy."
"Either way, that's probably bad news," Jiraiya finished lowly. He ducked his head. "Shit, shit, shit."
Aiko couldn't breathe. She couldn't seem to do anything to slow her heartbeat, either, which was now obnoxiously loud in her ears. She snapped out of it when Mitsuo nudged his head against her hip. "Tsunade-sama? I could go check in with Naruto."
She had done a bad job of disguising her eagerness.
"No." Tsunade shook her head. "Not a chance. If they needed an extraction, they would have signaled you. We aren't going to let one of our few Jounin in the village go traipsing off at a time like this. You can go if one of them signals you, but we're going to have to trust that whatever is going on is under their control."
"But that-"
"I said no." Tsunade gave her a pitying look. "They're fine, I know it. They're probably fighting or something, or hell, they got caught up and away from a senior operative who would know to remind them to report in."
That… did sound an awful lot like Naruto and Sasuke. But wouldn't Karin keep them out of trouble?
Even Jiraiya looked at her strangely when she slapped her forehead and muttered, "Stupid, stupid, stupid thought." At least no one commented.
~~~
"One of them is away from the others," Karin confided, shaking her hair out of her face. It took Yamato a moment to catch on to her meaning.
"Sent to intercept us?" He tensed.
"No," she said placidly. "Actually, I think we can safely say that whoever is using this water jutsu now isn't a tracker or sensor at all. They seem to have no idea we're here. I was actually thinking that it might be a good idea to pick off this straggler before we go charging into the headquarters. There's four of them around. I wouldn't pick that fight until at least another team catches up with us."
Yamato outright rolled his eyes at her conscientious tone. He wasn't going to be fooled again, no matter how responsible she seemed. It was a lie.
Still.
"Sound strategy. Update the other teams," he ordered.
'Oh, so now they listen to me,' he grumbled internally as the group came to an obedient halt and Karin called on a serpent with obnoxiously vibrant blue scales. She exchanged whispers with it for a few minutes and gave it a cuddle before she dismissed the snake.
He intentionally didn't think too deeply about what that meant about how she could use snakes for spying. The idea that she had managed to get one to the other teams without anyone noticing was less than soothing.
"Why would one of them be alone?" Naruto asked, shifting a little uneasily. "That doesn't make sense. I've never heard of an Akatsuki being spotted alone."
"He needed to go on an ice cream run," Sasuke guessed, stretching his arms and running his fingers through handsigns to keep them loose.
"That's probably it," Karin said dryly, securing her glasses at the top of her nose. "He's going to a populated area, in any case. There aren't any shinobi around, so it could be a merchant area."
About fifteen minutes later, she changed her opinion. Karin's voice was strained when she called out. "Hey, guys? We're dealing with someone violent and opportunistic."
There was a moment of silence. "Karin, they're Akatsuki," Naruto explained kindly. "They're all violent and opportunistic. That's why they're missing nin."
"I know that, tofu-brain," she snapped back. Her tone was missing any venom, however. "I mean that I think this person is sneaking around behind Akatsuki's back." She sucked on her teeth for a moment before reluctantly adding, "I would say that the enemy of my enemy is my friend, except I don't want anyone who sneaks out to kill civilians coming to my birthday parties."
Yamato blinked. "Yes, that sounds like someone who needs to be put down," he agreed. Akatsuki really didn't seem to have high standards for behavior. Anyone who couldn't meet their standards really couldn't be considered even a temporary ally.
"Well, in other news, Kakashi and Genma are headed directly for us," Karin added optimistically. She gave a little cough and exchanged a guilty look with her comrades. "So… maybe we should get to work? I'm sure this guy won't expect us to have reinforcements."
'Is their brilliant plan really to hope that Kakashi will get too caught up to tear them a new one?' Yamato thought incredulously.
Once they got within about a mile of their target, any one of them could have led the group to his location. None of them were trackers by any means, but the blood smears, broken bodies, and strange circles on the ground painted a vivid picture of the carnage that had gone before.
"What do you think those circles are for?" Yamato mused, unsettled. He held a hand up to signal the group to stop for a moment to gather intel and cautiously examined one from a distance. This was the third they had seen. Clearly, it was important somehow.
Naruto squinted at it, and cocked his head like a bird. "Ah…" he scratched his head. "I wasn't exactly the most diligent fuinjutsu student, but I'm pretty sure that there is a sympathetic link of some kind. Maybe for long distance communication?"
The group as a whole gave the scene a dubious look.
"Did he stop to call his mother before or after he gutted that woman with what appears to have been a blunt trowel?" Sasuke asked sardonically.
The blond flushed. "If you can do better, I'd like to see it," he snapped hotly.
Yamato raised a calming hand. "There's a lot of blood inside the circles," he pointed out. "But they're all free of bodies. What happens to those bodies? Clearly, this person hasn't been tidying up as he goes."
Naruto hummed through closed lips for a second, and carefully picked his way a little closer—close enough to lean over the line and sniff at the blood inside. He swiveled around and went from body to body.
'He's comparing scent samples,' Yamato realized, impressed. Had Kakashi trained him in that, or was his nose just that good? That should be insanely difficult to do in the rain.
"Are you finding anything?" Sasuke asked after a few minutes of picking through gore. Naruto shook his head.
"No, none of them match. Just a second…" he backtracked several blocks to try again with the next circle- and stiffened. "This is a match for the other circle," he called out. His forehead creased. "That's weird. Why would he drag one body around to bleed it again and again?" When none of the other corpses turned up a match, he shook his head helplessly and held up his palms in confusion. "I got nothing, guys," he admitted.
"Maybe it's something special about the blood in that body, then," Sasuke theorized. "I mean, that's the blood the circles are written with, right? It must tie in to some jutsu that he used to do this." He gestured broadly at the fourteen bodies they had come across so far.
"I think it might be best if we don't let him illustrate," Yamato pointed out dryly. "Fight him from a distance, and make sure he can't get a chance to make one of these things. He's been killing civilians—he might be replenishing something, or he might just be insane. In either case, we have no idea if this jutsu would work against a relatively competent shinobi."
There was a brief moment where the teenagers exchanged glances, wondering who among them was merely 'relatively competent'.
When they set off running again, it only took about five minutes to pinpoint where their opponent was. The sounds of screams were a pretty good clue. He probably sensed them arriving, because the last died off into a gargle just as the four cleared the building blocking what visibility was available through the heavy rain.
"Hello, heathens!" Hidan shouted cheerily, straightening to stare. He was outright dripping with blood. Where it came from was hard to tell—Yamato didn't spot any open wounds. "I'll kill you in a fucking minute, just hold on." He convulsed in a disturbingly sensual way, panting and licking his lips.
Sasuke grunted. "This guy again?" He closed his eyes as if praying for strength, but they were red when he opened them again.
'At least one of them is taking this seriously.'
"That is physically impossible." Sasuke flung a single shuriken directly into the mass of Hidan's body. The missing nin just blinked down at the metal sticking out of his chest.
"Are you done then, princess numbnuts?" Hidan raised an eyebrow, and carelessly ripped out the weapon. He let it fall to the ground. His eyes widened in recognition when he looked back at Sasuke. "Hey! You're the fuckin' douche who-"
"Well, I guess that means it's not a genjutsu," Sasuke sighed, looking genuinely disappointed. "Do you have a twin?"
'I hate everyone,' Yamato thought morosely.
Hidan blinked in disbelief. "No, dumbshit," he sneered. "Honestly, what kind of-" He purpled when Naruto cut him off, staring indignantly at the talking Konoha nin.
"Sasuke, you can't beat him by telling him exactly why he's a medical impossibility," Naruto rasped, looking pained. "He knows, and he just doesn't care. It's his blood he's been using for those fuinjutsu circles, by the way."
Lovely. Their opponent was nearly indestructible and used his own body parts as fuel for his jutsu.
The Uchiha gave an offended sniff. "I suppose you just didn't do a good job of killing him, idiot. Karin and I will do a better job."
"You were the one who tried to smash him," Naruto argued.
Yamato had heard quite enough, so he clapped his hands together and allowed his ninjutsu to explode outward, reaching and grabbing for their opponent with hundreds of vines and off-shoot branches. The missing nin gave a high, hysterical laugh, and leapt on top of the construction to race towards Yamato. Hidan angled his scythe behind him as he dodged the reaching branches—almost certainly so that he could swing it forward to take off Yamato's head.
He clearly wasn't expecting the clang of his precious weapon getting caught up in Karin's misfired chakra chains. It ripped out of his grasp and soared a good forty feet.
"Oops," she said sheepishly, adjusting her glasses. "I was trying to kill him." The chains almost immediately gave a jerk and reeled back in towards her. The shriek she gave implied that she hadn't consciously expected that.
Hidan hadn't stopped running, which meant his momentum was all forwards. He crouched and switched direction, flipping backwards and pushing off the side of the wood.
'He won't abandon his scythe,' Yamato realized. That was sloppy. A shinobi should never be so dependent on one weapon that they had to fetch it after it was lost in a fight.
Sasuke had clearly been thinking the same thing. He darted forward in an attempt to intercept the missing nin and missed Hidan by half a foot. Yamato tried not to grimace. None of the three teens had the speed to compete with S class fighters in direct combat. They would have to be more intelligent than their opponent instead. They still had the advantage of numbers.
He abandoned his connection to the wood pile he had been forming and used shunshin to cut Hidan off, already wielding a four foot long branch again. He swung and used it to viciously bat at the missing nin's ribs, audibly cracking at least two, but then he had to let go of the branch and duck under and away from a punch.
The Akatsuki didn't look very amiable or collected at this point. His teeth were bared and his eyes crazed as he traded blows. Or rather, as he attempted to wail on Yamato, who blocked or dodged the attacks. There wasn't time for Yamato to get in his own hits.
'Damn,' he winced, using his forearms to deflect a high kick and attempting to twist away to the side. 'It's like trying to get a hit in on Kakashi-senpai when he's not feeling generous.'
In other words, that wasn't good for their chances of winning this fight through conventional means. He would disengage from taijutsu—but that would mean allowing Hidan to pick up his weapon of choice.
A kunai with an attached seal fluttering at the handle landed blade down into the dirt not four feet from Yamato. He understood instantly. With a renewed effort, he sped and worked his muscles as much as was humanly possible, trying to distract Hidan from the three other knives that impacted the dirt at positions around them. He'd never seen Naruto set up a trap like that before, but the blond had been gifted an awful lot of free time lately and seen his sister use seals on kunai. He just hoped they weren't explosives, the conventional use of seals on kunai.
So it really shouldn't have been surprising when the fifth kunai established a perfect pentagram around the tussling Jounin and immediately fizzled to life, electric blue chakra heating the air. Hidan's eyes widened, now that he saw the trap—but Yamato blocked him, refusing to let the other man leave in the instant it was possible, even though that meant being caught himself—
And then motion was cut off. Naruto probably hadn't had friendly fire in mind when he had designed those particular paralysis seals, because his body was screaming with pain. Yamato nearly tilted over, unbalanced as he was from his last-moment lunge to block Hidan's escape. If he was able to think, he might have been grateful for that bit of luck, because falling into one of the lines of superheated chakra sparking lines across the ground would have been incredibly painful.
Hidan was standing on one of the intersecting lines that made the pentagram. Stupid shock was plastered across his features.
White hot pain made it hard for Yamato to register what was happening and how long he had been caught, but he managed to pay attention when Sasuke painstakingly directed little flares of the tiniest Katon jutsu Yamato had ever seen him make to melt the skin off of Hidan's flesh wherever he could without disturbing the chakra lines or allowing the flame to lick at Yamato's flesh. Sweat beaded down the Mokuton user's forehead, and he didn't know if it was from the heat or the pain.
He appreciated the logic there. If Naruto just released the fuinjutsu, they would be back to where they had been before. The three outside couldn't step into the five-point seal, and they couldn't disrupt it without freeing Hidan. They had to do as much damage as possible to the trapped Akatsuki so that once the fuinjutsu was released, they could go in for the kill.
Yamato hoped someone had a plan for that, because if burning the man to ashes and burying him after breaking all his bones didn't work, he didn't know what to do.
If he could have, he would have cringed away when their plan became clear. Karin's chakra chains were waveringly hovering above the seal—she was going to snatch Hidan as soon as Naruto released the fuinjutsu. It was a good plan. It would have been a better plan if she'd had better control and more than about two minutes to perfect the use of her chains. Yamato had been involved in Aiko's training with her chains—chains that were much smaller and suited for maneuvering, but had still resulted in unintended destruction and mis-firing again and again and again.
Karin's face was painted with the strain that holding the chains still caused her.
'If she accidentally kills me with those, at least I'll know she was trying not to,' Yamato thought inanely.
And then the blue chakra was gone and several hundred pounds of chakra metal barreled down on top of Hidan. He managed to make it a foot—not far enough to escape the coils of mint-or-maybe-seafoam that coiled around him like a writhing mass of snakes. Hidan was almost completely buried. "Fetid sack of weasels-" he roared, and then coughed as he was cut off by the squeal of metal. Three-legged whore's ugly sis-" CLANG. It almost sounded like the contents of a kitchen had been put into a big tin and shaken, interspersed with occasional cursing.
And it was all far too close for comfort. Yamato was desperately coaxing life into his muscles, which seemed to have been frozen and strained by the continuous electrification, when an actual group of writhing snakes darted into the chakra chains. He blinked, and realized only later that sheer terror had allowed him to dart twenty feet away to stand by the three teens.
'Or maybe not,' he noted, disoriented enough that he only now realized Sasuke had wrapped an arm around his waist and leapt away like he was carrying a stuffed bear instead of a full grown man. And the grip around his ribs hurt a little bit, actually. He wiggled, and Sasuke let go. He immediately knelt and ran a glowing hand down either side of Yamato's right calf.
'Ah, right, a medic,' Yamato thought, vaguely pleased to have remembered that. He had no idea what Sasuke was doing, but the little seizures going on in his muscles seemed to be calming. That was nice.
He swiveled enough to keep an eye on what was happening with their opponent, but it quickly became clear that Karin had the situation under control. Hidan's cursing quickly turned to incoherent sputtering as he was bitten over and over again. Bones cracked as the chains scraped against each other, twitching and jerking out of Karin's conscious control, but the snakes were hardly impeded. They darted through and around chains, tearing little holes in the Akatsuki's flesh and leaving behind a dozen kinds of poison.
"I've always thought she needed something to push snakes from 'horrifying' to 'mindlessly terrifying beyond reason,'" a very familiar voice mused drolly.
Naruto eeped and stood up straight. He gave a very fake laugh, scratching at his head. "Kakashi-sensei!"
"You assholes are in trouble, you know that," Genma huffed, glaring at the group as a whole. The pink on his cheeks implied that Kakashi had been pushing a truly cruel pace.
~~~
Yamato had gratefully relinquished what semblance of command he'd had back to Kakashi. The senior operative had barely glanced at Hidan before he came up with at least a temporary method of dealing with the quickly regenerating Akatsuki. Even the poison had been wearing off with inhuman speed, so Karin had been quick to follow his instructions to hack of Hidan's head and seal it away ("Your kill, your responsibility," Kakashi had pointed out).
The body they left like so much twitching, scorched meat.
The well-deserved ass-kicking they merited for running off was delayed by the arrival of Gai's team, who were far too cheerful for the situation.
Kakashi tried to frown at them, but couldn't quite manage. The moment that he had touched back down in camp to see scuffles in the dirt, wood splinters, and none of his charges had been terrifying. His heart had stopped, until he took a deep breath and realized that there were no foreign scents in the area. No, the fight that had happened had been between the team.
And that pissed him off to no end. Not only was that an abandonment of duty, it was reckless endangerment of each other and the other teams out here who had been expecting them to do their jobs professionally.
"Yamato, report," he clipped out. The smile on Gai's face dimmed, and he ushered his team a polite distance away. They were almost certainly still listening in anyway.
The ANBU straightened, though his legs were shaking from prolonged electrocution. "After you left, Karin, Naruto, and Sasuke announced their intention to enter Ame after Akatsuki," he confessed. "I attempted to subdue them. When it became clear that was beyond my capabilities, I abandoned the attempt and escorted them instead in hopes of mitigating the danger they would find. Karin led us to an Akatsuki. We deduced that he uses some sort of fuinjutsu to establish a sympathetic link with an unknown person and determined that our best course of action was to separate him from any such link. I engaged the target in taijutsu while Naruto set up a paralysis-"
"That's enough."
"Um," Karin started nervously.
"I don't want to hear it," Kakashi snapped, cutting her off with a sideways hand motion. "I'm disappointed in all three of you, and fully intend have you marked up for in-field insubordination. This isn't a game! You didn't just endanger yourselves. Our responsibility was to maintain the cordon around Ame so that no one could get out and go to Konoha."
"That's not going to happen," Naruto burst out impatiently. "We've been doing this for months, sensei! If they wanted to leave, they would have."
"Yes," a cool voice agreed.
"That's what I was trying to say," Karin meekly squeaked as the assembled party turned to look at the man standing a mere forty feet away, watching them with impassive red eyes. Itachi had a hand tucked inside his cloak, as if he thought he wouldn't even need it for this fight.
"Otouto, are you still so reckless?" Sasuke turned dangerously pale, eyes darting between the large party of Konoha nin and his older brother. Kakashi didn't breathe, positioning his muscles so that he could dart between the two at a moment's notice. Sasuke couldn't fight Itachi off. He wasn't strong enough. "Has your pursuit of vengeance made you impulsive? A pity." Itachi blinked slowly. Unlike the rest of them, the pouring rain hardly made him look silly or messy. It sleeked his bangs out to a ridiculous luster and trailed down his face like tears.
Sasuke shook his head, but it didn't look like shock at seeing his brother. "I won't fight you."
Kakashi stopped. That hadn't been what he had expected. If the uncharacteristic shock that crossed Itachi's face was any indication, he hadn't expected that either. Had Sasuke been struck by cowardice, a bout of pacifism, or just madness?
"I don't blame you at all," Sasuke said quietly, raising his unarmed hands and stepping closer to his shell-shocked brother.
Madness, then. He bent his knees, readying his weight to slip forwards.
"Don't touch him!" Sasuke snarled, holding out his left arm like a clothesline.
"Sasuke?" Naruto asked, sounding very small and confused. Kakashi couldn't blame him. The boy looked like he was possessed or fevered.
The younger Uchiha brother shook his head, never taking his eyes off of Itachi. "You killed them on Konoha's orders."
And the world tilted. Kakashi slowly raised a hand to his covered eye, disoriented and frightened on a visceral level he couldn't articulate.
A terrible fear shone on Itachi's face. The increase in his breathing was visible even from such a distance.
"I work with Tsunade, of course I found out," Sasuke continued gently, sounding as if he was trying to tame a wild animal. "The clan- our father was planning a coup. And so you stopped it. How could I blame you for that?"
"I killed them all," Itachi croaked, composure completely lost.
Kakashi thought he was going to be sick. Oh god, it was true. How hadn't he known this? How had anyone kept this secret? Konoha had murdered an entire clan—one of their clans, dozens of their shinobi—for the ambitions of a few men? Infants, he remembered with a delirious heat. He had been one of the first responders. The first body he had been had been an infant skewered by an ANBU short sword through her soft skull. The corpse had been cross-eyed, as if she'd seen the blade approaching her forehead. Konoha had been responsible for that?
"Death to traitors," Sasuke purred, taking a step forward.
Inanely, Kakashi thought he looked more like a large feline than a young man at that point. For a moment, he was all glowing eyes and flowing grace instead of the pale skin and vaguely hostile silences that usually characterized Sasuke's presence.
He pitied Itachi. Whatever the older brother had planned, it hadn't been this. Sasuke wheeled around, suddenly furious at the silent gawkers. "What are you looking at?" he bit out. "I'm not ashamed!" And he looked like he really believed what he was saying, or that he had convinced himself he did, in any case. How had Kakashi never noticed that Sasuke was such a raw, festering wound? He had seemed to be so much better in recent years than the dark little boy who had been assigned to his genin team.
That was hardly a healthy response. Had Sasuke forgotten all the innocents that had died that night, or did he just think the sacrifice was worth it to weed out the guilty?
Naruto cleared his throat. "If Sasuke says you're fine, then you're fine." His voice was a little shaky at the beginning, but steadied. "So why are we wasting time standing around when we could go kick Akatsuki's asses? Looks like we have an awesome source of information now."
Itachi was still completely wrong-footed. He tore his eyes away from Sasuke to survey the group at large. Kakashi had no idea what Itachi read from his face, but Gai managed to look approving, and his little ducklings didn't seem hostile to the older Uchiha either.
"I suppose I have no choice," he said slowly. "I had not been planning on revealing my affiliations." Itachi shifted slightly. "I cannot return to Konoha," he pointed out. "This information cannot leave Ame."
"Tough," Sasuke barked out. "I'm not letting you martyr yourself." He crossed the remaining distance and balled the front of Itachi's cloak up in his fist, yanking his older brother down. "Five of the clan heads already know. If I bring you back in, no one is going to say a damn thing."
"This civilians-"
"Don't pay that much attention," he countered, clearly exasperated. "They find all shinobi frightening, what's one more? Anyone who asks can be told it's above their pay grade and to mind their own damn business. Who cares what they think?"
Kakashi had a sudden and terrible understanding of exactly what kind of Hokage Sasuke would make- a man who answered to no one. He would either run Konoha into the ground or make it the strongest village there had ever been.
Itachi jolted straight up a full inch when Sasuke growled and began shaking him.
'And now he looks like Tsunade,' Kakashi noted.
"And what the hell have you been doing to your lungs, moron?" Itachi seemed to be on the verge of pinching himself to see if he could wake up from the surreal situation he found himself in. Kakashi wholly sympathized. "They sound awful," Sasuke continued, whacking his brother's chest and lighting his hand up with medical chakra. "Stop struggling, it won't help you."
"Maybe now is not the time for that," Kakashi pointed out dryly. He needed to get back to a place that made sense. If Itachi really was an inside man in Akatsuki, then their chances of routing the organization were considerably less laughable. "Itachi, what's the situation?"
The older Uchiha brother had only served under Kakashi for a short time, and it had been many years ago. But he straightened to report as if he'd last done so yesterday, ignoring the scowling teen hanging off his cloak. "The base is nearly empty," he shared impassively. "Konan-san has been left in command. When she saw that Hidan had crept out of the base in search of sacrifices, she sent me out in search of him. Hidan had been forbidden to harm the citizens of Ame, but insistent that he needed to serve his god on pain of losing his power and favor. His departure once unsupervised was inevitable. The leader, Pein-san, has departed the country. He charged Kisame with keeping up appearances. By now, Kisame will be tiring, having used at least fourteen percent of his chakra in flooding the country. Zetsu and Tobi have left the country in pursuit of a jinchuuriki."
"Tobi?" Naruto interrupted, frowning. He didn't seem to notice that Sasuke protectively tightened his grip on his older brother, which was probably pretty uncomfortable for Itachi. "The one in the orange mask?"
Itachi seemed surprised. "You have encountered him, then? He is not what he seems."
"I haven't," Naruto admitted easily. "He was in Konoha last week. He killed an ANBU and harassed Aiko."
There was just a little too much answering silence.
"Why?" Naruto demanded, stepping forward aggressively and pushing Sasuke aside slightly. He glared fearlessly into Itachi's eyes. "What's up with this guy?"
"I cannot begin to fathom what it is that has caused him to focus on your sister," Itachi said slowly. Kakashi instantly identified the statement as a lie, though he wasn't sure why. No- he did, it was an excessively wordy denial and the pitch was too steady. Textbook sign of a lie. Poor Itachi was clearly as awkward as ever. "But he is no ordinary man. Uchiha Madara hides behind that mask. He has prolonged his lifespan by possessing fallen Uchiha."
'That's foul. One of Konoha's founders is now a carrion beast? He should have been long dead.'
Revolted, Naruto twitched. That probably brought Orochimaru to mind. If there was anyone team seven hated, it was Orochimaru, despite being dead. "What would he want from her?" the blond asked in a small voice.
Itachi shook his head pityingly. "I cannot guess. But know that Madara is the true power behind Akatsuki."
"All the more reason that we should break his toys," Hyuuga Neji pointed out. Kakashi suppressed a twitch. He'd all but forgotten that Gai's team was there, which was a remarkable achievement. Who knew that Gai knew how to be quiet?
"I agree with my student!" Gai bellowed, punching the air in an enthusiastic blur of motion. "For Konoha's glory, the safety of our precious ones, and the joy of a good fight, we must take the fight to Akatsuki!"
Kakashi had the distinct impression that he had lost control of the situation. When Itachi looked to him for help, he raised a shoulder. "Oh, what the hell," he muttered. "Uchiha-san, do you believe we can take the base at the moment?"
Itachi glanced over the group. "Is this all of our resources? Can you contact the other teams?"
Karin raised a hand. "I'm in constant contact," she admitted with a sheepish glance toward Kakashi. "They may be slightly under the impression that I did so on Hatake-sensei's orders. In any case, three other teams are close. Sabaku no Temari's, for one. The other two are from Kumo and I don't know them."
Itachi hesitated for a moment. "Kumo nin may attack me on sight," he admitted. "If you think that the Suna team will listen to you, their addition may be enough. I suspect that Kakuzu will be the first to notice a party approaching the base. He may attempt to stop us, or he may flee. He is less motivated by idealism than he is by self-preservation and profit. If he sees no benefit to engaging us with such odds, Kakazu will abandon the base."
Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. That was remarkably cold and disloyal, even for a criminal.
"He possesses five hearts that allow him to utilize all nature transformations in conjunction with Earth Grudge Fear. They must all be destroyed in order to defeat him," Itachi continued. He blinked, as if re-orienting to change topics. "Konan will fight. She is immensely powerful and regenerates until she is out of chakra. Her ninjutsu has no weakness that I am aware of. She is a weapons specialist."
Gai's kunoichi perked up at that. Kakashi was still remembering everything he knew about Earth Grudge Fear. It was a kinjutsu that allowed the user to manipulate threads, but he had never seen it used before.
'Probably very versatile,' he decided grimly. 'He might be the most dangerous in a one on one fight.'
"Kisame is the only other Akatsuki in the base," Itachi finished, sounding uncomfortable to Kakashi's trained ear.
'That was his partner, wasn't it?' he mused. Kakashi sharply examined Itachi, wondering if that attachment would lead him to sabotage an attempt to kill Kisame. Another man might have thought that Itachi's murder of his clan demonstrated that he was willing to put the mission ahead of emotional attachments. Kakashi was less certain. The fact that Itachi had skewered babies but left Sasuke alive… no, that spoke more to an emotionally motivated set of priorities.
"He will have less than his full chakra capacity due to the prolonged rain jutsu, but his reserves are still formidable. I would not engage him lightly. He possesses the strongest of the swords of the seven swordsmen, Samehada, which he uses to siphon the energy of his opponents."
Karin shrunk back, looking slightly queasy.
"Thank you, Uchiha-san." Kakashi absently fluffed up his hair and surveyed his resources, thinking. "Karin, you'll be staying out of the action as much as possible. You are invaluable for coordinating the other units. Are they approaching?" At her nod, he gestured for her to back away. "Tell all of them but Sabaku no Temari's team to form a smaller cordon in Ame," he ordered. "Make sure it's as efficient as possible, but keep them at a distance. Tell me immediately if the Akatsuki leader returns." She nodded and quickly backed away, summoning a violently purple snake.
Kakashi narrowed his eyes slightly at the rest of his troops. "Gai and Lee are optimal opponents for Kisame," he decided. "Since you do not rely on ninjutsu, he cannot weaken you by draining chakra. Tenten would be valuable there as well, but I suspect she will be needed to counter Konan along with Genma as our weapons specialists. Neji will join them. If we fight Kakazu, Itachi and myself will lead Yamato, Naruto, and Sasuke. Sabaku no Temari is a powerful wind user… but we already have Naruto," he muttered, discarding the idea of using her to counter Kakazu's hearts.
'Sasuke has powerful fire, as does Itachi. I have lightning cutter and water ninjutsu. Actually…' He squinted at the blond Uzumaki. 'Has he-'
"Naruto, did you finish your elemental transformation for Rasengan?" He relaxed slightly at the confirmatory nod. "Good," Kakashi mumbled. He'd been right to decide that they didn't absolutely need Temari for that fight, then. They still didn't have a powerful earth user that he knew of. Yamato was passable with earth ninjutsu, of course, but that was a last resort. Would wood be suitable for countering earth ninjutsu? That was where Yamato was truly an expert.
"Itachi, do you have any earth ninjutsu sufficiently destructive to use against Kakazu?"
The older Uchiha brother silently shook his head.
'Damn,' Kakashi cursed internally. 'I don't either. This would be easier if Sabaku was bringing her youngest brother. Baki-san is wind-natured as well. I don't know what Kankuro-san is… His puppet jutsu might be helpful for countering Kakuzu's strings, however.'
Well, there was more than one way to skin a cat. They didn't have to counter all the nature transformations in order to defeat Kakazu. That would just make the fight easier. He was still spoiled for resources.
"We will wait for the Suna team," he decided out loud. "Two powerful wind users will be a significant asset in countering an aerial weapon specialist. Yamato, I changed my mind on your assignment. You will assist Gai and Lee."
He might have Sasuke switch to that fight as well, if the taijutsu beasts needed help, since Sasuke was a bit redundant when they already had Itachi. But for the moment he would prefer not to separate the Uchiha. Sasuke had some level of emotional control over his older brother, which would be an untenable loss. Kakashi hadn't forgotten what it was like to fight Itachi.
Speaking of which, it was probably a terrible idea to confront the younger man. But Kakashi had never been a coward.
"Uchiha-san, may I speak with you?"
Sasuke gave him a long, steady look that probed for his intentions, but Kakashi kept his expression and posture blank. The teen gave a nod—clearly having decided to trust him with his brother. Kakashi felt oddly flattered.
"Of course," Itachi murmured, moving to stand at his side. Kakashi glanced at the rest of the group- who were not doing a particularly good job of faking disinterest- and then led the younger man further off.
Uchiha Itachi was an incredibly valuable asset and ally. Confronting him might make him bristle and lash out. But Kakashi had never been accused of diplomacy before. Why start now?
"Why did you lie?" Kakashi didn't bother to pretend at indifference, knowing that Itachi would be able to read him. "You lied to Naruto about why Tobi might be interested in Aiko. Tell me the truth."
He actually began to feel uncomfortable under the long stare that Itachi leveled on him. He was searching for something.
'Was confronting him a mistake?'
Itachi closed his eyes and then opened them to look away in the distance. Kakashi bristled at the dismissive body language. He had to force his muscles not to tense.
"I believe," Itachi said slowly, "That if it is wise for you to have that information, you are already aware and merely attempting to ascertain whether or not I am similarly aware. If, in the other case, you are genuinely unaware of the appeal your kunoichi has for one such as Tobi, it is because she has had judged for whatever reason that it would be unwise to share that information. I would be remiss to make such a decision in regards to a situation in which I am out of my depth."
'What.' Kakashi thought flatly. It took only a moment to parse through that. The insinuation that Aiko didn't trust him made him strangely angry. Not with her- with Itachi. Why would Itachi know something Aiko wouldn't even share with him? Had he forced her to tell him when she was with Akatsuki?
"You are uninformed," Itachi observed dispassionately. "Unfortunate. I had hoped that you were aware so that I was not possibly causing disruption by sharing more than was wise. I advise that you do not further investigate this line of inquiry." He breathed out slowly. "I do not understand fully myself," Itachi admitted in a lower tone of voice. "But even the little I know is enough to be very dangerous for your kunoichi."
Kakashi didn't trust Itachi. He didn't trust Itachi in general and he didn't trust Itachi to have anyone's specific interests in mind behind Sasuke's and his own. But he knew he wasn't going to get anything more than that.
Still, what was that about? Was the danger in something Aiko knew, or was it something Aiko was? Itachi had seemed to imply the second case, but that didn't make sense. Everyone already knew about Aiko's best skills, and her parentage was no longer a secret.
'She had to have stumbled on some intelligence that puts her at risk by making her a possible threat to Madara's plans,' Kakashi decided uneasily. The conclusion was dissatisfying, but he couldn't think of another explanation of that conversation that fit.