Zaylknork rubbed the bridge of his nose as his minions argued in hushed panic behind him. Someone whispered about burying the hero in the dungeon.
Another suggested disguising him as a maid. Leonard calmly listed all seventeen reasons those were both punishable by death.
Zaylknork groaned. "I don't mean hide hide his body, idiots. I meant we keep him here. Just for a while. He wakes up, maybe hits his head again, forgets everything, and boom — problem solved—"
"That won't work, my lord."
Zaylknork ignored Leonard. "—Then we go see the Queen, I get my damn signature, and we all retire to a quiet vineyard somewhere far away from this headache."
Leonard adjusted his crooked glasses, the man's tone patient to a fault. "My Lord, perhaps this is an opportunity. To prove you've truly changed."
"Changed?" Zaylknork squinted.
"Yes. By showing mercy to the Hero of Light, you demonstrate redemption. The first step toward cleansing your past evil deeds."
He stared at Leonard like the man had grown a second head. "You want me to nurse him?"
Leonard nodded.
The minions all slowly turned toward him too, their faces shining and twinkling, that Zaylknork almost barfed.
He could feel his blood pressure rising. "Why should I do that? Doesn't he have a divine healing or some shit like that?"
"My Lord," Leonard said simply, "redemption starts with small acts."
Ho-jin muttered under his breath. "Small acts my ass…" This kid's the reason the original Zaylknork died.
He glanced down at Javander sprawled across the cracked floor. "Fine. I'll 'tend' to him. Whatever it takes to get that Queen's signature and my early retirement."
Behind them, Minion 1 raised a hand timidly. "Should we… give the Hero more sweets? Maybe he'll wake up?"
Zaylknork's eye twitched. "Touch the candy and I'll use you as compost for Leonard's potato garden."
"My apologies, master!"
Tch.
Later, Zaylknork dragged the unconscious hero onto his bed with the same enthusiasm one reserves for hauling a sack of rotten potatoes. The hero's limp arm flopped over the side, his golden hair sticking to the dried blood on his forehead.
"Divine light, my ass," Zaylknork muttered, tearing a strip of linen and soaking it in cold water. If this brat's supposed to be the chosen one, then the gods need better hiring standards. The writer's ass for writing such a weak hero.
He slapped the damp cloth straight onto Javander's head. Thwack.
Leonard flinched. "My Lord, that's… not how one applies healing compresses."
"Oh, forgive me," Zaylknork drawled, rolling his eyes. "Why don't you treat your pure nemesis with kindness too?"
He tried again. This time pressing the cloth a little more gently. Javander groaned, eyelids twitching, and Zaylknork immediately recoiled. "He's alive. Great."
Leonard, ever patient, fetched a small needle and thread. "If I may assist—"
Zaylknork snatched it from him. "I said I'd tend to him, didn't I?"
"Your ego always amuses me, my lord."
Zaylknork bent over, tongue slightly out, and stitched the hero's wound on his forehead quite roughly. The stitches were looose, almost coming off.
When he tied the final knot, he stood back, proud. "There. Good as new. If 'new' means ugly but functional."
Behind them, Minion 2 raised his trembling hand. His black hair covering half his face. "Master, s-since we're not villains anymore... I still have Bottleman's two balls… shall we return them?"
The entire room froze.
Zaylknork blinked slowly. "W-who's bottleman 2? And why… do you have them?"
Reading a 2000 chapters webnovel, sometimes, the writer destroys the plot. What the hell is a grown man doing with balls?!
"Bottleman 2 i-is a Duke's nickname you gave out. He called your wine tasteless and you cursed and took his balls. A-and I thought maybe we could—"
"Stop talking." Zaylknork pinched the bridge of his nose. "Balls, curses, blood rituals... This gives me an headache."
He signalled to Leonard. "Help with this one... How many people have Zayl— I cursed? Or... taken their balls? Let's start with that for rehabilitation."
Leonard cleared his throat and held up a thick stack of papers. "You're right. In addition, regarding the Queen's signature—there are… a few names we might need to apologize to first."
Zaylknork eyed the mountain of parchment papers. More paperwork in a fantasy world? "A few?" He eyes the paper mountain waryinly.
Leonard placed the first bundle down with a soft thud. "The farmers you hexed for underpricing tomatoes."
Thud. "The monks you turned into frogs."
Thud. "The child who called you—"
"—Ugly," Zaylknork finished, voice flat. "Yes, I remember. The brat had no taste."
Leonard adjusted his glasses and continued reading.
"Item one: the time you cursed an entire village because their choir sang off-key during your birthday parade."
"Item two: transforming the royal messenger into a turnip because he sneezed on your cloak."
"Item three: forcing a bard to compose an eight-hour opera about your perfect eyebrows."
"Item four: introducing a tax on smiling within castle walls."
"Item five: stealing the moonlight for a week so no one else could enjoy the view."
"Item six: releasing a demon on the bakery that once gave you a stale croissant."
"Item seven: creating a minor plague to 'teach peasants about personal space.'"
"They were being too touchy." Zaylknork muttered.
Leonard continued,"Item eight: turning a rival duke's castle upside-down during a tea party. We got banned from there."
"Item nine: burning down a library because the biography section listed you as 'Tyrant King of Lulu land.'"
"Item ten: placing a curse on mirrors that made everyone else look slightly shorter than you."
"Item eleven: conjuring a thunderstorm every time someone said the word 'hero.'"
"Item twelve: turning an entire guild into cats because they overcharged your minions for rent. And many more."
Ho-jin, deep inside that shared mind, nearly laughed out loud. God, I missed this bastard.
The reason why he hate-read a pile of a trashy book was because... Zaylknork wasn't noble. He wasn't some cardboard villain that cared a lot about ceasing the world.
He was petty, vindictive, and dramatic enough to hold a grudge against gravity if he tripped. And somehow, that made him human.
If Ho-jin's boss back in the real world had met Zaylknork, one of them would've ended up as a frog too.
He coughed, rising from his bed where the hero laid. "W-well. I can't go apologizing to all those people. Send a general apology letter to them. And state that I, Zaylknork, have stopped my villainous ways."
"Frogs can't read, my Lord."
"Send it." Zaylknork hissed.
He glanced back to the unconscious hero. No matter how the hatred of this villain seeped into his soul about the hero, Ho-jin couldn't bring himself to hate an innocent kid...
"Leonard." He called out.
"Yes, my Lord?"
"Write a bill to Queen Felisa. Her son destroyed half my lair because of a silly misunderstanding. I just realized we're too broke for sympathy."