Jay stumbled down the hill like a man who had negotiated with gravity and lost.
Dust plumed behind him, his boots skidding on loose gravel, arms pinwheeling in a form of flailing that could generously be described as kinetic enthusiasm. Somewhere between the second misstep and the third accidental cartwheel, Jay heard Cortana's voice in his ear:
"Elegant. Graceful. Swan-like."
"Shut—up—!" Jay wheezed as his heel caught a rock.
He pitched forward.
There was a crunch, a short cough of dirt, and then the world blessedly stopped spinning.
Jay groaned face-down in the sand.
From somewhere behind him, Claptrap cheered.
"WHAT A LANDING! TEN OUT OF TEN! DO IT AGAIN!"
Jay didn't respond. He couldn't. His pride was bleeding out too quickly to speak.
Up ahead, Lilith froze mid-step. She turned just as Jay's last tumble ended in a graceless heap. Her brow lifted, an expression halfway between confusion and deeply unimpressed.
"…The hell?" she muttered.
Jay pushed himself to his hands and knees, coughing up a small dune. He met her gaze.
Her fiery eyes.
Her siren tattoos faintly glowing along her arms.
Her entire posture broadcasting: This clown just fell into my intro scene.
He managed a little wave.
"…hi."
Lilith blinked once. Twice. Then she sighed.
"Yup. Should've stayed on the bus."
Jay flinched. "I—I meant to do that."
Cortana whispered, "You absolutely did not."
Lilith folded her arms. "You lost or just stupid?"
Jay opened his mouth—stopped—opened it again.
"…Yes?"
Lilith actually snorted.
Great. His first impression was not badass. Not mysterious. Not even average.
He was a man who fell down a hill and then answered a binary question with the emotional stability of a crushed soda can.
Lilith stepped closer, boots crunching in the sand. "You alive?"
"Unfortunately," Jay muttered.
She smirked at that. "Good answer."
Her eyes flicked to his revolver, then to the Echo device at his hip. "So who are you supposed to be? Some kind of scav? Hunter? A bandit with a concussion?"
Jay stood, dusting himself off in the least dignified way possible. "I'm Jay. Just Jay."
Lilith raised a brow. "Uh-huh. You got a last name?"
Jay panicked. "I… misplaced it."
Lilith actually laughed—a short, sharp burst. "Pandora'll do that to you."
Cortana whispered, "She thinks you're joking. Maintain that illusion."
Jay sent a quick glare at his Echo.
Lilith noticed. "Your little friend giving you trouble?"
Jay froze. "Uh—"
Cortana saved him. "Ma'am, I assure you I am the only competent part of this partnership."
Lilith raised both brows. "Oh, good. He needs the help."
Jay died inside a little.
Claptrap rolled up, humming triumphantly. "HELLO NEW FRIEND! LOOK AT THIS SOCIALLY FUNCTIONAL HUMAN I FOUND—HE FALLS WITH STYLE!"
Lilith blinked. "…You."
Claptrap gasped. "YOU REMEMBER ME! THAT MAKES US BEST FRIENDS!"
Lilith deadpanned, "No. It really doesn't."
Jay grabbed Claptrap by the antenna. "Stop. Talking."
"I CAN'T! IT'S IN MY PROGRAMMING!"
Lilith smirked at Jay. "You two a package deal?"
Jay groaned. "hopefully not."
Lilith gestured toward the dirt road. "You headed to Fyrestone too?"
Jay nodded. "Eventually. As soon as my legs stop vibrating."
Lilith huffed a light laugh. "Alright, Jay. Tell you what—walk with me. If you fall again, I'll drag you the rest of the way."
"That's… incredibly kind?"
"Kind?" Lilith echoed. "No. I just wanna see how many times you eat dirt before we hit the gate."
Jay sighed. "I don't deserve that."
"You really do," Cortana agreed.
Jay considered throwing the Echo into a ditch.
They walked.
Jay tried to appear normal.
Tried to be casual.
Tried not to stare at a literal Siren walking three feet from him.
Lilith kept glancing at him—little suspicious looks, little amused ones, little analytical ones like she was trying to figure out what kind of idiot he was.
Finally she said, "Your Aura's weird."
Jay tripped. Again.
"Not like… bad weird," she continued. "Just… off. Unaligned. Like you aren't from around here."
Jay swallowed. "I'm… definitely not."
"Yeah, I can tell. You don't move like a local. Or shoot like one. Or fall like one."
"I fall great," Jay muttered defensively.
Lilith grinned. "Sure you do, big guy."
From behind them, Claptrap called out: "HE REALLY DOESN'T!"
Jay nearly kicked the tin fucker.
A shot cracked across the canyon.
Jay ducked on instinct.
Lilith didn't. She simply tilted her head, eyes narrowing toward the ridge.
She smiled.
"Oh good. Something to hit."
Jay paled. "Wait—hold on—"
But she was already moving, drawing her repeater pistol with an ease Jay could only dream of. A bandit on the ridge fired again.
Lilith didn't bother dodging.
She phased.
Her tattoos blazed, her body flickered, reality shuddered—and she vanished in a swirl of shimmering light.
Jay choked. "Holy—"
Cortana whispered in reverent awe, "Dimensional displacement. She's warping space."
Jay pointed helplessly. "That's—THAT'S WHAT SHE DOES!"
Lilith reappeared behind the bandit with a smirk and punched him so hard he went airborne.
Jay whispered, "I'm in love."
Cortana noted, "I am logging that as a dangerous emotional development."
"Don't you dare."
But it didn't matter.
Because Lilith heard him.
She heard him.
She turned her head slightly, eyes narrowing in amusement.
"…What was that?"
Jay short-circuited. "NOTHING. I SAID NOTHING."
Lilith smirked. "Sure you did."
jay then yearned for diving head first into some skag dens
Lilith dusted her hands off as the bandit's body finished rolling down the ridge.
She walked back to Jay like nothing special happened.
Jay could barely stand.
"So," Lilith said casually. "You any good in a fight?"
Jay opened his mouth.
Cortana answered for him. "He is a work in progress."
Lilith laughed loud, bright, genuine. "I like you two. You're funny."
Jay blinked. "Wait—like, as in—"
"You get to walk with me," Lilith said. "That's all."
Jay deflated. "Oh."
"Don't look so crushed," she added. "Most guys who fall into my intro scene bleed out before we hit the gates."
"…is that supposed to make me feel better?"
"Yup."
Jay sighed. "It didn't."
The gate came into view at last, its metal plating rusted, its guard tower empty.
Lilith stretched her arms over her head. "Alright, Jay. Let's see if you actually survive the welcome party."
"Welcome party?"
The ground shook.
Jay stiffened. "Oh no. I know that sound."
Cortana asked, "What sound?"
Jay whispered in horror:
"Skags."
Lilith cracked her knuckles and grinned. "Perfect. Round two."
Jay whimpered.
And with that, their ruined introduction continued straight into chaos.