"We will call your parents, Isao-kun." The woman sitting in front of me looked at me reproachfully, but in her eyes, there was also an understanding of why I did what I did. "I… I can understand your resentment and anger, Isao-kun, but beating up other boys is wrong." Her voice tried to be calming, but my mind was still hazy, anger continuing to boil inside me.
"I did what I did to protect my little sister, they only got what they deserved." My face was blank, but inside I was burning. Guilt, anger, rage, and other emotions made my blood run through my veins like liquid flame, while my thoughts raced in my head at incredible speed.
No one will ever touch my sister again. I already became a disgrace to the family once, but I won't repeat it now, I won't let anyone touch her.
My newly bleached-blond hair fell over my eyes, hiding the teacher's face. All it took was buying hair dye at the store and dyeing it myself.
It was an emotional decision I followed because I didn't want my little sister to feel bad or distant from me. The fact that I didn't talk to her often and didn't show overt affection didn't mean I didn't love her.
On the contrary, my love for her was enormous, so enormous that even the light of the sun itself would seem dim next to it. But I was afraid…
Afraid that the past me would come out. So I always kept my distance, but not so far that I couldn't, if needed, go to her and console her, hug her, calm her down, and say everything would be okay.
But… she didn't say anything, and like a fool, I didn't even try to find out about anything, because… when Kotobuki looked back, she didn't see me, and even looking forward, she didn't see her older brother's back. Only some stranger clumsily playing the role of brother and son, but continuing to drown in the memories of his past, despite the fact that he has been living a new life, as a new person, for over 10 years.
Too mired in his past to see the present and move toward the future.
The sound of fingers snapping brought me back, to the present I was trying so hard not to see.
"Isao-kun? Is everything alright?" The teacher's glasses glinted as she lowered her head slightly to look at me more closely.
"Yes, of course." My voice remained just as soulless, because I couldn't put any emotion into it.
"Then, I'll ask you to apologize to those children's parents when they arrive, okay?" This made my eyebrow twitch, and if not for the fact that I didn't want to complicate the situation for my mother even more, I would have told her and the parents of those little bastards to go to hell.
"O-okay…" The teacher nodded, mistaking my trembling voice for fear.
"Don't worry, little protector. Your mother will also be present, and most likely, we adults will all have a quiet discussion where we'll talk about those children's behavior, and yours."
I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I was making this mother suffer and be humiliated in front of others. That small inner voice of self-hatred spoke up again.
"They'll probably make her apologize too." "It's all your fault." "As always, they're saving you from drowning, and instead of being grateful, you pull the saving hand down with you." "You're worthless. Remember that time you literally licked boots for another dose? One they didn't even give you." "Just pathetic. It was the right thing to do when your family abandoned you." Squeaky, worthless, and petty voices.
But… my family didn't abandon me. They just put me in a clinic where they were supposed to help me with my bad habits.
"You can go, Isao-kun. Sit in the hallway, wait for the parents to arrive, and also go to the washroom and wash your face. It's all red."
Nodding, I walked out quietly, dragging my feet, trying to walk with a steady gait.
My emotions still felt like they were behind a distant wall, all except for the anger boiling in my heart. My own mindset didn't allow me to feel the full spectrum of "joyful" and "good" emotions.
And I could only be angry, acting like some unfeeling blockhead.
The students around me parted. They saw the expression on my face, full of malice, and moved away, not to mention the height difference, which was already quite noticeable, since my growth in this life was developing much faster and more significantly. Like, I was taller than my peers by half a head, and sometimes a full head, which was already an incredible amount.
I didn't notice how I entered the washroom, nor how I ended up in front of the sink.
Splashing cool water on my face, I looked in the mirror, and then froze in shock and fear.
There, in the reflection, stood not the current me, but the past me. Disgusting and emaciated, with sunken, wild eyes darting back and forth, fingers twitching nervously. His chapped lips slowly stretched into a revolting smile, and his pupils focused on me.
"Oh~, look who we have here!" He spread his arms wide, as if trying to hug me, but froze halfway. "Why are you so unwelcoming~? Aren't you happy to see your free self? Phe-he-he…"
"Bastard…" From the depths of my heart, feelings I had hidden rose up: guilt, anger, rage, hatred, disgust. And all of it was directed at myself—both the present and the past me.
"Oh~ sweetie, come on, you know you want another little dose... you always wanted it, but for some reason this time you... are holding back!" At first, he spoke in a quiet, oily voice, as if playing, but then he switched to a scream. "Why the hell are you holding back?! For who?! Kyoko Tsumugi? Kotobuki?! None of them care about you! After all, how can you care for someone who never cared for you?!"
"You're lying... I love them!" My current, childish voice squeaked.
"Oh, my, my, don't lie, Isao. Or maybe Alex? We were called Alex, remember?" He hit himself on the head and started scratching it wildly. "Or do you want to pretend you don't know anything? Stop pretending, you mommy's little artist. Do you even remember that? Or do you want to forget that too?"
"Shut up, shut up..." I covered my ears, but his grating voice didn't stop sounding even then.
"Fine, of course I'll shut up. But you know everything anyway, so what's the point of me shutting up if you're just going to say it all yourself?" If I could know what he was doing, he'd probably be biting his nails in irritation right now—my own bad habit from the past. "You're so pathetic right now, crying like a baby. Though, do you remember our little sister? When she cried in our arms, you laughed with pleasure. When you hit her, asking her where the money was... and after, when you almost…"
"Shut up!" The scream left my mouth without my permission, tears streaming down my cheeks like burning lines. "I didn't want... I didn't want to do that to my little sister... I'm sorry... I'm sorry…" My body fell to the floor and I hugged myself, trying to forget what I had almost subjected my younger sister to. My little younger sister who had come to visit her big brother. I'm the worst. I'm just trash.
"B-Big brother…?" I heard a worried voice, and opening my eyes, I saw Kotobuki. She was nervously clutching her skirt with tears in her eyes, looking at me. My mind again superimposed the figure of the little sister from my past life onto Kotobuki, making my heart stop, and I cried again.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…
I felt arms wrap around me. The warm and tight hug that followed was… nice.
"Big brother, don't cry, please. I'm not scared of you for what you did. On the contrary, I love you. You never told me how much you love me, but I always felt it with my heart. But for some reason, you were afraid to show it." She held me close. "Stop crying, big brother, or it will be embarrassing for everyone. You're already so big, and you're crying like a little girl." Hah…
"Ha-ha…" I laughed quietly with a runny nose, and then I felt her pat my head, and I hugged her back. "Thank you, K-Imouto." I did bad things in my past life, but that doesn't mean I can't fix my current life, right?
"You're welcome, big brother! I am your little sister, after all! It's my job to comfort you!" She planted a kiss on my forehead, making me blush. "Let's go. Mom has probably arrived, and you'll have to go home with her."
I stood up, leaning on my little sister, and then let go of her hand and slowly went to the sink and washed my face, wiping away the traces of tears and snot. In the reflection was Isao Tsumugi.
"Haa… let's go." I took her hand and we left the boys' washroom. Some students looked surprised to see Kotobuki coming out of the boys' washroom, but they didn't say anything.
Holding Kotobuki's hand, we reached the principal's office, where all the parents were already, along with the teacher, the principal, and my mom, who was talking to them.
My sister nodded and left, saying she had to go to class, and I remained sitting, watching them all talk through the glass in the door.
Mom didn't notice me and continued trying to find out all the details, apologizing for what I did, but seemingly demanding something else as well.
They only finished talking an hour later, and only when everyone was leaving did she notice me. Her tired expression instantly filled with kindness and tenderness.
"Isao…" Her calm, caring voice called me, making me lower my head in shame for making her apologize to someone. "Lift your head, Isao. It doesn't suit a strong boy like you to hang your head down." She took my face in her hands, lifting it up. "You did the right thing, avenging your little sister. But… next time, don't do anything, okay? Just tell the teachers about it, and that's all."
"I'll try."
"Alright then, let's go. You're excused from classes for today. You're going to help Mommy at work, okay?" She smiled, making my eyes tear up again, and I followed her, holding her warm hand.
We left the school quietly, and after we were some distance away, there was silence between us, as I was a little ashamed to say anything. But… I wanted to ask a question.
"Mom…?"
"Yes, sweetie?" She looked at me with concern.
"You're not mad?" Her expression turned surprised, and then she burst out laughing, to the point of tears. "Mom! That's a serious question!"
"Ha-ha-ha! N-no, s-sorry! It just struck me as so funny, b-but…" She wiped a small tear from under her right eye and, smiling, answered. "I could never be angry with you, or upset. You're my little baby. If something happens to you, or if you do something bad, it's because of me. After all, I'm your mommy!"
"…" My eyes started to tear up, and my soul felt relief, but also guilt. "I… I love you, Mom." The words came out of me with difficulty, but they came out. And then I pushed myself toward her and hugged her around the waist, pressing myself against her, trying not to show my tears.
"My little Isao, I love you too." Unlike mine, her words were light, and she hugged me back, pressing my head to her.
I remembered this as I looked at the broken door of our coffee shop. Kotobuki's quiet scream behind me made me wake up, and I ran out of the bus, sprinting toward the coffee shop.
"Ma-a!"