Everyone go back to the first problem.
There are two BIGS and BLEEDING boars on the ground.
IN THE ROOM WE'RE SLEEPING IN!
For some reason everybody focus back on the problem at hands as I say that. Pretty weird right? IT'S AS IF, there were two dying body beside our beds. Craaaaaaazy.
My eyes almost roll. But I stop them with sheer will.
Not as crazy as this dumb old man though. I give him a look, he gives me a look.
He was pretty badass last door, but like. WHAT THE FUCK!? He looks at me, as if he was just telling me thanks you for some reasons.
Thanks you for what you fucking old man? From helping you hide your injuries?
My own forearm aches as I think of them, my right hand come to massage my left.
Fuck. This shit piss me off for some secret reasons.
Two headed snake.
There is no good reason to hide any of your injuries. NEVER. And I'm fucking helping him.
I feel sick. Really sick. But that's the smart thing to do.
Especially in this ambience.
I can't let feelings affect me after what happened in the bathroom, not today, not for a week at least.
"That's a good question. No idea on what to do"
This sentence bring me back to the present. And I wisely keep the anger out of me, the one that's been building up behind my throat since I saw jenna again.
It's not a normal anger. I know, but whatever, I'm fine. They don't have any plans, and I like doing plans.
That's something I do.
My eyes focus on Annie that just said that. Plans are something I do. It's a smart thing to do, so I'll do it.
That's a me thing. A me me thing.
Not a...
I don't finish my sentence. Instead I speak up "What's the problem?"
Annie look back at me and point at the boars, jenna scratch her cheeks.
"That looks like a problem for sure"
Balrow nod at my words, clearly glad about being out of the focus.
Fucking dumb hiding injury immature ugly old man.
This fucker relax, a small smile on his old face. He's pissing me off.
This piece of shit, why do I even care!? I don't care, I shouldn't be angry about that.
Damn I'm angry. It stay deep in my gut for now.
Keeping the pesky feelings out.
I'm glad those feelings don't feel unnatural at least.
I freeze up.
Then I ignore that and keep going. Don't think about the title burning your veins.
Don't.
My body keep moving. Pushing me through the motions, even if they hurt. My lips moving by myself to answers with words I don't even hear.
Don't.
Or do.
Why the fuck couldn't I think about this huh!?
I point at the second body, the one behind the one I impaled fully.
Why couldn't I huh? This shit is fucking pissing me off. My eyes dart off toward jenna. Again. And again. And again. All while I do my damn best not to show anything.
It crawl in my throat, just wanting to go out. Curses. Rages.
Mousy say something about carrying it together. Malfoy say obviously or whatever. And and and I answer something, clear, precise, and perfect. Like always.
This is, pissing me off so damn hard.
AND NO IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF THIS!
I look in the air, ignoring the notification.
[-Magic: 2]
This piss me off, so damn much.
Fucking useless piece of shit, all of them, me included. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, did I fucking fought like a Neanderthal!? Did I fucking thought my shoes were useless!? Did I FUCKING risk myself, risk my mind to beat up some fucking boars!?
I fucking hate it I fucking loathe it.
i turn around, a small smile on my face, perfect facade. Balrow look at me, for too long. Then he notice me, remember how I pulled him out of this shit.
And he try again looking at me with those thankful eyes.
Remembering I'm still the same old ludger.
DON'T BE THANKFUL YOU PIECE OF OLD SHIT! SHOULDN'T HAVE COVERED FOR YOU ANYWAY!
Fuck, fuck, am I even myself? What's the smart thing to do in this situation even!?
Nothing.
Nothing, really.
THAT'S THE ONLY FUCKING THING I FOUND!
Fuck I miss you so damn much dad
I need to calm down, I need to calm down right fucking now, I need to calm down.
It's not my fault, I was fine, scream hello world again or something.
Jenna pass in front of me.
My jaw clench for a second.
But those fuckers trigger me.
Why did she took so long too shoot? Would I have needed to do that if she wasn't being soft hearted!? She had the opportunity to let out DOZENS OF FUCKING ARROWS BEFORE THEY RUSHED AT US!
"Yeah, maybe we should just go scout ahead a little bit. See if there is any danger left or where we could put them."
My voice is completly calm as I speak out. I move my arm to rest my hand on my waist and it pain me. Fuck, I wouldn't hurt so damn much if she knew how to shoot.
Fucking, fuck!
I need to calm down.
Relax lud, don't think about the terrifying process that you've been kidnapped, and slowly getting transformed into an homicidal maniac. One that take ridiculous risks. And want to disembowel and roast every fucking shit he come across.
Don't think about it.
Great now I'm thinking about it.
So damn funny.
It's not funny.
I give a glance at jenna again. My fist tightening.
Balrow is patting the boar from afar, wondering how we're gonna carry it.
"Yeah" I answer something Annie said. She pass up and get closer to the boar. "Let's move forward. Let's do it now. Time is of the essence"
They move.
I hashed out a half fucking ridiculous plan. Even worse than this nothing shit. Barely worth my attention.
They keep walking forward. Toward the boars. My hand come up to grab jenna shoulder.
Softly. Way too softly compared to everything that has been happening.
Life is funny.
Life is so fucking funny sometimes.
My thumb brush against her shoulder, gently. As I look at how the 3 others are walking.
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO IN THIS SITUATION HUH!? IT'S NOT MY FAULT! THIS, THIS ME SCREAMING IS MY FAULT, I'LL ADMIT IT!
I look at Jenna, her shoulder relaxed but a bit tense. She turn around to look at me. Just like when I fucking growled at her to shoot. Her eyes widening a small bit.
I can just see it. The small part of her brain that's worrying, she doesn't like it I'm sure. But she can't help it.
Life is so fucking funny.
It was the magic. I'm sure of it. That's not my fault, it's not my fault.
DO THEY THINK I DON'T SEE IT!? Fucking annie looking at me like I'm gonna kill her the second I jump out of the bathroom!?
Jenna looking at me just the same!? Like I'm a fucking predator that may just rip her in half if she doesn't shoot every second!?
BALROW!? fucking dumb old man that was too tense ALL THE FUCKING TIME!?
Malfoy looking at me just like he looked at me after I ripped hulk brain into mush!?
FUCKING BITCHES! JUST BECAUSE I GROWLED A BIT!?
Life is so fucking funny. And as Jenna turn around to face me, a single eyebrow raised. My brain tell me not to do it. "W-what?"
I fucking fight to the death. Almost die. Save all of your asses.
"Jenna. Tell me."
I know that's not their fault. It look more instinctive than anything, probably because of the mystical fear bullshit. But I don't care. I can't seem to care. Even when the voice of my father tell me it's too dumb, too dangerous to do it.
I can't seem to care. My hands tighten on her shoulder, slightly, making her raise up in tension.
This fucking SYSTEM, is passing my mind through the fucking MURDERHOBO toaster. AND YOU ALL FUCKING DARE TO BE SCARED AROUND ME LIKE I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL FOR NO FUCKING REASONS!?
"L-Ludger?"
It's dumb. I know it's dumb. It's a dumb fucking thing to do. But it just coil on my throat, and I can barely keep all of that still. I want to scream and rage.
I did my best. I played, did a fucking UNFUNNY pervert joke to calm annie.
Brought a sense of security with jenna by acting as normally as I can to calm her down.
I talked with malfoy about training! Like usual! To calm his fucking desilusions!
I FUCKING backed balrow with his dumb hiding injuries shit to help him relax.
That's perfect. I should just stop, act like it never happened, and get to work with that boar.
But I can't, I just can't. "Jenna, remember when you took that long to shoot?"
She freeze. Her eyes widen. Shoulders raising, looking at me like I was about to kill her whole family with a snap of my fingers.
Her mouth move. Nothing comes out for a while. Then it comes out. Weak.
"Y...yeah?"
I should just back off.
It's childish. I know. It's a bad thing to do. She doesn't deserve it, and if she's influenced by the system too, she's just like I was against the boars.
It's not her fault.
Nontheless, I continue.
"Jenna."
Fingers tighten on her shoulders.
"When I tell you to shoot"
She wince at how hard my grip is.
"You fucking shoot."
She stop breathing.
I can see it.
She stare right into my eyes, closer than possible. As I leaned down to stare at her too.
"G" she stop, try to speak. 2 seconds later, she manages. "G-got it."
Life is SO fucking funny sometimes.
I take my most charming smile. Pushing myself up and caressing her shoulders "Good job though!" She blink, shoulders relaxing.
Before she talk, I continue. "That was great shooting overall. Just needed you to be a little faster. Apart from that though, fucking awesome! Good job jenna I'm super proud of you, you were awesome" I wink at her "Legolas"
Her shoulders relax completly, a small shepish smile coming instead. No trace of fear or tension, she's normal.
An open book really.
Look at her. Probably thinking it was just a random odd thing. Thinking I'm still the ludger she knows, fine, and that this whole thing was a random blip that should be erased from her mind.
An intrusive thought really. Nothing more than that.
"Thanks! I'll shoot faster next time for sure!"
Another voice bring us back to the world.
"You two coming?"
We both turn our head to look at the three others waiting for us.
Time to move a boar.